Why do White People seem so happy most of the time?

[Anonymous]

Can we please stop using the Metro/bike incident? It's a bad example and I hope that OP isn't basing her original theory on it. It has nothing to do with happiness...just how different people in an isolated incident responded to being inconvenienced by a bike.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like Metro lady was just a loose cannon ready to explode at the slightest perceived slight, and it just happened to be Bike Man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a few things to take into account.

The bike wheel was obviously dirty. Who knows where the biker had been riding. The lady kept moving the wheel and the guy kept putting it back touching her. Personal space violation should not be tolerated.

I was always told that if your clothes are dirty, people will think you are dirty and disrespect you. Maybe she was concerned about this. There was a post a back in GP about how minority children are viewed differently when dressed down or having dirt on their clothes than white children http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/192529.page .

We can all agree that what he did was rude and gross. But it's still not a big deal until you throw the feeling of being disrespected into the mix. Maybe she was being disrespected and he wouldn't have done it to a white woman but who knows? She didn't know that and she overreacted.

What in the OP's story makes you think the woman overreacted?

The first time she spoke to the biker she spoke loudly enough to be heard by men across the isle and she threatened to kick the bike.

Yes, I (white woman - late 30s) would CERTAINLY not have reacted this way. I would have been annoyed by the bike being between my legs - DEFINITELY -- but I would have said something along the lines of, "I'm so sorry, but do you think you could move your bike?" And I'd assume he was clueless about how it was in my space. This would annoy me, yes, but I'd NEVER then say, "If it happens again, I am going to kick your bike." Oh my Lord!!! This is way, way, way over the top. Umm, talk about not "turning the other cheek"? Why oh why woulkd anyone say this, thinking that it would that make matters BETTER (?), if someone is bothering you, to then turn around and do something violent to them? On PURPOSE? When the first thing was an ACCIDENT? This seems totally out of line to me, and yes, it seems stereotypically "angry black lady." Good GRACIOUS!!!! I think that is why the other people then sort of tried to be nice to him, to show solidarity like, "Yikes, that crazy lady went all crazy on you. It's not you. It's her."

That is my take on the situation, now having read it.

You are also a perpetrator of "lack of benefit of the doubt" when it comes to black people. The OP stated that:

A white guy got on the train with a bike and stood in front of the lady and had his bike angled so that his front wheel was in between her legs and every time the train stopped or he moved his bike it kept bumping into the lady's legs.
The first couple of times the lady was bumped by the wheel the lady just moved the wheel off of her and angled the wheel in another direction so that it would stop touching her but every time the guy kept angling the steering wheel back to the original angle pointing to inbetween the womans legs.

This is aggression on the biker's part. The lady tried to be sympathetic to his cluelessness, but he ignored the signs and continued to be an asshole with his bike.

When she brought it to his attention, his response wasn't "Sorry about that". Instead, it was "Calm down". Do you seriously not see how this is a problem? IMO, this was not an angry black woman, but rather a self-important privileged white man.

Yep, I wouldn't view it as aggression or ass-holeyness on the biker's part. I would view it as, "We're all doing the best we can in a tight environment on the Metro." That is why I think she overreacted. And the other riders clearly thought along those lines too (including the biker) which is why he said, "CAlm down," b/c she appeared to overreact.

So no apology when you're not showing common courtesy/decency? Gotcha. This goes to that whole entitlement thing, I guess. Rush hour does not excuse poor behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I guess you would have to be a minority to understand this. I'm black and I would've been highly offended by this guy's behavior. It's a feeling of not being considered worthy enough of consideration and common decency and it stings. This woman had every right to get pissy if she wanted to...whether white or black. And there is still no evidence that she yelled so I'm not sure why this is being mentioned.

I don't think white people are more "chill". They are oftentimes afraid of confrontation. This can be a very good thing, but it also makes you a pushover and vulnerable to those looking to prey on weak people.

It's not whether she had a right to get pissy. It's that getting pissy isn't effective in these scenarios, even, or perhaps especially, if the other person is in fact being disrepectful to you particular and not just randomly.

As a woman, which I am, and as a minority, which I am not, people are more attuned to whether others are treating them equally. That makes sense. You have to be. But I'm not pushover and I'm not afraid of confrontation. I think that in most cases confrontation is the position of the person who has already lost or who feels powerless. Even with a sexist co-worker I make more headway by being calm. I have the right to get pissy but I don't exercise it, much like my right to party, sadly.

