Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe this thread is still ongoing.

I work because it is in the best financial interest for my family long term but it kills me inside that someone is spending all day with my kids, particularly my preschooler who home a lot and is a complete delight. I work from home and have some flexibility but at the end of the day, I have deliverables and meetings constantly, so I’m really working.

I’m all for whatever a woman chooses to do - wanting to work, wanting to stay home, etc. I also think it’s socially dense for a person to shame a working parent saying they don’t want someone else raising their kids, even if it’s the reason they chose to stay home. We should respect each others decisions. At the end of the day the studies show that the outcomes for kids of sahps vs wohp are similar, so it’s really about what works best for the family from a preference and financial perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to derail the thread further but i have a large gap and have a kid in elementary school, middle school and high school. I also have elderly parents who can no longer care for themselves so I am juggling both my kids while caring for my parents. Welcome to the sandwich generation. My dad has 50 hours of home aid care but it is not enough. The same way a 40 hour week nanny isn’t enough for a baby.

What? Our nanny never worked more than 40 hours a week.

How did you work 40 hours a week AND commute? Do you work part time?

I work full-time and always have. I have a husband who participates in raising our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

Can you say "I stepped back from full time work to be the kids primary care giver?" I mean, that's the truth. andnit doesn't use the "r" word. If you work full time when your kids are 0-school age, you not the primary care giver for the child.

I don't think saying you wanted to be your kids' primary caregiver is offensive or rude.

I think saying you didn't want someone else to raise your kids is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

Can you say "I stepped back from full time work to be the kids primary care giver?" I mean, that's the truth. andnit doesn't use the "r" word. If you work full time when your kids are 0-school age, you not the primary care giver for the child.

I don't think saying you wanted to be your kids' primary caregiver is offensive or rude.

I think saying you didn't want someone else to raise your kids is.

Are you saying there are situations where someone isn’t the primary caregiver? What situations would that be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

Can you say "I stepped back from full time work to be the kids primary care giver?" I mean, that's the truth. andnit doesn't use the "r" word. If you work full time when your kids are 0-school age, you not the primary care giver for the child.

I don't think saying you wanted to be your kids' primary caregiver is offensive or rude.

I think saying you didn't want someone else to raise your kids is.

Are you saying there are situations where someone isn’t the primary caregiver? What situations would that be?

These women say their H’s are not a primary caregiver to their child. They are literally bragging that their Hs are absent in raising their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.

DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.

Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.

There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)

+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃

Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.

Exactly! Nobody here ever complains about their husband not helping out. Everyone has it 50/50 or better!

Yes some of us do have involved H’s . Sorry you don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

Can you say "I stepped back from full time work to be the kids primary care giver?" I mean, that's the truth. andnit doesn't use the "r" word. If you work full time when your kids are 0-school age, you not the primary care giver for the child.

I don't think saying you wanted to be your kids' primary caregiver is offensive or rude.

I think saying you didn't want someone else to raise your kids is.

Are you saying there are situations where someone isn’t the primary caregiver? What situations would that be?

These women say their H’s are not a primary caregiver to their child. They are literally bragging that their Hs are absent in raising their kids.

Where was that said?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.

DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.

Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.

There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)

Yes it’s true I’ve followed the absurdity of the 24x7 parenting including co-sleeping to prove they spend more time with their child and now a psychologist’s sister who changed her whole schedule to be in the room next to her sleeping child because her sister said so.

lol.

Seriously lady nobody cares about your opinion.

I just keep this thread going for the sheer entertainment.

Thanks for playing along.

What do you do for work, exactly? I hope nothing too consequential. Your reasoning and writing ability does not inspire confidence.

Someone lost the arguments and has to resort to ad hominem… just wave a white flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.

DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.

Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.

There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)

+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃

Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.

You have no clue what it's like in others' households. I'm a SAHM with a very involved DH. I have a good friend who is works full time in a very demanding career as does her husband and even though they both work more than 40 hours a week (and both earn about the same amount of $, which I only mention bc I'm sure someone will bring it up), she does majority of the household and childcare related tasks while her DH does very little. Being a family w/ 2 working parents or 1 working parent and 1 SAHP, the amount of involvement each parent has w/ their kids is different in each family. It's incredibly naive and stupid of you to assume that SAHMs all have uninvolved DHs and working moms all have involved DHs.

No shit Sherlock. That’s what everybody’s saying just because you stay at home doesn’t mean you spend an immense more time with your children. You have no idea what everybody else is doing in their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

Can you say "I stepped back from full time work to be the kids primary care giver?" I mean, that's the truth. andnit doesn't use the "r" word. If you work full time when your kids are 0-school age, you not the primary care giver for the child.

I don't think saying you wanted to be your kids' primary caregiver is offensive or rude.

I think saying you didn't want someone else to raise your kids is.

