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Mother's Day will never be mine...
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Anonymous
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...as long as my MIL is alive. She lives near us, my mother does not. MIL has not even acknowledged that Mother's Day applies to me this year. She has dictated the date, time, and cuisine of the "mandatory" Mother's Day dinner. There is a 100% chance this will happen every single year. I've told DH that I don't want to attend and that if it's my day, this type of cuisine is not what I would want. He simply shrugs his shoulders and says that I don't need to attend the dinner if I don't want to.
I guess I'm frustrated with MIL and disappointed that DH doesn't stand up for me. Anyone else feel this way about Mother's Day? |
Anonymous
| You are a selfish bitch. |
Anonymous
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Disagree with 20:44.
Your husband is a big wimp. He should be honoring you (on behalf of your infant child) as much as his own mother. Especially as it sounds that this is your first MDay. His current behavior would be acceptable if your MIL had been diagnosed with a terminal illness in the past year. |
Anonymous
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i'm sorry op, ignore the mean MIL who posted right after you, she has nothing better to do, b/c her DIL is out or something, so she cant torture her...
can u ask for a wknd away? or celebrate with your nuclear family on another day? or go visit your mom? your dh needs to stand up for you... |
Anonymous
| I disagree with 20:48. Go out to brunch, make that your time. It's not your husbands fault you don't live close to your mother. Let him see his mom on mothers day. Do you have a son? Think of how you would feel if he honored his wife but not his mother on mothers day. Valentines Day is for you. Your anniversary is for you. Your Birthday is for you. Mothers Day can be shared. |
Anonymous
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You're saying the whole day is blown because you have to have dinner with your MIL? What happened to the rest of the day? You are telling your husband that he can't have dinner with his mother on Mother's Day, because it's not the cuisine you would choose? Yes, your Mother-in-Law is probably being inconsiderate, but so are you by making your husband choose between his mother and you over something that doesn't have to be an "either/or" proposition. You both have a serious power struggle going on, and I feel sorry for your husband. It sounds like you have bigger issues.
How will you feel when your child is grown and their spouse tells them they can't celebrate Mother's Day with you? |
Anonymous
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I understand your feelings OP. My MIL is toxic to me and my husband - racist comments, comments on my weight, in my language, about my country of orige etc always in my back or even in my presence when she thinks I cannot hear (but I can because she is has hearing problem and doesn't realize how loud she speaks.)
Anyway, after a horrible X-MAS last year I decided to completely disengage - I never talked to her on the phone anymore and if she calls and my husband is not home I don't pick up. I have never made a trip to visit her after x-mas, but I make sure my husband calls her once a week and go visit her every 6 weeks or so. He is going now on Easter and I will not - I don't care what excuse he gives her. If he wants to go on Mother's day it is fine by me as well. I actually think he should go - she is old and is his mother. I only want to make sure I spend the day with my child (and of course DH better give me a card or something!) 
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Anonymous
ITA. |
Anonymous
We had this issue, not because MIL and my mom were dictating Mother's Day, but because we wanted to honor everyone, and we knew that everyone had different ideas of a celebration. Now we either celebrate "my" mother's day on Saturday and the other two moms on Sunday or vice versa. I don't care if my celebration is actually on mother's day as long as I get some quality time. |
Anonymous
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I think you should definitely participate in the family activities (why cause tension and unneeded stress on your first Mother's Day?) but I would suggest that you and DH and DC do something together in the morning--something special for you. Then, you will have had your time to do what you want and just endure the dinner. Just because you had a child, doesn't mean your MIL has stopped being a mom to your DH. He wants to honor her and he should--at least he isn't one of those husbands who forgets all about Mother's Day.
Are you going to a restaurant? If so, count your blessings. My SIL and I started having Mother's Day awhile back and now the cooking is on us (and we both have babies) so if I was mandated to go out to dinner, I would be happy, no matter the cuisine. It can't be that bad. Remember, if it gets too bad and your MIL completely cuts you out of the day and makes it all about her, next year you can put up a fight. You can threaten to not come and not bring your child and then I guarantee she will back down. But, give her a shot this year to see how she handles herself. |
Anonymous
| My Mother's Day has been blown for the last 7 years because my mother is dead. Sort of ruined the whole thing for me. |
Anonymous
| OP, you really can't change your MIL, you can only change your "poor me" reaction to the situation. Why don't you and DH go out that Saturday night before? Make that weekend special in your own way. Just chill. Sounds like you are putting yourself through a lot of grief for nothing really... unless the negativity is what you thrive on. |
Anonymous
What is wrong with ppl on here! Why did you feel the need to be so rude? No need to post this! |
Anonymous
| i'm one of the pp who totally agree with you, but really, you know mother's day is just a date created by hallmark, right? you can have your own totally you-centric day the day before or the weekend after or whenever - do you think that would help you feel better? |
Anonymous
| Your husband needs to buck up. Honestly, I'd be disgusted with him. We had a similar, but much smaller issue, at the beginning of our relationship. It happened twice, I let him know that I wouldn't accept it, and his mother hasn't behaved in that manner since. |