I agree with you that staying calm is the better reaction. However, I'm still not seeing how this is the fault of the woman. Do you assign blame to the biker at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Metro - rush hour --the guy was probably repositioning his bike each time b/c each time the doors open, people get in and out, and everybody has to readjust. He probably was trying to keep the bike in the least amount of space possible and it woudl be hard to make sure the bike didn't touch at least one person on all sides at any given point in time. It sounds like he honestly was trying his best, to this person who has been in this position only about a thousand times on crowded rush hours. And in this type of situation, if everyone is doign their best to occupy the least amount of space possible and it's hot and crowded and we all just have to be patient, if then a SEATED passenger got persnickety about someting -- whoa, I'd be like, "That chick is waaaaay over-reacting. Does she think everyone on here is having a picnic? No, we're all just doing our best and keeping quiet until we can mercifully get to our own stop and get off." Lordy lordy!!

So, if you're on the Metro with a bike and despite your best efforts, you continue to hit someone with your bike, you don't say "Excuse me"? Since when does rush hour overrule common decency? And if the person asked you to move your bike, would you still not apologize, but rather say "Calm down"?

Yep, I'd be sort of embarrassed and be like, "Whoa whoa howa, ok, calm down there, lady! Here, I am repositioning the bike! See: nice and slowly so no one gets hurt and no one flies off the handle again. Bike is moved. Ok? Ok? Everybody good now?" and then in my head, "I'd be thinking, 'This is why you really have to be careful on the Metro! You just never know what nutcase is going to fly off the handle for some perceived slight!'")

WTF, you don't apologize for hitting someone??!! Whether accidental or not, most rational and courteous people would apologize. Wow...I can't believe people are so clueless and rude!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a few things to take into account.

The bike wheel was obviously dirty. Who knows where the biker had been riding. The lady kept moving the wheel and the guy kept putting it back touching her. Personal space violation should not be tolerated.

I was always told that if your clothes are dirty, people will think you are dirty and disrespect you. Maybe she was concerned about this. There was a post a back in GP about how minority children are viewed differently when dressed down or having dirt on their clothes than white children http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/192529.page .

We can all agree that what he did was rude and gross. But it's still not a big deal until you throw the feeling of being disrespected into the mix. Maybe she was being disrespected and he wouldn't have done it to a white woman but who knows? She didn't know that and she overreacted.

What in the OP's story makes you think the woman overreacted?

(Different PP here) A few reasons:

1) She didn't say anything the first couple of times it happened, which, if I had been in her shoes, would have built my own internal anger level, leading to "passive aggressive" behavior (true, I am projecting from my own experience)
2) The language used by the OP to describe her reaction
3) The fact that other passengers chose to display sympathy to the biker. Which is quite rare - most people are often annoyed when people bring in bikes, especially when metro is crowded.

Why don't why we ask OP, who was there?

OP, what do you think would have happened if all races were reversed (black rider, white seating passenger, black passengers around)? and how does this link to your original question?

This goes to the "lack of benefit of the doubt" that many black people get. You are perpetrating this very thing. Without being a witness to the incident, you immediately side with the biker. This could have been the same with the Metro riders...they assumed the biker had an "angry black woman" on his hands and showed him sympathy.

Lots of interactions happen on the Metro and you usually aren't privy to all of the details. Perhaps these "witnesses" did not see the bike constantly hitting the woman's leg and only heard her when she told him to move it.

If the woman kept moving the bike so that he wouldn't hit her and the biker kept positioning himself in a way where the wheel would keep hitting her, his conduct was outrageous.

So she was fine to up the ante and say, "I am going to kick your bike"???? Man, no way. Don't understand this at all. Nuh uh. Nooo way.

Uhmmm...this came after the man told her to "calm down". He completely disregarded her feelings. I'm not surprised this is your position on the issue.

So when people tell you to calm down, you say, "I am going to kick you." Okayyyyy. Explains what is wrong with a lot in America these days!!

