Boyfriend didn't get me a v day gift

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.

JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

+1. People have unrealistic expectations of their spouses and seem to confuse reality with a Hallmark movie. Life is busier and far more hectic than caring about a card. IF your spouse is understanding, treats you well, helps with the family, and provides comfort, you're good
The additional demands that many people make of their partners is just stupid. Women, stop trying to play the role of the princess. It's exhausting. We can do better than that.

The bitter MRA/incel/divorcee has entered the building!

Dude, I'm PP. I've been happily married for 16 years with my DH. Why? Because I don't make my DH do stupid crap. I don't cry if I didn't get flowers. I don't throw a fit if he doesn't buy cake or chocolate. I care if DH takes care of the kids, helps support the family, and is a good partner. I reciprocate evenly. The crap women do to men in relationships now is just stupid. My SIL throws a fit if my brother doesn't remember to make her a tea and snack every night. Why? Because that's what men do and she can't do it herself. She also has to be driven to and picked up from the airport with him parking and carrying her luggage in. Even after being on call for 18 hrs. It's so ridiculous, and their marriage is failing.

If you're going to cry over being pampered, you can expect your partner to have one foot out the door.

DP

I think it’s weird to brag about your husband not doing anything for you. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t want to make you a cup of tea or drive you to the airport but you’re not going to get some kind of “cool girl” sticker.

Are people on this thread purposefully daft or is it just a personality flaw? PP, you need to re-read the post, as the point was completely missed. I bet you're one of those divorce-boosters on DCUM. No wonder all you ladies are so GD miserable.

Nope. Happily married to my grad school sweetheart. Who brings me coffee in the morning and tea before bed. I don’t think there’s some kind of prize for expecting less of our partners. It’s like women who say they served dinner the day they got home from the hospital or never asked their husband to wake up during the baby years— that’s not something to brag about. No one will give you a sticker for it. The woman who expects more— and chooses a partner who gives more— ends up happier even if she can’t disdain her SIL for (checks notes) being driven to the airport.

Again, purposefully misreading the post - or perhaps you just don't read well. The point was not that my DH does not do anything for me. It's that I don't DEMAND it nor do I cry or throw fits if he does not buy flowers or chocolates. If you cannot see the difference, that is precisely the problem. Spouses who are demanding rarely have happy marriages. And if you demand that your spouse drive you to the airport at midnight after he has been on call for 18 hrs, you're an ass. Sorry, but you are.

I'm going to assume that you are a millennial or GenZ. That's usually where I see so much self absorbed behavior.

This is so obtuse. There is something you care about in your relationship. There is something that matters to you where you would be upset if your spouse failed to do it or did something contrary to it. Because the alternative would be that you are so emotionally disengaged from your spouse and your marriage that no one should emulate you. So instead of making up stupid straw men like asking your spouse to pick you up at the airport at midnight after an 18 hour shift, maybe deal with reality a bit, okay?

PP did say there were things she cares about. She just seems to be saying that caring about certain things -- like getting a candle for Valentine's Day -- is lame and superficial and not something worth getting worked up about in a relationship. I agree with her.

I think people get so worked up about Valentine's Day either because they have it in their heads that that is a sign of whether the guy loves you (which is silly if he does other more important things for you), or because they want to talk to their girlfriends about what they got and are embarrassed if they received nothing.

But the issue HERE, not in your MARRIAGES, is that they talked about and agreed to exchange gifts as a newly-ish dating couple experiencing Valentines Day for the first time. She held up her end of that agreement and showed up with a gift. He didn't. This isn't difficult, and it's not really about Valentine's Day. They could have agreed to X, and if he didn't show up with X when she did, he'd still be wrong. If she said "we talked about it and agreed we'd spend Christmas together and attend mass together, so I showed up ready for Mass, and he was still sleeping and acted like we never spoke about it" people here would be up in arms. Don't tell me you'd say it's stupid to go to Mass on Christmas, right? It's the same thing. It's what he agreed to and then didn't follow through on that's the issue here. And why a bunch of people think it's a dealbreaker.

