Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that no SAHMs have posted since that most recent study was quoted.

*crickets*

Perhaps they're too busy doing their parenting work?
While you're surfing the net at the office.

Care to address the content of the study?
Didn't think so.

Exactly.
Not one SAHM has commented on the study itself.

I did. Several pages ago. I'm the one who said I stay at home for ME and that I didn't think daycare would have harmed by kids. A couple people even replied to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that no SAHMs have posted since that most recent study was quoted.

*crickets*

Perhaps they're too busy doing their parenting work?
While you're surfing the net at the office.

Care to address the content of the study?
Didn't think so.

Why do you suppose the study omitted babies and toddlers?

Birth to age three are the all critical foundation years.

Once again, care to address the study?

And once again, the study is relevant for ages 3 +, which is the age most SAHMs start to send their children to Preschool and start to ramp back up or go part time. That is a crucial detail of the study, and in no way supports or is relevant to anything prior to that. That IS addressing the study and an important distinction to be made

Never mind. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that no SAHMs have posted since that most recent study was quoted.

*crickets*

Perhaps they're too busy doing their parenting work?
While you're surfing the net at the office.

Care to address the content of the study?
Didn't think so.

Why do you suppose the study omitted babies and toddlers?

Birth to age three are the all critical foundation years.

Once again, care to address the study?

And once again, the study is relevant for ages 3 +, which is the age most SAHMs start to send their children to Preschool and start to ramp back up or go part time. That is a crucial detail of the study, and in no way supports or is relevant to anything prior to that. That IS addressing the study and an important distinction to be made

Thank you, 8:59.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please define "quality" time.

Anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the last time, this article and studies are relevant for 3 and up.
3 AND UP!
Probably explains why Sahms arent replying. That's the normal age for preschool to start and SAHM to start thinking about going part time and/or ramping back up to work FT.
We can still go on thinking putting a 2 month old in daycare for 10 hours/day is not great and why we chose not to.

I don't get why dual career parents are outsourcing
NEWBORN / INFANT / TODDLER care to complete strangers.

My parents both worked full time and put me, my brother, and my sister in daycare from the time we were each about 4-6 months old. I'm 41 now. What exactly do you think you could tell about me, based on the fact that I was "cared for by strangers" as an infant and toddler?

Any idea how many hours a week you were in the daycare?

Or how many primary caregivers you had during your first three years?

I had a ton, revolving doors actually - nanny, daycare, back to attempting nanny, etc. and around it went. My mom had a major medical issue after I was born, which flung her into deep depression and she was very bad off until I was about 5. She was able to re-engage with her kids around that time (I was the youngest). I know it's not the same because she wasn't CHOOSING to work, but the effect was the same. I was completely outsourced. No question about it. I was what you all scream about - an afterthought. And you know what? I'm fine. My mom is fine. My dad is fine. My siblings are all fine. We're more than fine, we're a close family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we all know, deep in our guts, that a certain level of quantity matters.

I know a couple of kids who are now in their 20s that spent a significant part of their childhoods with nannies because their parents had high profile careers and traveled often. A great nanny or caretaker is fine. I think you just need to make yourself feel better; that you mean something to your child.

Yes, just as people who leave their children with others to raise them need to make themselves feel better and want to feel that they mean something to their child despite hours spent away from them.

You are beyond evil for spewing such filth. Stay at home all you want, creep, you aren't doing your kids any favors because you're an asshole. I'd rather be raised by a working mother, which I was, than an asshole any day of the week.

Not true. I've been a working mom or a long time and understand why many parents (both moms and dads) work. I was referring to those who work such long hours (by choice) that they rarely see their kids. Many of them are dating as well because they're single parents. It does matter, whether you want to get mad about it and engage in name-calling or not.

I don't care if you take offense at being called an asshole or not. Serves you right for suggesting that people who work long hours don't matter to their kids. Sometimes the truth hurts, and in this case it's on you.

You clearly didn't read the previous response from which the quote was taken, or do you just promote your own agenda?.

You seem to be having a hard time understanding that someone doesn't agree with what you wrote, context and all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the last time, this article and studies are relevant for 3 and up.
3 AND UP!
Probably explains why Sahms arent replying. That's the normal age for preschool to start and SAHM to start thinking about going part time and/or ramping back up to work FT.
We can still go on thinking putting a 2 month old in daycare for 10 hours/day is not great and why we chose not to.

I don't get why dual career parents are outsourcing
NEWBORN / INFANT / TODDLER care to complete strangers.

My parents both worked full time and put me, my brother, and my sister in daycare from the time we were each about 4-6 months old. I'm 41 now. What exactly do you think you could tell about me, based on the fact that I was "cared for by strangers" as an infant and toddler?

Any idea how many hours a week you were in the daycare?

Or how many primary caregivers you had during your first three years?

