UVA professor: get married young

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't like the truth. I made sure to be married by 30 and was a few years early. 30 year anniversary this year. It gets harder for women after 30. It just does. Facts. I wasn't going to turn into a 40 year old single cat lady with no kids. And I didn't.

Ok, MAGA trash.

I'm a new poster, and a registered Democrat with a very impeccable voting record for Democrats. And agree.

people don't like to be reminded that biology hasn't fully caught up with the modern day timeline for women. IF YOU WANT A FAMILY, I highlight this because if this isn't part of your marriage equation, you can do whatever you want at whatever age you'd like, but if you want a family, it is in your best interest to find a suitable partner earlier rather than later.

And it's also true that all the other people in your social circle are probably doing the same thing at the same time, so the opportunity and choice set is actually quite finite. Make hay while the sun is shining, so they say.

And finally, nowadays, a single 40 year old is far more likely to have a dog than a cat. (and I love both dogs and cats equally and hope that every 40 year old, married or not, has both)

No one GAF if you claim to have a “very impeccable voting record for Democrats” if you push RWNJ/MAGA talking points.

[Anonymous]

Nope. The liberated woman will casually date and hookup in her 20’s and early 30’s. The only way to consider getting married young would be an open relationship which is very popular with Gen Z.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 22 and will be celebrating my 30th anniversary this summer. Met my spouse while in college.

I married at 22 and got divorced. Same story with most of those in my social circle who married young in early 20s. We all remarried successfully in our early 30s after we grew up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s a very well respected, popular conservative sociology professor. My dd took his class though she didn’t agree with anything he believed, she respected him.

I haven’t read the 10+ pages on this thread, but Brad Wilcox’s research has a very clear pro-marriage agenda. He goes out of his way to frame his findings around promoting marriage. For example, he’ll show that children raised by marriage parents have better financial outcomes, but he’ll ignore the fact that people with college degrees are more likely to get and stay married. So it’s not marriage itself that leads to those outcomes. He runs a research center at UVA mostly dedicated to promoting marriage and pronatalist research. I’ve met him at sociology conferences. Pleasant guy, but questionable scholarship.

As an aside, as a sociologists, I was both annoyed and amused a few months ago when someone started a thread on sociology majors and there were pages of comments bashing it as an easy major for kids who aren’t so smart. Yet folks here love to talk about issues sociologists study, like work, family and demographics.

A pro- marriage, pro-child agenda!?

Oh no!

How dare a professor at an elite university promote something that correlates with happier lives and economic growth! >

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine advice but meaningless on an individual basis unless someone is in the position of being able to marry a suitable partner before age 30. Like it's perfectly good advice to give to two 25 yr olds with good heads on their shoulders who love each other and have a mature, good relationship.

It's a totally meaningless directive to some college kid who doesn't even have a significant other. You might suggest that they stay open to earlier marriage, and not write it off as "too early" (though for some of them it will be too early, so this is complicated). You might tell them about some of the benefits of early marriage and, IF they are interested, suggest they focus on dating people who share their same goals.

But to simply say "get married young" as blanket advice? Useless. Changes nothing. People aren't delaying marriage because it didn't occur to them, they are delaying marriage because it's hard to meet someone who you both want to marry and who wants to marry you.

This. Thank you. I remember being told by a lot of people, including my parents, that "college is where you meet your spouse!" When I graduated single despite being very open to meeting someone, I was afraid I'd never get married because the best opportunity was behind me. It's not helpful advice if it comes down to "have better luck."

I met my husband at 24 and got married at 26. I don't think that was particularly young. I do feel like trying to start a family before we had permanent good jobs and a house was a risk that has given me two awesome kids (avoiding a family history of infertility), and a noticeably lower standard of living than my peers who waited a few years longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s a very well respected, popular conservative sociology professor. My dd took his class though she didn’t agree with anything he believed, she respected him.

wtf does that even mean? Would she respect a math teacher that got all the problems wrong?

The point of a social science class isn't to teach students the "correct answers," it's to teach them enough about the theory and methods that they can disagree with you on evidence-based grounds rather than on each of your personal beliefs.

[Anonymous]

The article makes me uncomfortable and I agree it feel like it's tainted with Maga-ish motivations.

That said, having kids young can be great and I had my one and only at 26 and will be 44 when they go to college and well under 50 when they graduate. That feels hopeful and freeing and vibrant and exciting to me and my partner. So much life ahead!