But what the PP said was that this particular thing is stupid to make a deal breaker. Obviously, OP is entitled to do what she wants, but that doesn't make it less stupid.

Plus, let's not try to make this about some noble fight about who is keeping their word. Just look at the title of the thread. OP is pissed about not getting a Valentine's Day gift, not that the boyfriend didn't keep his word. That's shallow and silly, but she is welcome to be that way. As are you.

You are oddly aggressive over something that doesn't concern you. This thread is about someone's disappointment. The title of the thread, any thread, is the most basic umbrella, and she immediately spelled out the issue underneath that umbrella in her OP. The fact that you can't see it says more about you than the OP, and what it says is that you are in fact shallow, as in can't go deep. Because all you can do is a read a title and decide **that's** the only issue at play. But whatever. You are welcome to be that way, too.

I really wish you could block people on here so I could save myself the trouble of having to recognize this poster, roll my eyes, and avoid any thread she's become obsessed with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.

JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

She's not crying over the cake. She's crying because her DH can't even do the most basic thing to make her feel special on her 40th birthday. It feels bad to tell someone "this is what I need from you to feel good about our relationship" and have them ignore it.

Ok I want to say you kind of moved the goalposts a bit there, but I will roll with it.

So it's not about the cake, your friend cried because she did not feel "special" on her 40th birthday, and decided her husband was to blame.

That is even worse. At least I can understand feeling disappointed (but not bursting into tears) if you wanted a piece of yummy unhealthy cake and did not get it. I have a huge sweet tooth myself.

But, no, your friend turning age 40 does not signify she is "special" in any way. She did not accomplish anything. She did not get a promotion at work. She did not get her masters degree summa cum laude.

She just got one day older. That happens to everyone everyday they are alive.

What about your friend do you think is so special aside from her self centered neediness and complete lack of perspective and lack of maturity?

Has it occurred to you that her spouse has put up with this ridiculousness for years and does not wish to enable any more of it?

YOU go buy her a cake Honey and the two of you can both cram it down and be "soecial" and insulin-intolerant together.

I am the poster that wrote about my friend. Your loved ones should make you feel special. A fortieth is a mile stone birthday. My DH bought me a fantastic girls trip. And actually I did buy her a cake, I also took her to a three star Michelin restaurant. Because I care about her. I am sorry nobody loves you enough to celebrate you despite whatever achievements you have. Love for the person is enough, sorry nobody loves you and your standards are too low.

Your loved ones make you feel special by buying you cake? What is this obsession with cake? I can buy all the cake I want, becaue I am a grown up now. As a small child, getting birthday cake was exciting because I could NOT buy a big cake whenever I wanted one.

But I am not a child and therefore getting a nice piece of cake is simply no biggie to me.

Now, if someone like my spouse wants to home cook a meal for me, or vice versa, I find that a nice show of affection. But we do not wait once a year for that. We do that for each other several times a week, as well as many other non food related things.

Do you and your friends play pin the tail on the donkey, have those little noise makers, and wear pointy paper party hats too?

So for your 40th birthday, the way you think you and your husband show your great love for each other is. him spending a lot of money so you could be apart from each other? lolololol. "Here is your dam cake now GTFO of town for a while." Sounds like a good opportunity for cheating by one or both of you, please don't deny it.

No you didn't go to a three star Michellin restaurant either, you just heard about that on the food channel.

If love for the person is enough, then it sounds like you don't love and are not loved by anyone. All your relationships are transactional, and you arent worth a stale Twinkie much less all the other costly nonsense you are bragging about in your delusional fantasy world.

You sound insufferable

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.

JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

+1. People have unrealistic expectations of their spouses and seem to confuse reality with a Hallmark movie. Life is busier and far more hectic than caring about a card. IF your spouse is understanding, treats you well, helps with the family, and provides comfort, you're good
The additional demands that many people make of their partners is just stupid. Women, stop trying to play the role of the princess. It's exhausting. We can do better than that.

The bitter MRA/incel/divorcee has entered the building!

Dude, I'm PP. I've been happily married for 16 years with my DH. Why? Because I don't make my DH do stupid crap. I don't cry if I didn't get flowers. I don't throw a fit if he doesn't buy cake or chocolate. I care if DH takes care of the kids, helps support the family, and is a good partner. I reciprocate evenly. The crap women do to men in relationships now is just stupid. My SIL throws a fit if my brother doesn't remember to make her a tea and snack every night. Why? Because that's what men do and she can't do it herself. She also has to be driven to and picked up from the airport with him parking and carrying her luggage in. Even after being on call for 18 hrs. It's so ridiculous, and their marriage is failing.

If you're going to cry over being pampered, you can expect your partner to have one foot out the door.

DP

I think it’s weird to brag about your husband not doing anything for you. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t want to make you a cup of tea or drive you to the airport but you’re not going to get some kind of “cool girl” sticker.

Are people on this thread purposefully daft or is it just a personality flaw? PP, you need to re-read the post, as the point was completely missed. I bet you're one of those divorce-boosters on DCUM. No wonder all you ladies are so GD miserable.

Nope. Happily married to my grad school sweetheart. Who brings me coffee in the morning and tea before bed. I don’t think there’s some kind of prize for expecting less of our partners. It’s like women who say they served dinner the day they got home from the hospital or never asked their husband to wake up during the baby years— that’s not something to brag about. No one will give you a sticker for it. The woman who expects more— and chooses a partner who gives more— ends up happier even if she can’t disdain her SIL for (checks notes) being driven to the airport.

Again, purposefully misreading the post - or perhaps you just don't read well. The point was not that my DH does not do anything for me. It's that I don't DEMAND it nor do I cry or throw fits if he does not buy flowers or chocolates. If you cannot see the difference, that is precisely the problem. Spouses who are demanding rarely have happy marriages. And if you demand that your spouse drive you to the airport at midnight after he has been on call for 18 hrs, you're an ass. Sorry, but you are.

I'm going to assume that you are a millennial or GenZ. That's usually where I see so much self absorbed behavior.

This is so obtuse. There is something you care about in your relationship. There is something that matters to you where you would be upset if your spouse failed to do it or did something contrary to it. Because the alternative would be that you are so emotionally disengaged from your spouse and your marriage that no one should emulate you. So instead of making up stupid straw men like asking your spouse to pick you up at the airport at midnight after an 18 hour shift, maybe deal with reality a bit, okay?

PP did say there were things she cares about. She just seems to be saying that caring about certain things -- like getting a candle for Valentine's Day -- is lame and superficial and not something worth getting worked up about in a relationship. I agree with her.

I think people get so worked up about Valentine's Day either because they have it in their heads that that is a sign of whether the guy loves you (which is silly if he does other more important things for you), or because they want to talk to their girlfriends about what they got and are embarrassed if they received nothing.

But the issue HERE, not in your MARRIAGES, is that they talked about and agreed to exchange gifts as a newly-ish dating couple experiencing Valentines Day for the first time. She held up her end of that agreement and showed up with a gift. He didn't. This isn't difficult, and it's not really about Valentine's Day. They could have agreed to X, and if he didn't show up with X when she did, he'd still be wrong. If she said "we talked about it and agreed we'd spend Christmas together and attend mass together, so I showed up ready for Mass, and he was still sleeping and acted like we never spoke about it" people here would be up in arms. Don't tell me you'd say it's stupid to go to Mass on Christmas, right? It's the same thing. It's what he agreed to and then didn't follow through on that's the issue here. And why a bunch of people think it's a dealbreaker.

But what the PP said was that this particular thing is stupid to make a deal breaker. Obviously, OP is entitled to do what she wants, but that doesn't make it less stupid.

