NYTs Etiquette - "I Refused to Switch Seats on a Plane. Twice. Was I Wrong?"

[Anonymous]

first/business class is ALWAYS full when we fly. i never see empty seats there.

[Anonymous]

I used to be willing to take vouchers but no more.

Last time I got one from American, it was printed out and in order to redeem I had to CALL to make the reservations, then make copies of the damn thing and email it to them.

Don't know what the process is now but I'm sure they still don't make it easy to use them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember when my oldest was a baby, I bought TWO seats, specifically so I could use one for his carseat. The flight was oversold, and the airline attendant brought on a standby person and expected me to give him my second seat, where my baby was. I pulled out both tickets, told her I had PAID for those seats, and I wasn't giving them up. She loudly said, "Well, I guess she's not going to help us out today," and escorted the standby passenger off the plane. She then proceeded to ignore me for the rest of the flight, asking everyone around me what they'd like to drink, etc. - but not me. I couldn't believe how arrogant she was, and I wrote an email to United afterwards.

If you pay for your seat(s), you should not be expected to move for someone else's convenience.

I can guarantee this was probably an airline employee flying standby. They tried to strongarm you, but you didn't relent. They employees are very defensive of their benefit to fly standby and try to help each other as much as possible, even at the expense of paying customers.

[Anonymous]

These episodes bring to mind the line "failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part".

I am in the demographic most likely to be asked (typically traveling solo, 50s female). But I pick my seats carefully and will only change if the seat is comparable/better. If asked to move, my response is "Depends. Where's the other seat?"

Of course I also almost always try to get the exit row which has a lot more space and is off-limits to kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question: why would a family want a bulkhead? I have a big carry-on bag full of kid stuff: snacks, games, tablet, etc. In bulkhead you can’t have it under the seat in front of you so where do you keep that bag? In the overhead and have to keep getting up to get stuff in and out? Kids are short and don’t need the extra legroom, either.

Some foreign airlines have a bassinet in the bulkhead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is on the airline. There should be no situation where a small child is seated away from their parent. But that doesn’t entitle them to a premium seat. Put them in the back with the rest of the families who didn’t want to pay for seats.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just tell them I'll move to first class cabin but not another seat.

Many years ago, United called me to ask me to move my long haul first class ticket to another day. I said no because I was going to MY wedding. My husband has observed that I get more requests to move, accommodate others than him or any of his male colleagues.

[Anonymous]

I've only given up my seat twice and both times were for overbooked flights where I didn't have a strict travel deadline. The extreme overcompensation by the airline made both times more than worth it.

I have never, and probably will never, give up my seat for no compensation or for a regular person who wants to sit near their kid. I had a mom tell me "good luck dealing with her!" after I wouldn't give up my window seat for her crappy middle seat so she could sit next to her 5 yo DD. Her seat was in a 3-seat row and mine was in a 2-seat row. I'd paid extra for that, too. Not. Happening. The kid was fine. She watched her iPad movie the whole flight. And even if she had been annoying, that's what noise canceling headphones are for. There's no rule that says I have to engage with your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't read the article but I have seen the issue come up on various boards. In my opinion, being a family or traveling with kids doesn't entitle you to special treatment. When I travel with my family I pay to pick seats, early check-in, extra space - whatever I think we might need. If you're not willing to pay for that then you can't afford the trip. Other travelers have also paid for those services and they don't owe you anything.

I would like to live in a society that gives a little more grace and has a little more patience for society’s very young and very old (and their caretakers). Kindness is a value I love to see in companies and individuals alike.

Why are families the only ones deserving of kindness? Look at it this way--you have your loving family. Someone flying alone may be single and desperately lonely and sad about it. Who deserves the grace and compassion? It's this kind of myopia that makes parents of young children so repugnant at times.

Disclaimer: there's nothing intrinsically wrong with being single and many single people are happy and content.

Holy projection. Nowhere did I malign single people nor suggest they also aren’t deserving of grace and kindness. We all are. I believe American society suffers from a deep deficit of both. The several nasty responses to my quite benevolent post is proof of that.

