Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.

DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.

Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.

There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)

+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃

Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.

Exactly! Nobody here ever complains about their husband not helping out. Everyone has it 50/50 or better!

Yes some of us do have involved H’s . Sorry you don’t.

You’re not very informed beyond your own little world.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2020/02/14/gender-equality-millennial-men-still-dont-do-laundry-house-cleaning/4748860002/

You do your H’s laundry? Really?

[Anonymous]

I remember touring a bright horizons and they literally said, “we choose a primary caregiver for each infant” from amongst the staff. It was actually a valuable concept and good thing to note but the language made me bristle.

[Anonymous]

You only get one life. You have to spend it how you want to. That will mean different things to different people. For me that meant SAH. I didn’t want to look back with regret. Others obviously feel differently and that’s fine. People should make a choice they feel confident about, whatever it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.

DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.

Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.

There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)

+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃

Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.

Exactly! Nobody here ever complains about their husband not helping out. Everyone has it 50/50 or better!

Yes some of us do have involved H’s . Sorry you don’t.

You’re not very informed beyond your own little world.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2020/02/14/gender-equality-millennial-men-still-dont-do-laundry-house-cleaning/4748860002/

You do your H’s laundry? Really?

No one divorced in your utopia?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.

DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.

Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.

There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)

Yes it’s true I’ve followed the absurdity of the 24x7 parenting including co-sleeping to prove they spend more time with their child and now a psychologist’s sister who changed her whole schedule to be in the room next to her sleeping child because her sister said so.

lol.

Seriously lady nobody cares about your opinion.

I just keep this thread going for the sheer entertainment.

Thanks for playing along.

What do you do for work, exactly? I hope nothing too consequential. Your reasoning and writing ability does not inspire confidence.

Someone lost the arguments and has to resort to ad hominem… just wave a white flag.

LOL done! I concede! I yield! You win whatever argument you think it is we’re having!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.

DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.

Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.

There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)

+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃

Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.

Speak for yourself only. Plenty of dual-income families do NOT have involved husbands. There are lots of working moms whose husbands don't do much parenting/with the kids.

+1 I'm a working mom and luckily my H is not one of them, but yes this is of course sadly true. And plenty of H's of SAHMs are great. But you see, the other PP (and a few others like her) have made up a whole convenient narrative as to what SAHM households look like. The H in these households is forced to work a biiiiig fancy job that keeps him away from his kids all but a fraction of the time, yet despite that, apparently they can't afford domestic help so the SAHM wastes all her kids' waking hours on domestic chores.

This is the reality for a lot of single income families though, except the H's job isn't fancy and he's working overtime to make ends meet. DCUM is pretty out of touch about how anyone but the UMC/UC lives.

How do you know that? I'm a SAHM and my husband's job isn't fancy and he doesn't work overtime. We are very middle class, not UMC or UC at all.

Families like yours do not exist in the other PP's mind because they don't help her feel better about her set-up.

Yea

SAHM: I’m the primary parent. I’m home so I can raise my kids because working parents are gone long hours.
Others: So you H works a ton and doesn’t raise your kids.
SAHM: no he does raise our kids with me
Others: like a working mom?

SAHM: No they don’t idk, I’m confused your twisting my words you don’t know what happens in our family.

Others: but you know what happens in WOH families?

SAHM: you don’t know how to spell and your grammar is atrocious.

Rinse repeat

Nope, what you are doing here doesn't work. The SAHM is not paying a caregiver to help raise her kids; in a family where both parents work FT, paid care comes typically into play to help do the raising. When SAHMs say the title of the OP, they mean they didn't want PAID caregivers raising their kids. It's a crap thing to say out loud; there are many truths than need not be shared.

On a broader level, I understand that you are frustrated that folks make assumptions about what WOHM households look like. Some of them are unfair and not true for many us, especially those of us with flexible work arrangements and extra especially true for those of us where both partners have flexible jobs! Hooray, woot, so glad for these possibilities! But your response is to do precisely the same for SAHM households -- generalize and paint the worse picture possible? How is that the answer? I honestly can't tell if you believe the broad assumptions and pictures you are painting of SAHM households or if you are just trying to make the point that we all sound ridiculous when we generalize. Because you do indeed sound ridiculous when you describe SAHM households.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You only get one life. You have to spend it how you want to. That will mean different things to different people. For me that meant SAH. I didn’t want to look back with regret. Others obviously feel differently and that’s fine. People should make a choice they feel confident about, whatever it is.

Some people CANT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You only get one life. You have to spend it how you want to. That will mean different things to different people. For me that meant SAH. I didn’t want to look back with regret. Others obviously feel differently and that’s fine. People should make a choice they feel confident about, whatever it is.