Plus, let's not try to make this about some noble fight about who is keeping their word. Just look at the title of the thread. OP is pissed about not getting a Valentine's Day gift, not that the boyfriend didn't keep his word. That's shallow and silly, but she is welcome to be that way. As are you.

You are oddly aggressive over something that doesn't concern you. This thread is about someone's disappointment. The title of the thread, any thread, is the most basic umbrella, and she immediately spelled out the issue underneath that umbrella in her OP. The fact that you can't see it says more about you than the OP, and what it says is that you are in fact shallow, as in can't go deep. Because all you can do is a read a title and decide **that's** the only issue at play. But whatever. You are welcome to be that way, too.

I really wish you could block people on here so I could save myself the trouble of having to recognize this poster, roll my eyes, and avoid any thread she's become obsessed with.

It's super satisfying to know I've gotten under your skin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.

JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

+1. People have unrealistic expectations of their spouses and seem to confuse reality with a Hallmark movie. Life is busier and far more hectic than caring about a card. IF your spouse is understanding, treats you well, helps with the family, and provides comfort, you're good
The additional demands that many people make of their partners is just stupid. Women, stop trying to play the role of the princess. It's exhausting. We can do better than that.

The bitter MRA/incel/divorcee has entered the building!

Dude, I'm PP. I've been happily married for 16 years with my DH. Why? Because I don't make my DH do stupid crap. I don't cry if I didn't get flowers. I don't throw a fit if he doesn't buy cake or chocolate. I care if DH takes care of the kids, helps support the family, and is a good partner. I reciprocate evenly. The crap women do to men in relationships now is just stupid. My SIL throws a fit if my brother doesn't remember to make her a tea and snack every night. Why? Because that's what men do and she can't do it herself. She also has to be driven to and picked up from the airport with him parking and carrying her luggage in. Even after being on call for 18 hrs. It's so ridiculous, and their marriage is failing.

If you're going to cry over being pampered, you can expect your partner to have one foot out the door.

DP

I think it’s weird to brag about your husband not doing anything for you. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t want to make you a cup of tea or drive you to the airport but you’re not going to get some kind of “cool girl” sticker.

Are people on this thread purposefully daft or is it just a personality flaw? PP, you need to re-read the post, as the point was completely missed. I bet you're one of those divorce-boosters on DCUM. No wonder all you ladies are so GD miserable.

Nope. Happily married to my grad school sweetheart. Who brings me coffee in the morning and tea before bed. I don’t think there’s some kind of prize for expecting less of our partners. It’s like women who say they served dinner the day they got home from the hospital or never asked their husband to wake up during the baby years— that’s not something to brag about. No one will give you a sticker for it. The woman who expects more— and chooses a partner who gives more— ends up happier even if she can’t disdain her SIL for (checks notes) being driven to the airport.

Again, purposefully misreading the post - or perhaps you just don't read well. The point was not that my DH does not do anything for me. It's that I don't DEMAND it nor do I cry or throw fits if he does not buy flowers or chocolates. If you cannot see the difference, that is precisely the problem. Spouses who are demanding rarely have happy marriages. And if you demand that your spouse drive you to the airport at midnight after he has been on call for 18 hrs, you're an ass. Sorry, but you are.

I'm going to assume that you are a millennial or GenZ. That's usually where I see so much self absorbed behavior.

This is so obtuse. There is something you care about in your relationship. There is something that matters to you where you would be upset if your spouse failed to do it or did something contrary to it. Because the alternative would be that you are so emotionally disengaged from your spouse and your marriage that no one should emulate you. So instead of making up stupid straw men like asking your spouse to pick you up at the airport at midnight after an 18 hour shift, maybe deal with reality a bit, okay?

PP did say there were things she cares about. She just seems to be saying that caring about certain things -- like getting a candle for Valentine's Day -- is lame and superficial and not something worth getting worked up about in a relationship. I agree with her.

