Husband’s Announcement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I’m not getting how you DON’T follow your husband. How do you get a divorce over your location? And if it’s really this sudden, which I really don’t think it is and the OP is leaving something major out of her side of the story, then how do you not try to really see what’s going on with him emotionally? OP is hiding something bigger I think that she has not told us.

You get a divorce because you don't want to leave where you live and you aren't going to live with being ordered around.

And so typical, blaming the woman.

That seems like such a trivial reason to divorce.

If OP isn't a MAGA and the husband is willing to totally disrupt their lives so he can escape the evil clutches of a blue or purple area, IMO, it is worth divorcing over. He has no regard for the OP, their kids, the familiy finances - anything.

Screw that.

It’s not like divorcing and having her support the kids in her own while her husband abandons them by moving to another state is a great outcome either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?

Yes his leaving is abandonment if you don’t keep having sex with him. But don’t worry, soon he will be having sex with someone else. His leaving won’t affect much except custody. You’d still have to buy him out of half the house and split assets. The kids would live with you during the school year and see him for all or half of summer and school vacations. Prepare for them to ask you why you didn’t follow him when he moved. Then later for the boy to ask to live with dad and his new wife and kids, since you are working all the time to pay for your new solo life anyway.

Hi, MRA troll! Glad to see you’re still so terrible at writing baseless fanfiction!

I’m a woman actually.

[Anonymous]

OP, what state are we talking about? If you tell us it will help figure out what he’s up to bc the laws are very very different in diff places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I’m not getting how you DON’T follow your husband. How do you get a divorce over your location? And if it’s really this sudden, which I really don’t think it is and the OP is leaving something major out of her side of the story, then how do you not try to really see what’s going on with him emotionally? OP is hiding something bigger I think that she has not told us.

You get a divorce because you don't want to leave where you live and you aren't going to live with being ordered around.

And so typical, blaming the woman.

That seems like such a trivial reason to divorce.

If OP isn't a MAGA and the husband is willing to totally disrupt their lives so he can escape the evil clutches of a blue or purple area, IMO, it is worth divorcing over. He has no regard for the OP, their kids, the familiy finances - anything.

Screw that.

It’s not like divorcing and having her support the kids in her own while her husband abandons them by moving to another state is a great outcome either.

It depends if she can afford it. If she can, it is not a bad outcome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father did this to my mother when I was 8 years old. Announced we were moving across country but at least he was taking a job with another branch of his then employer. In our case it meant leaving all the family we were close to and very close best friends that I and my brother had throughout our early childhood. We also left the best schools in the country and moved to some of the worst, in the bottom five. My brother and I who were both gifted students spent the remaining years of our public schooling being unchallenged and thus underperforming.

I know that sometimes people have to move, but I think it really sucks to move kids around in childhood without very compelling reasons. Childhood is a challenging journey as it is, to be uprooted at some point from all you know and love seems unnecessarily cruel unless the family cannot survive without the move - it shouldn’t be just on a parent’s whim.

Your mother should not have agreed. It was on both your parents.

Mothers didn’t have much choice at the time.

In what decade was this?

The 1980s and 1990s for my mom. My dad was the breadwinner. There was no choice. Not that long ago. This was common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father did this to my mother when I was 8 years old. Announced we were moving across country but at least he was taking a job with another branch of his then employer. In our case it meant leaving all the family we were close to and very close best friends that I and my brother had throughout our early childhood. We also left the best schools in the country and moved to some of the worst, in the bottom five. My brother and I who were both gifted students spent the remaining years of our public schooling being unchallenged and thus underperforming.

I know that sometimes people have to move, but I think it really sucks to move kids around in childhood without very compelling reasons. Childhood is a challenging journey as it is, to be uprooted at some point from all you know and love seems unnecessarily cruel unless the family cannot survive without the move - it shouldn’t be just on a parent’s whim.

Your mother should not have agreed. It was on both your parents.

Mothers didn’t have much choice at the time.

In what decade was this?

The 1980s and 1990s for my mom. My dad was the breadwinner. There was no choice. Not that long ago. This was common.

Only if she didn't want to support herself, which yours did not, I guess. Come on. Women have been supporting themselves for decades before that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?

