To the woman breastfeefing her 4 year old at the table at Wild Tomato...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, are you actually saying you think women get off on nursing their toddlers? Have you ever nursed a child? It's about the most unsexual, unexciting activity ever. Give me a break.

It wasn't all that for me, but lots of granola websites sell breast feeding and extended breast feeding as pleasurable for the mom.

http://www.breastfeeding.com/helpme/pleasure.html

https://www.naturalbabypros.com/learn/by-stage-week-by-week/postpartum-mom?id=307

Did you read those articles? The pleasure isn't exactly the sexual pleasure you imply. It's more of an oxytocin induced satisfaction.

I never said "sexual." Other people read "pleasure" as "sexual pleasure." I said that there are women who do extended breast feeding for their own pleasure -- what you refer to as "oxytocin induced satisfaction." They're not weaning because they are getting physical pleasure from the experience. In my opinion, encouraging dependency because it contributes to your pleasure (sexual or otherwise) is creepy and wrong. It doesn't have to be sexual to be wrong. It's smothering.

I agree with you. I would never encourage my toddler to do anything just for my pleasure. But I wouldn't put nursing in that category. I don't find it pleasurable at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Lots of judgment here (not that I wasn't expecting it).

First, I think breastfeeding a toddler or older in public is just asking for trouble.

But I also think there are quite a lot of small minded posters making lots of assumptions as to why anybody would breastfeed past 12 months.

I breastfed my two sons until 6-7 months.

My youngest (a girl) is still nursing at 25 months. To be perfectly honest, I pretty much hate it, but she is really really attached. I am a WOHM and so the only time she nurses is at night. And not every night either. I truly don't get anything out of it other than wanting to comfort my daughter. I've tried to wean a number of times. In fact, I even went away for 3 nights (had to pump a few times) and thought she'd be done. Nope. And so there it is. I don't nurse in public and I don't think I'm somehow ruining my daughter. For whatever reason, she just isn't ready to wean.

So for all the haters - tell me why I should wean her other than that it seems "gross" or "weird" to you. It is natural for her and while I personally am getting very sick of it, I am not ready for that fight with her...

You should wean her because, at 25 months, she is ready for a different kind of relationship with you. This is evidenced by the fact, frankly, that you seem to be reluctant to even put your foot down about it and establish yourself as the authority. Of course, "she is not ready..." why should she be? She may not be ready to go to pre-school, or to elementary school, or to high school for that matter, either, but I can't imagine that you would maintain this posture on those subjects.

It is not natural for her, or for any child at this age, beyond the point that it is habit and comfort. But as children grow up, they need to receive comfort in a more mature form from their mothers. You not being ready for the fight is a very poor reason to base this decision on. Sorry to be so blunt, but those are the facts...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Are you the same sort of b*tch who judges women for formula feeding? Why do you care?

Scientists think the natural age for weaning is between 2-7 years, btw. So 4 may not be common in the U.S., but it's within the realm of normal. Don't be so small-minded.

I'm a scientist and the data does not support your assertions. Breast feeding a 2-7 year old is not natural in any society, but that number is an oft quoted Kathy Dettwyler paper. There is no country in the world with an average age of breast feeding higher than 31 months (Bangladesh). Age 4 is not "within the realm of normal".

This is my favorite.

FREAK SHOW! If you can watch that amd think any differently, I don't know what to say. Hope they've saved up for their kids therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:one guy's perspective
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/breastfeeding-and-sex-is-latching-on-a-turn-off/

excerpt (shudder):

Other men — me, for example — might be driven to engage in something even worse: sexless fidelity. Mine crystallized in Central Park one evening, while watching my wife sit under a tree with my older son, a five-and-a-half-year-old young man with a full set of teeth and chores, stretched out to roughly the size of a foal, suckling. By the time they strolled back to me and my already-nursed toddler son on the picnic blanket, I had lost my appetite — and not just for the smoked salmon. There are some things in life most men cannot share with first-graders, and two of them used to be called breasts. Now, my first grader called them boobalies, and history is written by the victors.

This sums it up.

Breastfeeding a preschooler is gross and abnormal.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ I'm sorry, I didn't hear your post. Could you please type it again but this time, with more exclamation points?

I said it's neanderthalish to breastfeed a 4 year old!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your comment was so witty btw. Nice try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Are you the same sort of b*tch who judges women for formula feeding? Why do you care?

Scientists think the natural age for weaning is between 2-7 years, btw. So 4 may not be common in the U.S., but it's within the realm of normal. Don't be so small-minded.

I'm a scientist and the data does not support your assertions. Breast feeding a 2-7 year old is not natural in any society, but that number is an oft quoted Kathy Dettwyler paper. There is no country in the world with an average age of breast feeding higher than 31 months (Bangladesh). Age 4 is not "within the realm of normal".

This is my favorite.

FREAK SHOW! If you can watch that amd think any differently, I don't know what to say. Hope they've saved up for their kids therapy.

HOLY SHIT.

