Why do people with demanding jobs choose to have 3+ kids?

[Anonymous]

Why do people love to attack families with 3+ kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people love to attack families with 3+ kids?

Easiest answer? Jealousy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People make snarky comments about having 3+ all the time but it’s been a life saver for these kids to have each other during the pandemic. They haven’t been lonely and still get tons of play. So we’re quite happy with having gone with more than the norm

YES. I have three (and a fourth on the way) and I say all the time that lacking any one of them would have made this much much harder. The oldest is old enough to loosely supervise the younger two when I'm in a different part of the house, the middle bridges the gap because the oldest and youngest are awfully far apart to play together, and the youngest entertains the middle when the oldest is doing schoolwork or reading a book. It's worked out beautifully, and having three is really honestly easier than having any two of them. So of course we're doing it again.

It’s easy as your oldest is a free bsbysitter. Not their job, it’s yours. Hire help.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people love to attack families with 3+ kids?

Because non-covid times families call the ones with fewer kids to drive their kids and "playdates" - really free babysitting and given the relationship is one sided it gets old quickly. The only reason we say yes is we feel sorry for your kid that you are too busy to meet their needs and want them to see how real parents interact/support/care for their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I used to have a very demanding job and was on the road for over half of the time. I was concerned about having kids with a demanding career, so I crowdsourced feedback on another forum from adults who had parents who had jobs that often kept them from their children. I received comments from around 40 people and nearly all of them said it was the quality of time (being present, not distracted with work calls etc) and not the quality of time that mattered. Some people had a parent who was home all of the time but not a good parent and their relationship today is non existent. Thankfully now my career is more manageable but still can be busy at times so I always on quality over quantity of time.

Quantity without quality is bad, but quality without quantity is also bad. I agree with a PP who said you’re not going to be able to emotionally connect with your kids during Sunday brunch. You have to do some of the physical grunt work too. The morning and evening routines, thinking about their needs and knowing the little details in their lives.

Case in point: SIL and BIL worked crazy hours until their kids were in ES. Only then did they realize their kids had autism (one severe) and so they’ve cut back a lot to spend more time with them. But it’s a little too late unfortunately.

Really nasty of you to accuse them of this.

That aside, I grew up with very hard working parents. Both my parents had very big careers and spent little (but lots of quality) time with us. My dad was his own boss and took longer vacations... so we had him for that... my mom had very little time off. I never EVER felt neglected. Compared with my friends (many with stay at home moms) I have the closest relationship with my mom. I speak/FaceTime with her 3-4 times a day, she spent the first 5-6 weeks with each of my 3 kids with me and always helped me a lot. My parents gave me more in terms of experiences, values, love and money than any of the friends I grew up with. We are very very close... We had several baby sitters and my mom had several cleaning ladies. It was a great experiences growing up that way... I knew that they were working so hard for US so that we could travel to Africa, US, other European countries, etc. I went to very expensive schools and my parents never said no to any experience or anything related to education (they said no to cellphones, cars, clothes plenty of time)... they always made me understand the value of money and I did nit grow up spoiled... they were amazing parents and they spent little time with us, but plenty of quality time...
Imagine that nowadays we vacation together every summer (for weeks/months) and my kids think of my mom as their second mom... I hope I will be half the parent my parents were and my kids will be lucky!

You were neglected as you had a fancy private school and babysitters/house keepers/staff to care for you. You clearly valued material things/school/travel over time. To say you hope to be half the parents your parents were is easy, just pay people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I suggested to my big banking sister in law with two kids that they should get a dog she said they didn’t have time for a dog. Shortly thereafter they decided to have a third. Dunno how you don’t have time for a dog but you do have time for a child? Two nannies and a cook. Kids are nice but I don’t really get the point.

You seem to think everyone likes dogs. What an oddball. Your jealousy of your SIL is obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I used to have a very demanding job and was on the road for over half of the time. I was concerned about having kids with a demanding career, so I crowdsourced feedback on another forum from adults who had parents who had jobs that often kept them from their children. I received comments from around 40 people and nearly all of them said it was the quality of time (being present, not distracted with work calls etc) and not the quality of time that mattered. Some people had a parent who was home all of the time but not a good parent and their relationship today is non existent. Thankfully now my career is more manageable but still can be busy at times so I always on quality over quantity of time.

Quantity without quality is bad, but quality without quantity is also bad. I agree with a PP who said you’re not going to be able to emotionally connect with your kids during Sunday brunch. You have to do some of the physical grunt work too. The morning and evening routines, thinking about their needs and knowing the little details in their lives.

