Is admiring the vibe of private students a shallow motivation for sending our children to private?

[Anonymous]

I hate to be completely inflammatory, but part of the distinction is kids who had a SAHP the first several years (if not more). At my kids private, half the moms currently SAH, and another quarter (at least) stayed home the first couple of years. I wish I could say there were SAHDs too but sadly I haven't met any.

You can be sure that parents do more to drill in good manners and behavior than most nannies and certainly more than any daycare.

Sorry but it's true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to be completely inflammatory, but part of the distinction is kids who had a SAHP the first several years (if not more). At my kids private, half the moms currently SAH, and another quarter (at least) stayed home the first couple of years. I wish I could say there were SAHDs too but sadly I haven't met any.

You can be sure that parents do more to drill in good manners and behavior than most nannies and certainly more than any daycare.

Sorry but it's true!

What private do you go to where this is true? I'd say our private has a lot of kids raised by nannies...even if the moms "SAH."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to be completely inflammatory, but part of the distinction is kids who had a SAHP the first several years (if not more). At my kids private, half the moms currently SAH, and another quarter (at least) stayed home the first couple of years. I wish I could say there were SAHDs too but sadly I haven't met any.

You can be sure that parents do more to drill in good manners and behavior than most nannies and certainly more than any daycare.

Sorry but it's true!

Hahah, I was just waiting for the smug anti-daycare SAHM to show up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to be completely inflammatory, but part of the distinction is kids who had a SAHP the first several years (if not more). At my kids private, half the moms currently SAH, and another quarter (at least) stayed home the first couple of years. I wish I could say there were SAHDs too but sadly I haven't met any.

You can be sure that parents do more to drill in good manners and behavior than most nannies and certainly more than any daycare.

Sorry but it's true!

You're pretty rude and irrational, so I hope someone else was drilling lessons into your kids...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to be completely inflammatory, but part of the distinction is kids who had a SAHP the first several years (if not more). At my kids private, half the moms currently SAH, and another quarter (at least) stayed home the first couple of years. I wish I could say there were SAHDs too but sadly I haven't met any.

You can be sure that parents do more to drill in good manners and behavior than most nannies and certainly more than any daycare.

Sorry but it's true!

What private do you go to where this is true? I'd say our private has a lot of kids raised by nannies...even if the moms "SAH."

That's too bad!

I know plenty of SAHMs who get part-time nannies or au pairs once their kids are elementary aged, because if they have 3 kids and they all want to do different activities you need multiple adults to drive them around. But most of the ones I know are (if they have kids under 5) or have been (if their kids are older) in the trenches for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread flawlessly triggers the insecurities in public parents. Look how many showed up to pretend to be private parents. Too funny.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

This thread is just awful all around.

I'm part of a very large family. Most kids went private for high school, maybe 1/4 went public. The biggest factors I see in their "polish," "vibe," whatever you want to call it, are the personalities they were born with. The ones who were friendly, outgoing little kids more or less stayed that way. The ones who were moody and touchy as babies grew into prickly teens. You can add in variables like parenting styles, travel, social drama, etc., but it seems to me that their schools get only partial credit for how they're all turning out. And whether they are outgoing or prickly, THANK GOD, they are all essentially good, functioning people, and that is all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is just awful all around.

I'm part of a very large family. Most kids went private for high school, maybe 1/4 went public. The biggest factors I see in their "polish," "vibe," whatever you want to call it, are the personalities they were born with. The ones who were friendly, outgoing little kids more or less stayed that way. The ones who were moody and touchy as babies grew into prickly teens. You can add in variables like parenting styles, travel, social drama, etc., but it seems to me that their schools get only partial credit for how they're all turning out. And whether they are outgoing or prickly, THANK GOD, they are all essentially good, functioning people, and that is all that matters.

I agree, and the parents of the confident, extroverted kids may be LESS likely to go private because their kids won't get lost in public, don't have issues that need extra attention, etc. Some stuff can't be taught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]This thread is just awful all around. [/b]

I'm part of a very large family. Most kids went private for high school, maybe 1/4 went public. The biggest factors I see in their "polish," "vibe," whatever you want to call it, are the personalities they were born with. The ones who were friendly, outgoing little kids more or less stayed that way. The ones who were moody and touchy as babies grew into prickly teens. You can add in variables like parenting styles, travel, social drama, etc., but it seems to me that their schools get only partial credit for how they're all turning out. And whether they are outgoing or prickly, THANK GOD, they are all essentially good, functioning people, and that is all that matters.

Actually, I don't think OP's premise is altogether nuts. Different social groups, have different demeanors and mannerisms. It makes sense that private school kids who hang around with mainly other private school kids would have a slightly different vibe from other kids. I saw this in my public hs, certain groups of kids (I'm thinking specifically of the surfers) just had a certain vibe that was a bit different, a more laid back yet slightly arrogant way of acting. I can believe that private school kids might have a somewhat different air about them as well. Although, I have never particularly thought of it as one of exuding self confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]This thread is just awful all around. [/b]

I'm part of a very large family. Most kids went private for high school, maybe 1/4 went public. The biggest factors I see in their "polish," "vibe," whatever you want to call it, are the personalities they were born with. The ones who were friendly, outgoing little kids more or less stayed that way. The ones who were moody and touchy as babies grew into prickly teens. You can add in variables like parenting styles, travel, social drama, etc., but it seems to me that their schools get only partial credit for how they're all turning out. And whether they are outgoing or prickly, THANK GOD, they are all essentially good, functioning people, and that is all that matters.

