Brunch Granny! Please do an AMA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The notion that waiting to marry and have children makes you more financial secure and leads to more promotions at work is pure fiction. Dual incomes allow you to buy a home, and more home at that, much sooner. A married 28 y/o couple over the last few years has watched their house explode in value. While unwed yuppies flush money down the drain on rent. Most young adults mature very quickly when the first kid arrives; waiting stunts that maturation. And most employers reward married with kids colleagues, as it signals you’re stable and trustworthy, and married with kids (and grandkids) elder bosses connect with you. The unmarried and childless just seem flighty, aimless and frankly weird.

There have been studies and you're basically guaranteed middle class status if you: graduate high school, wait until you're married to have kids.

I absolutely would not have been able to afford a home if I had kids first. Daycare is 2k a month PER KID.

Yes, how exactly did granny afford to buy a home? pay for daycare?

40 year old granny married young and stayed home with her kids. The key to making this work is marrying a guy who’s 10 years older so you can actually afford a house and kids. This system breaks down completely if you marry someone your own age.

Did she? Then how does she have a career and a grad school degree. Something doesn't add up...

I doubt she has a job, otherwise she'd be busy working rather than ranting all day on DCUM. Probably doesn't spend much time with her husband, kids, or grandkids either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The notion that waiting to marry and have children makes you more financial secure and leads to more promotions at work is pure fiction. Dual incomes allow you to buy a home, and more home at that, much sooner. A married 28 y/o couple over the last few years has watched their house explode in value. While unwed yuppies flush money down the drain on rent. Most young adults mature very quickly when the first kid arrives; waiting stunts that maturation. And most employers reward married with kids colleagues, as it signals you’re stable and trustworthy, and married with kids (and grandkids) elder bosses connect with you. The unmarried and childless just seem flighty, aimless and frankly weird.

There have been studies and you're basically guaranteed middle class status if you: graduate high school, wait until you're married to have kids.

I absolutely would not have been able to afford a home if I had kids first. Daycare is 2k a month PER KID.

Yes, how exactly did granny afford to buy a home? pay for daycare?

40 year old granny married young and stayed home with her kids. The key to making this work is marrying a guy who’s 10 years older so you can actually afford a house and kids. This system breaks down completely if you marry someone your own age.

Did she? Then how does she have a career and a grad school degree. Something doesn't add up...

Dp- she also said that all the good men are snapped up at 25.
That’s why the brunching gals won’t ever find a good man. They waited too late.
[/quote

Haha. I remember joking when I was 27 that I was just going to wait until those marriages broke up and they reshuffled the deck. And it actually happened that way. Good strategy. I recommend it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Dp- she also said that all the good men are snapped up at 25.
That’s why the brunching gals won’t ever find a good man. They waited too late.

More or less true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unpopular opinion:
anti brunch granny is not completely wrong.
Just sayin’.

New research says anti-brunch granny is quite astute: "Research shows that marrying young without ever having lived together with a partner makes for some of the lowest divorce rates." - WSJ

I would invite you to think for a moment: why might it be that the same people getting married very young are also not divorcing. Give me some explanations, and try to think beyond your personal biases.

I invite you to think for a moment: Is it just the Bible thumping trailer park dwellers "trapped" in a marriage your narrow-minded bigoted ass assumes -- or is it also rich WASPs, Jews, Muslims and Hindus who never shack up—because it's low class and trashy—and marry in their early in mid 20s? Because that is precisely what I'm seeing in our UMC and well off orbit, see two rich 22 and 23-year-old Jews featured in Vogue:

https://www.vogue.com/article/az-cohen-valentina-van-de-weghe-wedding-charlie-bird-new-york-city

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The notion that waiting to marry and have children makes you more financial secure and leads to more promotions at work is pure fiction. Dual incomes allow you to buy a home, and more home at that, much sooner. A married 28 y/o couple over the last few years has watched their house explode in value. While unwed yuppies flush money down the drain on rent. Most young adults mature very quickly when the first kid arrives; waiting stunts that maturation. And most employers reward married with kids colleagues, as it signals you’re stable and trustworthy, and married with kids (and grandkids) elder bosses connect with you. The unmarried and childless just seem flighty, aimless and frankly weird.

Depends on your profession. I didn't have time to be a mother or a wife while I was building my legal career. I waited until I had some experience (during which time I bought a house totally on my own) and then moved to an in house position. Married and had our first child 3 years after we got married.

