I wish society didn't encourage people to put off having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my kids at 31 and 33, which according to current standards is about the perfect age. However, my own parent had me at 23 and 24 and it's weird to me to think that when my parents were my age (46), I was already out of college, whereas my own kids are 12 and 14. I'm a bit torn because I certainly enjoyed my childfree time in my 20's, but hate to think that my kids and future grandkids will be younger when I'm gone. I didn't lose my first grandparent, till I was in my 40s. I understand the benefits of delaying kids, but sometimes, I think society is doing a disservice to us by encouraging this.

Perfect accoridng to YOU. I wish i had had them at 36 or 37. The perfect age to get married (according to me) is 30 -32 and then you need 5 ish years to gel as a couple and have fun before kids.

Going to defend this PP as she clearly said "according to current standards" and was not talking about herself or this being the perfect age for everyone. I would agree, by current standards this is about right where people think you should have kids. My personal ideal is actually lower to yours, but that is not considered ideal by most and you start making people very, very nervous past 34 or so. I dont think society at large considers 35 and childless "ideal.:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my kids at 31 and 33, which according to current standards is about the perfect age. However, my own parent had me at 23 and 24 and it's weird to me to think that when my parents were my age (46), I was already out of college, whereas my own kids are 12 and 14. I'm a bit torn because I certainly enjoyed my childfree time in my 20's, but hate to think that my kids and future grandkids will be younger when I'm gone. I didn't lose my first grandparent, till I was in my 40s. I understand the benefits of delaying kids, but sometimes, I think society is doing a disservice to us by encouraging this.

Perfect accoridng to YOU. I wish i had had them at 36 or 37. The perfect age to get married (according to me) is 30 -32 and then you need 5 ish years to gel as a couple and have fun before kids.

Going to defend this PP as she clearly said "according to current standards" and was not talking about herself or this being the perfect age for everyone. I would agree, by current standards this is about right where people think you should have kids. My personal ideal is actually lower to yours, but that is not considered ideal by most and you start making people very, very nervous past 34 or so. I dont think society at large considers 35 and childless "ideal.:

Closer, not lower.

[Anonymous]

I had my first child when I was 20, and my second at 35. Had much less $ when younger, but more time & energy. My own conclusion: kids need a Mom’s time & energy more than $. But there’s no wrong time to have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I hope you support paid family leave and universal affordable childcare, and candidates that push for those policies.[/b]

I do, but in the past, everyone started having kids in their early 20's and none of these things existed.

But then a family could live on one salary and women weren't suppose to have careers outside their homes. We can't live on one salary anymore.

You could, you just don’t want to.

Sure, we could. Buy an inexpensive house in a neighborhood with poorly rated schools, pinch pennies, have all the basic needs met (food, shelter) but not be able to save for things like trips and college. And then our kids would be at a disadvantage when trying to find their way in this increasingly competitive society. Everyone wants to give their family the best possible start in life and for most, it's not possible on one income.

Well, really all you have to do for college is to live in a state with a good flagship university and your kids would be fine. But nowadays we don’t want to do that, these are our new ways. We want flashy private colleges for our kids and that costs big bucks.

Have you priced in state tuition lately?

[Anonymous]

I have to laugh at the "you kids get off my lawn" people who are completely out of touch with life, thinking it's 1956. People aren't passing up children in their early 20s because they want avocado toast and a nicer car, - gee look at all the 23 year olds in luxury flats driving high-end cars - most are still in school or just finishing school, or heading to grad school so they can make a decent living, or trying to break into their new careers and basically living hand to mouth as it is. And your solution to that is stay home and have babies, so there's even less money coming in and more mouths to feed on one income. And yeah, people used to be able to do this because one salary, out of school, was enough to get started, and then some. These days it's not enough to get started, no matter how often the right wing nutters bang on about "If you'd only stop buying avocados you could afford a mortgage!" My god you people are dumb. Read something other than Harlequin romance novels, the data's there for the taking.

