Is admiring the vibe of private students a shallow motivation for sending our children to private?

[Anonymous]

The biggest thing I notice as a private school parent is that the kids who are socially awkward are embraced and celebrated in whatever gifts they possess. I have been watching how these smart nerdy kids are treated in my son's private, and while there may be some jerks who just ignore them, most are kind to them and try to include them. I don't see that happening in public schools. Having many friends with kids in public, what I see are these kids being ridiculed and ostracized....and many are fortunate enough to have parents who pull them out and put them in private. I do think it is mostly about fit, but private schools can be more forgiving for kids that are a little different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread flawlessly triggers the insecurities in public parents. Look how many showed up to pretend to be private parents. Too funny.

Interesting, I read it quite differently. What I hear are mothers who went to public schools, grew up LMC and likely didn't attend college. They spent their youth insecure with the private school children and jealous of their experience. They conjured up all manner of tropes about private school life informed mainly by TOPH and Hollywood movies. When they finally had children of their own they insist that they attend private schools, regardless if it is the appropriate fit, because Mommy can finally live her private school fantasy vicariously through them. And the best part is that whilst the private school is magically imbuing their offspring with an ersatz veneer of class, Mommy can socialize with all of the other Mommies....fantasy fully realized. Except that's not what it's like, but of course you wouldn't know. I was a lifer at one of the cathedral schools and I can spot these types from across the room. And by the way dear, you have the writing style of a fifth grader.

Could a fooled me, I pegged you for an unemployed try-hard who wishes their kids could attend private but you fell for the schmuck who makes peanuts. Now you troll a private school forum to fire off snark seeking afternoon dopamine hits. Dream big, sweetie.

[Anonymous]

Another aspect of proper experiences for the private school children comes from the clubs their families belong to, the social events or soirées they attend and where they summer. Those have such a positive influence on one’s demeanor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to be completely inflammatory, but part of the distinction is kids who had a SAHP the first several years (if not more). At my kids private, half the moms currently SAH, and another quarter (at least) stayed home the first couple of years. I wish I could say there were SAHDs too but sadly I haven't met any.

You can be sure that parents do more to drill in good manners and behavior than most nannies and certainly more than any daycare.

Sorry but it's true!

I assume someone else taught your children how to be kind, because they certainly didn't learn it from you.

Also, when you have teens and adult children, they will lie to you and distance you because they can't trust you. I know what happens to the kids of parents like you. Your poor children. They won't be able to be authentic with you. Poor things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to be completely inflammatory, but part of the distinction is kids who had a SAHP the first several years (if not more). At my kids private, half the moms currently SAH, and another quarter (at least) stayed home the first couple of years. I wish I could say there were SAHDs too but sadly I haven't met any.

You can be sure that parents do more to drill in good manners and behavior than most nannies and certainly more than any daycare.

Sorry but it's true!

I assume someone else taught your children how to be kind, because they certainly didn't learn it from you.

Also, when you have teens and adult children, they will lie to you and distance you because they can't trust you. I know what happens to the kids of parents like you. Your poor children. They won't be able to be authentic with you. Poor things.

NP. Wow, where are you getting this idea? The PP simply pointed out that parents who are present have more time to redirect kids to have better manners. Now I am sure there are nannies out there who do an excellent job at this as well, however, I do have to agree that a parent is going to be more apt to make the effort to correct subtle nuances in social graces. And as the PP pointed out, now so much in the day care especially. I know I get lots of compliments about how polite my son is. That's because I was relentless about certain behaviors, and it paid off. And he is 18 now and he still loves me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to be completely inflammatory, but part of the distinction is kids who had a SAHP the first several years (if not more). At my kids private, half the moms currently SAH, and another quarter (at least) stayed home the first couple of years. I wish I could say there were SAHDs too but sadly I haven't met any.

You can be sure that parents do more to drill in good manners and behavior than most nannies and certainly more than any daycare.

Sorry but it's true!

I assume someone else taught your children how to be kind, because they certainly didn't learn it from you.

Also, when you have teens and adult children, they will lie to you and distance you because they can't trust you. I know what happens to the kids of parents like you. Your poor children. They won't be able to be authentic with you. Poor things.

NP. Wow, where are you getting this idea? The PP simply pointed out that parents who are present have more time to redirect kids to have better manners. Now I am sure there are nannies out there who do an excellent job at this as well, however, I do have to agree that a parent is going to be more apt to make the effort to correct subtle nuances in social graces. And as the PP pointed out, now so much in the day care especially. I know I get lots of compliments about how polite my son is. That's because I was relentless about certain behaviors, and it paid off. And he is 18 now and he still loves me.

