What does no boxed gifts please mean?

[Anonymous]

I'm not the pp, but I'd like to try to help you understand the Indian culture a little better.

Our weddings are generally huge. 200, even 300 would be considered a small wedding. No one wants to carry that many boxes to and from a wedding hall. It's also seen as a good thing to give the new couple money since they are just starting out their life together.

First birthdays can vary. Some will do it very big. This is usually thrown by one of the grandparents and all of their friends and family are invited, not just people with little kids. Again, no one wants that many random gifts. Also, most of the older people that are the grandparents friends don't know what to buy for babies anymore and don't really want to go shopping around for toys. Cash/Check/Gift card is easier for them and it the theme of helping a new family out monetarily also prevails.

It's just different from the American style. It's not better but it's also not worse.

If you're offended because you don't get it or you don't care to associate with people that do not do things the way you do, then just don't go. It's quite simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not the pp, but I'd like to try to help you understand the Indian culture a little better.

Our weddings are generally huge. 200, even 300 would be considered a small wedding. No one wants to carry that many boxes to and from a wedding hall. It's also seen as a good thing to give the new couple money since they are just starting out their life together.

First birthdays can vary. Some will do it very big. This is usually thrown by one of the grandparents and all of their friends and family are invited, not just people with little kids. Again, no one wants that many random gifts. Also, most of the older people that are the grandparents friends don't know what to buy for babies anymore and don't really want to go shopping around for toys. Cash/Check/Gift card is easier for them and it the theme of helping a new family out monetarily also prevails.

It's just different from the American style. It's not better but it's also not worse.

If you're offended because you don't get it or you don't care to associate with people that do not do things the way you do, then just don't go. It's quite simple.

+1. I am so glad our family doesn't consider cash gifts to be rude - it was enough to cover the down payment on our first house together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's still considered tacky to list where one is registered on an invitation. The way it should be done is simple - You receive an invitation and you call the host and ask where the bride (or new mom) is registered. It is NEVER listed on an invitation. Unless of course, you have no class.

Pot, I'd like to introduce you to kettle. Kettle, please meet pot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the bid deal? You are going to give a gift.....just give them whatever you would have spent in form of cash, check or a gift card. No big deal. Jeez people.

Are you of this desi culture? It is absolutely rude to mention presents on a child's birthday invitation, and to specify money is the tackiest thing I have ever heard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the bid deal? You are going to give a gift.....just give them whatever you would have spent in form of cash, check or a gift card. No big deal. Jeez people.

Are you of this desi culture? It is absolutely rude to mention presents on a child's birthday invitation, and to specify money is the tackiest thing I have ever heard.

This has been stated over and over again on this thread. Typical American reaction to beat a dead horse.

It's not for you, it's tacky to you, it's rude to you. GOT IT, move on. The OP has gotten the answer to her question along with all you judgements thrown in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where I come from we don't shoot kids just because they're black and we don't make a trend out of sending kids to school to shoot their classmates. Each to their own...

So you came to the US because you could not "shoot kids" back in your country?

no, it was because they applied for an H-1b visa and won the lottery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the bid deal? You are going to give a gift.....just give them whatever you would have spent in form of cash, check or a gift card. No big deal. Jeez people.

Are you of this desi culture? It is absolutely rude to mention presents on a child's birthday invitation, and to specify money is the tackiest thing I have ever heard.

This has been stated over and over again on this thread. Typical American reaction to beat a dead horse.

It's not for you, it's tacky to you, it's rude to you. GOT IT, move on. The OP has gotten the answer to her question along with all you judgements thrown in.

Is that a culturally American thing? I always figured that the proportion of people who like to beat a dead horse is basically constant across cultures and historical periods, just like the proportion of people who are fools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1. It's a free country, lady. My inlaws threw a first birthday party for my DD and wrote no boxed gifts. IN AMERICA! *gasp*

I'm genuinely curious, pp, so I hope the question is taken that way. But what was your in-laws intent behind saying "no boxed gifts"? Was the family trying to avoid getting "stuff"? Were they hoping to create the start of a college fund? Did most people give cash? Do they do gift cards in that scenario?

My inlaws have hosted and paid for all 5 of their grandkids first birthday parties. My DD is the last of those 5 (the oldest was 10 at her 1st bday so its been a long decade). They invite everyone they know, including distant family. There were over 200 people at DD's 1st bday party. I didn't know 170 of them and my kid didn't either. Over the years, the inlaws realized there are waaaaayyy too many gifts to transport, their friends were stressing out about what gift the kid would like best so in their estimation, no boxed gifts was best. Worked well for me since I didn't want a houseful of junk. DD got cash, checks, gift cards. Our friends brought books, art supplies - we didn't care. But there were like 5 families of our friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1. It's a free country, lady. My inlaws threw a first birthday party for my DD and wrote no boxed gifts. IN AMERICA! *gasp*

I'm genuinely curious, pp, so I hope the question is taken that way. But what was your in-laws intent behind saying "no boxed gifts"? Was the family trying to avoid getting "stuff"? Were they hoping to create the start of a college fund? Did most people give cash? Do they do gift cards in that scenario?

My inlaws have hosted and paid for all 5 of their grandkids first birthday parties. My DD is the last of those 5 (the oldest was 10 at her 1st bday so its been a long decade). They invite everyone they know, including distant family. There were over 200 people at DD's 1st bday party. I didn't know 170 of them and my kid didn't either. Over the years, the inlaws realized there are waaaaayyy too many gifts to transport, their friends were stressing out about what gift the kid would like best so in their estimation, no boxed gifts was best. Worked well for me since I didn't want a houseful of junk. DD got cash, checks, gift cards. Our friends brought books, art supplies - we didn't care. But there were like 5 families of our friends.

so how much should go in each of these envelopes? $20? 200 people x $20 = pretty good haul for first b’day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the bid deal? You are going to give a gift.....just give them whatever you would have spent in form of cash, check or a gift card. No big deal. Jeez people.

