NCS Parents - "I wish I had known x" type advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter got a great education at NCS. I didn't realize how much she hated the school until after graduation when she let it all out over the summer. Fortunately, she's happy at college, first time since she was a little kid that I've heard her bubbling over about her studies.

She throws out all NCS mail, etc. that arrives for her and as alum doesn't want to have anything to do with the school or Cathedral. Many of the girls who were in her graduating class seem to have the same attitude. Initially, I thought post-graduation angst. The reality is that she really hated her experience at the school, she was there for nine years. As parents, we let her down. I remember crying when her NCS acceptance letter arrived in the mail. I know over the top. I thought, wow, my little girl's going to an amazing school, I was so happy for her.

I wish I had known: NCS isn't a great or even okay fit for many girls.

Did she explain why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter got a great education at NCS. I didn't realize how much she hated the school until after graduation when she let it all out over the summer. Fortunately, she's happy at college, first time since she was a little kid that I've heard her bubbling over about her studies.

She throws out all NCS mail, etc. that arrives for her and as alum doesn't want to have anything to do with the school or Cathedral. Many of the girls who were in her graduating class seem to have the same attitude. Initially, I thought post-graduation angst. The reality is that she really hated her experience at the school, she was there for nine years. As parents, we let her down. I remember crying when her NCS acceptance letter arrived in the mail. I know over the top. I thought, wow, my little girl's going to an amazing school, I was so happy for her.

I wish I had known: NCS isn't a great or even okay fit for many girls.

Did she explain why?

Yes, in short, the lack of support and nurturance, always feeling on edge. Extremely successful as a scholar and athlete and had many friends. She said that she didn't turn to alcohol and drugs to get her through, but had several friends who did after failing exams, etc. Thank God, she had sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter got a great education at NCS. I didn't realize how much she hated the school until after graduation when she let it all out over the summer. Fortunately, she's happy at college, first time since she was a little kid that I've heard her bubbling over about her studies.

She throws out all NCS mail, etc. that arrives for her and as alum doesn't want to have anything to do with the school or Cathedral. Many of the girls who were in her graduating class seem to have the same attitude. Initially, I thought post-graduation angst. The reality is that she really hated her experience at the school, she was there for nine years. As parents, we let her down. I remember crying when her NCS acceptance letter arrived in the mail. I know over the top. I thought, wow, my little girl's going to an amazing school, I was so happy for her.

I wish I had known: NCS isn't a great or even okay fit for many girls.

+ too many to count. Even girls who seemingly thrived (the most academically successful) feel much like the poster above. Too late for my daughter and her perrs but the school really needs to pay attention to the fact that they are not graduating alums who love the school.

[Anonymous]

For a long time, I thought my daughter's experience was unique and tried to understand what about her made the school wrong for her. I felt terribly responsible for having helped her choose the wrong fit school. I assumed only the scholar athletes or super alpha girls thrived, but I've since learned through discussions with other NCS moms that even the ones who seem to have been a good fit aren't terribly happy there. I can foresee my DD doing the same as PP's daughter-- leaving and never looking back. Still, there are some truly outstanding teachers at NCS. If there was some way to improve the culture, from the top down, provide a more supportive environment, and encourage individuality not conformism, it could be a great school.

[Anonymous]

I'm an alum from the 90s, with a DD (not at BV) who will likely apply to NCS for 6th or 7th grade. I had a wonderful experience there, and it provided me with a fantastic all-around foundation and helped me develop a work ethic that has served me well through college, grad school, and as a professional. But it is not the school for everyone, and I don't know why that surprises people. It was a school where academic strength was prized above all, which was great for girls who loved to learn and had the brains to keep up. When my parents chose the school for me, I don't think they were looking for a place to give me warm fuzzy feelings, tell me I was a winner even when I lost, help me meet a wealthy boyfriend, or anything else. School was for learning first and foremost. Confidence and character came from family.

One of the reasons we were not interested in Beauvoir for my daughter is that we were not looking for a school that was progressive in a way that my husband and I saw at BV (it was a little too loosey-goosey for us). It is partly because he raised in a different culture, and because of the way I was raised, but we want our daughter in a school that focuses on the fundamentals and provides a solid foundation and helps her develop a good work ethic and discipline about academic study. We didn't think that BV would provide the best transition into NCS for these reasons.