How do you figure this will be happening?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?

How do you figure this will be happening?

Former family law attorney here: Under uniform child custody laws which govern in nearly all US jurisdictions, the relocating parent rarely gets custody over objection of the parent staying in the child’s home jurisdiction. The child’s home jurisdiction is presumed to be the place the child has resided for the previous six months or longer. The family court always looks to the context in which the child is currently being raised for the purposes of evaluating best interests and where the most extensive supports exist for the child to rely on during the difficult adjustment process post-divorce, which is a trauma for children. Finally, many times one parent is able to keep the family home by combining their income with their child support in order to maintain payments so it isn’t out of the realm of possibility but it certainly matters how much they are overextended in the area of housing costs as percentage of household budget.

OP, please do consult with a family lawyer ASAP to get concrete answers to your many questions from someone practicing in your jurisdiction who can help you understand your options and likely outcomes of a custody battle with your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?

?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?

How do you figure this will be happening?

Former family law attorney here: Under uniform child custody laws which govern in nearly all US jurisdictions, the relocating parent rarely gets custody over objection of the parent staying in the child’s home jurisdiction. The child’s home jurisdiction is presumed to be the place the child has resided for the previous six months or longer. The family court always looks to the context in which the child is currently being raised for the purposes of evaluating best interests and where the most extensive supports exist for the child to rely on during the difficult adjustment process post-divorce, which is a trauma for children. Finally, many times one parent is able to keep the family home by combining their income with their child support in order to maintain payments so it isn’t out of the realm of possibility but it certainly matters how much they are overextended in the area of housing costs as percentage of household budget.

OP, please do consult with a family lawyer ASAP to get concrete answers to your many questions from someone practicing in your jurisdiction who can help you understand your options and likely outcomes of a custody battle with your spouse.

I’ve been through this and I see no way that he relocates unilaterally without the children and wins a custody battle. It only works for him if he gets her to relocate and the files, or if he doesn’t want custody which it sounds like he won’t. He is playing hardball and her only decision is whether she wants life with him in the new place, life with him in the new place divorced, or life where she is divorced. This is not an easy place to raise kids on one income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father did this to my mother when I was 8 years old. Announced we were moving across country but at least he was taking a job with another branch of his then employer. In our case it meant leaving all the family we were close to and very close best friends that I and my brother had throughout our early childhood. We also left the best schools in the country and moved to some of the worst, in the bottom five. My brother and I who were both gifted students spent the remaining years of our public schooling being unchallenged and thus underperforming.

I know that sometimes people have to move, but I think it really sucks to move kids around in childhood without very compelling reasons. Childhood is a challenging journey as it is, to be uprooted at some point from all you know and love seems unnecessarily cruel unless the family cannot survive without the move - it shouldn’t be just on a parent’s whim.

Your mother should not have agreed. It was on both your parents.

Mothers didn’t have much choice at the time.

In what decade was this?

The 1980s and 1990s for my mom. My dad was the breadwinner. There was no choice. Not that long ago. This was common.

Only if she didn't want to support herself, which yours did not, I guess. Come on. Women have been supporting themselves for decades before that.

A woman without education or work experience would have a hard time supporting herself and small children regardless of the decade. A SAHM in the 80s probably didn’t have a college degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father did this to my mother when I was 8 years old. Announced we were moving across country but at least he was taking a job with another branch of his then employer. In our case it meant leaving all the family we were close to and very close best friends that I and my brother had throughout our early childhood. We also left the best schools in the country and moved to some of the worst, in the bottom five. My brother and I who were both gifted students spent the remaining years of our public schooling being unchallenged and thus underperforming.

I know that sometimes people have to move, but I think it really sucks to move kids around in childhood without very compelling reasons. Childhood is a challenging journey as it is, to be uprooted at some point from all you know and love seems unnecessarily cruel unless the family cannot survive without the move - it shouldn’t be just on a parent’s whim.

Your mother should not have agreed. It was on both your parents.

Mothers didn’t have much choice at the time.

In what decade was this?

The 1980s and 1990s for my mom. My dad was the breadwinner. There was no choice. Not that long ago. This was common.