[Anonymous]

To the spinsters on dcum, squandering away your 20s and 30s on two rents and two sets of bills and boozing the weekend away at brunch while your fertility withers away, is wiser than marrying after college, buying a house with your husband, and having children when you don't need scientists and $50,000 in ivf lab bills. Because, based on absolutely nothing, your career will suffer and your healthy children will be worse off with young energetic parents. Some of you are living in the 50s era mentality. It's 2022, nobody can fire you for getting pregnant. Many employers offer free child care and all employers are going to pay you and your husband's maternity/paternity leave. And if anything, you're more likely to seek out and connect with bosses who can give you promotions when you're married with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The notion that waiting to marry and have children makes you more financial secure and leads to more promotions at work is pure fiction. Dual incomes allow you to buy a home, and more home at that, much sooner. A married 28 y/o couple over the last few years has watched their house explode in value. While unwed yuppies flush money down the drain on rent. Most young adults mature very quickly when the first kid arrives; waiting stunts that maturation. And most employers reward married with kids colleagues, as it signals you’re stable and trustworthy, and married with kids (and grandkids) elder bosses connect with you. The unmarried and childless just seem flighty, aimless and frankly weird.

There have been studies and you're basically guaranteed middle class status if you: graduate high school, wait until you're married to have kids.

I absolutely would not have been able to afford a home if I had kids first. Daycare is 2k a month PER KID.

Yes, how exactly did granny afford to buy a home? pay for daycare?

40 year old granny married young and stayed home with her kids. The key to making this work is marrying a guy who’s 10 years older so you can actually afford a house and kids. This system breaks down completely if you marry someone your own age.

Did she? Then how does she have a career and a grad school degree. Something doesn't add up...

Dp- she also said that all the good men are snapped up at 25.
That’s why the brunching gals won’t ever find a good man. They waited too late.

By "good men" does she mean men who think women are only good for breeding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the spinsters on dcum, squandering away your 20s and 30s on two rents and two sets of bills and boozing the weekend away at brunch while your fertility withers away, is wiser than marrying after college, buying a house with your husband, and having children when you don't need scientists and $50,000 in ivf lab bills. Because, based on absolutely nothing, your career will suffer and your healthy children will be worse off with young energetic parents. Some of you are living in the 50s era mentality. It's 2022, nobody can fire you for getting pregnant. Many employers offer free child care and all employers are going to pay you and your husband's maternity/paternity leave. And if anything, you're more likely to seek out and connect with bosses who can give you promotions when you're married with kids.

How exactly did you "buy a house" out of college when you were so busy pumping out spawn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unpopular opinion:
anti brunch granny is not completely wrong.
Just sayin’.

New research says anti-brunch granny is quite astute: "Research shows that marrying young without ever having lived together with a partner makes for some of the lowest divorce rates." - WSJ

I would invite you to think for a moment: why might it be that the same people getting married very young are also not divorcing. Give me some explanations, and try to think beyond your personal biases.

I invite you to think for a moment: Is it just the Bible thumping trailer park dwellers "trapped" in a marriage your narrow-minded bigoted ass assumes -- or is it also rich WASPs, Jews, Muslims and Hindus who never shack up—because it's low class and trashy—and marry in their early in mid 20s? Because that is precisely what I'm seeing in our UMC and well off orbit, see two rich 22 and 23-year-old Jews featured in Vogue:

https://www.vogue.com/article/az-cohen-valentina-van-de-weghe-wedding-charlie-bird-new-york-city

Az Cohen's dad has been married three times already, so they're not exactly the perfect examples of how some families do it right. And the article states that she was making more room for him in her apartment when they got engaged, so it's fair to say that they were, in fact, shacking up in some form. Also, when you're both filthy rich, you don't need to worry about establishing a career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the spinsters on dcum, squandering away your 20s and 30s on two rents and two sets of bills and boozing the weekend away at brunch while your fertility withers away, is wiser than marrying after college, buying a house with your husband, and having children when you don't need scientists and $50,000 in ivf lab bills. Because, based on absolutely nothing, your career will suffer and your healthy children will be worse off with young energetic parents. Some of you are living in the 50s era mentality. It's 2022, nobody can fire you for getting pregnant. Many employers offer free child care and all employers are going to pay you and your husband's maternity/paternity leave. And if anything, you're more likely to seek out and connect with bosses who can give you promotions when you're married with kids.

How exactly did you "buy a house" out of college when you were so busy pumping out spawn?

Savings + wedding gifts. Look at how housing costs have exploded. The 30-somethings who waited have to spend hundreds and hundreds of thousands more for the same house their peers who married younger purchased 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the spinsters on dcum, squandering away your 20s and 30s on two rents and two sets of bills and boozing the weekend away at brunch while your fertility withers away, is wiser than marrying after college, buying a house with your husband, and having children when you don't need scientists and $50,000 in ivf lab bills. Because, based on absolutely nothing, your career will suffer and your healthy children will be worse off with young energetic parents. Some of you are living in the 50s era mentality. It's 2022, nobody can fire you for getting pregnant. Many employers offer free child care and all employers are going to pay you and your husband's maternity/paternity leave. And if anything, you're more likely to seek out and connect with bosses who can give you promotions when you're married with kids.

