Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of parents here with boundary issues. How unfortunate for the young people.

I guess you are referring to those of us who think an older teen having sex in a committed relationship is fine and healthy.

So, parents of the "not in my house variety," what do you do when teen and significant other goes into teen's room and closes the door? Do you say they have to keep it open, to a 17 year-old? One foot on the floor? Seriously? Because when you have rules like "not in my house" you are much more into their business, spying, intruding, than if you just leave it up to them as long as they are discrete and safe.

I'm trying to figure out the benefit of forcing kids to have sex in parking garages. I'm just not seeing it.

I know I cannot stop my teen from having sex if he is set on doing so. I do not, however, have to like it, or provide a place for him to do so.

[Anonymous]

Let's be real. If they want to do it in the missionary position I'm ok with it. If they want to get into other positions then its a problem.

[Anonymous]

Underage sex is underage sex. Host it and you get trouble. Real, long-lasting legal trouble -- along with the kids.

How can I face the other teen's mom and either casually mention that the teens had a sleepover, or gloss over it? I know that I would bite the head off anyone who allowed kids to go there on their watch.

So no way, no how in my house. Underage sex is also high school sex -- which, when it leads to a pregnancy, can derail a future for all involved -- children, baby (if that is the choice), us the parents left to help raise the baby when we're gunning for our retirement.

I didn't do it in HS, and I do hope I will raise kids who refrain from it in HS.

18 is an age at which most kids head to college. Yes, it can be really distracting to address the new sex issue as well as a move away and college work, greek life, if so inclined, etc. That, I do worry about. I do wish they will have the wisdom to ease into adult life, one controlled step at a time. Time will tell if they do.

But sex in high school? I hope not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of parents here with boundary issues. How unfortunate for the young people.

I guess you are referring to those of us who think an older teen having sex in a committed relationship is fine and healthy.

So, parents of the "not in my house variety," what do you do when teen and significant other goes into teen's room and closes the door? Do you say they have to keep it open, to a 17 year-old? One foot on the floor? Seriously? Because when you have rules like "not in my house" you are much more into their business, spying, intruding, than if you just leave it up to them as long as they are discrete and safe.

I'm trying to figure out the benefit of forcing kids to have sex in parking garages. I'm just not seeing it.

I know I cannot stop my teen from having sex if he is set on doing so. I do not, however, have to like it, or provide a place for him to do so.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of parents here with boundary issues. How unfortunate for the young people.

I guess you are referring to those of us who think an older teen having sex in a committed relationship is fine and healthy.

So, parents of the "not in my house variety," what do you do when teen and significant other goes into teen's room and closes the door? Do you say they have to keep it open, to a 17 year-old? One foot on the floor? Seriously? Because when you have rules like "not in my house" you are much more into their business, spying, intruding, than if you just leave it up to them as long as they are discrete and safe.

I'm trying to figure out the benefit of forcing kids to have sex in parking garages. I'm just not seeing it.

The less convenient sex is, the less of it they are going to have. And I am certainly not going to make it convenient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of parents here with boundary issues. How unfortunate for the young people.

I guess you are referring to those of us who think an older teen having sex in a committed relationship is fine and healthy.

So, parents of the "not in my house variety," what do you do when teen and significant other goes into teen's room and closes the door? Do you say they have to keep it open, to a 17 year-old? One foot on the floor? Seriously? Because when you have rules like "not in my house" you are much more into their business, spying, intruding, than if you just leave it up to them as long as they are discrete and safe.

I'm trying to figure out the benefit of forcing kids to have sex in parking garages. I'm just not seeing it.

I don't have a teen yet, but I grew up in a "not in my house" environment (though that was never explicitly stated). I would not dare have sex in my room just because my door was closed. My parents could come in at any point, it was their house after all. And to be honest, I would HATE to have sex in my room while my parents were there. I would hate if they lectured me on safe sex or bought me condoms. Its so incredibly patronizing. It would mean that they treated my as a child in one area where i absolutely didnt want to be a child. I figured it all on my own and I didn't want them to meddle into my sex life. Luckily, neither did they and we had no issues whatsoever in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Underage sex is underage sex. Host it and you get trouble. Real, long-lasting legal trouble -- along with the kids.

The age of consent in Maryland and DC is 16. In Virginia, the age of consent in Virginia is 18, but there's an exception for 15-17-year-olds having sex with 15-17-year-olds. So, while underage sex is underage sex, teenage sex is not necessarily underage sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Underage sex is underage sex. Host it and you get trouble. Real, long-lasting legal trouble -- along with the kids.

How can I face the other teen's mom and either casually mention that the teens had a sleepover, or gloss over it? I know that I would bite the head off anyone who allowed kids to go there on their watch.

So no way, no how in my house. Underage sex is also high school sex -- which, when it leads to a pregnancy, can derail a future for all involved -- children, baby (if that is the choice), us the parents left to help raise the baby when we're gunning for our retirement.

I didn't do it in HS, and I do hope I will raise kids who refrain from it in HS.

