Men 45+ on OLD: are they all broke?

[Anonymous]

No some of us are fat.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It’s crazy how every woman on DCUM is a mini Sheryl Sandberg yet whenever I go on a date with a cute late 20’s chick from Hinge they’re all broke. The only single women I know irl who aren’t broke are the ones who I work with. Never been on a date with a chick under 35 making six figures.

And? At 35 I made $60K and had $125K in debt. By 45 I made $180K with no debt and was married to someone making $325K. People develop.

Most men with money will choose the younger broke woman over the older woman with a 6 figure career.

Maybe 30 years ago. Not now.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It’s crazy how every woman on DCUM is a mini Sheryl Sandberg yet whenever I go on a date with a cute late 20’s chick from Hinge they’re all broke. The only single women I know irl who aren’t broke are the ones who I work with. Never been on a date with a chick under 35 making six figures.

And? At 35 I made $60K and had $125K in debt. By 45 I made $180K with no debt and was married to someone making $325K. People develop.

Most men with money will choose the younger broke woman over the older woman with a 6 figure career.

Not the case in my dating experience. Even high income men don't like when women are with him for money, or be Sugar Daddies

This thread (and many other DCUM threads) abundantly demonstrate that even older women are with you for the money, so you might as well date younger and hotter if you can.

This thread actually shows that older women are forgiving of men making less, but want financially secure dates who are able to contribute into joint dating experiences at par with women. You have hangups about women wanting your money, and need to process it first before dating.

This thread doesn't show that at all. If you don't make roughly as much as she does, she's not going to date you. And there's nothing wrong with that, but don't pretend women aren't in it for the money. In fact they very obviously care more about it than men do.

I am in my mid forties and all our friends are in their forties and early fifties. We know several people who have divorced in their forties. The attractive successful women had no problems meeting men right away. The attractive men also were able to date and marry if they wanted. Two did marry. One got married and had a kid and then got divorced again so now he has a high income with two ex wives and three children.

The women who are very type A, not as physically attractive and not very nice don’t seem to be dating or no one worth showing their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s crazy how every woman on DCUM is a mini Sheryl Sandberg yet whenever I go on a date with a cute late 20’s chick from Hinge they’re all broke. The only single women I know irl who aren’t broke are the ones who I work with. Never been on a date with a chick under 35 making six figures.

And? At 35 I made $60K and had $125K in debt. By 45 I made $180K with no debt and was married to someone making $325K. People develop.

Most men with money will choose the younger broke woman over the older woman with a 6 figure career.

Not the case in my dating experience. Even high income men don't like when women are with him for money, or be Sugar Daddies

This thread (and many other DCUM threads) abundantly demonstrate that even older women are with you for the money, so you might as well date younger and hotter if you can.

This thread actually shows that older women are forgiving of men making less, but want financially secure dates who are able to contribute into joint dating experiences at par with women. You have hangups about women wanting your money, and need to process it first before dating.

This thread doesn't show that at all. If you don't make roughly as much as she does, she's not going to date you. And there's nothing wrong with that, but don't pretend women aren't in it for the money. In fact they very obviously care more about it than men do.

No, many women on this thread didn't say that. Many dated men who earned less

[Anonymous]

I just posted that Dh earns a seven figure income. I have realized many people cannot afford multiple weekend trips or a fancy weeklong vacation costing 20k. Some people have the money but not the time. Others have time but not the money. A guy who is in his forties likely has kids going to college soon and may not have as much disposable income.

I guess it is easy for me to say I would pay for a guy the way I may pay for my old childhood friend but I’m not in that situation. All the guys I dated have always paid for my dates and travel if we did travel. I only traveled with one boyfriend before DH and he did always pay for me.

[Anonymous]

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I finally met a lovely man. I think he runs deficit of about $700 every month. He works his tail off and didn't buy anything outrages. It's temporary and I will gladly help him fix it. I would even help him if we weren't together.

Really? You would financially help a single adult man? Mega turn off.

Yeah, nope. I’ve established my life independently and am not tying myself to just another dead weight.

So what kind of income/wealth do you expect a man to have?

Enough disposable income to match mine. Enough free time to match mine.

Sure, but what constitutes matching yours?