How exactly did you "buy a house" out of college when you were so busy pumping out spawn?

Savings + wedding gifts. Look at how housing costs have exploded. The 30-somethings who waited have to spend hundreds and hundreds of thousands more for the same house their peers who married younger purchased 10 years ago.

Houses were unaffordable 10 years ago too. This isn’t a new phenomenon.
If you can’t afford a 550k dollar home, you also can’t afford a 850k dollar home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the spinsters on dcum, squandering away your 20s and 30s on two rents and two sets of bills and boozing the weekend away at brunch while your fertility withers away, is wiser than marrying after college, buying a house with your husband, and having children when you don't need scientists and $50,000 in ivf lab bills. Because, based on absolutely nothing, your career will suffer and your healthy children will be worse off with young energetic parents. Some of you are living in the 50s era mentality. It's 2022, nobody can fire you for getting pregnant. Many employers offer free child care and all employers are going to pay you and your husband's maternity/paternity leave. And if anything, you're more likely to seek out and connect with bosses who can give you promotions when you're married with kids.

How exactly did you "buy a house" out of college when you were so busy pumping out spawn?

Savings + wedding gifts. Look at how housing costs have exploded. The 30-somethings who waited have to spend hundreds and hundreds of thousands more for the same house their peers who married younger purchased 10 years ago.

Housing costs were still high 10 years ago. My H and I married in our late 30s and were priced out of many DC neighborhoods in 2010, even with the proceeds of my small condo, yes, purchased when I was young and single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the spinsters on dcum, squandering away your 20s and 30s on two rents and two sets of bills and boozing the weekend away at brunch while your fertility withers away, is wiser than marrying after college, buying a house with your husband, and having children when you don't need scientists and $50,000 in ivf lab bills. Because, based on absolutely nothing, your career will suffer and your healthy children will be worse off with young energetic parents. Some of you are living in the 50s era mentality. It's 2022, nobody can fire you for getting pregnant. Many employers offer free child care and all employers are going to pay you and your husband's maternity/paternity leave. And if anything, you're more likely to seek out and connect with bosses who can give you promotions when you're married with kids.

How exactly did you "buy a house" out of college when you were so busy pumping out spawn?

Savings + wedding gifts. Look at how housing costs have exploded. The 30-somethings who waited have to spend hundreds and hundreds of thousands more for the same house their peers who married younger purchased 10 years ago.

Savings from what? You had just started working. How did you pay for a house and daycare? Not much free daycare 20+ years ago.

The people who have the best real estate investments now started off buying when they were single and then upgrading and/or accumulating more properties along the way. They had money to invest in real estate early on because they weren't shelling out money for daycare, diapers, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the spinsters on dcum, squandering away your 20s and 30s on two rents and two sets of bills and boozing the weekend away at brunch while your fertility withers away, is wiser than marrying after college, buying a house with your husband, and having children when you don't need scientists and $50,000 in ivf lab bills. Because, based on absolutely nothing, your career will suffer and your healthy children will be worse off with young energetic parents. Some of you are living in the 50s era mentality. It's 2022, nobody can fire you for getting pregnant. Many employers offer free child care and all employers are going to pay you and your husband's maternity/paternity leave. And if anything, you're more likely to seek out and connect with bosses who can give you promotions when you're married with kids.

I’m not going to waste time looking up studies to counter a troll who won’t care, but there ARE studies saying:

1. Employers absolutely do fire pregnant women all the time. Yes, it’s technically illegal, but that law is rarely to never enforced.

2. Free child care? “Many” employers is a stretch. Meanwhile, the US is one of the 3 most expensive countries for child care, and hundreds of areas both rural and urban are “childcare deserts” without nearly enough spots for the demand.

3. “All employers” will pay for leave? The US is literally the only developed country in the world without paid family leave.

None of this even affects me. I’m a SAHM. But I get annoyed when people smugly try to push total lies like they’re truth.

(I’m leaving the age thing alone because I don’t know the real stats on that one. But anecdotally, I got pregnant at 37, within a month of going off birth control, while trying natural family planning.)

[Anonymous]

Can’t believe I forgot the “promotions for married with kids” bit. Studies show that is true … only for men. Women with kids (even women without kids, if they’re married and child-bearing age) are penalized in promotions and salary.