Split check on first date...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I always went Dutch went we first dated, then alternated who paid as we were more established as a couple. All of my relationships were very egalitarian. Any man who wouldn't let me reciprocate a dinner or pay my fair share didn't last, so I guess we had different values.

I'm with you. I can't imagine "expecting" a man to pay for my stuff. I've graciously accepted if they insisted on occasion, but I've also paid my way plenty of times. I can't even imagine writing someone off just because he didn't pay for the entire date. This is why some people think feminism is a joke. If you are a strong, interdependent woman, you can certainly manage to pay for your own dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The man is pursuing the women period. F that up and you f up the balance of the entire relationship.
Broke man on a budget? Don't want to waste money on a maybe gurl? We have free museums and coffe is 2 bucks.

And here in lies the fundamental problem. You can pursue them - it completely fucks you up once you marry them. They are used to be presued - who the hell are you now supposed to be even partners. You know what - now that I think about it - he did the right thing - women want to be equals so why not start our as equals. Flame away ladies but that's your problem - you want your cake and eat it too - he should be so helpful around the house, and so open minded just don't forget to pay for everything and kiss your ass. That's why I don't see the younger male generation going for it. Its classic bait and switch. And you did it to yourselves.

[Anonymous]

I have always asked to split the bill and and no one ever took me up on it till I met the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with- it threw me off for a quick second but I kinda like that he saw my offer as genuine.

We both make the same amount of money and met online- if I would have considered him taking me up on my offer as a red flag, I would have missed out on something really special.

don't offer if you don't mean it- now that is a red flag IMHO

[Anonymous]

Quit playing games, ladies. Don't offer to pay and then resent him if he agrees.

[Anonymous]

I would never go on a second date with a man that split the bill. But I'm old fashioned (and married now to someone that was always a gentleman and paid for our dates).

[Anonymous]

Then why ask?

Shit like this gives women a bad reputation.

[Anonymous]

My first date with DH was a blind date. We split the check. We've been married for over 20 years so I guess it worked out. But I am also pretty independent and ambitious, and make more money, and don't feel like I need to be provided for. Some guys wouldn't be comfortable with that so I guess it's good I found someone on the first date who was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: If you are a strong, interdependent woman, you can certainly manage to pay for your own dinner.

BUT BUT BUT we're ENTITLED to it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I'm old fashioned

SPEND LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY ON ME!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
And here in lies the fundamental problem. You can pursue them - it completely fucks you up once you marry them. They are used to be presued - who the hell are you now supposed to be even partners. You know what - now that I think about it - he did the right thing - women want to be equals so why not start our as equals. Flame away ladies but that's your problem - you want your cake and eat it too - he should be so helpful around the house, and so open minded just don't forget to pay for everything and kiss your ass. That's why I don't see the younger male generation going for it. Its classic bait and switch. And you did it to yourselves.

We have a winner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes. When I dated, the men who asked me or let me pay were the ones I put in the friends category. They never got any.

So basically you are a whore?

The answer is yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It still costs more to be a woman and to show up "presentable" on dates. If you want to date someone who spends just as much time and money on grooming as the average Joe, going Dutch is fine.

It's not the man's fault you find it necessary to slather on the makeup every time you leave house. Lighten up on the cosmetics, toots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If you are a strong, interdependent woman, you can certainly manage to pay for your own dinner.

BUT BUT BUT we're ENTITLED to it!

I'm getting that vibe from this threat as well. I'm a woman by the way (quoted above). I honestly have no problem with paying for the food I consume. Never even occurred to me to bitch about it. You set the tone for your relationships ladies. You want a partner, then you make sure you an equal. If you want "traditional" roles while dating, why in the hell would you want him to be different when married. Wouldn't the house and child raising fall under your responsibilities then? He is to earn the money? Hell no! I like my independence and work for it. Now, before you think I'm criticizing the stay at home moms, I'm not. Nothing wrong if you divide the responsibilities that way. I just have a problem with assuming these roles because of the gender.

[Anonymous]

I think folks are over thinking this. on a first date I always offered to split the check but yes, if a man is interested in me then he always paid the whole check. This is just the first date ladies. it never meant I expected him to pay my way FOREVER. I have a very egalitarian marriage I might add. Got married in my late 30s, we each make 6 figures. But even my husband said he appreciated my offer to split the check he would have actually found it to be a red flag if I insisted on that first date. Men like to pursue, at least initially. ANd if a man can't even manage dinner the first time out...well thats something to think about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It still costs more to be a woman and to show up "presentable" on dates. If you want to date someone who spends just as much time and money on grooming as the average Joe, going Dutch is fine.

It's not the man's fault you find it necessary to slather on the makeup every time you leave house. Lighten up on the cosmetics, toots.

You have no idea how expensive it is to be a good looking woman. I don't mean fake. You will understand if you have daughters. Society judges on looks and I have high standards for myself. I wear nice clothes, have pretty hair, get facials, nails etc. My husband is appreciative. If you're a woman that doesn't care than more power to you.