Why do White People seem so happy most of the time?

[Anonymous]

15:08 again, Also, I think people project happiness onto white people, the way we tend to project happiness onto wealthy people. "Oh they're rich, what do they have to be unhappy about? Replace "rich" with "white" and I think that's how a lot of immigrants and minorities view things. The white people may be totally, miserably unhappy but for others who deal with constant pushback from the world, it can be hard to find that believable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Black man here. OP, yes there is something that you can do to be happy like the white folks. Stop worrying about being disrespected. It's such an overused term in AA culture. People lose friendships, jobs, even kill over supposedly being disrespected. Does anyone even know what that means? Yes, people don't always treat you the way you want them to, but it's not usually out of disrespect.

Get to know people that you work with and let them get to know you. Remove the "weight of the world on your shoulders" look from your face. Smile...Sometimes you have to fake it to make it. Most of the white people I know have the same issues that I have. It's not important for me to let the world know.

PP, I love what you said. Thank you. I'm a white woman, and when I first read the subject of this thread, my immediate thought was "because we don't walk around with a chip on our shoulder all the time".

This exactly!

[Anonymous]

I guess you would have to be a minority to understand this. I'm black and I would've been highly offended by this guy's behavior. It's a feeling of not being considered worthy enough of consideration and common decency and it stings. This woman had every right to get pissy if she wanted to...whether white or black. And there is still no evidence that she yelled so I'm not sure why this is being mentioned.

I don't think white people are more "chill". They are oftentimes afraid of confrontation. This can be a very good thing, but it also makes you a pushover and vulnerable to those looking to prey on weak people.

It's not whether she had a right to get pissy. It's that getting pissy isn't effective in these scenarios, even, or perhaps especially, if the other person is in fact being disrepectful to you particular and not just randomly.

As a woman, which I am, and as a minority, which I am not, people are more attuned to whether others are treating them equally. That makes sense. You have to be. But I'm not pushover and I'm not afraid of confrontation. I think that in most cases confrontation is the position of the person who has already lost or who feels powerless. Even with a sexist co-worker I make more headway by being calm. I have the right to get pissy but I don't exercise it, much like my right to party, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Metro - rush hour --the guy was probably repositioning his bike each time b/c each time the doors open, people get in and out, and everybody has to readjust. He probably was trying to keep the bike in the least amount of space possible and it woudl be hard to make sure the bike didn't touch at least one person on all sides at any given point in time. It sounds like he honestly was trying his best, to this person who has been in this position only about a thousand times on crowded rush hours. And in this type of situation, if everyone is doign their best to occupy the least amount of space possible and it's hot and crowded and we all just have to be patient, if then a SEATED passenger got persnickety about someting -- whoa, I'd be like, "That chick is waaaaay over-reacting. Does she think everyone on here is having a picnic? No, we're all just doing our best and keeping quiet until we can mercifully get to our own stop and get off." Lordy lordy!!

So, if you're on the Metro with a bike and despite your best efforts, you continue to hit someone with your bike, you don't say "Excuse me"? Since when does rush hour overrule common decency? And if the person asked you to move your bike, would you still not apologize, but rather say "Calm down"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicide Rates* Among Persons Ages 10 Years and Older, by Race/Ethnicity and Sex, United States, 2005–2009


http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/suicide/statistics/rates02.html

Wow- I'm surprised at how much more prevalent it is amongst men vs women.

I think whites having higher rates ties into white privilege- when things get very hard, they're unused to it and can't cope.

I think the same is true for male privilege.

I don't know about priveledge, but I do think this has a lot to do with pressure. I think white people, and men especially, feel a real pressure to succeed. There are a lot of over-achievers, and lots of children who grow up feeling they need to do as well in life as their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicide Rates* Among Persons Ages 10 Years and Older, by Race/Ethnicity and Sex, United States, 2005–2009


http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/suicide/statistics/rates02.html

Wow- I'm surprised at how much more prevalent it is amongst men vs women.

