Boyfriend didn't get me a v day gift

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The gift ideas I gave were not extravagent....flowers, perfume, a book, date night, candle, mug.

Yes you should dump him for failing to get you a $1 Ziggy coffee mug he could have picked up at some boomer's yard sale.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.

JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

+1. People have unrealistic expectations of their spouses and seem to confuse reality with a Hallmark movie. Life is busier and far more hectic than caring about a card. IF your spouse is understanding, treats you well, helps with the family, and provides comfort, you're good
The additional demands that many people make of their partners is just stupid. Women, stop trying to play the role of the princess. It's exhausting. We can do better than that.

The bitter MRA/incel/divorcee has entered the building!

Dude, I'm PP. I've been happily married for 16 years with my DH. Why? Because I don't make my DH do stupid crap. I don't cry if I didn't get flowers. I don't throw a fit if he doesn't buy cake or chocolate. I care if DH takes care of the kids, helps support the family, and is a good partner. I reciprocate evenly. The crap women do to men in relationships now is just stupid. My SIL throws a fit if my brother doesn't remember to make her a tea and snack every night. Why? Because that's what men do and she can't do it herself. She also has to be driven to and picked up from the airport with him parking and carrying her luggage in. Even after being on call for 18 hrs. It's so ridiculous, and their marriage is failing.

If you're going to cry over being pampered, you can expect your partner to have one foot out the door.

DP

I think it’s weird to brag about your husband not doing anything for you. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t want to make you a cup of tea or drive you to the airport but you’re not going to get some kind of “cool girl” sticker.

Are people on this thread purposefully daft or is it just a personality flaw? PP, you need to re-read the post, as the point was completely missed. I bet you're one of those divorce-boosters on DCUM. No wonder all you ladies are so GD miserable.

Nope. Happily married to my grad school sweetheart. Who brings me coffee in the morning and tea before bed. I don’t think there’s some kind of prize for expecting less of our partners. It’s like women who say they served dinner the day they got home from the hospital or never asked their husband to wake up during the baby years— that’s not something to brag about. No one will give you a sticker for it. The woman who expects more— and chooses a partner who gives more— ends up happier even if she can’t disdain her SIL for (checks notes) being driven to the airport.

Again, purposefully misreading the post - or perhaps you just don't read well. The point was not that my DH does not do anything for me. It's that I don't DEMAND it nor do I cry or throw fits if he does not buy flowers or chocolates. If you cannot see the difference, that is precisely the problem. Spouses who are demanding rarely have happy marriages. And if you demand that your spouse drive you to the airport at midnight after he has been on call for 18 hrs, you're an ass. Sorry, but you are.

I'm going to assume that you are a millennial or GenZ. That's usually where I see so much self absorbed behavior.

This is so obtuse. There is something you care about in your relationship. There is something that matters to you where you would be upset if your spouse failed to do it or did something contrary to it. Because the alternative would be that you are so emotionally disengaged from your spouse and your marriage that no one should emulate you. So instead of making up stupid straw men like asking your spouse to pick you up at the airport at midnight after an 18 hour shift, maybe deal with reality a bit, okay?

PP did say there were things she cares about. She just seems to be saying that caring about certain things -- like getting a candle for Valentine's Day -- is lame and superficial and not something worth getting worked up about in a relationship. I agree with her.

I think people get so worked up about Valentine's Day either because they have it in their heads that that is a sign of whether the guy loves you (which is silly if he does other more important things for you), or because they want to talk to their girlfriends about what they got and are embarrassed if they received nothing.

But the issue HERE, not in your MARRIAGES, is that they talked about and agreed to exchange gifts as a newly-ish dating couple experiencing Valentines Day for the first time. She held up her end of that agreement and showed up with a gift. He didn't. This isn't difficult, and it's not really about Valentine's Day. They could have agreed to X, and if he didn't show up with X when she did, he'd still be wrong. If she said "we talked about it and agreed we'd spend Christmas together and attend mass together, so I showed up ready for Mass, and he was still sleeping and acted like we never spoke about it" people here would be up in arms. Don't tell me you'd say it's stupid to go to Mass on Christmas, right? It's the same thing. It's what he agreed to and then didn't follow through on that's the issue here. And why a bunch of people think it's a dealbreaker.

