If you don't want sex, then shouldn't YOU be the one to leave and divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No matter who decides, the marriage is over so, really, who gives F who "decides"??

In what sad world is a marriage only about sex?

Nobody said marriage is only about sex. However sex is part of marriage along with many other things.

Desire ebbs and flows and regular sex is not guaranteed. Anyone who thinks that is clueless

It sure is for healthy people with a libido. Anyone who thinks otherwise is clueless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are two healthy adults with kids still living at home and neither wants to blow up the family but one spouse has decided unilaterally that they won't have sex any longer, that seems to be acceptable to DCUM. But it's not okay for their spouse to have a "just sex" fling that does not threaten the marriage and family. The consensus here is that rather than having a sex fling, you should just divorce and leave the marriage and that someone with integrity divorces rather than having a fling.

But why doesn't anybody say that the person who unilaterally decides they definitely never want sex again carry the burden of asking for the divorce? They've decided to change the terms of the marriage (no sex), so shouldn't it be on them to follow through with the natural consequence of refusing to have sex, which is that you no longer have a real marriage and therefore it's time to go your separate ways and you carry the burden of divorcing? (I am NOT referring to situations where it's six weeks after a c-section and your baby is in ICU, or where you're undergoing chemo or became paralyzed. I'm talking about the situation where one person just decides that sex isn't something they want or need any longer and their partner just has to accept that.)

Why is it okay to unilaterally change the marriage contract by refusing sex, but it's not okay to get sex from a third party that you never intend to leave your spouse for?

In both of these situations, one person is fundamentally changing the terms of the marriage. Why do we hold them to different standards?

Sure it is. It’s not ok to have a SECRET “just sex” fling that you lie about.

If:

1. The partner seeking disarrangement has been medically sterilized.
2. The partner seeking this arrangement agrees to a post-nup in which the financial best interest of the other partner and the children are protected.
3. The partner seeking this arrangement, agrees that there will be no further sexual congress with the other spouse before an STD test.

And then go to town!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stop being such a baby. Fulfill your marital obligations like you are fulfilling other responsibilities.

Well, if her spouse fulfilled his marital obligations , she'd be more likely to fulfill hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stop being such a baby. Fulfill your marital obligations like you are fulfilling other responsibilities.

Well, if her spouse fulfilled his marital obligations , she'd be more likely to fulfill hers.

So glad to finally see an admission that is has nothing to do with the libido or hormones and that it's all about this dumb tit for tat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stop being such a baby. Fulfill your marital obligations like you are fulfilling other responsibilities.

Well, if her spouse fulfilled his marital obligations , she'd be more likely to fulfill hers.

So glad to finally see an admission that is has nothing to do with the libido or hormones and that it's all about this dumb tit for tat.

So glad to see that you are stupid. Women's libido is tied to emotional stress. If she is not feeling understood and cared for, sge is less likely to get wet, dummy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stop being such a baby. Fulfill your marital obligations like you are fulfilling other responsibilities.

Well, if her spouse fulfilled his marital obligations , she'd be more likely to fulfill hers.

So glad to finally see an admission that is has nothing to do with the libido or hormones and that it's all about this dumb tit for tat.

So glad to see that you are stupid. Women's libido is tied to emotional stress. If she is not feeling understood and cared for, sge is less likely to get wet, dummy.

Let me blow your mind further: she might even get wet to a fantasy version of you in her head but not to the clueless you in the room with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But I’m sure he’s obligated to open his wallet for you, right ladies?

Most women who aren’t having sex can take care of themselves and don’t need the money that’s why they couldn’t care less

Feminism has destroyed civil society

No, it's destroyed mens' ability to keep women trapped in unsatisfactory marriages. Corrected it for ya

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stereotypical and wrong. I'm the wife in that life and I'm the one who is sex deprived.

So? Your marriage is not every marriage. The comment you're replying to clearly prefaced it with "I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids." If that's not you, then of course the things in the post won't make sense for your marriage.

However it is more common for women to lose libido at midlife before men do. Partly due to biology and partly because women tend to store less of their identity in their sexuality, especially after having kids. Doesn't mean it never happens the other way, but it's definitely more rare. Sometimes stereotypes exist for a reason.

More divorced men for me to date then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stereotypical and wrong. I'm the wife in that life and I'm the one who is sex deprived.

So? Your marriage is not every marriage. The comment you're replying to clearly prefaced it with "I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids." If that's not you, then of course the things in the post won't make sense for your marriage.

However it is more common for women to lose libido at midlife before men do. Partly due to biology and partly because women tend to store less of their identity in their sexuality, especially after having kids. Doesn't mean it never happens the other way, but it's definitely more rare. Sometimes stereotypes exist for a reason.

You might be on to something with your comment about identity. I am highy sexual and yeah that's a big part of my identity. My happiest years were when I was dating in my 20s. I love my kids but it's just different. Certainly explains why there are so many unhappily married men whose wives need a full court press to even feel any desire. Pity for both spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But I’m sure he’s obligated to open his wallet for you, right ladies?