Your reasoning skills are subpar. It's not him saying calm down, it's about him disregarding her feelings. If he'd apologized and she continued to go off, you would have a point. The lack of an apology is extremely rude. Your lack of understanding on this really sheds light on the amount of rude people who barrel into you while trying to catch the train with absolutely no apology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's deeply socially ingrained. If you can't say something nice don't say anything. Catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Courtesy in general. Also, most of us lack the assumption that the world is out to get us, so there's less of a chip on the shoulder on a daily basis. I hear a lot of AAs complaining about being "disrespected". That's not really on my personal radar. I guess all this,could add up to seeming happy. Though my HHI is less than half OP's. I have serious problems and worries in my life. I just don't think it's appropriate to put it on others through rude behavior on my part.

Is the higher tendency of whites to commit suicide also socially ingrained? Also the weaker relationship bonds?

If you look at the chart, the higher rate is amongst white MALES, and AA males have a higher rate of suicide as well compared to white women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Metro - rush hour --the guy was probably repositioning his bike each time b/c each time the doors open, people get in and out, and everybody has to readjust. He probably was trying to keep the bike in the least amount of space possible and it woudl be hard to make sure the bike didn't touch at least one person on all sides at any given point in time. It sounds like he honestly was trying his best, to this person who has been in this position only about a thousand times on crowded rush hours. And in this type of situation, if everyone is doign their best to occupy the least amount of space possible and it's hot and crowded and we all just have to be patient, if then a SEATED passenger got persnickety about someting -- whoa, I'd be like, "That chick is waaaaay over-reacting. Does she think everyone on here is having a picnic? No, we're all just doing our best and keeping quiet until we can mercifully get to our own stop and get off." Lordy lordy!!

So, if you're on the Metro with a bike and despite your best efforts, you continue to hit someone with your bike, you don't say "Excuse me"? Since when does rush hour overrule common decency? And if the person asked you to move your bike, would you still not apologize, but rather say "Calm down"?

Yep, I'd be sort of embarrassed and be like, "Whoa whoa howa, ok, calm down there, lady! Here, I am repositioning the bike! See: nice and slowly so no one gets hurt and no one flies off the handle again. Bike is moved. Ok? Ok? Everybody good now?" and then in my head, "I'd be thinking, 'This is why you really have to be careful on the Metro! You just never know what nutcase is going to fly off the handle for some perceived slight!'")

WTF, you don't apologize for hitting someone??!! Whether accidental or not, most rational and courteous people would apologize. Wow...I can't believe people are so clueless and rude!

I think you have outsized expectations for what happens to one on Metro. Metro is not sitting in first class on an airplane being served peanuts and sipping champagne. On Metro, it's close quarters, things are tight, you get bumped and you accidentally bump people, it's hot and unpleasant, people are tired, hot, and sometimes smelly. Everybody just stays quiet and keeps their head down and tries to get through it together until you get to your stop and get off. Making a big to-do b/c you got bumped? This is prima donna behavior, and the OPPOSITE ofrational, or courteous. It is in fact clueless and rude, to put it in your own words!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicide Rates* Among Persons Ages 10 Years and Older, by Race/Ethnicity and Sex, United States, 2005–2009


http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/suicide/statistics/rates02.html

Wow- I'm surprised at how much more prevalent it is amongst men vs women.

Great point, I am surprised too. Suicide story seems to be about gender, not race. To the PP focused suicide rates: why don't you open a new thread, and we leave this one to discuss OP's question and Metro example?

The OP asked about happiness. A race of people with a suicide problem doesn't seem very happy to me. Seems relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's deeply socially ingrained. If you can't say something nice don't say anything. Catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Courtesy in general. Also, most of us lack the assumption that the world is out to get us, so there's less of a chip on the shoulder on a daily basis. I hear a lot of AAs complaining about being "disrespected". That's not really on my personal radar. I guess all this,could add up to seeming happy. Though my HHI is less than half OP's. I have serious problems and worries in my life. I just don't think it's appropriate to put it on others through rude behavior on my part.

Is the higher tendency of whites to commit suicide also socially ingrained? Also the weaker relationship bonds?

If you look at the chart, the higher rate is amongst white MALES, and AA males have a higher rate of suicide as well compared to white women.

And white women also have higher suicide rates than black women. AA male suicide rates are still much lower than white male suicide rates. Sounds like a gender issue and a race issue. The government agrees, which is why they're studying the supportive networks black women have to help everyone lower their suicide rates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a few things to take into account.

