Why do White People seem so happy most of the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a few things to take into account.

The bike wheel was obviously dirty. Who knows where the biker had been riding. The lady kept moving the wheel and the guy kept putting it back touching her. Personal space violation should not be tolerated.

I was always told that if your clothes are dirty, people will think you are dirty and disrespect you. Maybe she was concerned about this. There was a post a back in GP about how minority children are viewed differently when dressed down or having dirt on their clothes than white children http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/192529.page .

We can all agree that what he did was rude and gross. But it's still not a big deal until you throw the feeling of being disrespected into the mix. Maybe she was being disrespected and he wouldn't have done it to a white woman but who knows? She didn't know that and she overreacted.

What in the OP's story makes you think the woman overreacted?

The first time she spoke to the biker she spoke loudly enough to be heard by men across the isle and she threatened to kick the bike.

Yes, I (white woman - late 30s) would CERTAINLY not have reacted this way. I would have been annoyed by the bike being between my legs - DEFINITELY -- but I would have said something along the lines of, "I'm so sorry, but do you think you could move your bike?" And I'd assume he was clueless about how it was in my space. This would annoy me, yes, but I'd NEVER then say, "If it happens again, I am going to kick your bike." Oh my Lord!!! This is way, way, way over the top. Umm, talk about not "turning the other cheek"? Why oh why woulkd anyone say this, thinking that it would that make matters BETTER (?), if someone is bothering you, to then turn around and do something violent to them? On PURPOSE? When the first thing was an ACCIDENT? This seems totally out of line to me, and yes, it seems stereotypically "angry black lady." Good GRACIOUS!!!! I think that is why the other people then sort of tried to be nice to him, to show solidarity like, "Yikes, that crazy lady went all crazy on you. It's not you. It's her."

That is my take on the situation, now having read it.

You are also a perpetrator of "lack of benefit of the doubt" when it comes to black people. The OP stated that:

A white guy got on the train with a bike and stood in front of the lady and had his bike angled so that his front wheel was in between her legs and every time the train stopped or he moved his bike it kept bumping into the lady's legs.
The first couple of times the lady was bumped by the wheel the lady just moved the wheel off of her and angled the wheel in another direction so that it would stop touching her but every time the guy kept angling the steering wheel back to the original angle pointing to inbetween the womans legs.

This is aggression on the biker's part. The lady tried to be sympathetic to his cluelessness, but he ignored the signs and continued to be an asshole with his bike.

When she brought it to his attention, his response wasn't "Sorry about that". Instead, it was "Calm down". Do you seriously not see how this is a problem? IMO, this was not an angry black woman, but rather a self-important privileged white man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amusing that people are continuing the "white people are just happier than black people" meme without commenting on the whole suicide/depression/self-esteem/eating disorder issue. Which is a pretty big issue. Bigger than being upset at a dirty bike touching you, I believe.

On the other hand I actually keep wondering why people keep continuing on this side-note which really doesn't have much to do with the OP's question and the situation with the Metro.

No, the OP's question in her original post are why are white people so carefree and happy-go-lucky.

I think high suicide rates and high depression rates are quite relevant in a thread about happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anybody watch reality TV? Real Housewives of ATL, Basketball Wives, The Apprentice, etc. I fear that young black women will think that this behavior is the norm. I'm an black man and I remember as a kid, teenager, and in college when black girls would brag about how bad they could "go off" on someone. It was like they were given respect for how angry they could get and how easily they could be brought into a loud confrontation.

That shit needs to change.

How often do you hear this from uneducated black women? Why are you basing your opinions of black women off of TV (which is all about the ratings), underclass black women and teens? Have you never seen a reality show where white women were "going off"? Perhaps your TV doesn't get VH1, MTV, etc.

It's about balance. There are lots of white people in lead roles on TV that exhibit normal behavior. The shows that I mentioned make up the bulk of black women in leading roles. Others are sprinkled throughout the channel guide in smaller roles.

This is the fault of black people? Are Asians also to blame for being underrepresented in the media? Is the whitewashing of movies that are meant to feature nonwhite characters the fault of nonwhite people?

Nobody mentioned fault. This might have gone over your head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Black man here. OP, yes there is something that you can do to be happy like the white folks. Stop worrying about being disrespected. It's such an overused term in AA culture. People lose friendships, jobs, even kill over supposedly being disrespected. Does anyone even know what that means? Yes, people don't always treat you the way you want them to, but it's not usually out of disrespect.

Get to know people that you work with and let them get to know you. Remove the "weight of the world on your shoulders" look from your face. Smile...Sometimes you have to fake it to make it. Most of the white people I know have the same issues that I have. It's not important for me to let the world know.

PP, I love what you said. Thank you. I'm a white woman, and when I first read the subject of this thread, my immediate thought was "because we don't walk around with a chip on our shoulder all the time".

You don't have a chip on your shoulder, but you have antidepressants in your hand, food in the toilet after throwing it up, and a gun ready to put to your head if you really can't handle it all.

