Do working moms actually like the "WOHM" acronym??

[Anonymous]

This is related to the WOHM, SAHM thing so bear with me for a tic.

What I have learnt from this forum is that
a) everyone can always justify, rationalize, back up and defend their parenting choices. I'm assuming because they would not have made them otherwise.
b) there is no model that fits any life or any child because everyone's life and everyone's child is different. Advice is useful for ideas but proselytizing is simplistic and smug
c) everyone has stresses and complications, just because someone has different challenges (a nasty mom at the pool, a careless caregiver at day-care, an un-family friendly boss, an un-family friendly husband, no husband, several husbands) doesn't mean they are less worthy or relevant
d) not all parenting decisions are based on objective choice but rather on need, desire, pragmatism, personal dynamics, health, partnerships etc. There is not a right model - just whatever model works at any given time.
e) It's inevitable that sometimes (may be lots of the time) we think the grass in greener elsewhere. A shitty day at work and we might hallucinate about story-time at the library (except the one in Beverly Hills). A shitty day at home and we might reflect longingly about a calm office with people speaking in multiple syllables. A shitty altercation in a park might make us miss Monday morning staff meeting. A shitty Monday morning staff meeting might make us reflect on why someone else is with the baby in a park.

The fact is that it doesn't matter what we call each other, how we judge each other and how we come to terms with the decisions we have (or have had to) make I think that deep down we know most people are making the best of what they have. And that's why the acronyms are actually meaningless. Rarely do they rarely reflect the actual situation/person/dynamic.

I think most of the semantic war around this is merely sport. And one of the reasons I like DCUM. It's just a bit of fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This acronym confused me for the longest time. I thought it meant working out of your house - in other words, working AT home. Then I saw the WAHM acronym and got REALLY confused. So, now I get that WOHM/WAHM distinguishes whether you work outside or inside the home, but who really cares about this distinction? Does it actually come up a lot? Or is WOHM designed to not offend SAHMs by implying that what SAHMs do isn't work?

Personally, I prefer "working mom." I don't like having to caveat it with "outside the home" and am not convinced I should have to.

Then again, I honestly hate all the mommy forum acronyms but it's impossible not to use them after being immersed in them for awhile.

I'm a WOHM and I think the distinction is important. All the work people do to care for children and households is work and should be honored - not just work where people receive pay for their work. I'm fine if you want to call it paid work versus unpaid work. But it's still work and someone has to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always thought WOHM and WAHM were the same thing!

Thanks for clarifying. And I too prefer "working mom." I don't think it's a slap in the fact to moms who work from home or stay at home and don't work (for money--we all know that SAHMs do a lot of work!). It's just a more familiar term to people who don't camp out on message boards all day.

That's the thing, all moms are working moms. The distinction lies in where the work occurs.

All moms have work to do in caring for children and home, yes. Not all moms have work - as in "where do you work" or "what type of work do you do" or "time to catch the bus/metro/drive to work". Not all moms are working moms. There is a difference.

Work is work. Your "distinction" only attempts to make one type more important than the other.

That's the thing -- if unpaid household and family work were valued in our society as much as working in an office for pay, I wouldn't care what you called me. But it's not. Most people see paid employment as more prestigious because raising a family is "women's work." If more men were primary caregivers of their children, you'd see this change fast! Being a full-time stay at home parent would be honored!

[Anonymous]

Most mothers are too busy to care either way.

[Anonymous]

There's a difference! I can't car pool my DD's dance class WOHM. And I can't do my job from home.
And you know, who cares if you are "working" or not? Only jealous middle class people get all bent out of shape over a woman (or man) who doesn't have a "real job." As long as your bills are paid who cares?

[Anonymous]

I'm a WOHM, and I think the acronym accurately describes what I do, which is that in addition to being a mom (a position that inevitably involves a lot of work), I also do paid work outside of the home. As a WOHM, there are issues I face that are specific to my situation, like deciding whether to send my child to daycare close to home or to work, as well as plenty of parenting decisions that I share with WAHMs, like what child care to use. The vast majority of parenting issues I face, like how to respond to my child's love of video games or hatred of green vegetables, have nothing to do with my working status, and so I don't mention it in those posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always thought WOHM and WAHM were the same thing!

Thanks for clarifying. And I too prefer "working mom." I don't think it's a slap in the fact to moms who work from home or stay at home and don't work (for money--we all know that SAHMs do a lot of work!). It's just a more familiar term to people who don't camp out on message boards all day.

That's the thing, all moms are working moms. The distinction lies in where the work occurs.

All moms have work to do in caring for children and home, yes. Not all moms have work - as in "where do you work" or "what type of work do you do" or "time to catch the bus/metro/drive to work". Not all moms are working moms. There is a difference.

Work is work. Your "distinction" only attempts to make one type more important than the other.

That's the thing -- if unpaid household and family work were valued in our society as much as working in an office for pay, I wouldn't care what you called me. But it's not. Most people see paid employment as more prestigious because raising a family is "women's work." If more men were primary caregivers of their children, you'd see this change fast! Being a full-time stay at home parent would be honored!