Only if she didn't want to support herself, which yours did not, I guess. Come on. Women have been supporting themselves for decades before that.

A woman without education or work experience would have a hard time supporting herself and small children regardless of the decade. A SAHM in the 80s probably didn’t have a college degree.

Actually there was a pretty good chance they did. Lots of women had degrees in the 80s. Even sahms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father did this to my mother when I was 8 years old. Announced we were moving across country but at least he was taking a job with another branch of his then employer. In our case it meant leaving all the family we were close to and very close best friends that I and my brother had throughout our early childhood. We also left the best schools in the country and moved to some of the worst, in the bottom five. My brother and I who were both gifted students spent the remaining years of our public schooling being unchallenged and thus underperforming.

I know that sometimes people have to move, but I think it really sucks to move kids around in childhood without very compelling reasons. Childhood is a challenging journey as it is, to be uprooted at some point from all you know and love seems unnecessarily cruel unless the family cannot survive without the move - it shouldn’t be just on a parent’s whim.

Your mother should not have agreed. It was on both your parents.

Mothers didn’t have much choice at the time.

In what decade was this?

The 1980s and 1990s for my mom. My dad was the breadwinner. There was no choice. Not that long ago. This was common.

Only if she didn't want to support herself, which yours did not, I guess. Come on. Women have been supporting themselves for decades before that.

A woman without education or work experience would have a hard time supporting herself and small children regardless of the decade. A SAHM in the 80s probably didn’t have a college degree.

Actually there was a pretty good chance they did. Lots of women had degrees in the 80s. Even sahms.

In 1980, less than 14% of women in the US had a college degree. https://www.statista.com/statistics/184272/educational-attainment-of-college-diploma-or-higher-by-gender/

Only 65% had graduated from high school. https://www.statista.com/statistics/184266/educational-attainment-of-high-school-diploma-or-higher-by-gender/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?

Yes his leaving is abandonment if you don’t keep having sex with him. But don’t worry, soon he will be having sex with someone else. His leaving won’t affect much except custody. You’d still have to buy him out of half the house and split assets. The kids would live with you during the school year and see him for all or half of summer and school vacations. Prepare for them to ask you why you didn’t follow him when he moved. Then later for the boy to ask to live with dad and his new wife and kids, since you are working all the time to pay for your new solo life anyway.

Hi, MRA troll! Glad to see you’re still so terrible at writing baseless fanfiction!

I’m a woman actually.

Neat. Irrelevant, but neat. There are women in the MRA movement, pathetically enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father did this to my mother when I was 8 years old. Announced we were moving across country but at least he was taking a job with another branch of his then employer. In our case it meant leaving all the family we were close to and very close best friends that I and my brother had throughout our early childhood. We also left the best schools in the country and moved to some of the worst, in the bottom five. My brother and I who were both gifted students spent the remaining years of our public schooling being unchallenged and thus underperforming.

I know that sometimes people have to move, but I think it really sucks to move kids around in childhood without very compelling reasons. Childhood is a challenging journey as it is, to be uprooted at some point from all you know and love seems unnecessarily cruel unless the family cannot survive without the move - it shouldn’t be just on a parent’s whim.

Your mother should not have agreed. It was on both your parents.

Mothers didn’t have much choice at the time.

In what decade was this?

The 1980s and 1990s for my mom. My dad was the breadwinner. There was no choice. Not that long ago. This was common.

Only if she didn't want to support herself, which yours did not, I guess. Come on. Women have been supporting themselves for decades before that.

A woman without education or work experience would have a hard time supporting herself and small children regardless of the decade. A SAHM in the 80s probably didn’t have a college degree.

Actually there was a pretty good chance they did. Lots of women had degrees in the 80s. Even sahms.

In 1980, less than 14% of women in the US had a college degree. https://www.statista.com/statistics/184272/educational-attainment-of-college-diploma-or-higher-by-gender/

Only 65% had graduated from high school. https://www.statista.com/statistics/184266/educational-attainment-of-high-school-diploma-or-higher-by-gender/

Oh darn, don’t go clouding the issue with those pesky facts!