Statistically speaking, that is.

Dammit, that was a great comeback. Good on ya!

[Anonymous]

Anything that the Black woman would have said would have made her an "angry black woman" in the eyes of the non-Black passengers, right?

She was damned if she spoke or kept quiet and moved the wheel. Even if she had asked quietly.

If the biker was the only White guy on the train, do you think the response from fellow passengers would be in support of him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I think I get what OP was trying to say in 14:16. Its not neccessarily about the incident that occurred but about the white people's response vs. the black lady's response. I think it more speaks to the frame of mind that each of the people were in when they responded the way that they did. The white people in this story seem to be in a more easygoing non chalant frame of mind while the black lady was more tightly wound, if this makes any sense.

Well the white witnesses may have been more agitated if the bike repeatedly bumped them, too.

My thoughts exactly. Of course they didn't take it as seriously as the young lady did- they didn't have a bike on them.

Yes, but you have a lot of white people on her saying they wouldn't have taken it so hard either. You think we are all lying?

No, but I think it's a bit silly for you (or me) to comment on how we would have reacted when we weren't there, didn't witness it, and weren't actually the person it happened to.

I've had plenty of people shove shit at me, some of it dirty, on the metro. It's not really hypotethical, we've all been there. Sometimes I'm nicely dressed. Sometimes I'm pregnant. But I don't yell or threaten to kick anything. Maybe this particular young lady was having a bad day. I'm not judging her. I just think OP is on to something when she assumes a lot of white people would have reacted differently. I wouldn't link it to happiness.

[Anonymous]

Suicide Rates* Among Persons Ages 10 Years and Older, by Race/Ethnicity and Sex, United States, 2005–2009


http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/suicide/statistics/rates02.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a few things to take into account.

The bike wheel was obviously dirty. Who knows where the biker had been riding. The lady kept moving the wheel and the guy kept putting it back touching her. Personal space violation should not be tolerated.

I was always told that if your clothes are dirty, people will think you are dirty and disrespect you. Maybe she was concerned about this. There was a post a back in GP about how minority children are viewed differently when dressed down or having dirt on their clothes than white children http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/192529.page .

We can all agree that what he did was rude and gross. But it's still not a big deal until you throw the feeling of being disrespected into the mix. Maybe she was being disrespected and he wouldn't have done it to a white woman but who knows? She didn't know that and she overreacted.

What in the OP's story makes you think the woman overreacted?

The first time she spoke to the biker she spoke loudly enough to be heard by men across the isle and she threatened to kick the bike.

Yes, I (white woman - late 30s) would CERTAINLY not have reacted this way. I would have been annoyed by the bike being between my legs - DEFINITELY -- but I would have said something along the lines of, "I'm so sorry, but do you think you could move your bike?" And I'd assume he was clueless about how it was in my space. This would annoy me, yes, but I'd NEVER then say, "If it happens again, I am going to kick your bike." Oh my Lord!!! This is way, way, way over the top. Umm, talk about not "turning the other cheek"? Why oh why woulkd anyone say this, thinking that it would that make matters BETTER (?), if someone is bothering you, to then turn around and do something violent to them? On PURPOSE? When the first thing was an ACCIDENT? This seems totally out of line to me, and yes, it seems stereotypically "angry black lady." Good GRACIOUS!!!! I think that is why the other people then sort of tried to be nice to him, to show solidarity like, "Yikes, that crazy lady went all crazy on you. It's not you. It's her."

That is my take on the situation, now having read it.

You are also a perpetrator of "lack of benefit of the doubt" when it comes to black people. The OP stated that:

A white guy got on the train with a bike and stood in front of the lady and had his bike angled so that his front wheel was in between her legs and every time the train stopped or he moved his bike it kept bumping into the lady's legs.
The first couple of times the lady was bumped by the wheel the lady just moved the wheel off of her and angled the wheel in another direction so that it would stop touching her but every time the guy kept angling the steering wheel back to the original angle pointing to inbetween the womans legs.

This is aggression on the biker's part. The lady tried to be sympathetic to his cluelessness, but he ignored the signs and continued to be an asshole with his bike.

When she brought it to his attention, his response wasn't "Sorry about that". Instead, it was "Calm down". Do you seriously not see how this is a problem? IMO, this was not an angry black woman, but rather a self-important privileged white man.

Yep, I wouldn't view it as aggression or ass-holeyness on the biker's part. I would view it as, "We're all doing the best we can in a tight environment on the Metro." That is why I think she overreacted. And the other riders clearly thought along those lines too (including the biker) which is why he said, "CAlm down," b/c she appeared to overreact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a few things to take into account.

The bike wheel was obviously dirty. Who knows where the biker had been riding. The lady kept moving the wheel and the guy kept putting it back touching her. Personal space violation should not be tolerated.

I was always told that if your clothes are dirty, people will think you are dirty and disrespect you. Maybe she was concerned about this. There was a post a back in GP about how minority children are viewed differently when dressed down or having dirt on their clothes than white children http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/192529.page .