But what the PP said was that this particular thing is stupid to make a deal breaker. Obviously, OP is entitled to do what she wants, but that doesn't make it less stupid.

Plus, let's not try to make this about some noble fight about who is keeping their word. Just look at the title of the thread. OP is pissed about not getting a Valentine's Day gift, not that the boyfriend didn't keep his word. That's shallow and silly, but she is welcome to be that way. As are you.

What? The proof he didn’t keep his word is that he said he would get a gift and didn’t. She didn’t have to spell that out in the OP, most of us get it.

No one is talking about proof. Maybe they had an agreement to exchange gifts. It's clear from the OP, the title of the thread, and OP's responses, that she is bent out of shape about not getting a Valentine's Day gift, not about him breaching some agreement. It's ok to be superficial, but just own it. You really care about a Hallmark holiday. I think it's embarrassing, but plenty of other people care about it, too.

In fairness, the bf started it by asking for a sweater.
New relationships of a few months are filled with silliness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.

JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

She's not crying over the cake. She's crying because her DH can't even do the most basic thing to make her feel special on her 40th birthday. It feels bad to tell someone "this is what I need from you to feel good about our relationship" and have them ignore it.

Ok I want to say you kind of moved the goalposts a bit there, but I will roll with it.

So it's not about the cake, your friend cried because she did not feel "special" on her 40th birthday, and decided her husband was to blame.

That is even worse. At least I can understand feeling disappointed (but not bursting into tears) if you wanted a piece of yummy unhealthy cake and did not get it. I have a huge sweet tooth myself.

But, no, your friend turning age 40 does not signify she is "special" in any way. She did not accomplish anything. She did not get a promotion at work. She did not get her masters degree summa cum laude.

She just got one day older. That happens to everyone everyday they are alive.

What about your friend do you think is so special aside from her self centered neediness and complete lack of perspective and lack of maturity?

Has it occurred to you that her spouse has put up with this ridiculousness for years and does not wish to enable any more of it?

YOU go buy her a cake Honey and the two of you can both cram it down and be "soecial" and insulin-intolerant together.

I am the poster that wrote about my friend. Your loved ones should make you feel special. A fortieth is a mile stone birthday. My DH bought me a fantastic girls trip. And actually I did buy her a cake, I also took her to a three star Michelin restaurant. Because I care about her. I am sorry nobody loves you enough to celebrate you despite whatever achievements you have. Love for the person is enough, sorry nobody loves you and your standards are too low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.

JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

She's not crying over the cake. She's crying because her DH can't even do the most basic thing to make her feel special on her 40th birthday. It feels bad to tell someone "this is what I need from you to feel good about our relationship" and have them ignore it.

Ok I want to say you kind of moved the goalposts a bit there, but I will roll with it.

So it's not about the cake, your friend cried because she did not feel "special" on her 40th birthday, and decided her husband was to blame.

That is even worse. At least I can understand feeling disappointed (but not bursting into tears) if you wanted a piece of yummy unhealthy cake and did not get it. I have a huge sweet tooth myself.

But, no, your friend turning age 40 does not signify she is "special" in any way. She did not accomplish anything. She did not get a promotion at work. She did not get her masters degree summa cum laude.

She just got one day older. That happens to everyone everyday they are alive.

What about your friend do you think is so special aside from her self centered neediness and complete lack of perspective and lack of maturity?

Has it occurred to you that her spouse has put up with this ridiculousness for years and does not wish to enable any more of it?

YOU go buy her a cake Honey and the two of you can both cram it down and be "soecial" and insulin-intolerant together.

I am the poster that wrote about my friend. Your loved ones should make you feel special. A fortieth is a mile stone birthday. My DH bought me a fantastic girls trip. And actually I did buy her a cake, I also took her to a three star Michelin restaurant. Because I care about her. I am sorry nobody loves you enough to celebrate you despite whatever achievements you have. Love for the person is enough, sorry nobody loves you and your standards are too low.

And it is not a lot to ask that your partner buy you a cake on your birthday. It’s a very easy thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.
JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

My friend is slim and pretty and looks fantastic, is a good mother and a successful professional. It’s not her fault her DH is dead weight. She’s allowed to feel under-appreciated. Her only flaw was picking that loser. OP should dump this loser before it gets to marriage and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.
JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

My friend is slim and pretty and looks fantastic, is a good mother and a successful professional. It’s not her fault her DH is dead weight. She’s allowed to feel under-appreciated. Her only flaw was picking that loser. OP should dump this loser before it gets to marriage and kids.