I'm a woman make about 300K a year. My average weekend outing is about $150; I take one large vacation a year at about $20K, couple small trips in the range of $5k. So it's about $15,000 on travel and $3600 on dates that a BF would need to match my expenses on entertainment and travel only. If we move in together, we would be saving on mortgage/rent so not a bad deal for him overall

I’m similar to you financially as are most of my friends. We’ve all come to realize that we are the ones that can afford our lifestyle. It means we don’t date and while we miss it, we don’t miss the drama that goes along with being in a relationship. We go out together on the weekends and always have a good time. And we travel together. I haven’t met a man in a similar financial situation yet.

Yea, because if he makes less he will resent the woman for making more, will be emasculated causing all the relationship drama. I tried to subsidize men financially, it didn't work out well either (these were professional men making about 200K but with CS obligtions which I don't have). So I guess single wealthy women should prepare for solitude entering elderly years

You want the older widowers. The ones I know were happily married, have adult children, and now have substantial assets but no one to share their lives with. We’re talking 60s and 70s.

I’ll focus on them in my 50s and 60s if I still feel like dating at that point. For now I have a younger FWB as I’m mid 40s.

No way am I spending my 50s and 60s taking care of an old man who won’t be there to take care of me and leaves his property to kids from his marriage.

Why should he take care of you or leave you anything if you’ve got your own money?

If I devote my one and only life to someone long term until death, I expect to be treated like a partner and would do the same for a partner / husband.

You expect your wealth to pass to your kids.

You also expect his wealth to pass to you, and not to his kids.

You're just another gold-digger.

Not the PP, but in middle age marriages there could be a mix of individual and joint assets and income streams. If both are earning equally and bought a house, for example, making a downpayment during their marriage, I don’t see why this house should go to kids. A spouse on the title inherits it by law. Same with life insurance or pensions: these assets are typically split between spouse and kids as inheritance, pro-rata the share accumulated during marriage or something like that.

A house would be bought mostly with premarital money which is exactly what you want to leave to your kids. I also want life insurance and pension to go to the kids. A second spouse shouldn’t even need the life insurance or pension, they will have their own money.

Easier to not get married than to try and disentangle what the kids should get vs what the new spouse should get.

A 25% downpayment for the house would be from pre-martial founds (and can be 50:50) but it’s jointly owned in entirety by spouses, mortgage is paid from marital funds, all maintenance and renovations. Thus both spouses are equity owners benefiting from its growth. Only a stupid person would agree to give downpayment money or be on a mortgage note but not on a deed. I personally would never move into a house that’s not joint or which I would have to vacate if my partner dies. It’s such a stress in older age!
Men usually marry younger and there is a high component of caregiving for their spouses in older age. I’ve seen couples with 15-30 years difference where the wife had to completely forgo her lifestyle, travel in her 60s etc, to make sure the husband survives. If he lacks integrity and appreciation of her sacrifices and doesn’t feel like giving back some of it in the form of life insurance, that is unfit partner. He should live alone in seniors community, and pay for his care (which is not cheap btw!)
Adult children are not the ones holding your hand in old age, in some cases they fail even to call parents. And they should be getting enough already from both mom and dad’s premarital funds. There is usually a pre-martial component in all pensions etc which can be easily appraised by actuary.

I am highly skeptical of this "caregiver" scenario. This is just how gold-diggers rationalize why they should get all the gold and his kids should get nothing.

If she's just in it for his money then he really is better off living in a senior community and paying for his care. From my own observation of senior communities, he won't be there for long. Those places are mostly full of lonely old women.

" they should be getting enough already from both mom and dad’s premarital funds." -- the second wife should have enough already from her lifetime of work. She should not need anything from her second husband. Don't marry a broke woman who needs to inherit your kid's money.

+1. Female here. Agree entirely with this statement.

+1 Another female here: agree wholeheartedly. But also don't marry a man who disrespects your legit equal contribution into marital income and assets

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s crazy how every woman on DCUM is a mini Sheryl Sandberg yet whenever I go on a date with a cute late 20’s chick from Hinge they’re all broke. The only single women I know irl who aren’t broke are the ones who I work with. Never been on a date with a chick under 35 making six figures.

And? At 35 I made $60K and had $125K in debt. By 45 I made $180K with no debt and was married to someone making $325K. People develop.

Most men with money will choose the younger broke woman over the older woman with a 6 figure career.

