Why do so many people not do their spouse’s laundry?

[Anonymous]

I do the laundry but I draw the line at ironing. Frankly, I'm just mad because men still have to wear such incredibly labor-intensive clothing -- like shirts that need to be ironed -- when most working women I know adopted some type of low-maintenace yet still professional uniform once they had kids. For example, I will wear a high-end professional scoop neck shirt under a jacket, rather than a blouse which requires ironing, etc and will often wear a skirt that's jersey material or something that can easily be laundered with no ironing.


But men's clothes haven't really changed since the 1880's and it's like nobody got the memo saying that we no longer have household staff and stay at home wives, etc. whose job it is to polish shoes and iron shirts.

I don't know why places like DC have to be so uptight about the navy blue suit when people on the west coast are wearing cardigans and fleece vests and other low maintenance things. (I assume it's because the tech bros wives at some point refused to do the ironing, probably because the are also working in tech.)

It also seems odd that men still swan about pretending to be executives in their costumes when none of us have been 'executives' for a really long time. In my office, we have no secretaries, no one making us coffee, picking up our dry cleaning, etc. It seems silly to have to wear an ironed white cotton shirt to put paper in the copier and fix the printer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those with families who each do their own laundry - what about things like dish towels, powder room hand towels?

We have a hamper in the laundry room for that. Either my husband or myself will wash those. I prefer washing towels, because it's easy, and I like an organized linen closet. It's the one thing in my house that is always neat and tidy. Ridiculous I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reading multiple threads I have heard a very common theme of people not doing their spouse’s laundry. What’s the thinking in that? Do you have separate hampers for each other’s clothes, or do you have to sort the dirty laundry to find yours? Do you find their laundry gross and that’s why you don’t do it? I do all the adult laundry in the house (the nanny does the kids’ laundry, well, usually she does, she’s not working now) and it would never occur to me to only do my half (or portion, not sure who has more but it may be my spouse). Granted it takes longer for me to fold it all and put it away than it would if I just did mine, but it seems inefficient to me to do it separately. So I’m just curious as to why this is a thing for so many people. Clearly my spouse can do laundry, we both did it before we got married, and they will sometimes do it now, but it literally never occurred to me to have us each only do our own.

I find it funny that you don't do your kids' laundry and why you care about anyone else's laundry duty.

The big question to you is why don't you do your kids' laundry? Why wouldn't it occur to you to do it?

[/b]

I don't do my kids' laundry because it takes a lot of time, not because it wouldn't occur to me to do it. I'm doing it now that our nanny isn't coming (yes, we're paying her, lest someone decide to jump on me about that), and it more than doubles my laundry since they have multiple beds and my husband I only have one, they wear pajamas to bed every night and my husband and I sleep in the t-shirts that we then work out in the next morning, etc. So I choose to spend my time, during normal times, doing things other than my kids' laundry. I'm not sure why that bothers you so much. And I didn't judge people who don't do their spouse's laundry - I literally just asked why some people don't do it. Have you never wondered why people do things differently than you? Or asked a co-worker if they like their Pelaton because you'd never thought about getting an indoor exercise machine? Or if your friend likes their minivan because you've only ever had SUVs? I mean, maybe you're just not a curious person.

OP you answered your own question.
[b]
It takes a long time.

There are other considerations like preferences about how clothes are handled and privacy. But the biggest reason is that adding on another person’s laundry to your responsibilities takes a long time. It’s the reason you don’t do your kids laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a laundry chute in the hallway between all of our bedrooms. Everyone in our family (me, spouse, 2 kids ages 3 and 5) puts their dirty clothes and/or towels, sheets, etc down the chute. Every afternoon/evening either my spouse or I will take the laundry that has accumulated in the basket under the laundry chute and starts a load of laundry. We take turns with this task but it’s not on a schedule it’s kind of just whoever thinks of it does it. And then we both pitch in to sort/fold all the clothes, we each put away our own clothes, and we try to have the kids each put away their own clothes too for the most part but sometimes we put theirs away for them. We are not particular about wash cycles or how clothes are handled for the most part. If we have something delicate or that needs special attention, we just take care of it ourselves.