This is the OP here. I really meant it in my original post that I don't care what people do in private but to nurse a kid as old as what I saw at Wild Tomato is just not ok. It is not ok to allow that at a dinner table in a crowded restaurant. For example, I don't allow my two year old to take off her clothes in that setting either, even though I think it's great to teach her to be comfortable with her own body.

Now, after watchig this video, i would like to amend my post. I'm not so sure how ok extended breastfeeding is after a certain point, whether in private or in public. Holy holy shit. I wish to god I could unsee that video.

[Anonymous]

My MIL still nurses my DH. It hasn't hurt him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2.5 yo nursing poster here. What's wrong with using the potty (pp never said her child was fully potty trained) at 12 mo.? Mine did, too.
Again, why is it ok to wear diapers (often around the clock), be in a stroller or suck on a paci at 3.5, not even mentioning 2.5, but not to breastfeed? As for the article, I don't know why mom would nurse her 5yo in the park. It's not like he was dead tired and needed a nap? Or seriously sick or hurt?

One of the PPs here. Who ever said that any of these things is OK? Kids should absolutely be out of strollers and off of pacis/ bottles by 2 1/2. Long before that, actually. Same with breastfeeding. It is time to let them grow up, Moms.

I have never seen wars like this one around the topics I mentioned. The topic on older kids in strollers was like 2 pages long, and bf topics are always so controversial.
I also see plenty of kids doing all or some of the things I mentioned, no public outrage detected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You should wean her because, at 25 months, she is ready for a different kind of relationship with you. This is evidenced by the fact, frankly, that you seem to be reluctant to even put your foot down about it and establish yourself as the authority. Of course, "she is not ready..." why should she be? She may not be ready to go to pre-school, or to elementary school, or to high school for that matter, either, but I can't imagine that you would maintain this posture on those subjects.

It is not natural for her, or for any child at this age, beyond the point that it is habit and comfort. But as children grow up, they need to receive comfort in a more mature form from their mothers. You not being ready for the fight is a very poor reason to base this decision on. Sorry to be so blunt, but those are the facts...

Lady. STFU. This is based on NOTHING. There is no biological or developmental basis for this position. You are making it up.

The helpful posters sneering gross, weird, inappropriate, etc. - these are not meaningful words. They refer to your personal issues, not to biologically normal breastfeeding behavior. You, too, are making it up.

When you talk about dependency and infantilizing, I *know* you don't know what you're talking about. My child was remarkably independent, physically and emotionally. She never had a smelly, tattered attachment object, either. Why? Her normal needs were being met, and she felt deeply loved and secure.

For her, and every other ebf child I know, nursing is a blissful memory of feeling completely relaxed, accepted, loved and nurtured. All other comfort measures are a distant second, and preschoolers are doing more and harder mental and emotional work every day than most adults can comprehend. They need and deserve the best comforts we can give the. Why in the hell would you insist they be stripped of them sooner than absolutely necessary? It's not about keeping them babies. It's about giving them the highest launch point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You should wean her because, at 25 months, she is ready for a different kind of relationship with you. This is evidenced by the fact, frankly, that you seem to be reluctant to even put your foot down about it and establish yourself as the authority. Of course, "she is not ready..." why should she be? She may not be ready to go to pre-school, or to elementary school, or to high school for that matter, either, but I can't imagine that you would maintain this posture on those subjects.

It is not natural for her, or for any child at this age, beyond the point that it is habit and comfort. But as children grow up, they need to receive comfort in a more mature form from their mothers. You not being ready for the fight is a very poor reason to base this decision on. Sorry to be so blunt, but those are the facts...

Lady. STFU. This is based on NOTHING. There is no biological or developmental basis for this position. You are making it up.

The helpful posters sneering gross, weird, inappropriate, etc. - these are not meaningful words. They refer to your personal issues, not to biologically normal breastfeeding behavior. You, too, are making it up.

When you talk about dependency and infantilizing, I *know* you don't know what you're talking about. My child was remarkably independent, physically and emotionally. She never had a smelly, tattered attachment object, either. Why? Her normal needs were being met, and she felt deeply loved and secure.

For her, and every other ebf child I know, nursing is a blissful memory of feeling completely relaxed, accepted, loved and nurtured. All other comfort measures are a distant second, and preschoolers are doing more and harder mental and emotional work every day than most adults can comprehend. They need and deserve the best comforts we can give the. Why in the hell would you insist they be stripped of them sooner than absolutely necessary? It's not about keeping them babies. It's about giving them the highest launch point.

Sorry, toots, but you're wrong about this. This has nothing to do with personal issues, except in your case, where it is obviuosly a hot button point. Are you always this defensive when you have no facts to stand on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You should wean her because, at 25 months, she is ready for a different kind of relationship with you. This is evidenced by the fact, frankly, that you seem to be reluctant to even put your foot down about it and establish yourself as the authority. Of course, "she is not ready..." why should she be? She may not be ready to go to pre-school, or to elementary school, or to high school for that matter, either, but I can't imagine that you would maintain this posture on those subjects.

It is not natural for her, or for any child at this age, beyond the point that it is habit and comfort. But as children grow up, they need to receive comfort in a more mature form from their mothers. You not being ready for the fight is a very poor reason to base this decision on. Sorry to be so blunt, but those are the facts...