I was not by any stretch popular, wealthy, or an academic allstar, though I was probably in the top 30-40% of my class (but definitely not the top 10-20%). I don't think the administration took much notice of me, quite honestly. I don't think that left me with psychological scars. I had a solid group of friends that includes some of my very closest friends to this day, decades later. I worked hard, definitely benefitted from being in class with some fairly brilliant classmates, and was largely ignored by the queen bees who wore North Face jackets and vacationed in the Caribbean or the Rockies. This was the same small social group that seemed to think they were there by birthright and went out with guys from STA, went to football games, etc. Was there a year or two when I tried to be friends with them? Yes, with little success, though they were never proactively mean to me. By 10th grade I was over it. Looking back, I think my NCS experience socially was no different than it would have been at any school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an alum from the 90s, with a DD (not at BV) who will likely apply to NCS for 6th or 7th grade. I had a wonderful experience there, and it provided me with a fantastic all-around foundation and helped me develop a work ethic that has served me well through college, grad school, and as a professional. But it is not the school for everyone, and I don't know why that surprises people. It was a school where academic strength was prized above all, which was great for girls who loved to learn and had the brains to keep up. When my parents chose the school for me, I don't think they were looking for a place to give me warm fuzzy feelings, tell me I was a winner even when I lost, help me meet a wealthy boyfriend, or anything else. School was for learning first and foremost. Confidence and character came from family.

I'm 11:17. Just to be clear, my daughter IS a girl who loves to learn. She chose NCS precisely for its academic reputation. One of her chief complaints is that the girls there are more about "achieving" than learning; more about the grades and less about the learning. She has found it difficult to find peers who want to explore the subjects outside of the classroom.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, the above post is from two separate PPs. The second paragraph is in response to the first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an alum from the 90s, with a DD (not at BV) who will likely apply to NCS for 6th or 7th grade. I had a wonderful experience there, and it provided me with a fantastic all-around foundation and helped me develop a work ethic that has served me well through college, grad school, and as a professional. But it is not the school for everyone, and I don't know why that surprises people. It was a school where academic strength was prized above all, which was great for girls who loved to learn and had the brains to keep up. When my parents chose the school for me, I don't think they were looking for a place to give me warm fuzzy feelings, tell me I was a winner even when I lost, help me meet a wealthy boyfriend, or anything else. School was for learning first and foremost. Confidence and character came from family.

One of the reasons we were not interested in Beauvoir for my daughter is that we were not looking for a school that was progressive in a way that my husband and I saw at BV (it was a little too loosey-goosey for us). It is partly because he raised in a different culture, and because of the way I was raised, but we want our daughter in a school that focuses on the fundamentals and provides a solid foundation and helps her develop a good work ethic and discipline about academic study. We didn't think that BV would provide the best transition into NCS for these reasons.

I was not by any stretch popular, wealthy, or an academic allstar, though I was probably in the top 30-40% of my class (but definitely not the top 10-20%). I don't think the administration took much notice of me, quite honestly. I don't think that left me with psychological scars. I had a solid group of friends that includes some of my very closest friends to this day, decades later. I worked hard, definitely benefitted from being in class with some fairly brilliant classmates, and was largely ignored by the queen bees who wore North Face jackets and vacationed in the Caribbean or the Rockies. This was the same small social group that seemed to think they were there by birthright and went out with guys from STA, went to football games, etc. Was there a year or two when I tried to be friends with them? Yes, with little success, though they were never proactively mean to me. By 10th grade I was over it. Looking back, I think my NCS experience socially was no different than it would have been at any school.

Thank you for sharing candidly. I'm an NCS mom and, reading this, I am struck by the fact that my experience at an all-girls school in another area of the country decades ago was similar in many ways to what you describe. The same characters peopled the hallways at my school. I was not terribly unhappy or happy, and I wonder how much of the joys and sorrows of being at NCS, of which we sing in this thread, are just artifacts of teenage girlhood. My DD seems happy at NCS and says so, but I know NCS is so rigorous academcially and challenging socially that her experience is not going to be all rosy. She's gojng to be miserable at times, but over all I think she will graduate with an excellent education and be grateful to her school when she looks back on her years at NCS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an alum from the 90s, with a DD (not at BV) who will likely apply to NCS for 6th or 7th grade. I had a wonderful experience there, and it provided me with a fantastic all-around foundation and helped me develop a work ethic that has served me well through college, grad school, and as a professional. But it is not the school for everyone, and I don't know why that surprises people. It was a school where academic strength was prized above all, which was great for girls who loved to learn and had the brains to keep up. When my parents chose the school for me, I don't think they were looking for a place to give me warm fuzzy feelings, tell me I was a winner even when I lost, help me meet a wealthy boyfriend, or anything else. School was for learning first and foremost. Confidence and character came from family.

One of the reasons we were not interested in Beauvoir for my daughter is that we were not looking for a school that was progressive in a way that my husband and I saw at BV (it was a little too loosey-goosey for us). It is partly because he raised in a different culture, and because of the way I was raised, but we want our daughter in a school that focuses on the fundamentals and provides a solid foundation and helps her develop a good work ethic and discipline about academic study. We didn't think that BV would provide the best transition into NCS for these reasons.