Well clearly her DH was the best that she could get. Sounds like they deserve each other

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.

JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

+1. People have unrealistic expectations of their spouses and seem to confuse reality with a Hallmark movie. Life is busier and far more hectic than caring about a card. IF your spouse is understanding, treats you well, helps with the family, and provides comfort, you're good
The additional demands that many people make of their partners is just stupid. Women, stop trying to play the role of the princess. It's exhausting. We can do better than that.

The bitter MRA/incel/divorcee has entered the building!

Dude, I'm PP. I've been happily married for 16 years with my DH. Why? Because I don't make my DH do stupid crap. I don't cry if I didn't get flowers. I don't throw a fit if he doesn't buy cake or chocolate. I care if DH takes care of the kids, helps support the family, and is a good partner. I reciprocate evenly. The crap women do to men in relationships now is just stupid. My SIL throws a fit if my brother doesn't remember to make her a tea and snack every night. Why? Because that's what men do and she can't do it herself. She also has to be driven to and picked up from the airport with him parking and carrying her luggage in. Even after being on call for 18 hrs. It's so ridiculous, and their marriage is failing.

If you're going to cry over being pampered, you can expect your partner to have one foot out the door.

DP

I think it’s weird to brag about your husband not doing anything for you. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t want to make you a cup of tea or drive you to the airport but you’re not going to get some kind of “cool girl” sticker.

Are people on this thread purposefully daft or is it just a personality flaw? PP, you need to re-read the post, as the point was completely missed. I bet you're one of those divorce-boosters on DCUM. No wonder all you ladies are so GD miserable.

Nope. Happily married to my grad school sweetheart. Who brings me coffee in the morning and tea before bed. I don’t think there’s some kind of prize for expecting less of our partners. It’s like women who say they served dinner the day they got home from the hospital or never asked their husband to wake up during the baby years— that’s not something to brag about. No one will give you a sticker for it. The woman who expects more— and chooses a partner who gives more— ends up happier even if she can’t disdain her SIL for (checks notes) being driven to the airport.

Again, purposefully misreading the post - or perhaps you just don't read well. The point was not that my DH does not do anything for me. It's that I don't DEMAND it nor do I cry or throw fits if he does not buy flowers or chocolates. If you cannot see the difference, that is precisely the problem. Spouses who are demanding rarely have happy marriages. And if you demand that your spouse drive you to the airport at midnight after he has been on call for 18 hrs, you're an ass. Sorry, but you are.

I'm going to assume that you are a millennial or GenZ. That's usually where I see so much self absorbed behavior.

This is so obtuse. There is something you care about in your relationship. There is something that matters to you where you would be upset if your spouse failed to do it or did something contrary to it. Because the alternative would be that you are so emotionally disengaged from your spouse and your marriage that no one should emulate you. So instead of making up stupid straw men like asking your spouse to pick you up at the airport at midnight after an 18 hour shift, maybe deal with reality a bit, okay?

PP did say there were things she cares about. She just seems to be saying that caring about certain things -- like getting a candle for Valentine's Day -- is lame and superficial and not something worth getting worked up about in a relationship. I agree with her.

I think people get so worked up about Valentine's Day either because they have it in their heads that that is a sign of whether the guy loves you (which is silly if he does other more important things for you), or because they want to talk to their girlfriends about what they got and are embarrassed if they received nothing.

But the issue HERE, not in your MARRIAGES, is that they talked about and agreed to exchange gifts as a newly-ish dating couple experiencing Valentines Day for the first time. She held up her end of that agreement and showed up with a gift. He didn't. This isn't difficult, and it's not really about Valentine's Day. They could have agreed to X, and if he didn't show up with X when she did, he'd still be wrong. If she said "we talked about it and agreed we'd spend Christmas together and attend mass together, so I showed up ready for Mass, and he was still sleeping and acted like we never spoke about it" people here would be up in arms. Don't tell me you'd say it's stupid to go to Mass on Christmas, right? It's the same thing. It's what he agreed to and then didn't follow through on that's the issue here. And why a bunch of people think it's a dealbreaker.