Sorry for the type -- now should have been not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to be completely inflammatory, but part of the distinction is kids who had a SAHP the first several years (if not more). At my kids private, half the moms currently SAH, and another quarter (at least) stayed home the first couple of years. I wish I could say there were SAHDs too but sadly I haven't met any.

You can be sure that parents do more to drill in good manners and behavior than most nannies and certainly more than any daycare.

Sorry but it's true!

I assume someone else taught your children how to be kind, because they certainly didn't learn it from you.

Also, when you have teens and adult children, they will lie to you and distance you because they can't trust you. I know what happens to the kids of parents like you. Your poor children. They won't be able to be authentic with you. Poor things.

NP. Wow, where are you getting this idea? The PP simply pointed out that parents who are present have more time to redirect kids to have better manners. Now I am sure there are nannies out there who do an excellent job at this as well, however, I do have to agree that a parent is going to be more apt to make the effort to correct subtle nuances in social graces. And as the PP pointed out, now so much in the day care especially. I know I get lots of compliments about how polite my son is. That's because I was relentless about certain behaviors, and it paid off. And he is 18 now and he still loves me.

I am getting the idea as someone who is around a lot of teens and young adults. People like PP hold on to talismans and formulas as to how to raise kids, and they are very rigid in their beliefs. Their kids pick up on that rigidity, and hide their authentic selves, lest they be judged too.

The fact is, if that PP could let go of her anxieties and need to judge, she would see the world is a much more complex thing than she imagines. Kids with SAHMs are not on average more 'polished' and polite. That's an absurd overgeneralizion. PP wants to see that because it validates her narrow world view, but the world is a much wider place than that.

You are free to dismiss what I wrote, of course, but I am telling you, narrow-minded and rigid parenting leads to distance in teen and adult relationships.

[Anonymous]

Oh my god.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The biggest thing I notice as a private school parent is that the kids who are socially awkward are embraced and celebrated in whatever gifts they possess. I have been watching how these smart nerdy kids are treated in my son's private, and while there may be some jerks who just ignore them, most are kind to them and try to include them. I don't see that happening in public schools. Having many friends with kids in public, what I see are these kids being ridiculed and ostracized....and many are fortunate enough to have parents who pull them out and put them in private. I do think it is mostly about fit, but private schools can be more forgiving for kids that are a little different.

Very much depends what school you mean. The private school world is full of Brett Kavanaughs, and a lot of larger publics have more space for kids to find their people.

[Anonymous]

We're mixing various qualities that might be observed in young people --

good manners, which are easily taught at home -- no cotillion needed;

polish and social confidence, particularly in dealing with adults, which can be nurtured through school, family, travel, participation in community activities or religious organization;

cool -- not the trend-conscious type, which is easily acquired via active perusal of social media, but the comfortable in your own skin type, which is elusive and probably innate.

As a parent of young people who attend/ed independent schools, I would not say that private schools have a monopoly on the development of any of these.

[Anonymous]

Overall, it is best not to stereotype people on the basis of where an entire group goes to school.

[Anonymous]

This thread has turned into the usual public v private...

Public parents: We can teach all of that at home
Private parents: Our kids pick this up steeping in it at school

Yawn.

[Anonymous]

I have one in public and one in private and I will say that my private school child has a 'polish' that my public child does not. They are both polite and kind but it is like the private child has been buffed just a bit more. That said, I recently volunteered at an event for the students at Churchill and found each of them to be unfailingly polite, respectful and fun to be around. They're all good kids and I think they will all find their way in different ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't worry, 20:48. The people who want the "private school vibe" are also looking down on Catholic schools. They're not "real" private schools...

Tell the media that w/regard to Kavanaugh...

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Our kids play travel sports, mix of public and private. There are a few really smart public schoolers but they're annoying as all hell. Maybe it's parents or maybe it's their schools, but they're just so abrasive and uncool; try-hards, as my kids say. The really smart private kids just seem to wear it better. It's very obvious side by side.

OMG you people are insufferable.

I truly wish this poster was joking, but I worry they aren't.

You all are triggered because you're public parents and you know this is on the button. This is where the jealousy and animosity comes from; it's not about college placement, it's not about money, it's about polished confident private kids with superior social acuity intimidating you and your public school kin. And there's nothing you can teach them at home or life lessons you can provide to make up for not marinating in a private school atmosphere for four to 13 years.

That is a very low class, vulgar mentality. I know you.

Who knew that having your rich, white kid grow up with a bunch of other rich, white kids could be so beneficial! Diversity, be damned!

Top DC privates are extremely diverse but don't let that get in the way of your hate.

You probably have to go to West Virginia to find whiter schools than the DC privates. They are easily the least diverse schools in the metro area.

+1