Great point, I am surprised too. Suicide story seems to be about gender, not race. To the PP focused suicide rates: why don't you open a new thread, and we leave this one to discuss OP's question and Metro example?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anybody watch reality TV? Real Housewives of ATL, Basketball Wives, The Apprentice, etc. I fear that young black women will think that this behavior is the norm. I'm an black man and I remember as a kid, teenager, and in college when black girls would brag about how bad they could "go off" on someone. It was like they were given respect for how angry they could get and how easily they could be brought into a loud confrontation.

That shit needs to change.

How often do you hear this from uneducated black women? Why are you basing your opinions of black women off of TV (which is all about the ratings), underclass black women and teens? Have you never seen a reality show where white women were "going off"? Perhaps your TV doesn't get VH1, MTV, etc.

It's about balance. There are lots of white people in lead roles on TV that exhibit normal behavior. The shows that I mentioned make up the bulk of black women in leading roles. Others are sprinkled throughout the channel guide in smaller roles.

I'm confused by your post. Are you now blaming black women for not having more traditional positive roles on TV?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anybody watch reality TV? Real Housewives of ATL, Basketball Wives, The Apprentice, etc. I fear that young black women will think that this behavior is the norm. I'm an black man and I remember as a kid, teenager, and in college when black girls would brag about how bad they could "go off" on someone. It was like they were given respect for how angry they could get and how easily they could be brought into a loud confrontation.

That shit needs to change.

I agree with you, pp. It is the wrong message to send young black women that this Kind of behavior is ok and it's how we act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Metro - rush hour --the guy was probably repositioning his bike each time b/c each time the doors open, people get in and out, and everybody has to readjust. He probably was trying to keep the bike in the least amount of space possible and it woudl be hard to make sure the bike didn't touch at least one person on all sides at any given point in time. It sounds like he honestly was trying his best, to this person who has been in this position only about a thousand times on crowded rush hours. And in this type of situation, if everyone is doign their best to occupy the least amount of space possible and it's hot and crowded and we all just have to be patient, if then a SEATED passenger got persnickety about someting -- whoa, I'd be like, "That chick is waaaaay over-reacting. Does she think everyone on here is having a picnic? No, we're all just doing our best and keeping quiet until we can mercifully get to our own stop and get off." Lordy lordy!!

So, if you're on the Metro with a bike and despite your best efforts, you continue to hit someone with your bike, you don't say "Excuse me"? Since when does rush hour overrule common decency? And if the person asked you to move your bike, would you still not apologize, but rather say "Calm down"?

Yep, I'd be sort of embarrassed and be like, "Whoa whoa howa, ok, calm down there, lady! Here, I am repositioning the bike! See: nice and slowly so no one gets hurt and no one flies off the handle again. Bike is moved. Ok? Ok? Everybody good now?" and then in my head, "I'd be thinking, 'This is why you really have to be careful on the Metro! You just never know what nutcase is going to fly off the handle for some perceived slight!'")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a few things to take into account.

The bike wheel was obviously dirty. Who knows where the biker had been riding. The lady kept moving the wheel and the guy kept putting it back touching her. Personal space violation should not be tolerated.

I was always told that if your clothes are dirty, people will think you are dirty and disrespect you. Maybe she was concerned about this. There was a post a back in GP about how minority children are viewed differently when dressed down or having dirt on their clothes than white children http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/192529.page .

We can all agree that what he did was rude and gross. But it's still not a big deal until you throw the feeling of being disrespected into the mix. Maybe she was being disrespected and he wouldn't have done it to a white woman but who knows? She didn't know that and she overreacted.

What in the OP's story makes you think the woman overreacted?

(Different PP here) A few reasons:

1) She didn't say anything the first couple of times it happened, which, if I had been in her shoes, would have built my own internal anger level, leading to "passive aggressive" behavior (true, I am projecting from my own experience)
2) The language used by the OP to describe her reaction
3) The fact that other passengers chose to display sympathy to the biker. Which is quite rare - most people are often annoyed when people bring in bikes, especially when metro is crowded.