We can all agree that what he did was rude and gross. But it's still not a big deal until you throw the feeling of being disrespected into the mix. Maybe she was being disrespected and he wouldn't have done it to a white woman but who knows? She didn't know that and she overreacted.

What in the OP's story makes you think the woman overreacted?

The first time she spoke to the biker she spoke loudly enough to be heard by men across the isle and she threatened to kick the bike.

Are you the OP giving this information, first-hand? Also, speaking loud enough to be heard in the other aisle in Metro is not difficult. It does not constitute yelling. This guy kept positioning the bike in a way that resulted in it hitting the woman. He was being rude and was called on it. Are you equally confused when a kicked dog bites?

I'm not the OP. The OP said it was rush hour and if someone offered to switch seats then it was crowded enough that you would have to raise your voice to be widely heard. Look, I'm not saying the guy wasn't a dick. And I said that he deserved it. But you don't yell at someone just because they deserve it. If you want the guy to stop, getting pissy is probably not the best approach to take. OP herself, who I think says she is black, seems to take this example as consistent with what she sees at other times. White people seeming more chill than black people about some stuff, on average I assume she means. You can tell me that you would have reacted differently but I'm just saying, yeah, I'm white and I wouldn't have yelled.

Nor, however, in a million years would I have told the woman being hit to calm down or would I have bothered to come up to her after to say she shouldn't take it so hard.

I guess you would have to be a minority to understand this. I'm black and I would've been highly offended by this guy's behavior. It's a feeling of not being considered worthy enough of consideration and common decency and it stings. This woman had every right to get pissy if she wanted to...whether white or black. And there is still no evidence that she yelled so I'm not sure why this is being mentioned.

I don't think white people are more "chill". They are oftentimes afraid of confrontation. This can be a very good thing, but it also makes you a pushover and vulnerable to those looking to prey on weak people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suicide Rates* Among Persons Ages 10 Years and Older, by Race/Ethnicity and Sex, United States, 2005–2009


http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/suicide/statistics/rates02.html

Wow- I'm surprised at how much more prevalent it is amongst men vs women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old is your child? And are you struggling financially? My children are older (school aged) and we, knock on wood, do not have financial worries. Much easier when your kids aren't exhausting you every day and you do not have to worry about making ends meet.

OP Here. DS is 10 months old. HHI is $120K. I make $70K and DH makes $50K. We are not struggling financially but we sure don't have money to blow either. I work very hard usually 12 hour days in order to bring home my paycheck and we live frugally below our means.

10 months is so young! When he is five years old, you will be better rested and likely happier. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

But after you've done something to bother someone, why tell them to calm down instead of apologizing and correcting your mistake?

Sounds like the biker is the hostile one to me. If I accidentally bother someone, I apologize, even if they get a bit testy with me. It's the polite thing to do.

[Anonymous]

White people are just better at faking. And in lots of situations, their problems are just not as bad as a lot of minorities'. It takes less of a toll on you to worry about how much the addition to your home costs than to worry if you can feed your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I think I get what OP was trying to say in 14:16. Its not neccessarily about the incident that occurred but about the white people's response vs. the black lady's response. I think it more speaks to the frame of mind that each of the people were in when they responded the way that they did. The white people in this story seem to be in a more easygoing non chalant frame of mind while the black lady was more tightly wound, if this makes any sense.

Well the white witnesses may have been more agitated if the bike repeatedly bumped them, too.

My thoughts exactly. Of course they didn't take it as seriously as the young lady did- they didn't have a bike on them.

Yes, but you have a lot of white people on her saying they wouldn't have taken it so hard either. You think we are all lying?

No, but I think it's a bit silly for you (or me) to comment on how we would have reacted when we weren't there, didn't witness it, and weren't actually the person it happened to.

I've had plenty of people shove shit at me, some of it dirty, on the metro. It's not really hypotethical, we've all been there. Sometimes I'm nicely dressed. Sometimes I'm pregnant. But I don't yell or threaten to kick anything. Maybe this particular young lady was having a bad day. I'm not judging her. I just think OP is on to something when she assumes a lot of white people would have reacted differently. I wouldn't link it to happiness.

I think OP's on to something too. I am the white poster who keeps saying I woudln't have done that. I am on Metro all the time and that's just how it goes: basically: Metro sucks! You get bumped into, pushed into the pole, people smell, etc. I just keep quiet and try not to add to the chaos. This lady did nothing to deescalate the sitaution but actually threw fuel on the fire by saying (!) (and I still cannot believe someone would say this!! it's so crazy!): "I am going to kick your bike!" LOL!! WHO SAYS THIS????? CRAZINESS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicide Rates* Among Persons Ages 10 Years and Older, by Race/Ethnicity and Sex, United States, 2005–2009


http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/suicide/statistics/rates02.html

Wow- I'm surprised at how much more prevalent it is amongst men vs women.

I think whites having higher rates ties into white privilege- when things get very hard, they're unused to it and can't cope.

I think the same is true for male privilege.