Actually, I don't think OP's premise is altogether nuts. Different social groups, have different demeanors and mannerisms. It makes sense that private school kids who hang around with mainly other private school kids would have a slightly different vibe from other kids. I saw this in my public hs, certain groups of kids (I'm thinking specifically of the surfers) just had a certain vibe that was a bit different, a more laid back yet slightly arrogant way of acting. I can believe that private school kids might have a somewhat different air about them as well. Although, I have never particularly thought of it as one of exuding self confidence.

Yeah, I don't understand when people act like sending kids to a competitive private school, or coming from a certain social class, or having a SAHP versus two involved working parents versus two parents who are completely MIA, makes NO DIFFERENCE whatsoever in children. Of course it does. It's not even remotely the largest determining factor - clearly genetics, parenting style, etc are far, far, far more influential - but it certainly and quite obviously does affect, in various ways, how children grow and develop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to be completely inflammatory, but part of the distinction is kids who had a SAHP the first several years (if not more). At my kids private, half the moms currently SAH, and another quarter (at least) stayed home the first couple of years. I wish I could say there were SAHDs too but sadly I haven't met any.

You can be sure that parents do more to drill in good manners and behavior than most nannies and certainly more than any daycare.

Sorry but it's true!

Nah, not true. I have the best kid in the entire world and I only took off 9 weeks of work when I had her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Actually, I don't think OP's premise is altogether nuts. Different social groups, have different demeanors and mannerisms. It makes sense that private school kids who hang around with mainly other private school kids would have a slightly different vibe from other kids. I saw this in my public hs, certain groups of kids (I'm thinking specifically of the surfers) just had a certain vibe that was a bit different, a more laid back yet slightly arrogant way of acting. I can believe that private school kids might have a somewhat different air about them as well. Although, I have never particularly thought of it as one of exuding self confidence.

Yeah, I don't understand when people act like sending kids to a competitive private school, or coming from a certain social class, or having a SAHP versus two involved working parents versus two parents who are completely MIA, makes NO DIFFERENCE whatsoever in children. Of course it does. It's not even remotely the largest determining factor - clearly genetics, parenting style, etc are far, far, far more influential - but it certainly and quite obviously does affect, in various ways, how children grow and develop.

It depends on what you mean by "determining factor". Private schools do teach kids from day 1 that they are "the future leaders of their communities". That goes a long way to helping them imagine themselves as "the future leaders of their communities". It doesn't mean that they don't still have to work hard or that they are entitled to any specific thing, though some may see it that way (ahem, Brett Kavanaugh), but it means that the barrier to seeing themselves in certain positions is lower. That does make it easier to go after certain goals, because you are not held back by the belief that you are likely to fail or not worthy of the goal itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread flawlessly triggers the insecurities in public parents. Look how many showed up to pretend to be private parents. Too funny.

Interesting, I read it quite differently. What I hear are mothers who went to public schools, grew up LMC and likely didn't attend college. They spent their youth insecure with the private school children and jealous of their experience. They conjured up all manner of tropes about private school life informed mainly by TOPH and Hollywood movies. When they finally had children of their own they insist that they attend private schools, regardless if it is the appropriate fit, because Mommy can finally live her private school fantasy vicariously through them. And the best part is that whilst the private school is magically imbuing their offspring with an ersatz veneer of class, Mommy can socialize with all of the other Mommies....fantasy fully realized. Except that's not what it's like, but of course you wouldn't know. I was a lifer at one of the cathedral schools and I can spot these types from across the room. And by the way dear, you have the writing style of a fifth grader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread flawlessly triggers the insecurities in public parents. Look how many showed up to pretend to be private parents. Too funny.

Interesting, I read it quite differently. What I hear are mothers who went to public schools, grew up LMC and likely didn't attend college. They spent their youth insecure with the private school children and jealous of their experience. They conjured up all manner of tropes about private school life informed mainly by TOPH and Hollywood movies. When they finally had children of their own they insist that they attend private schools, regardless if it is the appropriate fit, because Mommy can finally live her private school fantasy vicariously through them. And the best part is that whilst the private school is magically imbuing their offspring with an ersatz veneer of class, Mommy can socialize with all of the other Mommies....fantasy fully realized. Except that's not what it's like, but of course you wouldn't know. I was a lifer at one of the cathedral schools and I can spot these types from across the room. And by the way dear, you have the writing style of a fifth grader.

AMEN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is just awful all around.

I'm part of a very large family. Most kids went private for high school, maybe 1/4 went public. The biggest factors I see in their "polish," "vibe," whatever you want to call it, are the personalities they were born with. The ones who were friendly, outgoing little kids more or less stayed that way. The ones who were moody and touchy as babies grew into prickly teens. You can add in variables like parenting styles, travel, social drama, etc., but it seems to me that their schools get only partial credit for how they're all turning out. And whether they are outgoing or prickly, THANK GOD, they are all essentially good, functioning people, and that is all that matters.

I agree, and the parents of the confident, extroverted kids may be LESS likely to go private because their kids won't get lost in public, don't have issues that need extra attention, etc. Some stuff can't be taught.

So I attended public and then private and later attended a HYP school.

I am in agreement with the poster who said that the stars are likely going to shine no matter what, throughout K-12 and college. For them, it matters not. There was one super smooth kid at my public who ended up at my college and was a star there and is also madly successful in the business world.

The kids who are really awkward probably will remain that way, too, based on what I saw.

I think sometimes kids who are in the "middle," though, might benefit from attending private school, especially if the issue is confidence in addressing adults or speaking up in class and the public school doesn't emphasize this (some might, though). I say this because my private had small classes in block schedules where you had to speak up versus you could totally hide if you wanted to at my public since a class of 40 kids and a 50 minute class meant you could.