Case in point: SIL and BIL worked crazy hours until their kids were in ES. Only then did they realize their kids had autism (one severe) and so they’ve cut back a lot to spend more time with them. But it’s a little too late unfortunately.

I feel like there are people on here who devote their lives to their kids and feel threatened that there is another path. My mom had an intense career and my dad did as well (but he was useless). I am super close to my mom. I've never felt neglected and I've learned so much from her as I pursue my own career with a child. My husband had a stay at home mom who he isn't close to really... he says that he doesn't feel like she knows him DESPITE her being home all the time. My mom would always engage us in discussion in the car, on walks, in the kitchen and I told her EVERYTHING as a high school student and in college.

PEOPLE stay home if you want to stay home but don't think it will make you necessarily connected to your kids.

And please, the other poster was not neglected. Not sure if you know the definition of neglect.

Really nasty of you to accuse them of this.

That aside, I grew up with very hard working parents. Both my parents had very big careers and spent little (but lots of quality) time with us. My dad was his own boss and took longer vacations... so we had him for that... my mom had very little time off. I never EVER felt neglected. Compared with my friends (many with stay at home moms) I have the closest relationship with my mom. I speak/FaceTime with her 3-4 times a day, she spent the first 5-6 weeks with each of my 3 kids with me and always helped me a lot. My parents gave me more in terms of experiences, values, love and money than any of the friends I grew up with. We are very very close... We had several baby sitters and my mom had several cleaning ladies. It was a great experiences growing up that way... I knew that they were working so hard for US so that we could travel to Africa, US, other European countries, etc. I went to very expensive schools and my parents never said no to any experience or anything related to education (they said no to cellphones, cars, clothes plenty of time)... they always made me understand the value of money and I did nit grow up spoiled... they were amazing parents and they spent little time with us, but plenty of quality time...
Imagine that nowadays we vacation together every summer (for weeks/months) and my kids think of my mom as their second mom... I hope I will be half the parent my parents were and my kids will be lucky!

You were neglected as you had a fancy private school and babysitters/house keepers/staff to care for you. You clearly valued material things/school/travel over time. To say you hope to be half the parents your parents were is easy, just pay people.

[Anonymous]

I feel like there are people on here who devote their lives to their kids and feel threatened that there is another path. My mom had an intense career and my dad did as well (but he was useless). I am super close to my mom. I've never felt neglected and I've learned so much from her as I pursue my own career with a child. My husband had a stay at home mom who he isn't close to really... he says that he doesn't feel like she knows him DESPITE her being home all the time. My mom would always engage us in discussion in the car, on walks, in the kitchen and I told her EVERYTHING as a high school student and in college.

PEOPLE stay home if you want to stay home but don't think it will make you necessarily connected to your kids.

And please, the other poster was not neglected. Not sure if you know the definition of neglect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people love to attack families with 3+ kids?

Easiest answer? Jealousy

Easiest but most incorrect. I’m not jealous of people who choose to over-populate the earth with their unnecessary spawn. Or those who are over-stretched and neglect their children

[Anonymous]

Amen to that. I stay home for ME and my kids and DH know that. If I had a dream job I would make that my priority as that is what staff exists for and I would not feel bad about it for a minute. Loving your kids to the best of your ability is all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like there are people on here who devote their lives to their kids and feel threatened that there is another path. My mom had an intense career and my dad did as well (but he was useless). I am super close to my mom. I've never felt neglected and I've learned so much from her as I pursue my own career with a child. My husband had a stay at home mom who he isn't close to really... he says that he doesn't feel like she knows him DESPITE her being home all the time. My mom would always engage us in discussion in the car, on walks, in the kitchen and I told her EVERYTHING as a high school student and in college.

PEOPLE stay home if you want to stay home but don't think it will make you necessarily connected to your kids.

And please, the other poster was not neglected. Not sure if you know the definition of neglect.

This. My mothee was a stat at home mom. She has basically no relationship with either of her children, no relationship with my kids, and a very tenuous relationship with my siblings kids. She would have been a better mother working so she could have had her own life and we didn't have to deal with her poor mental and physical health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people love to attack families with 3+ kids?