Quite frankly I’m not sure I can be totally confident in either choice (I stayed home for a little while but now work, and both have had their ups and downs). But that’s really the reality of parenting. It’s also probably why this thread is so contentious.

[Anonymous]

I would like to reiterate that many Fathers also stay at home and do laundry despite the almost total lack of acknowledgement throughout the 100 or so pages of moms arguing with one another. Just a PSA to remind Moms that Fathers exist and have many of the same problems, even including the unhelpful spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember touring a bright horizons and they literally said, “we choose a primary caregiver for each infant” from amongst the staff. It was actually a valuable concept and good thing to note but the language made me bristle.

I think I was on the same tour, it may have. Even the straw that made me want to stay at home for the first few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.

DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.

Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.

There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)

+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃

Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.

Speak for yourself only. Plenty of dual-income families do NOT have involved husbands. There are lots of working moms whose husbands don't do much parenting/with the kids.

+1 I'm a working mom and luckily my H is not one of them, but yes this is of course sadly true. And plenty of H's of SAHMs are great. But you see, the other PP (and a few others like her) have made up a whole convenient narrative as to what SAHM households look like. The H in these households is forced to work a biiiiig fancy job that keeps him away from his kids all but a fraction of the time, yet despite that, apparently they can't afford domestic help so the SAHM wastes all her kids' waking hours on domestic chores.

This is the reality for a lot of single income families though, except the H's job isn't fancy and he's working overtime to make ends meet. DCUM is pretty out of touch about how anyone but the UMC/UC lives.

How do you know that? I'm a SAHM and my husband's job isn't fancy and he doesn't work overtime. We are very middle class, not UMC or UC at all.

Families like yours do not exist in the other PP's mind because they don't help her feel better about her set-up.

Yea

SAHM: I’m the primary parent. I’m home so I can raise my kids because working parents are gone long hours.
Others: So you H works a ton and doesn’t raise your kids.
SAHM: no he does raise our kids with me
Others: like a working mom?

SAHM: No they don’t idk, I’m confused your twisting my words you don’t know what happens in our family.

Others: but you know what happens in WOH families?

SAHM: you don’t know how to spell and your grammar is atrocious.

Rinse repeat

I have been a SAHM and a working mom and actually no my DH does not "raise" our kids even though he doesn't work a very demanding job. Especially not when I was a SAHM. He just lacks the focus and intentionality to do it. He'll follow my lead but he won't take initiative and when left to his own devices he'll opt for the lazy thing.

I wish this was not the case and it was a disappointment to me but it's the reality. I know it's also a reality for other women because I've talked to them about it and because I can see how some men parent. We don't do a good job in this country if socializing men into parenting roles and sadly this results in a decent number if families where men voluntarily take a back seat while their wives raise their kids.

Being a SAHM was something I could do to compensate for that. I could be very hands on as a SAHM in a way I couldn't be as a working mom and get our kids in a good path without outsourcing a lot of the guidance and reinforcement to childcare. I went back to work after a few years and now yes I do "raise" my kids as a working mom but I feel a lot more confident in it because of the time I spent with them at the start. A really good nanny could have done it too but given the lackluster parenting from their dad I felt strongly about having a really strong parental figure with them daily when they were very young and impressionable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to reiterate that many Fathers also stay at home and do laundry despite the almost total lack of acknowledgement throughout the 100 or so pages of moms arguing with one another. Just a PSA to remind Moms that Fathers exist and have many of the same problems, even including the unhelpful spouse.

"Many"?

I know if some fathers who stay home and "do laundry" but you and I both know it's a minority.

In any case this thread is largely about women competing with each other so that's why SAHDs aren't discussed much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.

DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.

Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.

There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)

+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃

Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.

Exactly! Nobody here ever complains about their husband not helping out. Everyone has it 50/50 or better!

Yes some of us do have involved H’s . Sorry you don’t.

You’re not very informed beyond your own little world.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2020/02/14/gender-equality-millennial-men-still-dont-do-laundry-house-cleaning/4748860002/

You do your H’s laundry? Really?

No one divorced in your utopia?

Nobody does other grown up’s laundry. This is a you problem. Just don’t do it, he will fo it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.

DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.

Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.

There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)

+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃

Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.

Speak for yourself only. Plenty of dual-income families do NOT have involved husbands. There are lots of working moms whose husbands don't do much parenting/with the kids.