The bike wheel was obviously dirty. Who knows where the biker had been riding. The lady kept moving the wheel and the guy kept putting it back touching her. Personal space violation should not be tolerated.

I was always told that if your clothes are dirty, people will think you are dirty and disrespect you. Maybe she was concerned about this. There was a post a back in GP about how minority children are viewed differently when dressed down or having dirt on their clothes than white children http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/192529.page .

We can all agree that what he did was rude and gross. But it's still not a big deal until you throw the feeling of being disrespected into the mix. Maybe she was being disrespected and he wouldn't have done it to a white woman but who knows? She didn't know that and she overreacted.

What in the OP's story makes you think the woman overreacted?

(Different PP here) A few reasons:

1) She didn't say anything the first couple of times it happened, which, if I had been in her shoes, would have built my own internal anger level, leading to "passive aggressive" behavior (true, I am projecting from my own experience)
2) The language used by the OP to describe her reaction
3) The fact that other passengers chose to display sympathy to the biker. Which is quite rare - most people are often annoyed when people bring in bikes, especially when metro is crowded.

Why don't why we ask OP, who was there?

OP, what do you think would have happened if all races were reversed (black rider, white seating passenger, black passengers around)? and how does this link to your original question?

This goes to the "lack of benefit of the doubt" that many black people get. You are perpetrating this very thing. Without being a witness to the incident, you immediately side with the biker. This could have been the same with the Metro riders...they assumed the biker had an "angry black woman" on his hands and showed him sympathy.

Lots of interactions happen on the Metro and you usually aren't privy to all of the details. Perhaps these "witnesses" did not see the bike constantly hitting the woman's leg and only heard her when she told him to move it.

If the woman kept moving the bike so that he wouldn't hit her and the biker kept positioning himself in a way where the wheel would keep hitting her, his conduct was outrageous.

So she was fine to up the ante and say, "I am going to kick your bike"???? Man, no way. Don't understand this at all. Nuh uh. Nooo way.

Uhmmm...this came after the man told her to "calm down". He completely disregarded her feelings. I'm not surprised this is your position on the issue.

So when people tell you to calm down, you say, "I am going to kick you." Okayyyyy. Explains what is wrong with a lot in America these days!!

Your reasoning skills are subpar. It's not him saying calm down, it's about him disregarding her feelings. If he'd apologized and she continued to go off, you would have a point. The lack of an apology is extremely rude. Your lack of understanding on this really sheds light on the amount of rude people who barrel into you while trying to catch the train with absolutely no apology.

So, if someone disregards your feelings, this gives you license to say, "I am going to kick you"???

What I am trying to get at is: in a civilized society, basically nothing gives anyone license to say, "I am going to kick you." Unless you are stealing my child or my wallet, I am NEVER saying, "I will kick you," to any other human being on this planet. That is , not since I was about. . .7-8 years old??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Metro - rush hour --the guy was probably repositioning his bike each time b/c each time the doors open, people get in and out, and everybody has to readjust. He probably was trying to keep the bike in the least amount of space possible and it woudl be hard to make sure the bike didn't touch at least one person on all sides at any given point in time. It sounds like he honestly was trying his best, to this person who has been in this position only about a thousand times on crowded rush hours. And in this type of situation, if everyone is doign their best to occupy the least amount of space possible and it's hot and crowded and we all just have to be patient, if then a SEATED passenger got persnickety about someting -- whoa, I'd be like, "That chick is waaaaay over-reacting. Does she think everyone on here is having a picnic? No, we're all just doing our best and keeping quiet until we can mercifully get to our own stop and get off." Lordy lordy!!

So, if you're on the Metro with a bike and despite your best efforts, you continue to hit someone with your bike, you don't say "Excuse me"? Since when does rush hour overrule common decency? And if the person asked you to move your bike, would you still not apologize, but rather say "Calm down"?

Sure, I'd say "Excuse me." And I'd try my best to move my bike to minimize inconvenience to others. Now, you seem to be missing one part in OP's story, right before biker saying "Cam down." Can you go back to OP's example and find it?

Next time, do your own research. But, here you go:

The first couple of times the lady was bumped by the wheel the lady just moved the wheel off of her and angled the wheel in another direction so that it would stop touching her but every time the guy kept angling the steering wheel back to the original angle pointing to inbetween the womans legs.