Why don't why we ask OP, who was there?

OP, what do you think would have happened if all races were reversed (black rider, white seating passenger, black passengers around)? and how does this link to your original question?

This goes to the "lack of benefit of the doubt" that many black people get. You are perpetrating this very thing. Without being a witness to the incident, you immediately side with the biker. This could have been the same with the Metro riders...they assumed the biker had an "angry black woman" on his hands and showed him sympathy.

Lots of interactions happen on the Metro and you usually aren't privy to all of the details. Perhaps these "witnesses" did not see the bike constantly hitting the woman's leg and only heard her when she told him to move it.

If the woman kept moving the bike so that he wouldn't hit her and the biker kept positioning himself in a way where the wheel would keep hitting her, his conduct was outrageous.

So she was fine to up the ante and say, "I am going to kick your bike"???? Man, no way. Don't understand this at all. Nuh uh. Nooo way.

Uhmmm...this came after the man told her to "calm down". He completely disregarded her feelings. I'm not surprised this is your position on the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a few things to take into account.

The bike wheel was obviously dirty. Who knows where the biker had been riding. The lady kept moving the wheel and the guy kept putting it back touching her. Personal space violation should not be tolerated.

I was always told that if your clothes are dirty, people will think you are dirty and disrespect you. Maybe she was concerned about this. There was a post a back in GP about how minority children are viewed differently when dressed down or having dirt on their clothes than white children http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/192529.page .

We can all agree that what he did was rude and gross. But it's still not a big deal until you throw the feeling of being disrespected into the mix. Maybe she was being disrespected and he wouldn't have done it to a white woman but who knows? She didn't know that and she overreacted.

What in the OP's story makes you think the woman overreacted?

(Different PP here) A few reasons:

1) She didn't say anything the first couple of times it happened, which, if I had been in her shoes, would have built my own internal anger level, leading to "passive aggressive" behavior (true, I am projecting from my own experience)
2) The language used by the OP to describe her reaction
3) The fact that other passengers chose to display sympathy to the biker. Which is quite rare - most people are often annoyed when people bring in bikes, especially when metro is crowded.

Why don't why we ask OP, who was there?

OP, what do you think would have happened if all races were reversed (black rider, white seating passenger, black passengers around)? and how does this link to your original question?

This goes to the "lack of benefit of the doubt" that many black people get. You are perpetrating this very thing. Without being a witness to the incident, you immediately side with the biker. This could have been the same with the Metro riders...they assumed the biker had an "angry black woman" on his hands and showed him sympathy.

Lots of interactions happen on the Metro and you usually aren't privy to all of the details. Perhaps these "witnesses" did not see the bike constantly hitting the woman's leg and only heard her when she told him to move it.

If the woman kept moving the bike so that he wouldn't hit her and the biker kept positioning himself in a way where the wheel would keep hitting her, his conduct was outrageous.

So she was fine to up the ante and say, "I am going to kick your bike"???? Man, no way. Don't understand this at all. Nuh uh. Nooo way.

Uhmmm...this came after the man told her to "calm down". He completely disregarded her feelings. I'm not surprised this is your position on the issue.

So when people tell you to calm down, you say, "I am going to kick you." Okayyyyy. Explains what is wrong with a lot in America these days!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Metro - rush hour --the guy was probably repositioning his bike each time b/c each time the doors open, people get in and out, and everybody has to readjust. He probably was trying to keep the bike in the least amount of space possible and it woudl be hard to make sure the bike didn't touch at least one person on all sides at any given point in time. It sounds like he honestly was trying his best, to this person who has been in this position only about a thousand times on crowded rush hours. And in this type of situation, if everyone is doign their best to occupy the least amount of space possible and it's hot and crowded and we all just have to be patient, if then a SEATED passenger got persnickety about someting -- whoa, I'd be like, "That chick is waaaaay over-reacting. Does she think everyone on here is having a picnic? No, we're all just doing our best and keeping quiet until we can mercifully get to our own stop and get off." Lordy lordy!!