My friend had a laundry chute in her house growing up! They also had a dumbwaiter. I thought they were the coolest things. I love old houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reading multiple threads I have heard a very common theme of people not doing their spouse’s laundry. What’s the thinking in that? Do you have separate hampers for each other’s clothes, or do you have to sort the dirty laundry to find yours? Do you find their laundry gross and that’s why you don’t do it? I do all the adult laundry in the house (the nanny does the kids’ laundry, well, usually she does, she’s not working now) and it would never occur to me to only do my half (or portion, not sure who has more but it may be my spouse). Granted it takes longer for me to fold it all and put it away than it would if I just did mine, but it seems inefficient to me to do it separately. So I’m just curious as to why this is a thing for so many people. Clearly my spouse can do laundry, we both did it before we got married, and they will sometimes do it now, but it literally never occurred to me to have us each only do our own.

I find it funny that you don't do your kids' laundry and why you care about anyone else's laundry duty.

The big question to you is why don't you do your kids' laundry? Why wouldn't it occur to you to do it?

[/b]

I don't do my kids' laundry because it takes a lot of time, not because it wouldn't occur to me to do it. I'm doing it now that our nanny isn't coming (yes, we're paying her, lest someone decide to jump on me about that), and it more than doubles my laundry since they have multiple beds and my husband I only have one, they wear pajamas to bed every night and my husband and I sleep in the t-shirts that we then work out in the next morning, etc. So I choose to spend my time, during normal times, doing things other than my kids' laundry. I'm not sure why that bothers you so much. And I didn't judge people who don't do their spouse's laundry - I literally just asked why some people don't do it. Have you never wondered why people do things differently than you? Or asked a co-worker if they like their Pelaton because you'd never thought about getting an indoor exercise machine? Or if your friend likes their minivan because you've only ever had SUVs? I mean, maybe you're just not a curious person.

OP you answered your own question.
[b]
It takes a long time.

There are other considerations like preferences about how clothes are handled and privacy. But the biggest reason is that adding on another person’s laundry to your responsibilities takes a long time. It’s the reason you don’t do your kids laundry.

Your point doesn't make sense. Mowing the lawn also takes time. So does vacuuming. Does everyone in your house vacuum their own rooms? In our house, different people do different things. I do laundry. Yes, it takes me more time to do my husband's laundry, but it would also take me the same amount of time if I did some of the stuff he does. So we each spend the same amount of time doing things for the family. One of mine just happens to be laundry. He actually spend more time doing house stuff, probably. The laundry takes a while but I can do it when I want and fold it while watching TV. You can't watch TV while walking the dogs, mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, etc. So I probably have the better deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP, you seem really triggered by this. We don’t do each other’s laundry because we consider it part of personal hygiene. Some things are better kept private.

And as soon as our kids are old enough, they’re also in charge of their own laundry. It’s about personal responsibility, hygiene and independence.

How so?

Well, you wrote a novel about why you don’t do your kids laundry and you seem really offended that people called you out on it.

Yet somehow you don’t understand the same reason you don’t want to take on another person’s (your child) laundry is the same reason other people don’t want to take on their spouses laundry. It’s a weird disconnect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a laundry chute in the hallway between all of our bedrooms. Everyone in our family (me, spouse, 2 kids ages 3 and 5) puts their dirty clothes and/or towels, sheets, etc down the chute. Every afternoon/evening either my spouse or I will take the laundry that has accumulated in the basket under the laundry chute and starts a load of laundry. We take turns with this task but it’s not on a schedule it’s kind of just whoever thinks of it does it. And then we both pitch in to sort/fold all the clothes, we each put away our own clothes, and we try to have the kids each put away their own clothes too for the most part but sometimes we put theirs away for them. We are not particular about wash cycles or how clothes are handled for the most part. If we have something delicate or that needs special attention, we just take care of it ourselves.

My friend had a laundry chute in her house growing up! They also had a dumbwaiter. I thought they were the coolest things. I love old houses.

Those are fun but complete against code! It pretty much guarantees that your house burns down if there’s a fire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a laundry chute in the hallway between all of our bedrooms. Everyone in our family (me, spouse, 2 kids ages 3 and 5) puts their dirty clothes and/or towels, sheets, etc down the chute. Every afternoon/evening either my spouse or I will take the laundry that has accumulated in the basket under the laundry chute and starts a load of laundry. We take turns with this task but it’s not on a schedule it’s kind of just whoever thinks of it does it. And then we both pitch in to sort/fold all the clothes, we each put away our own clothes, and we try to have the kids each put away their own clothes too for the most part but sometimes we put theirs away for them. We are not particular about wash cycles or how clothes are handled for the most part. If we have something delicate or that needs special attention, we just take care of it ourselves.

My friend had a laundry chute in her house growing up! They also had a dumbwaiter. I thought they were the coolest things. I love old houses.