I was not by any stretch popular, wealthy, or an academic allstar, though I was probably in the top 30-40% of my class (but definitely not the top 10-20%). I don't think the administration took much notice of me, quite honestly. I don't think that left me with psychological scars. I had a solid group of friends that includes some of my very closest friends to this day, decades later. I worked hard, definitely benefitted from being in class with some fairly brilliant classmates, and was largely ignored by the queen bees who wore North Face jackets and vacationed in the Caribbean or the Rockies. This was the same small social group that seemed to think they were there by birthright and went out with guys from STA, went to football games, etc. Was there a year or two when I tried to be friends with them? Yes, with little success, though they were never proactively mean to me. By 10th grade I was over it. Looking back, I think my NCS experience socially was no different than it would have been at any school.

Thank you for sharing candidly. I'm an NCS mom and, reading this, I am struck by the fact that my experience at an all-girls school in another area of the country decades ago was similar in many ways to what you describe. The same characters peopled the hallways at my school. I was not terribly unhappy or happy, and I wonder how much of the joys and sorrows of being at NCS, of which we sing in this thread, are just artifacts of teenage girlhood. My DD seems happy at NCS and says so, but I know NCS is so rigorous academcially and challenging socially that her experience is not going to be all rosy. She's gojng to be miserable at times, but over all I think she will graduate with an excellent education and be grateful to her school when she looks back on her years at NCS.

I, too, appreciate the candor of the prior posters. These are issues I've been thinking through, but am so hesitant to raise with fellow moms.

This is what I don't understand - the same families populate NCS and STA. The kids are from the same gene pool and come from the same backgrounds in both schools. There are kids from staggeringly rich families and kids from the opposite of that. There are kids who are brilliant and those who are solid B students. There are kids who are jocks and those whose only running is away from sports. But STA seems to make it all work. NCS, based on what we have experienced first hand, does not. So does it come down to a gender thing, and if so, that begs the question whether single sex is the way to go for girls.

[Anonymous]

Holton is the female equivalent of STA. seriously.

[Anonymous]

I would say that no, single sex is not the way to go for girls. Negatives outweigh positives. It is not 1975 anymore and girls can handle themselves around boys.

And please don't quote the old research about girls doing better in middle school in a single sex environment. Old news. Newest research says that single sex schools reinforce rather than breakdown gender stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holton is the female equivalent of STA. seriously.

The fact that there are a number of STA-Holton families would seem to support this.

But how does Holton do it? Is it all about admissions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say that no, single sex is not the way to go for girls. Negatives outweigh positives. It is not 1975 anymore and girls can handle themselves around boys.

And please don't quote the old research about girls doing better in middle school in a single sex environment. Old news. Newest research says that single sex schools reinforce rather than breakdown gender stereotypes.

Regardless of all the research, DD disliked being in a coed school where almost all the elected student-government positions were won by boys because the boys expressly stuck together to vote for boys and girls, being the product of a male-dominated culture, voted for boys as well. She also disliked that girls who were academically accomplished had no social status at all, and it was only the girls who were popular with boys who had social status. DD loves that at NCS girls who get the top grades are well-respected by their classmates and girls can get a chance to be leaders in the student government and the clubs.

As undergrads at Harvard my friends and I, men and women alike, could all tell who in our class were the girls-school graduates: they were the women who spoke up in section and led discussions. The coed high-school experience simply does not give girls a good chance to learn to exercise leadership. I had graduated from a girls' school and in college I had no trouble at all working with or competing with men, and the same is true in my career, as I am in the male-dominated field of finance and hold my own with male colleagues and clients all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say that no, single sex is not the way to go for girls. Negatives outweigh positives. It is not 1975 anymore and girls can handle themselves around boys.

And please don't quote the old research about girls doing better in middle school in a single sex environment. Old news. Newest research says that single sex schools reinforce rather than breakdown gender stereotypes.

Please. You dismiss existing evidence but then you fail to provide your so-called "new" evidence. Links, please, or else we'll assume you're simply the hater, with nothing to back up your opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holton is the female equivalent of STA. seriously.

The fact that there are a number of STA-Holton families would seem to support this.

But how does Holton do it? Is it all about admissions?

I don't have a kid at either school (I'm the earlier poster with the DD who got into NCS from a K-6 but elected not to go). But before you post your sweeping conclusions, you need to know: the jury is still out on both NCS and Holton. Sure, there are a few NCS haters here. And there are some very vocal Holton boosters. Regardless, a statistical sample of less then 5 is less than useless, sorry.