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Dear friend just told me she has had an affair. What advice should I give?
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Anonymous
| I am very close to her, not as much to him, but we do activities together, DC are in 2nd grade together, and we run in the same social circle. We are also members of the same pool, and I think the man she had the affair with belongs to the pool. I am clearly not breathing a word to anyone, but I want her to be happy, but get help. She just told me, and I told her that they should be in counseling (regardless of if she decides to tell him about the affair) and that she should get individual therapy. I'm not going to lay out too many specifics, but would appreciate any good-hearted pieces of advice for a friend in trouble. She has said that the affair lasted about 4 months, but it is totally over. |
Anonymous
| She needs to open up and tell her husband, and than let the two of them decide together what needs to be done next... It's really their issue.. not yours. |
Anonymous
|
Yes, indeed, it is their issue, I just want to make sure that I said the "right" thing to her--which was to seek counseling to find out why she did this...
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Anonymous
| Yes.. counseling is probably a great idea... but it's something she needs to talk to her husband about.. they should probably get counseling together. |
Anonymous
| When I found out that my friend had an affair, I didn't really say anything. I listened to her when she needed to talk, I didn't judge, and I didn't offer much advice. I'd just lie low and stay out of it. Be there for her, but really most of the time our friends just need someone to listen. |
Anonymous
| Great advice 21:43, thanks! OP |
Anonymous
| what does it have to do with you? let her enjoy the affair. smart chick. |
Anonymous
| OP: She's not that happy about it. Will stay out of it for sure, but just wanted to be a good friend. |
Anonymous
said one callous, self-centered chick to another . . . |
Anonymous
My bet is, post was from a man. |
Anonymous
| I would encourage her to seek counseling and also to do the right thing and end the affair and tell her husband. I would also pull back from the friendship as to continue as you are is to me saying you are fine with her cheating. It is also disrespectful to the husband to be around them acting like nothing is wrong, leaving him in the dark while you support her. Her husband has a right to know what is happening in his marriage. Affairs can be absolutely emotionally devastating for the betrayed spouse and can end up ripping families apart. Don't play along. |
Anonymous
this. Just listen and don't offer advice. She needs to make her own decisions about what to do. She'll probably end up blaming you if she follows your advice. |
Anonymous
| In addition to above: you should decide whether or not you feel comfortable lying or covering for her in any way. I wouldn't, in most cases. Be up front with her about this. |
Anonymous
|
For someone who claimed to not want to give specifics, you sure gave a lot!! Soooo, if there are any DH's out there suspecting:
- You have a kid in grade 2 - Your wife does car pool with a blabber mouth - Your wife also does car pool with a man - Your wife is close to thr blabber mouth and you guys run in the same circle - You are not close with the blabber mouth, but your wife is - You and your wife aren't in counseling- Yet!! Me thinks OP wanted to plant a seed. |
Anonymous
not car-pool, swimming pool you moron. |