18 is an age at which most kids head to college. Yes, it can be really distracting to address the new sex issue as well as a move away and college work, greek life, if so inclined, etc. That, I do worry about. I do wish they will have the wisdom to ease into adult life, one controlled step at a time. Time will tell if they do.

But sex in high school? I hope not.

1. It is not illegal for two 17 year-olds to have sex. If its the law you are worried about, you should be more concerned about teens having sex in parking garages.
2. I agree about the dangers of pregnancies and STDs as well. Thats why I have had very direct conversations with my teen about safety. If all you say is "no no no," then you have no way of discussing this incredibly important topic if they are deciding "yes yes yes."
3. I want my teen to approach sex with the attitude of respect for his/her partner and in the context of a healthy, committed relationship. To me, sex in garages is not respectful and "not in my house" only encourages the hook up culture.

I don't need nor do I want the details. I do need to know my 17 year-old is safe and healthy.

I wonder how many of you have teens yet. I guess I don't see how putting my fingers in my ears and saying "la la la I can't hear you," shutting out the information, makes any sense on any parenting topic. Your teen will or will not have sex -- this is beyond your control. So the only question is how you deal with it. Pretending that it isn't happening isn't dealing with it. In ALL things you need to be available to talk to your teen. You can't have any kind of open communication if you are teaching them to be deceitful about what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but what does space have to do with hookup culture? To the contrary, when you make sex convenient, you encourage lots of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Underage sex is underage sex. Host it and you get trouble. Real, long-lasting legal trouble -- along with the kids.

How can I face the other teen's mom and either casually mention that the teens had a sleepover, or gloss over it? I know that I would bite the head off anyone who allowed kids to go there on their watch.

So no way, no how in my house. Underage sex is also high school sex -- which, when it leads to a pregnancy, can derail a future for all involved -- children, baby (if that is the choice), us the parents left to help raise the baby when we're gunning for our retirement.

I didn't do it in HS, and I do hope I will raise kids who refrain from it in HS.

18 is an age at which most kids head to college. Yes, it can be really distracting to address the new sex issue as well as a move away and college work, greek life, if so inclined, etc. That, I do worry about. I do wish they will have the wisdom to ease into adult life, one controlled step at a time. Time will tell if they do.

But sex in high school? I hope not.

1. It is not illegal for two 17 year-olds to have sex. If its the law you are worried about, you should be more concerned about teens having sex in parking garages.
2. I agree about the dangers of pregnancies and STDs as well. Thats why I have had very direct conversations with my teen about safety. If all you say is "no no no," then you have no way of discussing this incredibly important topic if they are deciding "yes yes yes."
3. I want my teen to approach sex with the attitude of respect for his/her partner and in the context of a healthy, committed relationship. To me, sex in garages is not respectful and "not in my house" only encourages the hook up culture.

I don't need nor do I want the details. I do need to know my 17 year-old is safe and healthy.

I wonder how many of you have teens yet. I guess I don't see how putting my fingers in my ears and saying "la la la I can't hear you," shutting out the information, makes any sense on any parenting topic. Your teen will or will not have sex -- this is beyond your control. So the only question is how you deal with it. Pretending that it isn't happening isn't dealing with it. In ALL things you need to be available to talk to your teen. You can't have any kind of open communication if you are teaching them to be deceitful about what they are doing.

I am the PP above. My parents never said No no no. We never talked about sex, which I very much appreciated. No boring lectures about meaningful respectful relationships blah blah blah... what kind of crap is that? They had no interest in meeting my boyfriends until I was engaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but what does space have to do with hookup culture? To the contrary, when you make sex convenient, you encourage lots of it.

"Hook-up culture" (if there even is such a thing) doesn't mean you have lots of sex. It means you have sex outside of the context of a committed romantic relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am the PP above. My parents never said No no no. We never talked about sex, which I very much appreciated. No boring lectures about meaningful respectful relationships blah blah blah... what kind of crap is that? They had no interest in meeting my boyfriends until I was engaged.

And thats good?

[Anonymous]

America is this wierd mix of puritanical and hyper-sexual. Reading this thread I can see why. God forbid any parents teach their kids that sex is a natural part of life, and to be enjoyed in the context of a loving relationship. So instead, you get unsafe hookups in parking lots or 27 year old virgins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am the PP above. My parents never said No no no. We never talked about sex, which I very much appreciated. No boring lectures about meaningful respectful relationships blah blah blah... what kind of crap is that? They had no interest in meeting my boyfriends until I was engaged.

And thats good?

Yes, absolutely. I really appreciated my parents not meddling into that area. And, btw, I never had a "disrespectful" relationship and have been happily married for almost 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:America is this wierd mix of puritanical and hyper-sexual. Reading this thread I can see why. God forbid any parents teach their kids that sex is a natural part of life, and to be enjoyed in the context of a loving relationship. So instead, you get unsafe hookups in parking lots or 27 year old virgins.

I am the PP above, and thankfully, I am not an American. I grew up in Europe, where supposedly people had sex in their parents' apartments, with their approval (no, really, though I don't know of a single example of that). But yes, many of the pathologies of American society are virtually nonexistent there.