Are you saying there are situations where someone isn’t the primary caregiver? What situations would that be?

You can't see the difference between being the primary caregiver and being the one to do the raising?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.

DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.

Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.

There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)

+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃

Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.

Exactly! Nobody here ever complains about their husband not helping out. Everyone has it 50/50 or better!

Yes some of us do have involved H’s . Sorry you don’t.

You’re not very informed beyond your own little world.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2020/02/14/gender-equality-millennial-men-still-dont-do-laundry-house-cleaning/4748860002/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

Can you say "I stepped back from full time work to be the kids primary care giver?" I mean, that's the truth. andnit doesn't use the "r" word. If you work full time when your kids are 0-school age, you not the primary care giver for the child.

I don't think saying you wanted to be your kids' primary caregiver is offensive or rude.

I think saying you didn't want someone else to raise your kids is.

Are you saying there are situations where someone isn’t the primary caregiver? What situations would that be?

You can't see the difference between being the primary caregiver and being the one to do the raising?

Are you saying they are different people in your house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.

DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.

Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.

There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)

+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃

Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.

Speak for yourself only. Plenty of dual-income families do NOT have involved husbands. There are lots of working moms whose husbands don't do much parenting/with the kids.

+1 I'm a working mom and luckily my H is not one of them, but yes this is of course sadly true. And plenty of H's of SAHMs are great. But you see, the other PP (and a few others like her) have made up a whole convenient narrative as to what SAHM households look like. The H in these households is forced to work a biiiiig fancy job that keeps him away from his kids all but a fraction of the time, yet despite that, apparently they can't afford domestic help so the SAHM wastes all her kids' waking hours on domestic chores.

This is the reality for a lot of single income families though, except the H's job isn't fancy and he's working overtime to make ends meet. DCUM is pretty out of touch about how anyone but the UMC/UC lives.

How do you know that? I'm a SAHM and my husband's job isn't fancy and he doesn't work overtime. We are very middle class, not UMC or UC at all.

Families like yours do not exist in the other PP's mind because they don't help her feel better about her set-up.

Yea

SAHM: I’m the primary parent. I’m home so I can raise my kids because working parents are gone long hours.
Others: So you H works a ton and doesn’t raise your kids.
SAHM: no he does raise our kids with me
Others: like a working mom?

SAHM: No they don’t idk, I’m confused your twisting my words you don’t know what happens in our family.

Others: but you know what happens in WOH families?

SAHM: you don’t know how to spell and your grammar is atrocious.

Rinse repeat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.

DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.

Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.

There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)

+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃

Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.

Exactly! Nobody here ever complains about their husband not helping out. Everyone has it 50/50 or better!

Yes some of us do have involved H’s . Sorry you don’t.

You’re not very informed beyond your own little world.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2020/02/14/gender-equality-millennial-men-still-dont-do-laundry-house-cleaning/4748860002/

I don’t need data to show me you chose badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, women who aren't motherly or patient by nature, wouldn't their kids be better off getting raised by fathers, grandparents or hired help?

Just don’t call it raising. It hurts too many feelings. Call it something like “spending significant awake hours with” and you have to assume almost nothing happens during that time.

That doesn’t work because some SAHM think being there during nap time is significant to their kids lives and some colder so they are literally in bed with them.

Yes. Kids nap 8 hours a day from ages 0-3. Usually from about 8am to 4pm. Conveniently so their working mothers and fathers never miss a thing and nobody else has to be involved in any child care. Everyone knows this.

DP. I think you have to understand, you think your snark is clever but for those of us who had young kids in child care you sound ignorant and ridiculous. Like damn, you are really insecure that you feel the need to say sh$t like this.

DP. My kids were in childcare and I think her snark is hilarious.

it's both hilarious and shows she is insecure about the fact some of us had really great work schedules as did our H's and she's all mad we had it all, work and home with kids.

Nah, it’s just clever and funny and shows she’s been following some of the rather absurd arguments made on this thread.

There is, however, insecurity in your posts (which is why you keep bringing up your schedule. Seriously, lady, nobody actually cares.)

+1. I think this person is about to spend the next 6 hours solo parenting before she puts her preschoolers to bed at 9 pm and she and her husband log on for another hour of work at 9:30 pm. I can’t wait to hear about how you really do have it all when you’re done working at 10:30 🙃

Only SAHM's have to solo parent the rest of us have H who also parent.

Exactly! Nobody here ever complains about their husband not helping out. Everyone has it 50/50 or better!

Yes some of us do have involved H’s . Sorry you don’t.

You’re not very informed beyond your own little world.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2020/02/14/gender-equality-millennial-men-still-dont-do-laundry-house-cleaning/4748860002/

I don’t need data to show me you chose badly.

“I don’t need data!” Says the supposedly educated working parent. Feelings and emotions only.