But life just kind of happens to most people, so planning these things, especially when it comes to finding the right partner at the right time, isn't really something you can control. I envisioned a life with several kids which would have had me still in elementary phases while my now-only is off at college. I'm sure that would have been fine, but turns out I was able to build a successful career while parenting instead which is really rewarding to me.

In the end, it's a win if we can make choices that suit us present-term and long-term, and be grateful for making the most of what we have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 22 and will be celebrating my 30th anniversary this summer. Met my spouse while in college.

I married at 22 and got divorced. Same story with most of those in my social circle who married young in early 20s. We all remarried successfully in our early 30s after we grew up.

People who marry in their early 30s also get divorced. I'm watching multiple couples in my cohort (all married in early 30s) go through it. And not everyone gets it right on their second go round either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 22 and will be celebrating my 30th anniversary this summer. Met my spouse while in college.

I married at 22 and got divorced. Same story with most of those in my social circle who married young in early 20s. We all remarried successfully in our early 30s after we grew up.

People who marry in their early 30s also get divorced. I'm watching multiple couples in my cohort (all married in early 30s) go through it. And not everyone gets it right on their second go round either.

The age really doesn’t matter. Being compatible with the person is what matters the most. I understand that people should keep marriage open as an option and not completely toss it to the side for their career, but no matter what, it has to be the right person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. The liberated woman will casually date and hookup in her 20’s and early 30’s. The only way to consider getting married young would be an open relationship which is very popular with Gen Z.

It seems liberated women are going to be lonely later in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 22 and will be celebrating my 30th anniversary this summer. Met my spouse while in college.

I married at 22 and got divorced. Same story with most of those in my social circle who married young in early 20s. We all remarried successfully in our early 30s after we grew up.

People who marry in their early 30s also get divorced. I'm watching multiple couples in my cohort (all married in early 30s) go through it. And not everyone gets it right on their second go round either.

The age really doesn’t matter. Being compatible with the person is what matters the most. I understand that people should keep marriage open as an option and not completely toss it to the side for their career, but no matter what, it has to be the right person.

I think for the target audience for Wilcox's article, the bolded is actually the most important takeaway. He's talking to elite university graduates, people who probably have their eyes set on a "big" career and who are much more likely to put marriage and kids off in favor of that. The message that "kids and family life is actually really rewarding for most people and we have evidence that shows that" is one that groups probably needs to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s a very well respected, popular conservative sociology professor. My dd took his class though she didn’t agree with anything he believed, she respected him.

wtf does that even mean? Would she respect a math teacher that got all the problems wrong?

The point of a social science class isn't to teach students the "correct answers," it's to teach them enough about the theory and methods that they can disagree with you on evidence-based grounds rather than on each of your personal beliefs.

There is a correct way to conduct research though. The science part of his work is crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. The liberated woman will casually date and hookup in her 20’s and early 30’s. The only way to consider getting married young would be an open relationship which is very popular with Gen Z.

It seems liberated women are going to be lonely later in life.

Weird take. They will have had more fun experiences than most and let’s be real, you’re jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 18 years old, after two years of dating my husband, it’s been twenty eight years now. There’s no right age, everyone’s on their own timeline

Is your DH the same age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s a very well respected, popular conservative sociology professor. My dd took his class though she didn’t agree with anything he believed, she respected him.

I haven’t read the 10+ pages on this thread, but Brad Wilcox’s research has a very clear pro-marriage agenda. He goes out of his way to frame his findings around promoting marriage. For example, he’ll show that children raised by marriage parents have better financial outcomes, but he’ll ignore the fact that people with college degrees are more likely to get and stay married. So it’s not marriage itself that leads to those outcomes. He runs a research center at UVA mostly dedicated to promoting marriage and pronatalist research. I’ve met him at sociology conferences. Pleasant guy, but questionable scholarship.

As an aside, as a sociologists, I was both annoyed and amused a few months ago when someone started a thread on sociology majors and there were pages of comments bashing it as an easy major for kids who aren’t so smart. Yet folks here love to talk about issues sociologists study, like work, family and demographics.

A pro- marriage, pro-child agenda!?

Oh no!

How dare a professor at an elite university promote something that correlates with happier lives and economic growth! >

Weird that you think a professor is supposed to be promoting anything.