Easiest answer? Jealousy

Easiest but most incorrect. I’m not jealous of people who choose to over-populate the earth with their unnecessary spawn. Or those who are over-stretched and neglect their children

Jealous AND bitter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like there are people on here who devote their lives to their kids and feel threatened that there is another path. My mom had an intense career and my dad did as well (but he was useless). I am super close to my mom. I've never felt neglected and I've learned so much from her as I pursue my own career with a child. My husband had a stay at home mom who he isn't close to really... he says that he doesn't feel like she knows him DESPITE her being home all the time. My mom would always engage us in discussion in the car, on walks, in the kitchen and I told her EVERYTHING as a high school student and in college.

PEOPLE stay home if you want to stay home but don't think it will make you necessarily connected to your kids.

And please, the other poster was not neglected. Not sure if you know the definition of neglect.

Wrong discussion. Not about sah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I used to have a very demanding job and was on the road for over half of the time. I was concerned about having kids with a demanding career, so I crowdsourced feedback on another forum from adults who had parents who had jobs that often kept them from their children. I received comments from around 40 people and nearly all of them said it was the quality of time (being present, not distracted with work calls etc) and not the quality of time that mattered. Some people had a parent who was home all of the time but not a good parent and their relationship today is non existent. Thankfully now my career is more manageable but still can be busy at times so I always on quality over quantity of time.

Quantity without quality is bad, but quality without quantity is also bad. I agree with a PP who said you’re not going to be able to emotionally connect with your kids during Sunday brunch. You have to do some of the physical grunt work too. The morning and evening routines, thinking about their needs and knowing the little details in their lives.

Case in point: SIL and BIL worked crazy hours until their kids were in ES. Only then did they realize their kids had autism (one severe) and so they’ve cut back a lot to spend more time with them. But it’s a little too late unfortunately.

Really nasty of you to accuse them of this.

That aside, I grew up with very hard working parents. Both my parents had very big careers and spent little (but lots of quality) time with us. My dad was his own boss and took longer vacations... so we had him for that... my mom had very little time off. I never EVER felt neglected. Compared with my friends (many with stay at home moms) I have the closest relationship with my mom. I speak/FaceTime with her 3-4 times a day, she spent the first 5-6 weeks with each of my 3 kids with me and always helped me a lot. My parents gave me more in terms of experiences, values, love and money than any of the friends I grew up with. We are very very close... We had several baby sitters and my mom had several cleaning ladies. It was a great experiences growing up that way... I knew that they were working so hard for US so that we could travel to Africa, US, other European countries, etc. I went to very expensive schools and my parents never said no to any experience or anything related to education (they said no to cellphones, cars, clothes plenty of time)... they always made me understand the value of money and I did nit grow up spoiled... they were amazing parents and they spent little time with us, but plenty of quality time...
Imagine that nowadays we vacation together every summer (for weeks/months) and my kids think of my mom as their second mom... I hope I will be half the parent my parents were and my kids will be lucky!

You were neglected as you had a fancy private school and babysitters/house keepers/staff to care for you. You clearly valued material things/school/travel over time. To say you hope to be half the parents your parents were is easy, just pay people.

Oh wow! I was most definitely NOT neglected! My mom (and in many ways my dad) knew me so well! Yes, they were not around all the time and they gave me a lot of freedom growing up. They knew they could trust me and they knew exactly how much I could handle. We spent weeks just the 4 of us on a sail boat or in a car/ tents while crossing the Sahara desert. We did amazing things... quality things... but yes, my mom rarely cooked for us (and she was/is nit good at it), she rarely took us to swim/fencing classes, she did not monitor how much tv I was watching or how much time I spent doing homework, but she was absolutely present. I never had issues... always did well in school, etc. my brother had a harder time in school and my mom found the best tutor to help him (he is now a very well respected surgeon.
We always talked a lot and she knew ME. I had the best care (cleaning me, feeding me, taking me to activities) with amazing nannies/aupairs from all over the world (who taught me a lot).
I had the best childhood full of love and adventures and so many people who loved me (including my parents)

I had a friend growing up whose mom chose to stay at home. By the time he was 15, he was making fun of her and calling her “stupid” because all she did was cleaning her house and buying produce... she did a very crappy job being “present” in his life and nowadays the mom has almost zero contact with her kids... what a waste of a life if you ask me...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people love to attack families with 3+ kids?

Because in case you haven't noticed, DCUM (and DC metro in general) is full of self-righteous types who believe that their - and only their - view of family, career, and parenting is the correct and virtuous path. So they need to broadcast it so that they can take a self-congratulatory lap and try to pick up a pat on the back along the way. It's crazy and sad. Only in the US do you have throngs of woman belittle families because they opt to have 3+ kids. Family unit, siblings, a tribe, a community? Ewwwww!