Are you of this desi culture? It is absolutely rude to mention presents on a child's birthday invitation, and to specify money is the tackiest thing I have ever heard.

This has been stated over and over again on this thread. Typical American reaction to beat a dead horse.

It's not for you, it's tacky to you, it's rude to you. GOT IT, move on. The OP has gotten the answer to her question along with all you judgements thrown in.

Is that a culturally American thing? I always figured that the proportion of people who like to beat a dead horse is basically constant across cultures and historical periods, just like the proportion of people who are fools.

In my opinion it is. Yes, every country and culture has fools that just won't let things go. But I've lived in a few different countries and it seems that the "our way is the right way and the only right way" attitude is most prevalent here. I obviously know that that is a broad generalization and not every single American is like that, but I do see it more as a culture here.

It's many people in Europe travel between countries so much, that they "get" that people do things differently, in India there are so many different ethnic groups and most are in such close quarters that you 'get' that people have other customs different from you. But I've met so many people here that have never left the United States, never grew up sharing a small community together with people very different from you, and they find anything different from what they grew up with or are used to to be completely bizarre without trying to understand the great cultural context and roots to other customs. No I can understand another custom being odd for you, but it's not just found to be odd, it's completely judged and looked down upon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1. It's a free country, lady. My inlaws threw a first birthday party for my DD and wrote no boxed gifts. IN AMERICA! *gasp*

I'm genuinely curious, pp, so I hope the question is taken that way. But what was your in-laws intent behind saying "no boxed gifts"? Was the family trying to avoid getting "stuff"? Were they hoping to create the start of a college fund? Did most people give cash? Do they do gift cards in that scenario?

My inlaws have hosted and paid for all 5 of their grandkids first birthday parties. My DD is the last of those 5 (the oldest was 10 at her 1st bday so its been a long decade). They invite everyone they know, including distant family. There were over 200 people at DD's 1st bday party. I didn't know 170 of them and my kid didn't either. Over the years, the inlaws realized there are waaaaayyy too many gifts to transport, their friends were stressing out about what gift the kid would like best so in their estimation, no boxed gifts was best. Worked well for me since I didn't want a houseful of junk. DD got cash, checks, gift cards. Our friends brought books, art supplies - we didn't care. But there were like 5 families of our friends.

so how much should go in each of these envelopes? $20? 200 people x $20 = pretty good haul for first b’day.

Usually $50-200.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1. It's a free country, lady. My inlaws threw a first birthday party for my DD and wrote no boxed gifts. IN AMERICA! *gasp*

I'm genuinely curious, pp, so I hope the question is taken that way. But what was your in-laws intent behind saying "no boxed gifts"? Was the family trying to avoid getting "stuff"? Were they hoping to create the start of a college fund? Did most people give cash? Do they do gift cards in that scenario?

My inlaws have hosted and paid for all 5 of their grandkids first birthday parties. My DD is the last of those 5 (the oldest was 10 at her 1st bday so its been a long decade). They invite everyone they know, including distant family. There were over 200 people at DD's 1st bday party. I didn't know 170 of them and my kid didn't either. Over the years, the inlaws realized there are waaaaayyy too many gifts to transport, their friends were stressing out about what gift the kid would like best so in their estimation, no boxed gifts was best. Worked well for me since I didn't want a houseful of junk. DD got cash, checks, gift cards. Our friends brought books, art supplies - we didn't care. But there were like 5 families of our friends.

so how much should go in each of these envelopes? $20? 200 people x $20 = pretty good haul for first b’day.

Usually $50-200.

Want to add, that's not expected from the American guests though. We just do things differently. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1. It's a free country, lady. My inlaws threw a first birthday party for my DD and wrote no boxed gifts. IN AMERICA! *gasp*

I'm genuinely curious, pp, so I hope the question is taken that way. But what was your in-laws intent behind saying "no boxed gifts"? Was the family trying to avoid getting "stuff"? Were they hoping to create the start of a college fund? Did most people give cash? Do they do gift cards in that scenario?

My inlaws have hosted and paid for all 5 of their grandkids first birthday parties. My DD is the last of those 5 (the oldest was 10 at her 1st bday so its been a long decade). They invite everyone they know, including distant family. There were over 200 people at DD's 1st bday party. I didn't know 170 of them and my kid didn't either. Over the years, the inlaws realized there are waaaaayyy too many gifts to transport, their friends were stressing out about what gift the kid would like best so in their estimation, no boxed gifts was best. Worked well for me since I didn't want a houseful of junk. DD got cash, checks, gift cards. Our friends brought books, art supplies - we didn't care. But there were like 5 families of our friends.

so how much should go in each of these envelopes? $20? 200 people x $20 = pretty good haul for first b’day.

Usually $50-200.

I'm the PP whose inlaws hosted my DD's party. She received anywhere from $20 to $50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it means they want unwrapped presents. I've seen that for showers, basically because the bride/mom to be doesn't want to open the presents so they are all just lined up and everyone can see them. Usually these mean no thank you notes either since the recipient could see the present and thank you for it then….

wtf.

[Anonymous]

Why are we talking about Indians, did OP mention they were invited by an Indian family? It seems that around half of the threads on DCUM end up with discussions of Indians by Indians themselves or by other posters. Even the swasika thread ended up being about Indian culture.