I think people get so worked up about Valentine's Day either because they have it in their heads that that is a sign of whether the guy loves you (which is silly if he does other more important things for you), or because they want to talk to their girlfriends about what they got and are embarrassed if they received nothing.

But the issue HERE, not in your MARRIAGES, is that they talked about and agreed to exchange gifts as a newly-ish dating couple experiencing Valentines Day for the first time. She held up her end of that agreement and showed up with a gift. He didn't. This isn't difficult, and it's not really about Valentine's Day. They could have agreed to X, and if he didn't show up with X when she did, he'd still be wrong. If she said "we talked about it and agreed we'd spend Christmas together and attend mass together, so I showed up ready for Mass, and he was still sleeping and acted like we never spoke about it" people here would be up in arms. Don't tell me you'd say it's stupid to go to Mass on Christmas, right? It's the same thing. It's what he agreed to and then didn't follow through on that's the issue here. And why a bunch of people think it's a dealbreaker.

But what the PP said was that this particular thing is stupid to make a deal breaker. Obviously, OP is entitled to do what she wants, but that doesn't make it less stupid.

Plus, let's not try to make this about some noble fight about who is keeping their word. Just look at the title of the thread. OP is pissed about not getting a Valentine's Day gift, not that the boyfriend didn't keep his word. That's shallow and silly, but she is welcome to be that way. As are you.

You are oddly aggressive over something that doesn't concern you. This thread is about someone's disappointment. The title of the thread, any thread, is the most basic umbrella, and she immediately spelled out the issue underneath that umbrella in her OP. The fact that you can't see it says more about you than the OP, and what it says is that you are in fact shallow, as in can't go deep. Because all you can do is a read a title and decide **that's** the only issue at play. But whatever. You are welcome to be that way, too.

I really wish you could block people on here so I could save myself the trouble of having to recognize this poster, roll my eyes, and avoid any thread she's become obsessed with.

It's super satisfying to know I've gotten under your skin.

You just compared yourself to a fungal rash or skin parasite.

Apt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been married 10 years and usually do not give a gift to spouse for V day. Sometimes a flower, but nothing else. I never get anything. Also nothing for birthdays. But who cares?

Um, the OP does. Start your own post and thread about how you don’t celebrate or care.

[Anonymous]

I find it very interesting how triggering this is for people whose spouses don’t do anything nice for them. So defensive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it very interesting how triggering this is for people whose spouses don’t do anything nice for them. So defensive!

So, this is about your need to think you are superior to others because someone gets you a heart shaped box of candy on Feb. 14. O.K. you do you hon. Don't eat too much of that candy, it's bad for the waistline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.

JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

+1. People have unrealistic expectations of their spouses and seem to confuse reality with a Hallmark movie. Life is busier and far more hectic than caring about a card. IF your spouse is understanding, treats you well, helps with the family, and provides comfort, you're good
The additional demands that many people make of their partners is just stupid. Women, stop trying to play the role of the princess. It's exhausting. We can do better than that.

The bitter MRA/incel/divorcee has entered the building!

Dude, I'm PP. I've been happily married for 16 years with my DH. Why? Because I don't make my DH do stupid crap. I don't cry if I didn't get flowers. I don't throw a fit if he doesn't buy cake or chocolate. I care if DH takes care of the kids, helps support the family, and is a good partner. I reciprocate evenly. The crap women do to men in relationships now is just stupid. My SIL throws a fit if my brother doesn't remember to make her a tea and snack every night. Why? Because that's what men do and she can't do it herself. She also has to be driven to and picked up from the airport with him parking and carrying her luggage in. Even after being on call for 18 hrs. It's so ridiculous, and their marriage is failing.

If you're going to cry over being pampered, you can expect your partner to have one foot out the door.

DP

I think it’s weird to brag about your husband not doing anything for you. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t want to make you a cup of tea or drive you to the airport but you’re not going to get some kind of “cool girl” sticker.