But what the PP said was that this particular thing is stupid to make a deal breaker. Obviously, OP is entitled to do what she wants, but that doesn't make it less stupid.

Plus, let's not try to make this about some noble fight about who is keeping their word. Just look at the title of the thread. OP is pissed about not getting a Valentine's Day gift, not that the boyfriend didn't keep his word. That's shallow and silly, but she is welcome to be that way. As are you.

What? The proof he didn’t keep his word is that he said he would get a gift and didn’t. She didn’t have to spell that out in the OP, most of us get it.

No one is talking about proof. Maybe they had an agreement to exchange gifts. It's clear from the OP, the title of the thread, and OP's responses, that she is bent out of shape about not getting a Valentine's Day gift, not about him breaching some agreement. It's ok to be superficial, but just own it. You really care about a Hallmark holiday. I think it's embarrassing, but plenty of other people care about it, too.

In fairness, the bf started it by asking for a sweater.
New relationships of a few months are filled with silliness.

Perhaps she should ask him to return the sweater to her because it was not meant as an authentic gift, but rather, a simple exchange of commonly available merchandise.

If he has not yet worn it, OP, you could still return it and probably buy yourself a mug AND a candle, and not necessarily enough leftover for that dinner you wanted, but probably Taco Bell for one, or some Hotpockets you could microwave at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.

JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

She's not crying over the cake. She's crying because her DH can't even do the most basic thing to make her feel special on her 40th birthday. It feels bad to tell someone "this is what I need from you to feel good about our relationship" and have them ignore it.

Ok I want to say you kind of moved the goalposts a bit there, but I will roll with it.

So it's not about the cake, your friend cried because she did not feel "special" on her 40th birthday, and decided her husband was to blame.

That is even worse. At least I can understand feeling disappointed (but not bursting into tears) if you wanted a piece of yummy unhealthy cake and did not get it. I have a huge sweet tooth myself.

But, no, your friend turning age 40 does not signify she is "special" in any way. She did not accomplish anything. She did not get a promotion at work. She did not get her masters degree summa cum laude.

She just got one day older. That happens to everyone everyday they are alive.

What about your friend do you think is so special aside from her self centered neediness and complete lack of perspective and lack of maturity?

Has it occurred to you that her spouse has put up with this ridiculousness for years and does not wish to enable any more of it?

YOU go buy her a cake Honey and the two of you can both cram it down and be "soecial" and insulin-intolerant together.

I am the poster that wrote about my friend. Your loved ones should make you feel special. A fortieth is a mile stone birthday. My DH bought me a fantastic girls trip. And actually I did buy her a cake, I also took her to a three star Michelin restaurant. Because I care about her. I am sorry nobody loves you enough to celebrate you despite whatever achievements you have. Love for the person is enough, sorry nobody loves you and your standards are too low.

Your loved ones make you feel special by buying you cake? What is this obsession with cake? I can buy all the cake I want, becaue I am a grown up now. As a small child, getting birthday cake was exciting because I could NOT buy a big cake whenever I wanted one.

But I am not a child and therefore getting a nice piece of cake is simply no biggie to me.

Now, if someone like my spouse wants to home cook a meal for me, or vice versa, I find that a nice show of affection. But we do not wait once a year for that. We do that for each other several times a week, as well as many other non food related things.

Do you and your friends play pin the tail on the donkey, have those little noise makers, and wear pointy paper party hats too?

So for your 40th birthday, the way you think you and your husband show your great love for each other is. him spending a lot of money so you could be apart from each other? lolololol. "Here is your dam cake now GTFO of town for a while." Sounds like a good opportunity for cheating by one or both of you, please don't deny it.

No you didn't go to a three star Michellin restaurant either, you just heard about that on the food channel.

If love for the person is enough, then it sounds like you don't love and are not loved by anyone. All your relationships are transactional, and you arent worth a stale Twinkie much less all the other costly nonsense you are bragging about in your delusional fantasy world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.

JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

She's not crying over the cake. She's crying because her DH can't even do the most basic thing to make her feel special on her 40th birthday. It feels bad to tell someone "this is what I need from you to feel good about our relationship" and have them ignore it.

Ok I want to say you kind of moved the goalposts a bit there, but I will roll with it.

So it's not about the cake, your friend cried because she did not feel "special" on her 40th birthday, and decided her husband was to blame.