Most women who aren’t having sex can take care of themselves and don’t need the money that’s why they couldn’t care less

Feminism has destroyed civil society

No, it's destroyed mens' ability to keep women trapped in unsatisfactory marriages. Corrected it for ya

AMEN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stop being such a baby. Fulfill your marital obligations like you are fulfilling other responsibilities.

Well, if her spouse fulfilled his marital obligations , she'd be more likely to fulfill hers.

So glad to finally see an admission that is has nothing to do with the libido or hormones and that it's all about this dumb tit for tat.

So glad to see that you are stupid. Women's libido is tied to emotional stress. If she is not feeling understood and cared for, sge is less likely to get wet, dummy.

Oh honey, I'm a 47 year old woman. I know all too well about hormonal changes and stress. I just don't use them as an excuse to mistreat the person I married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stereotypical and wrong. I'm the wife in that life and I'm the one who is sex deprived.

So? Your marriage is not every marriage. The comment you're replying to clearly prefaced it with "I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids." If that's not you, then of course the things in the post won't make sense for your marriage.

However it is more common for women to lose libido at midlife before men do. Partly due to biology and partly because women tend to store less of their identity in their sexuality, especially after having kids. Doesn't mean it never happens the other way, but it's definitely more rare. Sometimes stereotypes exist for a reason.

You might be on to something with your comment about identity. I am highy sexual and yeah that's a big part of my identity. My happiest years were when I was dating in my 20s. I love my kids but it's just different. Certainly explains why there are so many unhappily married men whose wives need a full court press to even feel any desire. Pity for both spouses.

Even if sex is not a big part of your identity, it's hard to ignore the lack of it when you are horny 24/7. Perhaps this is why some people with high libido find it harder to get over that resentment.

If the house is dirty, you can escape to a hotel and take a break for a few days. But you cannot cut your nether regions and throw away for a couple of days . So anytime you feel the itch, it reminds you of the spouse who should be scratching the spot 😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here who has little desire after FT work, kids, stress and hormonal issues. My dh grumbles and if he cheated I wouldn’t want to know about it. Marriage is a long haul. I expect there will be times I have more desire and dh has less. Actually now he has ED issues at times. Would I divorce him over that? No way. Marriage is a long term partnership. People posting on here to divorce over this are trashy.

The bolded is trashy too.

Nope. It’s how the world used to work and I’m fine with it as long as it’s very rare and doesn’t interrupt my life. Marriage is not story book. Two people can’t be every single thing to each other for 50+ years. I’m grown up enough to understand that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stop being such a baby. Fulfill your marital obligations like you are fulfilling other responsibilities.

Well, if her spouse fulfilled his marital obligations , she'd be more likely to fulfill hers.

So glad to finally see an admission that is has nothing to do with the libido or hormones and that it's all about this dumb tit for tat.

So glad to see that you are stupid. Women's libido is tied to emotional stress. If she is not feeling understood and cared for, sge is less likely to get wet, dummy.

Oh honey, I'm a 47 year old woman. I know all too well about hormonal changes and stress. I just don't use them as an excuse to mistreat the person I married.

And I know all too well about pick mes and idiots who lack empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of women who lost libido in their 40s, after kids.

The idea that these women had an obligation to go "fix" their libidos medically (fix how? there is no equivalent for the boner pill for women) is laughable to me. These women are so busy. They are so tired. They have so much on their plate -- kids, work, elder care, the myriad of minor health issues that often come with peri menopause. They don't have much sex drive anymore. The idea that they should *prioritize* their sex drive over all the other stuff they have to take care of so that their spouse, who pretty much never pulls his weight with the kids or the house or other responsibilities, is just laughable to me.

If you want your wife to have a high libido well into middle age, here's my advice: have a lot of money, outsource all the drudgery of housework and childcare, make sure she gets tons of downtime for herself, go on vacation a lot, don't pressure her about having more kids. Make life as carefree and enjoyable as possible. Then, if her libido still disappears, I feel you'd be justified in suggesting she should see a doctor and try to address that.

If you have the standard 40-something-with-kids-and-a-mortgage life, and your wife either works FT or is a SAHM will no additional help, you cannot ask this of her. She has too much to do. You will need to take care of your own boners.

Stop being such a baby. Fulfill your marital obligations like you are fulfilling other responsibilities.

Well, if her spouse fulfilled his marital obligations , she'd be more likely to fulfill hers.

So glad to finally see an admission that is has nothing to do with the libido or hormones and that it's all about this dumb tit for tat.

So glad to see that you are stupid. Women's libido is tied to emotional stress. If she is not feeling understood and cared for, sge is less likely to get wet, dummy.

Oh honey, I'm a 47 year old woman. I know all too well about hormonal changes and stress. I just don't use them as an excuse to mistreat the person I married.

And I know all too well about pick mes and idiots who lack empathy.

Empathy for what? You already admitted you do it out of spite. Your dumb word salad is not holding up your lies very well.