That's just insecurity talking. It's not true that "work is work." Some work involves a career outside of family life that requires juggling and planning and issues that people who don't work outside the home have to face. I'm with the Wanda poster above. Why is this really so hard to understand? One set of mothers leave their houses on a daily basis, go somewhere to conduct business, report to and accountable to a boss or a board or own their own business, and they get paid money to do this. As a trade off, other people are caring for their children in the pre-school years.

The other set of mothers choose to not leave their house on a daily or semi-daily basis to go somewhere to conduct business or report to anyone. As a trade off, they don't get paid money from an outside source.

Are both sets of mothers good people who love and care for their children very much? Yes.

Can we be done with this crap now?

[Anonymous]

Yay! A logical poster! Thank you, PP.

I was thinking about this over a lunch meeting with a female colleague who doesn't have kids. She's a working woman or a woman with a job (no kids, so not a WOHM). I also know a childless woman who doesn't work, so she's not a SAHM (just a lucky duck IMHO). Fwiw, she tells people she doesn't work when asked (I've heard her say this in public when she's introduced). But, she cooks, cleans, gardens, etc. She does everything a homemaker would do, but when asked "what she does" (ie: what's your job) she realizes that what they mean is "what's your career/do you work."

Now I'm sure someone is going to jump in with, "But caring for little ones is work!" Of course it is. But what about when all the kids are in school for six hours a day (plus bus time...tack on another 15-30 mins or so)? Compare Sally and Wanda again.

[Anonymous]

To me WAHM is a mom who is working at a career from the home office while the kids are at school, whether or not they're actually making money ... yet. In other words, you are in the house, but you have obligations that do not involve your family or your home - like the telecommuter, the small business owner with a home office, the artist/musician/writer who may or may not be making much money (yet), or the full-time-equivalent volunteers of the world, or mom-in-school with a full class schedule, or mom trying to start up a new business. Each Mom category has some issues in common, but other issues unique to their situation which sometimes calls for a distinction to be made in a post. It is simply a shorthand way to clarify the situation when it is relevant.

[Anonymous]

Funny that I refer myself as a sahm, but I work a pt job at a childcare center where my kids are with me the entire time. Then I work from home 4-5 nights a week after putting them to bed.

I don't have a cleaning service, a sitter, etc. and my youngest is 20 months old and has some medical issues.

Parenthood is tough... SAH, WOH, or WAH. I love being a mom, and savor every (ok, maybe not EVERY) minute with my kids. Childhood flies by so quickly and before I know it my kids will be moving out, going to college , etc, etc.

Just stop judging people who make different choices than you!!!

[Anonymous]

I'm mostly a SAHM. I have a very part time job outside of the house.

I've also been a full time, single WOHM and a married WOHM.

The acronyms don't bother me. Neither does the judgement anymore.

Easiest? For me, SAHM. Yes, I still have things that have to be done but I'm not answering to anybody else as far as when it's done or even how well it's done. I no longer have to juggle the household requirements with the work/childcare and other requirements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yay! A logical poster! Thank you, PP.

I was thinking about this over a lunch meeting with a female colleague who doesn't have kids. She's a working woman or a woman with a job (no kids, so not a WOHM). I also know a childless woman who doesn't work, so she's not a SAHM (just a lucky duck IMHO). Fwiw, she tells people she doesn't work when asked (I've heard her say this in public when she's introduced). But, she cooks, cleans, gardens, etc. She does everything a homemaker would do, but when asked "what she does" (ie: what's your job) she realizes that what they mean is "what's your career/do you work."

Now I'm sure someone is going to jump in with, "But caring for little ones is work!" Of course it is. But what about when all the kids are in school for six hours a day (plus bus time...tack on another 15-30 mins or so)? Compare Sally and Wanda again.

I'm a SAHM of a 2 year old. Obviously I'd like to continue to be home for him when he's school-aged, but I'm not sure what I'm going to do when the time comes. It's something I stress over quite a bit because I certainly don't want to spend that many hours a week doing "homemaker" work, yet I don't want to be totally useless either. I hope to do some sort of volunteer work in my career field...or it's possible there are other options (part time work) but all of the ifs, thens and buts come in to play then, so unless something falls into my lap, I doubt I'll find the perfect part time job with hours that fit my son's school schedule. My point is, not all SAHMs are lunching and going to the gym and salon all day (or whatever it is you're imagining). I know some are, sure. But it's not quite as simple for some of us because we don't WANT to be home doing housework or nothing all day long. Also, for some of us, sacrificing our usefulness out in the workforce for our usefulness at home is a big deal.

FWIW, even as a SAHM of a 2yo, I fit in my gym time, hair appointment and lunch with a friend on occasion, much as I did when I was a WOHM, only it's more difficult to arrange now because I don't have child care for 40 hours a week anymore).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All moms work, but moms who are paid have TWO jobs (one at the office, and one at home). That's the difference. Period.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All moms work, but moms who are paid have TWO jobs (one at the office, and one at home). That's the difference. Period.

Two PARTTIME jobs.
There, fixed that for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. WOHM loves her job. She just can't understand WHY SAHMs seem to be incapable of accepting the fact that (gasp!) they have a sweet gig being able to focus exclusively on their one job (caring for kids and running the house) when their WOH counterparts have to juggle those same responsibilities on top of another job. It's easy to understand, so I'm not sure why folks are so confused that we need a new thread every week.

Your small children watch themselves? Or do you farm that out, thus meaning that you are not, in fact doing that aspect of work?