I wonder where we’re headed from here.

The PP has a point. Solo travelers (not necessarily single as in marital status) are often targets for the "would you consider moving" pitch. It has happened to me many times. I feel the airline staff single us out, make the request with the parent/child standing there looking at us and then we are expected to smile graciously and give up our seats.

I did it for awhile and usually wound up in some horrid situation where I got a seat that didn't recline or next to an annoying person. I reminded myself that No good deed goes unpunished.
So I stopped.

Last time it was a very entitled, abrasive woman who wanted to shift around 3 people so she could get herself and her kids all seated together. She had gone up and down asking people (holding up boarding BTW) and had figured out a hopscotch pattern of moving other passengers simply to accommodate HER desires.

The kids were in their early teens! I just said "No. Sorry." and went back to reading my book.

To be more accurate, solo FEMALE travelers (especially over a certain age) are the first targets. Watch the next time it happens -- the flight attendants NEVER ask men to move.

My DW takes advantage of this on Southwest and eagerly volunteers to move -- last time she did that, she got $840 in vouchers.

I am a solo female traveler flying 10-15 hours per week on 4-10 legs. I do not give up my seat. For me to spend that much time traveling and have that kind of status (I fly only one airline and their partners), I select my seats very intentionally.

[Anonymous]

I'd move to an equal or better seat but not a worse seat, and certainly not if I'd paid extra for a premium seat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't read the article but I have seen the issue come up on various boards. In my opinion, being a family or traveling with kids doesn't entitle you to special treatment. When I travel with my family I pay to pick seats, early check-in, extra space - whatever I think we might need. If you're not willing to pay for that then you can't afford the trip. Other travelers have also paid for those services and they don't owe you anything.

I would like to live in a society that gives a little more grace and has a little more patience for society’s very young and very old (and their caretakers). Kindness is a value I love to see in companies and individuals alike.

Why are families the only ones deserving of kindness? Look at it this way--you have your loving family. Someone flying alone may be single and desperately lonely and sad about it. Who deserves the grace and compassion? It's this kind of myopia that makes parents of young children so repugnant at times.

Disclaimer: there's nothing intrinsically wrong with being single and many single people are happy and content.

Holy projection. Nowhere did I malign single people nor suggest they also aren’t deserving of grace and kindness. We all are. I believe American society suffers from a deep deficit of both. The several nasty responses to my quite benevolent post is proof of that.

I wonder where we’re headed from here.

The PP has a point. Solo travelers (not necessarily single as in marital status) are often targets for the "would you consider moving" pitch. It has happened to me many times. I feel the airline staff single us out, make the request with the parent/child standing there looking at us and then we are expected to smile graciously and give up our seats.

I did it for awhile and usually wound up in some horrid situation where I got a seat that didn't recline or next to an annoying person. I reminded myself that No good deed goes unpunished.
So I stopped.

Last time it was a very entitled, abrasive woman who wanted to shift around 3 people so she could get herself and her kids all seated together. She had gone up and down asking people (holding up boarding BTW) and had figured out a hopscotch pattern of moving other passengers simply to accommodate HER desires.

The kids were in their early teens! I just said "No. Sorry." and went back to reading my book.

To be more accurate, solo FEMALE travelers (especially over a certain age) are the first targets. Watch the next time it happens -- the flight attendants NEVER ask men to move.

My DW takes advantage of this on Southwest and eagerly volunteers to move -- last time she did that, she got $840 in vouchers.

I am a solo female traveler flying 10-15 hours per week on 4-10 legs. I do not give up my seat. For me to spend that much time traveling and have that kind of status (I fly only one airline and their partners), I select my seats very intentionally.

...OK? The PP didn't say every solo female traveler ever definitely gives up their seat. But you wanted to share your STATUS, so congrats and here's a cookie!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I remember when my oldest was a baby, I bought TWO seats, specifically so I could use one for his carseat. The flight was oversold, and the airline attendant brought on a standby person and expected me to give him my second seat, where my baby was. I pulled out both tickets, told her I had PAID for those seats, and I wasn't giving them up. She loudly said, "Well, I guess she's not going to help us out today," and escorted the standby passenger off the plane. She then proceeded to ignore me for the rest of the flight, asking everyone around me what they'd like to drink, etc. - but not me. I couldn't believe how arrogant she was, and I wrote an email to United afterwards.