I had a ton, revolving doors actually - nanny, daycare, back to attempting nanny, etc. and around it went. My mom had a major medical issue after I was born, which flung her into deep depression and she was very bad off until I was about 5. She was able to re-engage with her kids around that time (I was the youngest). I know it's not the same because she wasn't CHOOSING to work, but the effect was the same. I was completely outsourced. No question about it. I was what you all scream about - an afterthought. And you know what? I'm fine. My mom is fine. My dad is fine. My siblings are all fine. We're more than fine, we're a close family.

Sort of like getting burned in a house fire vs. your parent sticking a lit cigarette on you.

We forgive our parents more easily if we knew they did their best with what they had.

[Anonymous]

It is really interesting how our childhood experiences influence our choices as adults. I had a SAHM until middle school and I certainly appreciate her being there for us. But I also witnessed how financial stress affected my parents relationship, and missed out on things my friends did but we couldn't afford. My college fund was a $2k mutual fund. I witnessed what happens when the sole breadwinner was laid off (twice). My dad was always able to get a new job, but his earning power decreased over time. My mom went back to work once my youngest sib started school, but at that point she had been out of the workforce >10 years and ended up working as a low paid teachers assistant in a school. Now in her 60s, she's working two jobs to try to catch up for retirement.

I think the fact that I didn't pay off my student loans till my early 30s also influenced my decision to maintain a career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the last time, this article and studies are relevant for 3 and up.
3 AND UP!
Probably explains why Sahms arent replying. That's the normal age for preschool to start and SAHM to start thinking about going part time and/or ramping back up to work FT.
We can still go on thinking putting a 2 month old in daycare for 10 hours/day is not great and why we chose not to.

I don't get why dual career parents are outsourcing
NEWBORN / INFANT / TODDLER care to complete strangers.

My parents both worked full time and put me, my brother, and my sister in daycare from the time we were each about 4-6 months old. I'm 41 now. What exactly do you think you could tell about me, based on the fact that I was "cared for by strangers" as an infant and toddler?

Any idea how many hours a week you were in the daycare?

Or how many primary caregivers you had during your first three years?

I had a ton, revolving doors actually - nanny, daycare, back to attempting nanny, etc. and around it went. My mom had a major medical issue after I was born, which flung her into deep depression and she was very bad off until I was about 5. She was able to re-engage with her kids around that time (I was the youngest). I know it's not the same because she wasn't CHOOSING to work, but the effect was the same. I was completely outsourced. No question about it. I was what you all scream about - an afterthought. And you know what? I'm fine. My mom is fine. My dad is fine. My siblings are all fine. We're more than fine, we're a close family.

Sort of like getting burned in a house fire vs. your parent sticking a lit cigarette on you.

We forgive our parents more easily if we knew they did their best with what they had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the last time, this article and studies are relevant for 3 and up.
3 AND UP!
Probably explains why Sahms arent replying. That's the normal age for preschool to start and SAHM to start thinking about going part time and/or ramping back up to work FT.
We can still go on thinking putting a 2 month old in daycare for 10 hours/day is not great and why we chose not to.

I don't get why dual career parents are outsourcing
NEWBORN / INFANT / TODDLER care to complete strangers.

My parents both worked full time and put me, my brother, and my sister in daycare from the time we were each about 4-6 months old. I'm 41 now. What exactly do you think you could tell about me, based on the fact that I was "cared for by strangers" as an infant and toddler?

Any idea how many hours a week you were in the daycare?

Or how many primary caregivers you had during your first three years?

I had a ton, revolving doors actually - nanny, daycare, back to attempting nanny, etc. and around it went. My mom had a major medical issue after I was born, which flung her into deep depression and she was very bad off until I was about 5. She was able to re-engage with her kids around that time (I was the youngest). I know it's not the same because she wasn't CHOOSING to work, but the effect was the same. I was completely outsourced. No question about it. I was what you all scream about - an afterthought. And you know what? I'm fine. My mom is fine. My dad is fine. My siblings are all fine. We're more than fine, we're a close family.

Sort of like getting burned in a house fire vs. your parent sticking a lit cigarette on you.

We forgive our parents more easily if we knew they did their best with what they had.

Yep. The house fire usually isn't on purpose. Neither was PP's parent's illness for the first five years of her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the last time, this article and studies are relevant for 3 and up.
3 AND UP!
Probably explains why Sahms arent replying. That's the normal age for preschool to start and SAHM to start thinking about going part time and/or ramping back up to work FT.
We can still go on thinking putting a 2 month old in daycare for 10 hours/day is not great and why we chose not to.

I don't get why dual career parents are outsourcing
NEWBORN / INFANT / TODDLER care to complete strangers.

My parents both worked full time and put me, my brother, and my sister in daycare from the time we were each about 4-6 months old. I'm 41 now. What exactly do you think you could tell about me, based on the fact that I was "cared for by strangers" as an infant and toddler?

Any idea how many hours a week you were in the daycare?

Or how many primary caregivers you had during your first three years?

I had a ton, revolving doors actually - nanny, daycare, back to attempting nanny, etc. and around it went. My mom had a major medical issue after I was born, which flung her into deep depression and she was very bad off until I was about 5. She was able to re-engage with her kids around that time (I was the youngest). I know it's not the same because she wasn't CHOOSING to work, but the effect was the same. I was completely outsourced. No question about it. I was what you all scream about - an afterthought. And you know what? I'm fine. My mom is fine. My dad is fine. My siblings are all fine. We're more than fine, we're a close family.