Are people on this thread purposefully daft or is it just a personality flaw? PP, you need to re-read the post, as the point was completely missed. I bet you're one of those divorce-boosters on DCUM. No wonder all you ladies are so GD miserable.

Nope. Happily married to my grad school sweetheart. Who brings me coffee in the morning and tea before bed. I don’t think there’s some kind of prize for expecting less of our partners. It’s like women who say they served dinner the day they got home from the hospital or never asked their husband to wake up during the baby years— that’s not something to brag about. No one will give you a sticker for it. The woman who expects more— and chooses a partner who gives more— ends up happier even if she can’t disdain her SIL for (checks notes) being driven to the airport.

Again, purposefully misreading the post - or perhaps you just don't read well. The point was not that my DH does not do anything for me. It's that I don't DEMAND it nor do I cry or throw fits if he does not buy flowers or chocolates. If you cannot see the difference, that is precisely the problem. Spouses who are demanding rarely have happy marriages. And if you demand that your spouse drive you to the airport at midnight after he has been on call for 18 hrs, you're an ass. Sorry, but you are.

I'm going to assume that you are a millennial or GenZ. That's usually where I see so much self absorbed behavior.

This is so obtuse. There is something you care about in your relationship. There is something that matters to you where you would be upset if your spouse failed to do it or did something contrary to it. Because the alternative would be that you are so emotionally disengaged from your spouse and your marriage that no one should emulate you. So instead of making up stupid straw men like asking your spouse to pick you up at the airport at midnight after an 18 hour shift, maybe deal with reality a bit, okay?

PP did say there were things she cares about. She just seems to be saying that caring about certain things -- like getting a candle for Valentine's Day -- is lame and superficial and not something worth getting worked up about in a relationship. I agree with her.

I think people get so worked up about Valentine's Day either because they have it in their heads that that is a sign of whether the guy loves you (which is silly if he does other more important things for you), or because they want to talk to their girlfriends about what they got and are embarrassed if they received nothing.

But the issue HERE, not in your MARRIAGES, is that they talked about and agreed to exchange gifts as a newly-ish dating couple experiencing Valentines Day for the first time. She held up her end of that agreement and showed up with a gift. He didn't. This isn't difficult, and it's not really about Valentine's Day. They could have agreed to X, and if he didn't show up with X when she did, he'd still be wrong. If she said "we talked about it and agreed we'd spend Christmas together and attend mass together, so I showed up ready for Mass, and he was still sleeping and acted like we never spoke about it" people here would be up in arms. Don't tell me you'd say it's stupid to go to Mass on Christmas, right? It's the same thing. It's what he agreed to and then didn't follow through on that's the issue here. And why a bunch of people think it's a dealbreaker.

But what the PP said was that this particular thing is stupid to make a deal breaker. Obviously, OP is entitled to do what she wants, but that doesn't make it less stupid.

Plus, let's not try to make this about some noble fight about who is keeping their word. Just look at the title of the thread. OP is pissed about not getting a Valentine's Day gift, not that the boyfriend didn't keep his word. That's shallow and silly, but she is welcome to be that way. As are you.

You are oddly aggressive over something that doesn't concern you. This thread is about someone's disappointment. The title of the thread, any thread, is the most basic umbrella, and she immediately spelled out the issue underneath that umbrella in her OP. The fact that you can't see it says more about you than the OP, and what it says is that you are in fact shallow, as in can't go deep. Because all you can do is a read a title and decide **that's** the only issue at play. But whatever. You are welcome to be that way, too.

I really wish you could block people on here so I could save myself the trouble of having to recognize this poster, roll my eyes, and avoid any thread she's become obsessed with.

It's super satisfying to know I've gotten under your skin.

You just compared yourself to a fungal rash or skin parasite.

Apt.

No, you did. Apt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.

JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

+1. People have unrealistic expectations of their spouses and seem to confuse reality with a Hallmark movie. Life is busier and far more hectic than caring about a card. IF your spouse is understanding, treats you well, helps with the family, and provides comfort, you're good
The additional demands that many people make of their partners is just stupid. Women, stop trying to play the role of the princess. It's exhausting. We can do better than that.

The bitter MRA/incel/divorcee has entered the building!

Dude, I'm PP. I've been happily married for 16 years with my DH. Why? Because I don't make my DH do stupid crap. I don't cry if I didn't get flowers. I don't throw a fit if he doesn't buy cake or chocolate. I care if DH takes care of the kids, helps support the family, and is a good partner. I reciprocate evenly. The crap women do to men in relationships now is just stupid. My SIL throws a fit if my brother doesn't remember to make her a tea and snack every night. Why? Because that's what men do and she can't do it herself. She also has to be driven to and picked up from the airport with him parking and carrying her luggage in. Even after being on call for 18 hrs. It's so ridiculous, and their marriage is failing.

If you're going to cry over being pampered, you can expect your partner to have one foot out the door.

DP

I think it’s weird to brag about your husband not doing anything for you. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t want to make you a cup of tea or drive you to the airport but you’re not going to get some kind of “cool girl” sticker.

Are people on this thread purposefully daft or is it just a personality flaw? PP, you need to re-read the post, as the point was completely missed. I bet you're one of those divorce-boosters on DCUM. No wonder all you ladies are so GD miserable.

Nope. Happily married to my grad school sweetheart. Who brings me coffee in the morning and tea before bed. I don’t think there’s some kind of prize for expecting less of our partners. It’s like women who say they served dinner the day they got home from the hospital or never asked their husband to wake up during the baby years— that’s not something to brag about. No one will give you a sticker for it. The woman who expects more— and chooses a partner who gives more— ends up happier even if she can’t disdain her SIL for (checks notes) being driven to the airport.

Again, purposefully misreading the post - or perhaps you just don't read well. The point was not that my DH does not do anything for me. It's that I don't DEMAND it nor do I cry or throw fits if he does not buy flowers or chocolates. If you cannot see the difference, that is precisely the problem. Spouses who are demanding rarely have happy marriages. And if you demand that your spouse drive you to the airport at midnight after he has been on call for 18 hrs, you're an ass. Sorry, but you are.

I'm going to assume that you are a millennial or GenZ. That's usually where I see so much self absorbed behavior.

This is so obtuse. There is something you care about in your relationship. There is something that matters to you where you would be upset if your spouse failed to do it or did something contrary to it. Because the alternative would be that you are so emotionally disengaged from your spouse and your marriage that no one should emulate you. So instead of making up stupid straw men like asking your spouse to pick you up at the airport at midnight after an 18 hour shift, maybe deal with reality a bit, okay?

PP did say there were things she cares about. She just seems to be saying that caring about certain things -- like getting a candle for Valentine's Day -- is lame and superficial and not something worth getting worked up about in a relationship. I agree with her.

I think people get so worked up about Valentine's Day either because they have it in their heads that that is a sign of whether the guy loves you (which is silly if he does other more important things for you), or because they want to talk to their girlfriends about what they got and are embarrassed if they received nothing.

But the issue HERE, not in your MARRIAGES, is that they talked about and agreed to exchange gifts as a newly-ish dating couple experiencing Valentines Day for the first time. She held up her end of that agreement and showed up with a gift. He didn't. This isn't difficult, and it's not really about Valentine's Day. They could have agreed to X, and if he didn't show up with X when she did, he'd still be wrong. If she said "we talked about it and agreed we'd spend Christmas together and attend mass together, so I showed up ready for Mass, and he was still sleeping and acted like we never spoke about it" people here would be up in arms. Don't tell me you'd say it's stupid to go to Mass on Christmas, right? It's the same thing. It's what he agreed to and then didn't follow through on that's the issue here. And why a bunch of people think it's a dealbreaker.

