Do working moms actually like the "WOHM" acronym??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the WOHMs are being deliberately obtuse. My nanny takes care of my children for 40 plus hours a week, I think we can all agree that is a fulltime job (as is working in a daycare, if that is how you get your childcare while you work) . However, when a SAHM does that, it's completely overlooked and everyone wants to argue that they do the same exact thing but also work. It's so plainly false it is ridiculous.

You don't see the distinction between getting paid money to leave your house and go watch other people's children and staying at home to care for your own child? One is a job, one is a choice. They are different. That's why we have the distinctions. Some parents stay at home, some go to work, some can work from home. Every single one of those brings its own pros and cons, but they are all different from one another. Choosing to stay at home to care for your children is a choice and involves things that have to be done during the day but it isn't a job. Going to work involves involves things that may look similar to caring for your own child, but at the end of the day, it's a job.

And both are work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What pray tell is that one responsibility? Is it cleaning and housework? Laundry? Cooking and packing lunches? Is it changing diapers? Driving Kids every where and going to all conferences/appointments? Is it taking care of all the finances? Is it taking care of a elderly sick parent? Is it homework help? Not all families have a dad who can help with these tasks, most high earners have super long hours and/or lots of overnight travel.

I have far more time for mental breaks and far more adult companionship when working outside the home.

I never understand these lists. I WOHM and do all of these things. Granted, I don't do them during the hours I am working, but they all still need to get done, meaning either my schedule has to shift around or I have to do them at night and on the weekend.

Or like many, you outsource some of these things -- at least the childcare as someone is watching your child when you are working.

Agreed: "Granted, I don't do them during the hours I am working." My point was, I never understand why SAHMs use examples like "laundry" and "grocery shopping" and "cooking" and "taking the kids to the doctor" when those are things everyone does. I will concede that taking care of small kids all day can be as hard as doing a paid job outside the home, but I don't see how it is HARDER to do that plus run the household, compared to someone who works outside the home and still has to run the household.

Agree completely. This is my primary pet peeve with certain SAHMs. I had to listen to one SAHM neighbor expound upon how difficult it is to be the only person responsible for scheduling the plumber, researching camps, buying kid clothes, making doctors appointments, etc., and that she was REALLY kept busy doing these things, so she hasn't gone back to work. (Her kids are both school age.) All I could think was that she is either a complete moron or just the world's most inefficient person. I do all those things too. Myself. Yet I am not so overwhelmed with camps and plumbers that I can't hold down a full time job. Just WOW on the lack of awareness for that woman. Who does she think handles those tasks at my house? The Scheduling Fairy? A Shopping Elf? Nope - I do.

Well, she does take care of her kids all day and you do not. No value judgment there, I have a nanny myself and work outside the home, but you seem to be overlooking the obvious in your desire to feel superior.

Um, did you miss the part about her kids being school age? 1st and 4th grade, actually. They go to the same school as my kids. These kids live just a bit further from school than we do. I know my kids are out the door by 7:20 and back home about 3:10. If by "taking care of the kids all day" you mean taking care of them from 3:10 pm until her spouse returns home, yeah, that's a crushing workload. I have NO idea how she finds time to call the plumber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the WOHMs are being deliberately obtuse. My nanny takes care of my children for 40 plus hours a week, I think we can all agree that is a fulltime job (as is working in a daycare, if that is how you get your childcare while you work) . However, when a SAHM does that, it's completely overlooked and everyone wants to argue that they do the same exact thing but also work. It's so plainly false it is ridiculous.

You don't see the distinction between getting paid money to leave your house and go watch other people's children and staying at home to care for your own child? One is a job, one is a choice. They are different. That's why we have the distinctions. Some parents stay at home, some go to work, some can work from home. Every single one of those brings its own pros and cons, but they are all different from one another. Choosing to stay at home to care for your children is a choice and involves things that have to be done during the day but it isn't a job. Going to work involves involves things that may look similar to caring for your own child, but at the end of the day, it's a job.

What exactly is your point? Mine was that taking care of kids all day is hard work--whether or not you are paid for it. Are you arguing otherwise?