That is even worse. At least I can understand feeling disappointed (but not bursting into tears) if you wanted a piece of yummy unhealthy cake and did not get it. I have a huge sweet tooth myself.

But, no, your friend turning age 40 does not signify she is "special" in any way. She did not accomplish anything. She did not get a promotion at work. She did not get her masters degree summa cum laude.

She just got one day older. That happens to everyone everyday they are alive.

What about your friend do you think is so special aside from her self centered neediness and complete lack of perspective and lack of maturity?

Has it occurred to you that her spouse has put up with this ridiculousness for years and does not wish to enable any more of it?

YOU go buy her a cake Honey and the two of you can both cram it down and be "soecial" and insulin-intolerant together.

I am the poster that wrote about my friend. Your loved ones should make you feel special. A fortieth is a mile stone birthday. My DH bought me a fantastic girls trip. And actually I did buy her a cake, I also took her to a three star Michelin restaurant. Because I care about her. I am sorry nobody loves you enough to celebrate you despite whatever achievements you have. Love for the person is enough, sorry nobody loves you and your standards are too low.

Your loved ones make you feel special by buying you cake? What is this obsession with cake? I can buy all the cake I want, becaue I am a grown up now. As a small child, getting birthday cake was exciting because I could NOT buy a big cake whenever I wanted one.

But I am not a child and therefore getting a nice piece of cake is simply no biggie to me.

Now, if someone like my spouse wants to home cook a meal for me, or vice versa, I find that a nice show of affection. But we do not wait once a year for that. We do that for each other several times a week, as well as many other non food related things.

Do you and your friends play pin the tail on the donkey, have those little noise makers, and wear pointy paper party hats too?

So for your 40th birthday, the way you think you and your husband show your great love for each other is. him spending a lot of money so you could be apart from each other? lolololol. "Here is your dam cake now GTFO of town for a while." Sounds like a good opportunity for cheating by one or both of you, please don't deny it.

No you didn't go to a three star Michellin restaurant either, you just heard about that on the food channel.

If love for the person is enough, then it sounds like you don't love and are not loved by anyone. All your relationships are transactional, and you arent worth a stale Twinkie much less all the other costly nonsense you are bragging about in your delusional fantasy world.

For my fortieth birthday my DH financed a trip for me and two of my friends. He paid for a limo, a tour, and meal at a three star Michelin restaurant. When I got home we went out for dinner together. Our love isn’t transactional, but he makes me feel special in many ways. Why is it so surprising I can swing a special meal for my friend because I love her enough to console her when she felt not appreciated. Love is communication and supporting each other emotionally. Sorry you have low standards in men. You also don’t seem to have supportive friends. That’s rather sad, have higher self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the whole Gifts Are My Love Language pop psych fad is ridiculous, but if he agreed ahead of time, then just blew it off, he’s telling you who he is and where his priorities are. Don’t waste any more time on him.

It's the rebranding of "golddigger."

The whole “love language” craze is idiotic. 99.999% of men say “Physical Touch is my love language.” BS. You just want sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.

JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

She's not crying over the cake. She's crying because her DH can't even do the most basic thing to make her feel special on her 40th birthday. It feels bad to tell someone "this is what I need from you to feel good about our relationship" and have them ignore it.

Ok I want to say you kind of moved the goalposts a bit there, but I will roll with it.

So it's not about the cake, your friend cried because she did not feel "special" on her 40th birthday, and decided her husband was to blame.

That is even worse. At least I can understand feeling disappointed (but not bursting into tears) if you wanted a piece of yummy unhealthy cake and did not get it. I have a huge sweet tooth myself.

But, no, your friend turning age 40 does not signify she is "special" in any way. She did not accomplish anything. She did not get a promotion at work. She did not get her masters degree summa cum laude.

She just got one day older. That happens to everyone everyday they are alive.

What about your friend do you think is so special aside from her self centered neediness and complete lack of perspective and lack of maturity?

Has it occurred to you that her spouse has put up with this ridiculousness for years and does not wish to enable any more of it?

YOU go buy her a cake Honey and the two of you can both cram it down and be "soecial" and insulin-intolerant together.

