Husband’s Announcement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I’m not getting how you DON’T follow your husband. How do you get a divorce over your location? And if it’s really this sudden, which I really don’t think it is and the OP is leaving something major out of her side of the story, then how do you not try to really see what’s going on with him emotionally? OP is hiding something bigger I think that she has not told us.

You get a divorce because you don't want to leave where you live and you aren't going to live with being ordered around.

And so typical, blaming the woman.

That seems like such a trivial reason to divorce.

If OP isn't a MAGA and the husband is willing to totally disrupt their lives so he can escape the evil clutches of a blue or purple area, IMO, it is worth divorcing over. He has no regard for the OP, their kids, the familiy finances - anything.

Screw that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP, the fact that he announced that he IS moving and you ARE following later-indicates that he thinks you all are really moving.

If he does go and establish residency, he can file for divorce and custody in the new place. To protect yourself and your children, you REALLY need to consult a lawyer where you now live! Like, now.

He cannot file for custody in any other jurisdiction unless and until the kids move there for at least 6 months. There's a model domicile act specifically for these situations. OP should not allow her children to establish a domicile anywhere she doesn't want to live for the long haul.

[Anonymous]

Op, please update us!


What is his end game? Does he think that moving to NW Arkansas is going to make all the BIPOC, LGBTQ, and otherwise "different"/"woke" types go away and not exist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?

Yes his leaving is abandonment if you don’t keep having sex with him. But don’t worry, soon he will be having sex with someone else. His leaving won’t affect much except custody. You’d still have to buy him out of half the house and split assets. The kids would live with you during the school year and see him for all or half of summer and school vacations. Prepare for them to ask you why you didn’t follow him when he moved. Then later for the boy to ask to live with dad and his new wife and kids, since you are working all the time to pay for your new solo life anyway.

Hi, MRA troll! Glad to see you’re still so terrible at writing baseless fanfiction!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should move. It’s your marriage vow.

So tonight at dinner, she’ll counter by decreeing that she’s decided the whole family will up and move to NYC without jobs. If he doesn’t immediately agree, he’s violating his marriage vow.

Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should move. It’s your marriage vow.

You vowed to support all of your husbands stupid ideas and just do as you are told? Wow. Never heard that one before.

Where you go I will go.

And he’s obviously been considering it for a year.

Oh, STFU with this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I don’t think he’s having an affair but I do agree with the midlife crisis idea. Yes, he wants to just up and move without a job there and without knowing anyone. This is all about him wanting to be in a red state rather than navigating his political views where we currently live. Yes, I can afford to maintain our lifestyle without his help, but it sure would be nice to have a partner in the future. I will research the divorce laws. What kind of man would just up and move and expect his wife and kids to follow? And logistically, he would expect me to do all the packing, sell the house, etc.

I'm calling troll.

He is conservative. Of course he expects a subservient and cooperative wife. He is most likely having a midlife crisis but may also be getting some of his ideas from conservative media and men’s rights type crap.

I'm a conservative. I don't have, or expect, a subservient wife. I have many conservative guy friends, and none of them has, or expects, a subservient wife.

Of course, you don't know any actual conservatives, you're simply lashing out against the stupid caricature of conservatives that you have been indoctrinated to believe in uncritically.

Not all conservatives expect a subservient wife, but those who expect subservient wives are all conservatives.

Find me a liberal man who expects a subservient wife.

There are definitely academic types that treat others like they are beneath them. I could see one of them saying they needed to do this or that because of their importance to the world.

Thanks for letting us know you don’t know what “subservient” means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?

Yes his leaving is abandonment if you don’t keep having sex with him. But don’t worry, soon he will be having sex with someone else. His leaving won’t affect much except custody. You’d still have to buy him out of half the house and split assets. The kids would live with you during the school year and see him for all or half of summer and school vacations. Prepare for them to ask you why you didn’t follow him when he moved. Then later for the boy to ask to live with dad and his new wife and kids, since you are working all the time to pay for your new solo life anyway.

Hi, MRA troll! Glad to see you’re still so terrible at writing baseless fanfiction!

Sadly it’s very real. Get a post nup op and then just move and see how it goes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think it helps to move away from DC, not because it is so liberal, but you just feel so close to the capital that you can't help not being absorbed into the issues. I'd like to move to the most purple area of the country that doesn't actually give a crap about what is happening at the federal level other than trying to keep status quo.

Or she can just stay where she and the kids want to live and divorce his controlling ass, which is what she should do.

[Anonymous]

My neighbors attend a private school in Virginia with all Maga right wingers. They seem happy. They host their right wing church in their home too where they perform miracles. If they can make it happen here, anyone can. Helps that they have money like the other private parents at the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I’m not getting how you DON’T follow your husband. How do you get a divorce over your location? And if it’s really this sudden, which I really don’t think it is and the OP is leaving something major out of her side of the story, then how do you not try to really see what’s going on with him emotionally? OP is hiding something bigger I think that she has not told us.

You get a divorce because you don't want to leave where you live and you aren't going to live with being ordered around.

And so typical, blaming the woman.

That seems like such a trivial reason to divorce.

You’re insane or a troll. Maybe both.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, Op, this has to be incredibly stressful. This sounds like classic mid life crisis. How old are your 2 kids?

[Anonymous]

I would definitely not move! If you get divorced later you will be stuck there. Tell DH in no uncertain terms that you and the kids are NOT moving no matter what and that you hope he stays too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father did this to my mother when I was 8 years old. Announced we were moving across country but at least he was taking a job with another branch of his then employer. In our case it meant leaving all the family we were close to and very close best friends that I and my brother had throughout our early childhood. We also left the best schools in the country and moved to some of the worst, in the bottom five. My brother and I who were both gifted students spent the remaining years of our public schooling being unchallenged and thus underperforming.

I know that sometimes people have to move, but I think it really sucks to move kids around in childhood without very compelling reasons. Childhood is a challenging journey as it is, to be uprooted at some point from all you know and love seems unnecessarily cruel unless the family cannot survive without the move - it shouldn’t be just on a parent’s whim.

Your mother should not have agreed. It was on both your parents.

Mothers didn’t have much choice at the time.

In what decade was this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father did this to my mother when I was 8 years old. Announced we were moving across country but at least he was taking a job with another branch of his then employer. In our case it meant leaving all the family we were close to and very close best friends that I and my brother had throughout our early childhood. We also left the best schools in the country and moved to some of the worst, in the bottom five. My brother and I who were both gifted students spent the remaining years of our public schooling being unchallenged and thus underperforming.

I know that sometimes people have to move, but I think it really sucks to move kids around in childhood without very compelling reasons. Childhood is a challenging journey as it is, to be uprooted at some point from all you know and love seems unnecessarily cruel unless the family cannot survive without the move - it shouldn’t be just on a parent’s whim.

Your mother should not have agreed. It was on both your parents.

If my mother was still alive I’d tell her that. She died about twenty years sooner than her genetic heritage would have suggested, I suspect from the combined effects of enduring 47 years of chronic mental and physical abuse from my father. When I was little I used to lay in my bed at night crying listening to my drunk father raping and beating my mother.

Maybe you should work on cultivating compassion and understanding that your lived experience is not the same as everyone else’s. Some people actually face massive challenges in life, we can’t all have the perfect life you apparently enjoy.

I’m so sorry you went through this (and that your mom did). It is incredibly hard to leave an abuser once you have children. It’s not your fault.