My point is that one is a job and one is a choice. Why are you acting like because they each take effort, they are the same. No, they're not. Do you think your nanny is going to show up out of the goodness of her heart to take care of your kids is you don't pay her? Hell no. She does it because you're paying her to do it. That's the difference. If I'm a carpenter by trade, and choose to build something in my back yard for the benefit of my family, I'm not "at work." I'm choosing to spend to my time doing that, but I'm not being paid. But I might be saving our family money by not paying someone else to do it. Why is this any different? Being a SAHP is not a job, regardless of how much effort is expended at doing what's necessary during the day. I'm not digging at SAHPs. I respect what they do. It's just not a job. People do a disservice to SAHPs by trying to bring some kind of credibility to their day by referring to it as a job. It's credible in its own right, you don't need to act like it's equivalent to a job. Apples and oranges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the WOHMs are being deliberately obtuse. My nanny takes care of my children for 40 plus hours a week, I think we can all agree that is a fulltime job (as is working in a daycare, if that is how you get your childcare while you work) . However, when a SAHM does that, it's completely overlooked and everyone wants to argue that they do the same exact thing but also work. It's so plainly false it is ridiculous.

Well-put. Thanks! ~WOHM here

Do you really think there is no difference between taking care of kids NOT in your own house and taking care of your kids in your own house? Or being paid to do nothing but take care of kids, versus being allowed to take care of kids but do whatever else you need to do (as long as kids aren't neglected)?

What's the longest amount of time you've been home as the primary caregiver of your kids (i.e. no daycare or nanny) and how many do you have?

I don't think you got my point. There's a difference between caring for someone else's kids in someone else's house and caring for your own, in your own house. PP said we consider nannies and daycare workers to be "working," so why not SAHMs, and my point is there is a big difference between being on the clock versus not, and between being in your own home all day and not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the WOHMs are being deliberately obtuse. My nanny takes care of my children for 40 plus hours a week, I think we can all agree that is a fulltime job (as is working in a daycare, if that is how you get your childcare while you work) . However, when a SAHM does that, it's completely overlooked and everyone wants to argue that they do the same exact thing but also work. It's so plainly false it is ridiculous.

You don't see the distinction between getting paid money to leave your house and go watch other people's children and staying at home to care for your own child? One is a job, one is a choice. They are different. That's why we have the distinctions. Some parents stay at home, some go to work, some can work from home. Every single one of those brings its own pros and cons, but they are all different from one another. Choosing to stay at home to care for your children is a choice and involves things that have to be done during the day but it isn't a job. Going to work involves involves things that may look similar to caring for your own child, but at the end of the day, it's a job.

What exactly is your point? Mine was that taking care of kids all day is hard work--whether or not you are paid for it. Are you arguing otherwise?

My point is that one is a job and one is a choice. Why are you acting like because they each take effort, they are the same. No, they're not. Do you think your nanny is going to show up out of the goodness of her heart to take care of your kids is you don't pay her? Hell no. She does it because you're paying her to do it. That's the difference. If I'm a carpenter by trade, and choose to build something in my back yard for the benefit of my family, I'm not "at work." I'm choosing to spend to my time doing that, but I'm not being paid. But I might be saving our family money by not paying someone else to do it. Why is this any different? Being a SAHP is not a job, regardless of how much effort is expended at doing what's necessary during the day. I'm not digging at SAHPs. I respect what they do. It's just not a job. People do a disservice to SAHPs by trying to bring some kind of credibility to their day by referring to it as a job. It's credible in its own right, you don't need to act like it's equivalent to a job. Apples and oranges.

Exactly. I took a leave of absence from work to take care of my father when he was in hospice. I would never say that I was "working." But if I worked as a hospice nurse and was taking care of someone else's parent, then I would have been doing the same things every day and that would have been working, because I would only be doing it because I was getting paid for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work outside of my house. I spend three hours a day commuting. I have a kid with some sort of delay we haven't figured out yet.

I couldn't care less.

X1000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the WOHMs are being deliberately obtuse. My nanny takes care of my children for 40 plus hours a week, I think we can all agree that is a fulltime job (as is working in a daycare, if that is how you get your childcare while you work) . However, when a SAHM does that, it's completely overlooked and everyone wants to argue that they do the same exact thing but also work. It's so plainly false it is ridiculous.

Well-put. Thanks! ~WOHM here

Do you really think there is no difference between taking care of kids NOT in your own house and taking care of your kids in your own house? Or being paid to do nothing but take care of kids, versus being allowed to take care of kids but do whatever else you need to do (as long as kids aren't neglected)?

What's the longest amount of time you've been home as the primary caregiver of your kids (i.e. no daycare or nanny) and how many do you have?