+1 I'm a working mom and luckily my H is not one of them, but yes this is of course sadly true. And plenty of H's of SAHMs are great. But you see, the other PP (and a few others like her) have made up a whole convenient narrative as to what SAHM households look like. The H in these households is forced to work a biiiiig fancy job that keeps him away from his kids all but a fraction of the time, yet despite that, apparently they can't afford domestic help so the SAHM wastes all her kids' waking hours on domestic chores.

This is the reality for a lot of single income families though, except the H's job isn't fancy and he's working overtime to make ends meet. DCUM is pretty out of touch about how anyone but the UMC/UC lives.

How do you know that? I'm a SAHM and my husband's job isn't fancy and he doesn't work overtime. We are very middle class, not UMC or UC at all.

Families like yours do not exist in the other PP's mind because they don't help her feel better about her set-up.

Yea

SAHM: I’m the primary parent. I’m home so I can raise my kids because working parents are gone long hours.
Others: So you H works a ton and doesn’t raise your kids.
SAHM: no he does raise our kids with me
Others: like a working mom?

SAHM: No they don’t idk, I’m confused your twisting my words you don’t know what happens in our family.

Others: but you know what happens in WOH families?

SAHM: you don’t know how to spell and your grammar is atrocious.

Rinse repeat

Nope, what you are doing here doesn't work. The SAHM is not paying a caregiver to help raise her kids; in a family where both parents work FT, paid care comes typically into play to help do the raising. When SAHMs say the title of the OP, they mean they didn't want PAID caregivers raising their kids. It's a crap thing to say out loud; there are many truths than need not be shared.

On a broader level, I understand that you are frustrated that folks make assumptions about what WOHM households look like. Some of them are unfair and not true for many us, especially those of us with flexible work arrangements and extra especially true for those of us where both partners have flexible jobs! Hooray, woot, so glad for these possibilities! But your response is to do precisely the same for SAHM households -- generalize and paint the worse picture possible? How is that the answer? I honestly can't tell if you believe the broad assumptions and pictures you are painting of SAHM households or if you are just trying to make the point that we all sound ridiculous when we generalize. Because you do indeed sound ridiculous when you describe SAHM households.

Nope not even close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.

DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.

Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.

There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)

+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃

Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.

Speak for yourself only. Plenty of dual-income families do NOT have involved husbands. There are lots of working moms whose husbands don't do much parenting/with the kids.

+1 I'm a working mom and luckily my H is not one of them, but yes this is of course sadly true. And plenty of H's of SAHMs are great. But you see, the other PP (and a few others like her) have made up a whole convenient narrative as to what SAHM households look like. The H in these households is forced to work a biiiiig fancy job that keeps him away from his kids all but a fraction of the time, yet despite that, apparently they can't afford domestic help so the SAHM wastes all her kids' waking hours on domestic chores.

This is the reality for a lot of single income families though, except the H's job isn't fancy and he's working overtime to make ends meet. DCUM is pretty out of touch about how anyone but the UMC/UC lives.

How do you know that? I'm a SAHM and my husband's job isn't fancy and he doesn't work overtime. We are very middle class, not UMC or UC at all.

Families like yours do not exist in the other PP's mind because they don't help her feel better about her set-up.

Yea

SAHM: I’m the primary parent. I’m home so I can raise my kids because working parents are gone long hours.
Others: So you H works a ton and doesn’t raise your kids.
SAHM: no he does raise our kids with me
Others: like a working mom?

SAHM: No they don’t idk, I’m confused your twisting my words you don’t know what happens in our family.

Others: but you know what happens in WOH families?

SAHM: you don’t know how to spell and your grammar is atrocious.

Rinse repeat

I have been a SAHM and a working mom and actually no my DH does not "raise" our kids even though he doesn't work a very demanding job. Especially not when I was a SAHM. He just lacks the focus and intentionality to do it. He'll follow my lead but he won't take initiative and when left to his own devices he'll opt for the lazy thing.

I wish this was not the case and it was a disappointment to me but it's the reality. I know it's also a reality for other women because I've talked to them about it and because I can see how some men parent. We don't do a good job in this country if socializing men into parenting roles and sadly this results in a decent number if families where men voluntarily take a back seat while their wives raise their kids.

Being a SAHM was something I could do to compensate for that. I could be very hands on as a SAHM in a way I couldn't be as a working mom and get our kids in a good path without outsourcing a lot of the guidance and reinforcement to childcare. I went back to work after a few years and now yes I do "raise" my kids as a working mom but I feel a lot more confident in it because of the time I spent with them at the start. A really good nanny could have done it too but given the lackluster parenting from their dad I felt strongly about having a really strong parental figure with them daily when they were very young and impressionable.

In short

Your H has no interest in being a parent so you decided to stay home so they have at least 1 parent instead of 2 like most of us.