Not the case in my dating experience. Even high income men don't like when women are with him for money, or be Sugar Daddies

This. A woman who was hot at 25 and takes care of herself is still hot at 45 and the man 5-10+ years older will not care that she is 45; he is much more concerned with not becoming a father again at 50+ or risking another division of assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s crazy how every woman on DCUM is a mini Sheryl Sandberg yet whenever I go on a date with a cute late 20’s chick from Hinge they’re all broke. The only single women I know irl who aren’t broke are the ones who I work with. Never been on a date with a chick under 35 making six figures.

And? At 35 I made $60K and had $125K in debt. By 45 I made $180K with no debt and was married to someone making $325K. People develop.

Most men with money will choose the younger broke woman over the older woman with a 6 figure career.

Not the case in my dating experience. Even high income men don't like when women are with him for money, or be Sugar Daddies

Let’s define broke woman. A woman who has a job or career that doesn’t pay high is not a broke woman. A man with higher income would and will pay for dates with this woman and take her on trips. Even if the woman earned a decent 100k job, the higher income male would cover her.

I’m married and my DH earns a seven figure income. When we were grad students and young professionals, he still paid for me despite my having a six figure income. My BIL is single and also now makes over $1m per year. While he wants someone educated, high income is not something that is importers to him. Whether the woman earns 50k or 200k or 500k won’t matter to him. He does want someone attractive, smart and kind. I don’t think he has ever dated someone who was “broke”. I don’t think we use that word or know anyone like that.

Yeah but he ain’t gonna marry that low earning woman and that is the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 45 YO male and divorced. I’m on Raya which tends to have upper class people and sometimes celebrities. I like it because there is no broke single mothers. I’d they’re divorced they’re doing well otherwise they wouldn’t be there. If you’re not on already there’s a good chance you won’t get in. I used to be on Hinge and while it’s ok Raya filters out the single mother “business owners” (I.e they work at a salon or they’re a hairdresser) and other crazies.

Or I do what I have had the most success with and that’s meeting someone in areas I hang out like Middleburg.

I'm a divorced 45 male and would love to know where in Middleburg to hang out and meet some single ladies. I havn't been able to get on The League or Raya and am over the other apps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s crazy how every woman on DCUM is a mini Sheryl Sandberg yet whenever I go on a date with a cute late 20’s chick from Hinge they’re all broke. The only single women I know irl who aren’t broke are the ones who I work with. Never been on a date with a chick under 35 making six figures.

And? At 35 I made $60K and had $125K in debt. By 45 I made $180K with no debt and was married to someone making $325K. People develop.

Most men with money will choose the younger broke woman over the older woman with a 6 figure career.

Not the case in my dating experience. Even high income men don't like when women are with him for money, or be Sugar Daddies

Let’s define broke woman. A woman who has a job or career that doesn’t pay high is not a broke woman. A man with higher income would and will pay for dates with this woman and take her on trips. Even if the woman earned a decent 100k job, the higher income male would cover her.

I’m married and my DH earns a seven figure income. When we were grad students and young professionals, he still paid for me despite my having a six figure income. My BIL is single and also now makes over $1m per year. While he wants someone educated, high income is not something that is importers to him. Whether the woman earns 50k or 200k or 500k won’t matter to him. He does want someone attractive, smart and kind. I don’t think he has ever dated someone who was “broke”. I don’t think we use that word or know anyone like that.

Yeah but he ain’t gonna marry that low earning woman and that is the point.

Actually he would. Maybe because his older brother has a SAHM wife and doesn’t expect or need his wife to work. I think he is looking for someone who he can picture as the mother of his future children.

I know he has dated hot girls and HYP lawyer types and he seems to want someone in the middle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s crazy how every woman on DCUM is a mini Sheryl Sandberg yet whenever I go on a date with a cute late 20’s chick from Hinge they’re all broke. The only single women I know irl who aren’t broke are the ones who I work with. Never been on a date with a chick under 35 making six figures.

And? At 35 I made $60K and had $125K in debt. By 45 I made $180K with no debt and was married to someone making $325K. People develop.

Most men with money will choose the younger broke woman over the older woman with a 6 figure career.