Questions like that give SAHMs a black eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the WOHMs are being deliberately obtuse. My nanny takes care of my children for 40 plus hours a week, I think we can all agree that is a fulltime job (as is working in a daycare, if that is how you get your childcare while you work) . However, when a SAHM does that, it's completely overlooked and everyone wants to argue that they do the same exact thing but also work. It's so plainly false it is ridiculous.

You don't see the distinction between getting paid money to leave your house and go watch other people's children and staying at home to care for your own child? One is a job, one is a choice. They are different. That's why we have the distinctions. Some parents stay at home, some go to work, some can work from home. Every single one of those brings its own pros and cons, but they are all different from one another. Choosing to stay at home to care for your children is a choice and involves things that have to be done during the day but it isn't a job. Going to work involves involves things that may look similar to caring for your own child, but at the end of the day, it's a job.

What exactly is your point? Mine was that taking care of kids all day is hard work--whether or not you are paid for it. Are you arguing otherwise?

My point is that one is a job and one is a choice. Why are you acting like because they each take effort, they are the same. No, they're not. Do you think your nanny is going to show up out of the goodness of her heart to take care of your kids is you don't pay her? Hell no. She does it because you're paying her to do it. That's the difference. If I'm a carpenter by trade, and choose to build something in my back yard for the benefit of my family, I'm not "at work." I'm choosing to spend to my time doing that, but I'm not being paid. But I might be saving our family money by not paying someone else to do it. Why is this any different? Being a SAHP is not a job, regardless of how much effort is expended at doing what's necessary during the day. I'm not digging at SAHPs. I respect what they do. It's just not a job. People do a disservice to SAHPs by trying to bring some kind of credibility to their day by referring to it as a job. It's credible in its own right, you don't need to act like it's equivalent to a job. Apples and oranges.

Why does it bother you so much? Who really cares if a SAHM wants to call it a job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the WOHMs are being deliberately obtuse. My nanny takes care of my children for 40 plus hours a week, I think we can all agree that is a fulltime job (as is working in a daycare, if that is how you get your childcare while you work) . However, when a SAHM does that, it's completely overlooked and everyone wants to argue that they do the same exact thing but also work. It's so plainly false it is ridiculous.

You don't see the distinction between getting paid money to leave your house and go watch other people's children and staying at home to care for your own child? One is a job, one is a choice. They are different. That's why we have the distinctions. Some parents stay at home, some go to work, some can work from home. Every single one of those brings its own pros and cons, but they are all different from one another. Choosing to stay at home to care for your children is a choice and involves things that have to be done during the day but it isn't a job. Going to work involves involves things that may look similar to caring for your own child, but at the end of the day, it's a job.

What exactly is your point? Mine was that taking care of kids all day is hard work--whether or not you are paid for it. Are you arguing otherwise?

My point is that one is a job and one is a choice. Why are you acting like because they each take effort, they are the same. No, they're not. Do you think your nanny is going to show up out of the goodness of her heart to take care of your kids is you don't pay her? Hell no. She does it because you're paying her to do it. That's the difference. If I'm a carpenter by trade, and choose to build something in my back yard for the benefit of my family, I'm not "at work." I'm choosing to spend to my time doing that, but I'm not being paid. But I might be saving our family money by not paying someone else to do it. Why is this any different? Being a SAHP is not a job, regardless of how much effort is expended at doing what's necessary during the day. I'm not digging at SAHPs. I respect what they do. It's just not a job. People do a disservice to SAHPs by trying to bring some kind of credibility to their day by referring to it as a job. It's credible in its own right, you don't need to act like it's equivalent to a job. Apples and oranges.

Why does it bother you so much? Who really cares if a SAHM wants to call it a job?

Because then we have to use these stupid constructions like "WOHM," which was the original question on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the WOHMs are being deliberately obtuse. My nanny takes care of my children for 40 plus hours a week, I think we can all agree that is a fulltime job (as is working in a daycare, if that is how you get your childcare while you work) . However, when a SAHM does that, it's completely overlooked and everyone wants to argue that they do the same exact thing but also work. It's so plainly false it is ridiculous.

You don't see the distinction between getting paid money to leave your house and go watch other people's children and staying at home to care for your own child? One is a job, one is a choice. They are different. That's why we have the distinctions. Some parents stay at home, some go to work, some can work from home. Every single one of those brings its own pros and cons, but they are all different from one another. Choosing to stay at home to care for your children is a choice and involves things that have to be done during the day but it isn't a job. Going to work involves involves things that may look similar to caring for your own child, but at the end of the day, it's a job.

