I want my husband to reimburse me for half the income I lost during maternity leave

[Anonymous]

My husband and I met late in life and decided to keep separate bank accounts except for one small shared checking acct that we use for groceries, restaurants, etc. My four-month maternity leave was largely unpaid. Am I crazy to want him to pay for half of my lost wages?

i brought it up and he was very offended. I think he thought that I thought that he was taking advantage of me or not doing his share. It's not that I think that it's just that I take pride in having no debt and in the amount of money have saved especially because i have never had any help and really had to scrimp and save early on. i don't want to grow resentful that I took a huge hit and he didn't have to. He makes about 15% more than I do annually. I am not worried about our marriage so this isn't a matter of dividing assets it's just that I don't think that my bank accounts should suffer such a big hit and not his. I like the feeling of equality that comes from knowing that even though he's older and has an advanced degree, I can bring just as much savings the table when we make big purchases.

Am i crazy to think my husband should pay for half of my lost wages?

For what it's worth my husband wanted me to take four months off and stay home because he couldn't take any time.

[Anonymous]

Yes you are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Yes. This set up for a marriage is insane. It is not a business transaction.

[Anonymous]

Uh for what it's worth you sound far too immature to be having a child. You and your husband both. A marriage is a partnership, not some game to see who can get the most out of the other one.

[Anonymous]

Sorry no advice but interesting proposition. Made me say hmmmmm Good luck and congrats on new baby!

[Anonymous]

Look, in the system you have set up - yes, you should be reimbursed for that time off. Shared baby, shared "hit" to the accounts. That's only fair.

But the whole system smacks of a "joint venture" instead of a marriage. I have no problem with people keeping a small account to themselves, but the majority of money should be pooled and spent on things your MARRIAGE needs, not you as individuals need. The way you're running things speaks to two individuals who happen to be sharing a home, not a married couple sharing their lives.

But yes, in the scenario you have provided, as sad as I think it is, he should absolutely reimburse you half.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's crazy.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I have never heard of an arrangement like your's but if it works for you two, okay. In any case, I think you should have discussed this and agreed upon it before your maternity leave. It seems strsnge that you didn't given that you appearmto handle all other financial things on a business level. Any reason it is just coming up now for you?

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's nuts.

[Anonymous]

Did he pay for things while you werent working that you would normally pay for?

Like the mortgage, your car payment etc?
If you still had to pay all that out of your money then I think he does owe you. However, If he covered your share of the expenses then I dont think he does.

FWIW my wife and I have our own accounts we get paid into and then we both put a set amount into a joint account for house bills. I put in less because I make less.
It works for us.

[Anonymous]

OP - What is the reasoning behind this?

[Anonymous]

Weird financial setup, but if that's what you've agreed to do you should find some way to equitably split the cost of bearing and raising a child (unless you're each planning to have your own with a third to share). Perhaps rather than presenting it as your husband reimbursing you for lost wages, you could present it as him contributing an additional percentage of the household income while you are on maternity leave (caring for the child who belongs to both of you).

(Is he planning to contribute to childcare costs in the future?)

[Anonymous]

You are both insane. Is this a business or a loving relationship? Are you going to keep track of who takes more sick days? Are you going to keep a tally on who bought diapers last? If this marriage lasts 3 more years, you will be lucky.

[Anonymous]

I think you are going to need to take a hard look at your banking set up now that you have a child. Who's paying for all of the baby basic expenses, medical bills, daycare, child enrichment classes & activities? The current system you have only works for couples without children, I'm a financial advisor so I've seen it all.

[Anonymous]

I want a ton of money for the pain and suffering I went through regarding DD.