I am the poster that wrote about my friend. Your loved ones should make you feel special. A fortieth is a mile stone birthday. My DH bought me a fantastic girls trip. And actually I did buy her a cake, I also took her to a three star Michelin restaurant. Because I care about her. I am sorry nobody loves you enough to celebrate you despite whatever achievements you have. Love for the person is enough, sorry nobody loves you and your standards are too low.

Your loved ones make you feel special by buying you cake? What is this obsession with cake? I can buy all the cake I want, becaue I am a grown up now. As a small child, getting birthday cake was exciting because I could NOT buy a big cake whenever I wanted one.

But I am not a child and therefore getting a nice piece of cake is simply no biggie to me.

Now, if someone like my spouse wants to home cook a meal for me, or vice versa, I find that a nice show of affection. But we do not wait once a year for that. We do that for each other several times a week, as well as many other non food related things.

Do you and your friends play pin the tail on the donkey, have those little noise makers, and wear pointy paper party hats too?

So for your 40th birthday, the way you think you and your husband show your great love for each other is. him spending a lot of money so you could be apart from each other? lolololol. "Here is your dam cake now GTFO of town for a while." Sounds like a good opportunity for cheating by one or both of you, please don't deny it.

No you didn't go to a three star Michellin restaurant either, you just heard about that on the food channel.

If love for the person is enough, then it sounds like you don't love and are not loved by anyone. All your relationships are transactional, and you arent worth a stale Twinkie much less all the other costly nonsense you are bragging about in your delusional fantasy world.

For my fortieth birthday my DH financed a trip for me and two of my friends. He paid for a limo, a tour, and meal at a three star Michelin restaurant. When I got home we went out for dinner together. Our love isn’t transactional, but he makes me feel special in many ways. Why is it so surprising I can swing a special meal for my friend because I love her enough to console her when she felt not appreciated. Love is communication and supporting each other emotionally. Sorry you have low standards in men. You also don’t seem to have supportive friends. That’s rather sad, halve higher self esteem.

Your husband "financed" it, as in, took out a home equity loan or otherwise borrowed money to pay for your birthday dinner?

Or do you mean he gave you his credit card to put the charges on?

You dont sound like anyones actual wife. You sound like an affair partner, only concerned about how much money she can sucker a man into spending on her. That seems to be how you measure your self worth. But Im not seeing 3 star michellin here, its more like Mickey Ds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.
JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

My friend is slim and pretty and looks fantastic, is a good mother and a successful professional. It’s not her fault her DH is dead weight. She’s allowed to feel under-appreciated. Her only flaw was picking that loser. OP should dump this loser before it gets to marriage and kids.

Well clearly her DH was the best that she could get. Sounds like they deserve each other

Whoever hurt you, I’m very sorry. Seek help. It doesn’t have to be this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.
JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

My friend is slim and pretty and looks fantastic, is a good mother and a successful professional. It’s not her fault her DH is dead weight. She’s allowed to feel under-appreciated. Her only flaw was picking that loser. OP should dump this loser before it gets to marriage and kids.

Well clearly her DH was the best that she could get. Sounds like they deserve each other

Whoever hurt you, I’m very sorry. Seek help. It doesn’t have to be this way.

....says the 304 who equates its worth with how much money it can trick a man to spend on it. Back atcha.

[Anonymous]

Been married 10 years and usually do not give a gift to spouse for V day. Sometimes a flower, but nothing else. I never get anything. Also nothing for birthdays. But who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him. It won’t get any better. My good friend cried on her fortieth because she explicitly asked her DH for a simple cake and he couldn’t even do that, because he “doesn’t celebrate like that”. Don’t set yourself up for misery.

Only an infantile child cries because they didnt get a piece of cake for their birthday. Not a 40 year old person who claims to be an adult.

Is your friend overweight or obese? Be honest. If not, why is chowing down on unhealthy junk food somethingto cry over.

JFC of all the things for a 40 year old to cry over. There was an earthquake in Syria , thoisands killed. Cry over that.

+1. People have unrealistic expectations of their spouses and seem to confuse reality with a Hallmark movie. Life is busier and far more hectic than caring about a card. IF your spouse is understanding, treats you well, helps with the family, and provides comfort, you're good
The additional demands that many people make of their partners is just stupid. Women, stop trying to play the role of the princess. It's exhausting. We can do better than that.

The bitter MRA/incel/divorcee has entered the building!