Lady. STFU. This is based on NOTHING. There is no biological or developmental basis for this position. You are making it up.

The helpful posters sneering gross, weird, inappropriate, etc. - these are not meaningful words. They refer to your personal issues, not to biologically normal breastfeeding behavior. You, too, are making it up.

When you talk about dependency and infantilizing, I *know* you don't know what you're talking about. My child was remarkably independent, physically and emotionally. She never had a smelly, tattered attachment object, either. Why? Her normal needs were being met, and she felt deeply loved and secure.

For her, and every other ebf child I know, nursing is a blissful memory of feeling completely relaxed, accepted, loved and nurtured. All other comfort measures are a distant second, and preschoolers are doing more and harder mental and emotional work every day than most adults can comprehend. They need and deserve the best comforts we can give the. Why in the hell would you insist they be stripped of them sooner than absolutely necessary? It's not about keeping them babies. It's about giving them the highest launch point.

Sorry, toots, but you're wrong about this. This has nothing to do with personal issues, except in your case, where it is obviuosly a hot button point. Are you always this defensive when you have no facts to stand on?

Not the PP, but how is she wrong about this? Could you provide a link to a reputable, peer-reviewed article regarding the biological or developmental basis PP mentioned (that necessitates weaning at 25 months)? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Not the PP, but I would be interested in seeing sources here too. This is not a hot button issue with me and I don't see the benefits of breastfeeding at that point. I really don't. IMHO, these are women either looking for attention or cannot let go of their "baby" and use the continuance of nursing to keep them in that stage. I think past the age of 2 years old, I would definitely take a double look and wonder why they aren't using a sippy cup with breast milk instead. But that's just me. My two cents. Carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the PP, but I would be interested in seeing sources here too. This is not a hot button issue with me and I don't see the benefits of breastfeeding at that point. I really don't. IMHO, these are women either looking for attention or cannot let go of their "baby" and use the continuance of nursing to keep them in that stage. I think past the age of 2 years old, I would definitely take a double look and wonder why they aren't using a sippy cup with breast milk instead. But that's just me. My two cents. Carry on.

Mom has issue if she needs to breastfeed a child who in some states (California and Hawaii come to mind) would be starting kindergarten right now. It is selfish and quite frankly, something is a little off.

Some people mentioned sexual pleasure as a cause. I don't necessarily agree with this view. What I do think though is that mom is trying to make herself a non-sexual being to her husband, and to shut him out by repulsing him and isolating him from intimacy.

I am not talking about the women still breastfeeding their 2 year old toddlers. I am speaking of the weirdos like the lady in the video who are insiting on breastfeeding their 4-7 year old school aged children. Those women need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the PP, but I would be interested in seeing sources here too. This is not a hot button issue with me and I don't see the benefits of breastfeeding at that point. I really don't. IMHO, these are women either looking for attention or cannot let go of their "baby" and use the continuance of nursing to keep them in that stage. I think past the age of 2 years old, I would definitely take a double look and wonder why they aren't using a sippy cup with breast milk instead. But that's just me. My two cents. Carry on.

Mom has issue if she needs to breastfeed a child who in some states (California and Hawaii come to mind) would be starting kindergarten right now. It is selfish and quite frankly, something is a little off.

Some people mentioned sexual pleasure as a cause. I don't necessarily agree with this view. What I do think though is that mom is trying to make herself a non-sexual being to her husband, and to shut him out by repulsing him and isolating him from intimacy.

I am not talking about the women still breastfeeding their 2 year old toddlers. I am speaking of the weirdos like the lady in the video who are insiting on breastfeeding their 4-7 year old school aged children. Those women need therapy.

Dont be a hater

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Picking up on this side thread about why to wean a toddler (when you the mom are over it . . . . )

I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with breastfeeding at 25 months or longer. And I would never tell you what to do. But I think it's important to consider your feelings, especially at this point. As they say, nursing is a partnership, and when one partner is done, it may well be time to let it go.

For us, that was not so easy -- my DC#2 did not self wean like DC#1 did. And by 15 months I was pretty much done with nursing.

But weaning before DC#2 was willing to give it up voluntarily was more difficult than I expected. It took a good 3 weeks of DH doing the first and last milks of the day before DC would stop groping/crying if I were in the room. Also, I realized how automatic it had become for me to soothe DC with nursing, so I had to find other effective ways to soothe/comfort at that age. There were plenty -- I just had to break my own habit of whipping it out when DC was upset.

In the end, it probably took a little more than a month before everyone was completely comfortable and settled in to the new routine. (Very different than when DC#1 weaned herself in a week.)

The upside: DC is quite noticeably more attached to DH than before I weaned. Those three weeks of feedings without me bonded them in a whole new way. It's wonderful for everyone, and it mitigates any lingering wistfulness I have about weaning before DC led the way. (Yes, though I was completely sick of it and my head said I was ready to stop, my heart was sometimes a bit sad about it . . . probably hormones!)

Thank you. This was very helpful to hear (I'm the PP of the 25 month old still nursing, who is really done with it). I realize I just need to be more strict and do it. Weaning has been much more difficult than expected...