But what the PP said was that this particular thing is stupid to make a deal breaker. Obviously, OP is entitled to do what she wants, but that doesn't make it less stupid.

Plus, let's not try to make this about some noble fight about who is keeping their word. Just look at the title of the thread. OP is pissed about not getting a Valentine's Day gift, not that the boyfriend didn't keep his word. That's shallow and silly, but she is welcome to be that way. As are you.

You are oddly aggressive over something that doesn't concern you. This thread is about someone's disappointment. The title of the thread, any thread, is the most basic umbrella, and she immediately spelled out the issue underneath that umbrella in her OP. The fact that you can't see it says more about you than the OP, and what it says is that you are in fact shallow, as in can't go deep. Because all you can do is a read a title and decide **that's** the only issue at play. But whatever. You are welcome to be that way, too.

I really wish you could block people on here so I could save myself the trouble of having to recognize this poster, roll my eyes, and avoid any thread she's become obsessed with.

It's super satisfying to know I've gotten under your skin.

You just compared yourself to a fungal rash or skin parasite.

Apt.

No, you did. Apt.

So, you're a child, aren't you. Does mommy know what you are doing?

[Anonymous]

Dump him, op. If he wants to be a boyfriend, he needs to act like one. I’d also not be pleased that he started the gift conversation, you got him something and he couldn’t get you anything, not chocolate, not a book, not a blanket, nothing. He couldn’t even say “oh s**, I thought Valentine’s Day was in a week” or “I’ve ordered you something, it will be here soon” and then actually order you something if for whatever reason he can’t be honest. To just accept a gift that he wanted and say/do nothing is a jerk thing to do.

O those who say OP is being a baby, nobody is saying you have to participate in anything. I do wonder though if any of you who don’t “do sentimental” have ever handed a gift back with the phrase “Gross, I don’t believe in (whatever holiday the gift was given)

To me, the neat thing about holiday is you can give gifts to people when it might otherwise seem weird or the ever popular controlling and creepy, something the “no fake holidays” crowd has never addressed, when exactly is it appropriate to give a gift to someone you love, romantic partner or otherwise. I’ll always remember the time my then 3-year-old saw a toilet plunger with the poop emoji and wanted to get it for a family member who’s a plumber. It was Christmastime, we were talking about giving gifts to people we love, and up until that point, I didn’t know she knew what this family member did for a living. The plunger isn’t practical but this family member was absolutely thrilled with it. He told her “I keep this in my truck and I think of you every time I see it”. When exactly are cool moments like that supposed to happen for you fake holiday types? The gift wasn’t for a romantic partner of course but it was special to see my young kid care about someone she doesn’t see on the daily.

I’ll add too that if you’ve been married awhile, it can be hard to remember the new relationship phase. My husband didn’t get me anything for Valentine’s Day until I reminded him.. he did though get us (the us being him and I) a very nice new mattress, something we needed but that he could have easily refused, the problem with the mattress was on my side of the bed, I’m admittedly more into physical comfort then he is, yet he got us the mattress and put a lot of care in thinking of my comfort. No way could he or should he have gotten *me* a new mattress when we were dating. He’s done other things that make sense for a married person, finding a job where he can work from home again something that would seem controlling if I’d asked him to do that when we were dating. How do you all not understand this? Dating and marriage can sometimes look very different. It’s nice to be with someone who cares about you and will demonstrate that in ways a friend simply won’t.
For those of you who don’t believe in gifts or other gestures of romance, how exactly are people supposed to convey “yes, I love you, yes I want to be regarded as more then a dear friend?” and when exactly are these gestures supposed to be made in a way that doesn’t come off as inappropriate?

[Anonymous]

So strange to even negotiate presents like this. There's nothing romantic about it.

So if this guy didn't take you out OP, how did the whole day/night unfold?
Where did you meet and what did you do?
Why did you give him the sweater?