Those are fun but complete against code! It pretty much guarantees that your house burns down if there’s a fire.

There are ways to do it that are allowable. My cousin put one in her new construction house. It is not a straight chute and it never fully open - either you're loading up the clothes or it's dropping the clothes down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP, you seem really triggered by this. We don’t do each other’s laundry because we consider it part of personal hygiene. Some things are better kept private.

And as soon as our kids are old enough, they’re also in charge of their own laundry. It’s about personal responsibility, hygiene and independence.

How so?

Well, you wrote a novel about why you don’t do your kids laundry and you seem really offended that people called you out on it.

Yet somehow you don’t understand the same reason you don’t want to take on another person’s (your child) laundry is the same reason other people don’t want to take on their spouses laundry. It’s a weird disconnect.

DP. Yes - I still don't get why OP doesn't understand this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do the laundry but I draw the line at ironing. Frankly, I'm just mad because men still have to wear such incredibly labor-intensive clothing -- like shirts that need to be ironed -- when most working women I know adopted some type of low-maintenace yet still professional uniform once they had kids. For example, I will wear a high-end professional scoop neck shirt under a jacket, rather than a blouse which requires ironing, etc and will often wear a skirt that's jersey material or something that can easily be laundered with no ironing.


But men's clothes haven't really changed since the 1880's and it's like nobody got the memo saying that we no longer have household staff and stay at home wives, etc. whose job it is to polish shoes and iron shirts.

I don't know why places like DC have to be so uptight about the navy blue suit when people on the west coast are wearing cardigans and fleece vests and other low maintenance things. (I assume it's because the tech bros wives at some point refused to do the ironing, probably because the are also working in tech.)

It also seems odd that men still swan about pretending to be executives in their costumes when none of us have been 'executives' for a really long time. In my office, we have no secretaries, no one making us coffee, picking up our dry cleaning, etc. It seems silly to have to wear an ironed white cotton shirt to put paper in the copier and fix the printer.

For this God created cleaners. I do all the family laundry and I washed/ironed DH's shirt like...never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is very inefficient and wastes a lot of water and energy if every person is doing their own laundry- that is a ton of partial loads.

I combine all the clothes for all 5 of us, separate colors and fabrics and wash full loads of darks, whites, reds, jeans, etc. I can't imagine every person doing their own. That sounds ridiculous.

Sister! I do the same and it's like we speak different languages with all these people.

If you do only your own laundry, please respond:

1. Do you split your own load on colors/darks/whites/delicates?
2. If so, would you run your washer for 1/4 load of your (let's say) whites or wait until your get enough whites for the full load?

[Anonymous]

I do my DH's laundry but I don't fold anything anymore. I stopped folding after the first kid. I will wash your sh*t and dry it but I aint' folding a damn thing anymore. From the dryer it gets thrown into a laundry basket- everyone has a basket even the kids. What you do with it once clean is not my problem. My DH just lets his sit in the basket until he wears it Once a week I get a mother's helper and sometimes I'll have her fold the kids clothes and put away. If she doesn't come then the kids clothes don't get folded. I don't even know why I bother to buy dressers anymore

[Anonymous]

You have to let the Wookie win.

http://parenthacks.com/2011/08/save-time-while-folding-laundry-fold-it-inside-out.html

[Anonymous]

DH and I combine our laundry, and we share the burden of doing it. One of us will dump the hamper out onto the bed, separate into different loads, and start the first load. Whoever happens to be in that part of the house when the wash cycle ends will transfer it to the dryer and start the second load. When it's all done, sometimes he folds, sometimes I do, sometimes we sit down together with a bottle of wine and Netflix and have a folding party in the family room.

Kids have sometimes done their own, sometimes their stuff gets mixed in with ours, depending on how busy everyone is. In this time of minimal virtual schooling while I WFH, the kids have way more time available than DH or I, so they are doing all of their own laundry now. Ages 9 and 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is very inefficient and wastes a lot of water and energy if every person is doing their own laundry- that is a ton of partial loads.

I combine all the clothes for all 5 of us, separate colors and fabrics and wash full loads of darks, whites, reds, jeans, etc. I can't imagine every person doing their own. That sounds ridiculous.

Sister! I do the same and it's like we speak different languages with all these people.

If you do only your own laundry, please respond:

1. Do you split your own load on colors/darks/whites/delicates?
2. If so, would you run your washer for 1/4 load of your (let's say) whites or wait until your get enough whites for the full load?

Are you controlling about everything or just laundry.