Finally, the woman got tired of the bike touching her so she asked the guy with the bike (not in the nicest tone of voice) if he could move his bike out of the way and he told her to calm down. She went off on him and said that she would not calm down and that she deserved to be able to sit on the train without his dirty bike wheel bumping into her at every stop. She said that if he did it again she was going to kick his bike.

What am I missing? That she didn't ask him to move the bike in the nicest tone? So what? The OP didn't say she yelled, cursed, screamed, etc. So, if someone is irritated at your bad behavior, do you get defensive and tell them to calm down or do you apologize? Whether or not they decide to continue to take offense is up to them, but the courteous thing to do is apologize (especially if you want to defuse a situation).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Metro - rush hour --the guy was probably repositioning his bike each time b/c each time the doors open, people get in and out, and everybody has to readjust. He probably was trying to keep the bike in the least amount of space possible and it woudl be hard to make sure the bike didn't touch at least one person on all sides at any given point in time. It sounds like he honestly was trying his best, to this person who has been in this position only about a thousand times on crowded rush hours. And in this type of situation, if everyone is doign their best to occupy the least amount of space possible and it's hot and crowded and we all just have to be patient, if then a SEATED passenger got persnickety about someting -- whoa, I'd be like, "That chick is waaaaay over-reacting. Does she think everyone on here is having a picnic? No, we're all just doing our best and keeping quiet until we can mercifully get to our own stop and get off." Lordy lordy!!

So, if you're on the Metro with a bike and despite your best efforts, you continue to hit someone with your bike, you don't say "Excuse me"? Since when does rush hour overrule common decency? And if the person asked you to move your bike, would you still not apologize, but rather say "Calm down"?

Yep, I'd be sort of embarrassed and be like, "Whoa whoa howa, ok, calm down there, lady! Here, I am repositioning the bike! See: nice and slowly so no one gets hurt and no one flies off the handle again. Bike is moved. Ok? Ok? Everybody good now?" and then in my head, "I'd be thinking, 'This is why you really have to be careful on the Metro! You just never know what nutcase is going to fly off the handle for some perceived slight!'")

WTF, you don't apologize for hitting someone??!! Whether accidental or not, most rational and courteous people would apologize. Wow...I can't believe people are so clueless and rude!

It's really strange that everyone is claiming that white people are more polite, yet many white people responding to this thread think the right response to hitting someone with your bike is "calm down."

I just apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I guess you would have to be a minority to understand this. I'm black and I would've been highly offended by this guy's behavior. It's a feeling of not being considered worthy enough of consideration and common decency and it stings. This woman had every right to get pissy if she wanted to...whether white or black. And there is still no evidence that she yelled so I'm not sure why this is being mentioned.

I don't think white people are more "chill". They are oftentimes afraid of confrontation. This can be a very good thing, but it also makes you a pushover and vulnerable to those looking to prey on weak people.

It's not whether she had a right to get pissy. It's that getting pissy isn't effective in these scenarios, even, or perhaps especially, if the other person is in fact being disrepectful to you particular and not just randomly.

As a woman, which I am, and as a minority, which I am not, people are more attuned to whether others are treating them equally. That makes sense. You have to be. But I'm not pushover and I'm not afraid of confrontation. I think that in most cases confrontation is the position of the person who has already lost or who feels powerless. Even with a sexist co-worker I make more headway by being calm. I have the right to get pissy but I don't exercise it, much like my right to party, sadly.

I agree with you that staying calm is the better reaction. However, I'm still not seeing how this is the fault of the woman. Do you assign blame to the biker at all?

I think he was an asshole and to blame. But the discussion is about her reaction and I guess that is my point. We each have complete control over our reactions. I wouldn't raise my voice to someone on the metro or threaten a physical move unless the person was holding me down or punching me. How big of an asshole he was is kind of beside the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So, if someone disregards your feelings, this gives you license to say, "I am going to kick you"???

What I am trying to get at is: in a civilized society, basically nothing gives anyone license to say, "I am going to kick you." Unless you are stealing my child or my wallet, I am NEVER saying, "I will kick you," to any other human being on this planet. That is , not since I was about. . .7-8 years old??

Not the PP you're talking to, but-

Well I learned that when I've upset someone, I should say sorry, not calm down. Sounds like everyone is lacking in manners.