So, if you're on the Metro with a bike and despite your best efforts, you continue to hit someone with your bike, you don't say "Excuse me"? Since when does rush hour overrule common decency? And if the person asked you to move your bike, would you still not apologize, but rather say "Calm down"?

Sure, I'd say "Excuse me." And I'd try my best to move my bike to minimize inconvenience to others. Now, you seem to be missing one part in OP's story, right before biker saying "Cam down." Can you go back to OP's example and find it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a few things to take into account.

The bike wheel was obviously dirty. Who knows where the biker had been riding. The lady kept moving the wheel and the guy kept putting it back touching her. Personal space violation should not be tolerated.

I was always told that if your clothes are dirty, people will think you are dirty and disrespect you. Maybe she was concerned about this. There was a post a back in GP about how minority children are viewed differently when dressed down or having dirt on their clothes than white children http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/192529.page .

We can all agree that what he did was rude and gross. But it's still not a big deal until you throw the feeling of being disrespected into the mix. Maybe she was being disrespected and he wouldn't have done it to a white woman but who knows? She didn't know that and she overreacted.

What in the OP's story makes you think the woman overreacted?

(Different PP here) A few reasons:

1) She didn't say anything the first couple of times it happened, which, if I had been in her shoes, would have built my own internal anger level, leading to "passive aggressive" behavior (true, I am projecting from my own experience)
2) The language used by the OP to describe her reaction
3) The fact that other passengers chose to display sympathy to the biker. Which is quite rare - most people are often annoyed when people bring in bikes, especially when metro is crowded.

Why don't why we ask OP, who was there?

OP, what do you think would have happened if all races were reversed (black rider, white seating passenger, black passengers around)? and how does this link to your original question?

This goes to the "lack of benefit of the doubt" that many black people get. You are perpetrating this very thing. Without being a witness to the incident, you immediately side with the biker. This could have been the same with the Metro riders...they assumed the biker had an "angry black woman" on his hands and showed him sympathy.

Lots of interactions happen on the Metro and you usually aren't privy to all of the details. Perhaps these "witnesses" did not see the bike constantly hitting the woman's leg and only heard her when she told him to move it.

If the woman kept moving the bike so that he wouldn't hit her and the biker kept positioning himself in a way where the wheel would keep hitting her, his conduct was outrageous.

So she was fine to up the ante and say, "I am going to kick your bike"???? Man, no way. Don't understand this at all. Nuh uh. Nooo way.

Uhmmm...this came after the man told her to "calm down". He completely disregarded her feelings. I'm not surprised this is your position on the issue.

See the 15:16 poster above you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anybody watch reality TV? Real Housewives of ATL, Basketball Wives, The Apprentice, etc. I fear that young black women will think that this behavior is the norm. I'm an black man and I remember as a kid, teenager, and in college when black girls would brag about how bad they could "go off" on someone. It was like they were given respect for how angry they could get and how easily they could be brought into a loud confrontation.

That shit needs to change.

How often do you hear this from uneducated black women? Why are you basing your opinions of black women off of TV (which is all about the ratings), underclass black women and teens? Have you never seen a reality show where white women were "going off"? Perhaps your TV doesn't get VH1, MTV, etc.

It's about balance. There are lots of white people in lead roles on TV that exhibit normal behavior. The shows that I mentioned make up the bulk of black women in leading roles. Others are sprinkled throughout the channel guide in smaller roles.

I'm confused by your post. Are you now blaming black women for not having more traditional positive roles on TV?

No. I never mentioned blame (defensiveness?). If there's any blame, it's the networks that cast the shows.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you provide another example, so the collective DCUM braintrust can again deconstruct it and try to better understand and answer your original question?