If you pay for your seat(s), you should not be expected to move for someone else's convenience.

Yes, this sounds like my experiences on united. Awful!

I have had the worst experiences on United. I was once traveling back from London with my daughter who was about 20 months at the time, which I had done several times before. She was still young enough to be a lap child but I paid for a seat because it's too cramped to have a child on your left for that long. Even though I'd done this before without issue, on this particular flight, the flight attendant refused to give my child a meal. He said had to make sure he had enough meals for all the adults first. I was livid and said, but we paid for a seat for her so she should get a meal, but that apparently didn't matter. He brought me a pouch of applesauce instead. A 20 month old eats real food! Luckily, I had brought a few snacks, but that is a long time to be trapped on a plane and denied food. I complained to several of the other flight attendants and finally after I had given her my meal and he had fed all the other passengers, he finally brought her a meal because there were some "leftovers."

I'm the PPP who had bought the two seats and was asked to give one up for a standby passenger. This makes me livid. Of course your child should have been served a meal - she was sitting in a seat you PAID for! I will go out of my way to never, ever fly United again.

You mentioned you wrote to united, did they write you back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've only given up my seat twice and both times were for overbooked flights where I didn't have a strict travel deadline. The extreme overcompensation by the airline made both times more than worth it.

I have never, and probably will never, give up my seat for no compensation or for a regular person who wants to sit near their kid. I had a mom tell me "good luck dealing with her!" after I wouldn't give up my window seat for her crappy middle seat so she could sit next to her 5 yo DD. Her seat was in a 3-seat row and mine was in a 2-seat row. I'd paid extra for that, too. Not. Happening. The kid was fine. She watched her iPad movie the whole flight. And even if she had been annoying, that's what noise canceling headphones are for. There's no rule that says I have to engage with your kid.

This doesn't make sense. If she was in a middle seat, why wouldn't the person in the aisle seat next to her just trade with the kid, who also has an aisle seat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd move to an equal or better seat but not a worse seat, and certainly not if I'd paid extra for a premium seat.

This.

I was once asked to give up my aisle seat so a couple could sit together. They wanted me to switch a few rows ahead to a middle seat. They each had middle seats several rows apart and had asked me as well as the person in the aisle seat a few rows ahead. Apparently the couple “needed” an aisle seat for the husband to be comfortable (bad knee).

I politely declined by explaining I had selected the seat for my own bad knee.

They got the flight attendant involved, and she asked me to switch. They tried to sell it to me by saying it’s better to move up so you get off the plane faster. Again, I politely declined. Then I got poor service when they brought around the drink cart and pretzels. This was United. I’m noticing a theme.

I would switch if a young kid was separated from their parent—but even then I would be annoyed that they didn’t book earlier or pay to select seats. I always select seats together and pay to do so when necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've only given up my seat twice and both times were for overbooked flights where I didn't have a strict travel deadline. The extreme overcompensation by the airline made both times more than worth it.

I have never, and probably will never, give up my seat for no compensation or for a regular person who wants to sit near their kid. I had a mom tell me "good luck dealing with her!" after I wouldn't give up my window seat for her crappy middle seat so she could sit next to her 5 yo DD. Her seat was in a 3-seat row and mine was in a 2-seat row. I'd paid extra for that, too. Not. Happening. The kid was fine. She watched her iPad movie the whole flight. And even if she had been annoying, that's what noise canceling headphones are for. There's no rule that says I have to engage with your kid.

This doesn't make sense. If she was in a middle seat, why wouldn't the person in the aisle seat next to her just trade with the kid, who also has an aisle seat?

Who said it was in the same row? Rows can make a big difference. Plus, perhaps the aisle seat person just didn't want to move. That's their right, too.