Not the case in my dating experience. Even high income men don't like when women are with him for money, or be Sugar Daddies

Let’s define broke woman. A woman who has a job or career that doesn’t pay high is not a broke woman. A man with higher income would and will pay for dates with this woman and take her on trips. Even if the woman earned a decent 100k job, the higher income male would cover her.

I’m married and my DH earns a seven figure income. When we were grad students and young professionals, he still paid for me despite my having a six figure income. My BIL is single and also now makes over $1m per year. While he wants someone educated, high income is not something that is importers to him. Whether the woman earns 50k or 200k or 500k won’t matter to him. He does want someone attractive, smart and kind. I don’t think he has ever dated someone who was “broke”. I don’t think we use that word or know anyone like that.

Yeah but he ain’t gonna marry that low earning woman and that is the point.

Actually he would. Maybe because his older brother has a SAHM wife and doesn’t expect or need his wife to work. I think he is looking for someone who he can picture as the mother of his future children.

I know he has dated hot girls and HYP lawyer types and he seems to want someone in the middle.

He should get a prenup and then see which younger girl would marry him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s crazy how every woman on DCUM is a mini Sheryl Sandberg yet whenever I go on a date with a cute late 20’s chick from Hinge they’re all broke. The only single women I know irl who aren’t broke are the ones who I work with. Never been on a date with a chick under 35 making six figures.

And? At 35 I made $60K and had $125K in debt. By 45 I made $180K with no debt and was married to someone making $325K. People develop.

Most men with money will choose the younger broke woman over the older woman with a 6 figure career.

Not the case in my dating experience. Even high income men don't like when women are with him for money, or be Sugar Daddies

Let’s define broke woman. A woman who has a job or career that doesn’t pay high is not a broke woman. A man with higher income would and will pay for dates with this woman and take her on trips. Even if the woman earned a decent 100k job, the higher income male would cover her.

I’m married and my DH earns a seven figure income. When we were grad students and young professionals, he still paid for me despite my having a six figure income. My BIL is single and also now makes over $1m per year. While he wants someone educated, high income is not something that is importers to him. Whether the woman earns 50k or 200k or 500k won’t matter to him. He does want someone attractive, smart and kind. I don’t think he has ever dated someone who was “broke”. I don’t think we use that word or know anyone like that.

Yeah but he ain’t gonna marry that low earning woman and that is the point.

Actually he would. Maybe because his older brother has a SAHM wife and doesn’t expect or need his wife to work. I think he is looking for someone who he can picture as the mother of his future children.

I know he has dated hot girls and HYP lawyer types and he seems to want someone in the middle.

Pay attention. We are talking about men 45+ most of whom are divorced and already have children and are not looking to make new ones or take on the risk of a second divorce with someone who would take assets without contributing any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s crazy how every woman on DCUM is a mini Sheryl Sandberg yet whenever I go on a date with a cute late 20’s chick from Hinge they’re all broke. The only single women I know irl who aren’t broke are the ones who I work with. Never been on a date with a chick under 35 making six figures.

And? At 35 I made $60K and had $125K in debt. By 45 I made $180K with no debt and was married to someone making $325K. People develop.

Most men with money will choose the younger broke woman over the older woman with a 6 figure career.

Not the case in my dating experience. Even high income men don't like when women are with him for money, or be Sugar Daddies

This thread (and many other DCUM threads) abundantly demonstrate that even older women are with you for the money, so you might as well date younger and hotter if you can.

This thread actually shows that older women are forgiving of men making less, but want financially secure dates who are able to contribute into joint dating experiences at par with women. You have hangups about women wanting your money, and need to process it first before dating.

This thread doesn't show that at all. If you don't make roughly as much as she does, she's not going to date you. And there's nothing wrong with that, but don't pretend women aren't in it for the money. In fact they very obviously care more about it than men do.

I am in my mid forties and all our friends are in their forties and early fifties. We know several people who have divorced in their forties. The attractive successful women had no problems meeting men right away. The attractive men also were able to date and marry if they wanted. Two did marry. One got married and had a kid and then got divorced again so now he has a high income with two ex wives and three children.

The women who are very type A, not as physically attractive and not very nice don’t seem to be dating or no one worth showing their friends.

Why haven't you listed the attractive unsuccessful women in this list?
These women I know date but they are terrible at it attracting the worst men possible. I've gone out with these people and they have boyfriends but then the boyfriends take what little money they have, they are busy finding these guys new apartments, taking their dog they can't hold onto anymore along with the costs associated, dealing with drinking habits etc.