Dude, I'm PP. I've been happily married for 16 years with my DH. Why? Because I don't make my DH do stupid crap. I don't cry if I didn't get flowers. I don't throw a fit if he doesn't buy cake or chocolate. I care if DH takes care of the kids, helps support the family, and is a good partner. I reciprocate evenly. The crap women do to men in relationships now is just stupid. My SIL throws a fit if my brother doesn't remember to make her a tea and snack every night. Why? Because that's what men do and she can't do it herself. She also has to be driven to and picked up from the airport with him parking and carrying her luggage in. Even after being on call for 18 hrs. It's so ridiculous, and their marriage is failing.

If you're going to cry over being pampered, you can expect your partner to have one foot out the door.

DP

I think it’s weird to brag about your husband not doing anything for you. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t want to make you a cup of tea or drive you to the airport but you’re not going to get some kind of “cool girl” sticker.

Are people on this thread purposefully daft or is it just a personality flaw? PP, you need to re-read the post, as the point was completely missed. I bet you're one of those divorce-boosters on DCUM. No wonder all you ladies are so GD miserable.

Nope. Happily married to my grad school sweetheart. Who brings me coffee in the morning and tea before bed. I don’t think there’s some kind of prize for expecting less of our partners. It’s like women who say they served dinner the day they got home from the hospital or never asked their husband to wake up during the baby years— that’s not something to brag about. No one will give you a sticker for it. The woman who expects more— and chooses a partner who gives more— ends up happier even if she can’t disdain her SIL for (checks notes) being driven to the airport.

Again, purposefully misreading the post - or perhaps you just don't read well. The point was not that my DH does not do anything for me. It's that I don't DEMAND it nor do I cry or throw fits if he does not buy flowers or chocolates. If you cannot see the difference, that is precisely the problem. Spouses who are demanding rarely have happy marriages. And if you demand that your spouse drive you to the airport at midnight after he has been on call for 18 hrs, you're an ass. Sorry, but you are.

I'm going to assume that you are a millennial or GenZ. That's usually where I see so much self absorbed behavior.

This is so obtuse. There is something you care about in your relationship. There is something that matters to you where you would be upset if your spouse failed to do it or did something contrary to it. Because the alternative would be that you are so emotionally disengaged from your spouse and your marriage that no one should emulate you. So instead of making up stupid straw men like asking your spouse to pick you up at the airport at midnight after an 18 hour shift, maybe deal with reality a bit, okay?

PP did say there were things she cares about. She just seems to be saying that caring about certain things -- like getting a candle for Valentine's Day -- is lame and superficial and not something worth getting worked up about in a relationship. I agree with her.

I think people get so worked up about Valentine's Day either because they have it in their heads that that is a sign of whether the guy loves you (which is silly if he does other more important things for you), or because they want to talk to their girlfriends about what they got and are embarrassed if they received nothing.

But the issue HERE, not in your MARRIAGES, is that they talked about and agreed to exchange gifts as a newly-ish dating couple experiencing Valentines Day for the first time. She held up her end of that agreement and showed up with a gift. He didn't. This isn't difficult, and it's not really about Valentine's Day. They could have agreed to X, and if he didn't show up with X when she did, he'd still be wrong. If she said "we talked about it and agreed we'd spend Christmas together and attend mass together, so I showed up ready for Mass, and he was still sleeping and acted like we never spoke about it" people here would be up in arms. Don't tell me you'd say it's stupid to go to Mass on Christmas, right? It's the same thing. It's what he agreed to and then didn't follow through on that's the issue here. And why a bunch of people think it's a dealbreaker.

But what the PP said was that this particular thing is stupid to make a deal breaker. Obviously, OP is entitled to do what she wants, but that doesn't make it less stupid.

Plus, let's not try to make this about some noble fight about who is keeping their word. Just look at the title of the thread. OP is pissed about not getting a Valentine's Day gift, not that the boyfriend didn't keep his word. That's shallow and silly, but she is welcome to be that way. As are you.

You are oddly aggressive over something that doesn't concern you. This thread is about someone's disappointment. The title of the thread, any thread, is the most basic umbrella, and she immediately spelled out the issue underneath that umbrella in her OP. The fact that you can't see it says more about you than the OP, and what it says is that you are in fact shallow, as in can't go deep. Because all you can do is a read a title and decide **that's** the only issue at play. But whatever. You are welcome to be that way, too.