Sort of like getting burned in a house fire vs. your parent sticking a lit cigarette on you.

We forgive our parents more easily if we knew they did their best with what they had.

Best post yet. So we are now equating a working mother with a parent who puts out cigarettes on a child? Your children are so lucky to have you home with them – your perspectives are so realistic and thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that no SAHMs have posted since that most recent study was quoted.

*crickets*

Oh good grief. I posted up thread but will do so again.

I'm a SAHM. I have multiple graduate degrees. I am a proud feminist. I think women can be and do anything they set their minds to doing. I think this world would suffer greatly if most women-- and most mothers-- didn't work. I support public policies that make it easier for mothers and fathers to find a good work/life balance. I cheer on fathers who take paternity leave, SAH, and leave work early for their kid's Little League game because that is the best and fastest way to de stigmatize motherhood in the eyes of employers. I think mothers who work are awesome role models for their daughters and sons. I DON'T think my children are better off because I'm home with them. I pray to God they're not worse off because I do. .

The other SAHMs I know feel the same way. Please stop lumping all of us into some obnoxious holier-than-thou group. Most of us are your natural allies!

Okay??

Yay! Another SAHM agrees with you 100%.

I know a lot of SAHMs like you two, and generalizations are pointless and stupid. I certainly don't think all SAHMs are as toxic and judgemental as the some of the posters in this thread (e.g. the cigarette poster on this very page).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the last time, this article and studies are relevant for 3 and up.
3 AND UP!
Probably explains why Sahms arent replying. That's the normal age for preschool to start and SAHM to start thinking about going part time and/or ramping back up to work FT.
We can still go on thinking putting a 2 month old in daycare for 10 hours/day is not great and why we chose not to.

I don't get why dual career parents are outsourcing
NEWBORN / INFANT / TODDLER care to complete strangers.

I don't get why you are so concerned with what other people are doing for their kids. Stop being a weirdo. If your life is so great why are so concerned with mines? Unless...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the last time, this article and studies are relevant for 3 and up.
3 AND UP!
Probably explains why Sahms arent replying. That's the normal age for preschool to start and SAHM to start thinking about going part time and/or ramping back up to work FT.
We can still go on thinking putting a 2 month old in daycare for 10 hours/day is not great and why we chose not to.

I don't get why dual career parents are outsourcing
NEWBORN / INFANT / TODDLER care to complete strangers.

My parents both worked full time and put me, my brother, and my sister in daycare from the time we were each about 4-6 months old. I'm 41 now. What exactly do you think you could tell about me, based on the fact that I was "cared for by strangers" as an infant and toddler?

Any idea how many hours a week you were in the daycare?

Or how many primary caregivers you had during your first three years?

I had a ton, revolving doors actually - nanny, daycare, back to attempting nanny, etc. and around it went. My mom had a major medical issue after I was born, which flung her into deep depression and she was very bad off until I was about 5. She was able to re-engage with her kids around that time (I was the youngest). I know it's not the same because she wasn't CHOOSING to work, but the effect was the same. I was completely outsourced. No question about it. I was what you all scream about - an afterthought. And you know what? I'm fine. My mom is fine. My dad is fine. My siblings are all fine. We're more than fine, we're a close family.

I'm going to bet you are lying. Most adults can barely remember what happened before age 5. Research backs this up also if you look it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the last time, this article and studies are relevant for 3 and up.
3 AND UP!
Probably explains why Sahms arent replying. That's the normal age for preschool to start and SAHM to start thinking about going part time and/or ramping back up to work FT.
We can still go on thinking putting a 2 month old in daycare for 10 hours/day is not great and why we chose not to.

I don't get why dual career parents are outsourcing
NEWBORN / INFANT / TODDLER care to complete strangers.

My parents both worked full time and put me, my brother, and my sister in daycare from the time we were each about 4-6 months old. I'm 41 now. What exactly do you think you could tell about me, based on the fact that I was "cared for by strangers" as an infant and toddler?

Any idea how many hours a week you were in the daycare?

Or how many primary caregivers you had during your first three years?

I had a ton, revolving doors actually - nanny, daycare, back to attempting nanny, etc. and around it went. My mom had a major medical issue after I was born, which flung her into deep depression and she was very bad off until I was about 5. She was able to re-engage with her kids around that time (I was the youngest). I know it's not the same because she wasn't CHOOSING to work, but the effect was the same. I was completely outsourced. No question about it. I was what you all scream about - an afterthought. And you know what? I'm fine. My mom is fine. My dad is fine. My siblings are all fine. We're more than fine, we're a close family.

I'm going to bet you are lying. Most adults can barely remember what happened before age 5. Research backs this up also if you look it up.

So your point would be that no one remembers what happens before we are 5 so it shouldn't matter if we are in daycare or at home with mom? I'm sure that PP was told about their life before 5 even if they can't remember it.