You are also confusing the men. The categories are successful attractive men, attractive, but not successful men, and successful but unattractive men. It's confusing who you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s crazy how every woman on DCUM is a mini Sheryl Sandberg yet whenever I go on a date with a cute late 20’s chick from Hinge they’re all broke. The only single women I know irl who aren’t broke are the ones who I work with. Never been on a date with a chick under 35 making six figures.

And? At 35 I made $60K and had $125K in debt. By 45 I made $180K with no debt and was married to someone making $325K. People develop.

Most men with money will choose the younger broke woman over the older woman with a 6 figure career.

Not the case in my dating experience. Even high income men don't like when women are with him for money, or be Sugar Daddies

This thread (and many other DCUM threads) abundantly demonstrate that even older women are with you for the money, so you might as well date younger and hotter if you can.

This thread actually shows that older women are forgiving of men making less, but want financially secure dates who are able to contribute into joint dating experiences at par with women. You have hangups about women wanting your money, and need to process it first before dating.

This thread doesn't show that at all. If you don't make roughly as much as she does, she's not going to date you. And there's nothing wrong with that, but don't pretend women aren't in it for the money. In fact they very obviously care more about it than men do.

I am in my mid forties and all our friends are in their forties and early fifties. We know several people who have divorced in their forties. The attractive successful women had no problems meeting men right away. The attractive men also were able to date and marry if they wanted. Two did marry. One got married and had a kid and then got divorced again so now he has a high income with two ex wives and three children.

The women who are very type A, not as physically attractive and not very nice don’t seem to be dating or no one worth showing their friends.

Why haven't you listed the attractive unsuccessful women in this list?
These women I know date but they are terrible at it attracting the worst men possible. I've gone out with these people and they have boyfriends but then the boyfriends take what little money they have, they are busy finding these guys new apartments, taking their dog they can't hold onto anymore along with the costs associated, dealing with drinking habits etc.

You are also confusing the men. The categories are successful attractive men, attractive, but not successful men, and successful but unattractive men. It's confusing who you are talking about.

Being both hot AND well-off helps both women and men in dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s crazy how every woman on DCUM is a mini Sheryl Sandberg yet whenever I go on a date with a cute late 20’s chick from Hinge they’re all broke. The only single women I know irl who aren’t broke are the ones who I work with. Never been on a date with a chick under 35 making six figures.

And? At 35 I made $60K and had $125K in debt. By 45 I made $180K with no debt and was married to someone making $325K. People develop.

Most men with money will choose the younger broke woman over the older woman with a 6 figure career.

Not the case in my dating experience. Even high income men don't like when women are with him for money, or be Sugar Daddies

This thread (and many other DCUM threads) abundantly demonstrate that even older women are with you for the money, so you might as well date younger and hotter if you can.

This thread actually shows that older women are forgiving of men making less, but want financially secure dates who are able to contribute into joint dating experiences at par with women. You have hangups about women wanting your money, and need to process it first before dating.

This thread doesn't show that at all. If you don't make roughly as much as she does, she's not going to date you. And there's nothing wrong with that, but don't pretend women aren't in it for the money. In fact they very obviously care more about it than men do.

I am in my mid forties and all our friends are in their forties and early fifties. We know several people who have divorced in their forties. The attractive successful women had no problems meeting men right away. The attractive men also were able to date and marry if they wanted. Two did marry. One got married and had a kid and then got divorced again so now he has a high income with two ex wives and three children.

The women who are very type A, not as physically attractive and not very nice don’t seem to be dating or no one worth showing their friends.

Why haven't you listed the attractive unsuccessful women in this list?
These women I know date but they are terrible at it attracting the worst men possible. I've gone out with these people and they have boyfriends but then the boyfriends take what little money they have, they are busy finding these guys new apartments, taking their dog they can't hold onto anymore along with the costs associated, dealing with drinking habits etc.

You are also confusing the men. The categories are successful attractive men, attractive, but not successful men, and successful but unattractive men. It's confusing who you are talking about.

Pp here. I actually don’t know attractive unsuccessful women who are divorced. I guess those woman stay married or are no longer that attractive in their mid to late forties and fifties.