[Anonymous]

I’d didn’t purposefully wait. I just met the right guy in my late 20s, married at 30 and first child at 32, second at 35. Ifid have gotten pregnant with whoever I was dating in my early 20s (there were several), I wouldn’t be married.im sure about that. Those men weren’t the sticking around type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you had kids at the perfect age. I waited until I was 40 to have kids and kind of regret it, even though at your age I was not in any position to have a kid and wasn’t even married. I definitely think 40 is too old to enjoy grandchildren and I’m worried about being fit and healthy enough when I’m an empty-nester to enjoy that phase of my life. I also envy women who have grown adult daughters and are friends with them and see them a lot. I’m worried about being too old. But it is what it is.

Me too, except I don’t think of it as waiting. I was a late bloomer in a lot of ways and didn’t meet my husband until I was 36. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I married one of the guys I dated seriously when I was younger. I guess I would have had kids younger, but would probably be divorced now. Lots of my friends from that time period are divorced. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but also has drawbacks I think.

Sometimes I wish I had gotten my shit together when I was younger, met and married a good match when I was younger, and had kids when I was younger. That said, I love my husband and the life and family we have together. So I can’t say that I’d trade it.

[Anonymous]

I wish a lot of things about society. That women don’t get raped, that pedophiles don’t exist, that Trumpers would get over themselves, that black people would be treated fairly, that religious zealots would shut up. I never think about society having kids too late...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d didn’t purposefully wait. I just met the right guy in my late 20s, married at 30 and first child at 32, second at 35. Ifid have gotten pregnant with whoever I was dating in my early 20s (there were several), I wouldn’t be married.im sure about that. Those men weren’t the sticking around type.

Lol. I’m the poster just below this PP and find the idea of meeting in late 20s and marrying at 30 as “waiting” to be quite humorous. I didn’t purposefully wait to marry at 37!

[Anonymous]

I had a child at 25 and it was incredibly challenging. I didn't have a stable relationship or career. I had to build both while raising a baby. I'm at 34 now and have everything. I can only hope this time around isn't years of infertility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my kids at 31 and 33, which according to current standards is about the perfect age. However, my own parent had me at 23 and 24 and it's weird to me to think that when my parents were my age (46), I was already out of college, whereas my own kids are 12 and 14. I'm a bit torn because I certainly enjoyed my childfree time in my 20's, but hate to think that my kids and future grandkids will be younger when I'm gone. I didn't lose my first grandparent, till I was in my 40s. I understand the benefits of delaying kids, but sometimes, I think society is doing a disservice to us by encouraging this.

Same, OP. But as long as "society" is no longer advocating/supporting that sex and marriage go hand-in-hand, few 20-25 year old women will have the support system needed to establish a family that early. When my mom was my age, I was getting married. I have 2 kids under 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because you have young kids now and feel you are old and busted, you want all of society to avoid your mistake? There is something seriously wrong with your thinking. I definitely don’t want my DD having kids until she gets to enjoy her own life first.

Yeah but if everyone does this, then no one gets to know their grandkids and vice versa. And lots of adults in their 40s-50's end up losing their parents - my own parents were in their 60's when their parents started dying. You have to wonder whether it's worth the trade off. Isn't it really family and relationships that life is all about?

My life is not about my relationship with my grandparents.

It's also about not having your parents die when you're 40.

Yes but isn’t this very common even for people who had kids in their 20s and 30s? I’m in my early 40s and it seems like a HS or college friend loses a parent at least once a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a child at 25 and it was incredibly challenging. I didn't have a stable relationship or career. I had to build both while raising a baby. I'm at 34 now and have everything. I can only hope this time around isn't years of infertility.

"Everything" including an ex-husband? Assuming this is what you meant by "this time around"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d didn’t purposefully wait. I just met the right guy in my late 20s, married at 30 and first child at 32, second at 35. Ifid have gotten pregnant with whoever I was dating in my early 20s (there were several), I wouldn’t be married.im sure about that. Those men weren’t the sticking around type.

I think this is what that other poster meant about society no longer valuing or linking sex with marriage as a standard. It is what it is. But once upon a time you didn't really have to worry about a guy not being the "sticking around type" because the rest of society would have looked down on such a man to the point where it would have been a stigma that affected all facets of his life to have a "broken family"
Not saying it's better the way it was. But definitely there is no going back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish a lot of things about society. That women don’t get raped, that pedophiles don’t exist, that Trumpers would get over themselves, that black people would be treated fairly, that religious zealots would shut up. I never think about society having kids too late...

You sound like a real optimist. Must be sunshine and rainbows at your house.