What exactly is your point? Mine was that taking care of kids all day is hard work--whether or not you are paid for it. Are you arguing otherwise?

My point is that one is a job and one is a choice. Why are you acting like because they each take effort, they are the same. No, they're not. Do you think your nanny is going to show up out of the goodness of her heart to take care of your kids is you don't pay her? Hell no. She does it because you're paying her to do it. That's the difference. If I'm a carpenter by trade, and choose to build something in my back yard for the benefit of my family, I'm not "at work." I'm choosing to spend to my time doing that, but I'm not being paid. But I might be saving our family money by not paying someone else to do it. Why is this any different? Being a SAHP is not a job, regardless of how much effort is expende
\ at doing what's necessary during the day. I'm not digging at SAHPs. I respect what they do. It's just not a job. People do a disservice to SAHPs by trying to bring some kind of credibility to their day by referring to it as a job. It's credible in its own right, you don't need to act like it's equivalent to a job. Apples and oranges.

This is a weird tangent, no one said it was a job, only that it was hard work taking caring of young children. My nanny does pretty much what I did when I was at home (but not all the work I did around the house) and I acknowledge her hard work by paying her a lot of money. It was also hard work when I was doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What pray tell is that one responsibility? Is it cleaning and housework? Laundry? Cooking and packing lunches? Is it changing diapers? Driving Kids every where and going to all conferences/appointments? Is it taking care of all the finances? Is it taking care of a elderly sick parent? Is it homework help? Not all families have a dad who can help with these tasks, most high earners have super long hours and/or lots of overnight travel.

I have far more time for mental breaks and far more adult companionship when working outside the home.

I never understand these lists. I WOHM and do all of these things. Granted, I don't do them during the hours I am working, but they all still need to get done, meaning either my schedule has to shift around or I have to do them at night and on the weekend.

Or like many, you outsource some of these things -- at least the childcare as someone is watching your child when you are working.

Agreed: "Granted, I don't do them during the hours I am working." My point was, I never understand why SAHMs use examples like "laundry" and "grocery shopping" and "cooking" and "taking the kids to the doctor" when those are things everyone does. I will concede that taking care of small kids all day can be as hard as doing a paid job outside the home, but I don't see how it is HARDER to do that plus run the household, compared to someone who works outside the home and still has to run the household.

Agree completely. This is my primary pet peeve with certain SAHMs. I had to listen to one SAHM neighbor expound upon how difficult it is to be the only person responsible for scheduling the plumber, researching camps, buying kid clothes, making doctors appointments, etc., and that she was REALLY kept busy doing these things, so she hasn't gone back to work. (Her kids are both school age.) All I could think was that she is either a complete moron or just the world's most inefficient person. I do all those things too. Myself. Yet I am not so overwhelmed with camps and plumbers that I can't hold down a full time job. Just WOW on the lack of awareness for that woman. Who does she think handles those tasks at my house? The Scheduling Fairy? A Shopping Elf? Nope - I do.

Well, she does take care of her kids all day and you do not. No value judgment there, I have a nanny myself and work outside the home, but you seem to be overlooking the obvious in your desire to feel superior.

Um, did you miss the part about her kids being school age? 1st and 4th grade, actually. They go to the same school as my kids. These kids live just a bit further from school than we do. I know my kids are out the door by 7:20 and back home about 3:10. If by "taking care of the kids all day" you mean taking care of them from 3:10 pm until her spouse returns home, yeah, that's a crushing workload. I have NO idea how she finds time to call the plumber.

Maybe she spends her time volunteering at the school or elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the WOHMs are being deliberately obtuse. My nanny takes care of my children for 40 plus hours a week, I think we can all agree that is a fulltime job (as is working in a daycare, if that is how you get your childcare while you work) . However, when a SAHM does that, it's completely overlooked and everyone wants to argue that they do the same exact thing but also work. It's so plainly false it is ridiculous.

Well-put. Thanks! ~WOHM here

Do you really think there is no difference between taking care of kids NOT in your own house and taking care of your kids in your own house? Or being paid to do nothing but take care of kids, versus being allowed to take care of kids but do whatever else you need to do (as long as kids aren't neglected)?

What's the longest amount of time you've been home as the primary caregiver of your kids (i.e. no daycare or nanny) and how many do you have?

Questions like that give SAHMs a black eye.

I asked the question and I'm a WOHM. Just shocking to me that anyone has spent time taking care of their own kids thinks SAHM are just bringing their kids around with them in a whirlwind of shopping, spa and gym. Sounds like something a childless person would. I've had quite a few draining weekends with the kids where I look forward to the relative calm of the workplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the WOHMs are being deliberately obtuse. My nanny takes care of my children for 40 plus hours a week, I think we can all agree that is a fulltime job (as is working in a daycare, if that is how you get your childcare while you work) . However, when a SAHM does that, it's completely overlooked and everyone wants to argue that they do the same exact thing but also work. It's so plainly false it is ridiculous.

Well-put. Thanks! ~WOHM here

Do you really think there is no difference between taking care of kids NOT in your own house and taking care of your kids in your own house? Or being paid to do nothing but take care of kids, versus being allowed to take care of kids but do whatever else you need to do (as long as kids aren't neglected)?

What's the longest amount of time you've been home as the primary caregiver of your kids (i.e. no daycare or nanny) and how many do you have?

Questions like that give SAHMs a black eye.

I asked the question and I'm a WOHM. Just shocking to me that anyone has spent time taking care of their own kids thinks SAHM are just bringing their kids around with them in a whirlwind of shopping, spa and gym. Sounds like something a childless person would. I've had quite a few draining weekends with the kids where I look forward to the relative calm of the workplace.

BS on you being a WOHM. (Or if you are, then you are being obtuse.) You think someone who works outside the 40 hours a week cannot be someone "who has spent time taking care of their own kids"? Let's start with weekends and go on from there....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the WOHMs are being deliberately obtuse. My nanny takes care of my children for 40 plus hours a week, I think we can all agree that is a fulltime job (as is working in a daycare, if that is how you get your childcare while you work) . However, when a SAHM does that, it's completely overlooked and everyone wants to argue that they do the same exact thing but also work. It's so plainly false it is ridiculous.

You don't see the distinction between getting paid money to leave your house and go watch other people's children and staying at home to care for your own child? One is a job, one is a choice. They are different. That's why we have the distinctions. Some parents stay at home, some go to work, some can work from home. Every single one of those brings its own pros and cons, but they are all different from one another. Choosing to stay at home to care for your children is a choice and involves things that have to be done during the day but it isn't a job. Going to work involves involves things that may look similar to caring for your own child, but at the end of the day, it's a job.

What exactly is your point? Mine was that taking care of kids all day is hard work--whether or not you are paid for it. Are you arguing otherwise?

My point is that one is a job and one is a choice. Why are you acting like because they each take effort, they are the same. No, they're not. Do you think your nanny is going to show up out of the goodness of her heart to take care of your kids is you don't pay her? Hell no. She does it because you're paying her to do it. That's the difference. If I'm a carpenter by trade, and choose to build something in my back yard for the benefit of my family, I'm not "at work." I'm choosing to spend to my time doing that, but I'm not being paid. But I might be saving our family money by not paying someone else to do it. Why is this any different? Being a SAHP is not a job, regardless of how much effort is expende
\ at doing what's necessary during the day. I'm not digging at SAHPs. I respect what they do. It's just not a job. People do a disservice to SAHPs by trying to bring some kind of credibility to their day by referring to it as a job. It's credible in its own right, you don't need to act like it's equivalent to a job. Apples and oranges.

This is a weird tangent, no one said it was a job, only that it was hard work taking caring of young children. My nanny does pretty much what I did when I was at home (but not all the work I did around the house) and I acknowledge her hard work by paying her a lot of money. It was also hard work when I was doing it.

Are you new here?? People say that constantly. It's insane. "It's hard work taking care of children all day" is NOT the same as having outside employment, just as having outside employment is NOT the same as staying at home taking care of children all day. That's why the whole SAHM, WOHM, WAHM designations started in the first place. Because they each bring their own set of benefits and challenges. But SAHMs seem to feel the needs to "justify" themselves by equating what they do with having a job simply because it takes effort. It's stupid. Which is what this whole thread is about. And there are no judgments about any of it - I've been all of those designations, so I see the benefits and challenges of each. But I sure as hell never said what I did as a SAHM was a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't think you got my point. There's a difference between caring for someone else's kids in someone else's house and caring for your own, in your own house. PP said we consider nannies and daycare workers to be "working," so why not SAHMs, and my point is there is a big difference between being on the clock versus not, and between being in your own home all day and not.

There is also a big difference between getting paid and not getting paid.

We need a new word to distinguish work you don't get paid for from work you get paid for.