Gender Disparity at College

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the swing away from SAT/ACT scores. Plenty of bright boys who can do college work but the level of achievement kids are now expected to do for 4 years with zero room for error totally weeds out boys.

I happen to have a son who has been a very strong and focused student since 9th grade with strong ECs so he will benefit and I also have a daughter so I worry for her. It’s bad for everyone. Time to put down the GRL power shirts and attempt to figure it out.

Maybe parents should raise boys with equally high expectations so they have to step up? My high school didn't have class rank technically, but most of the top students in my class year at my very competitive independent school--by grades and scores--were boys. But this was also at a time when students of both genders got weeded out for disciplinary matters, and high standards were the norm (no extra credit, only the highest quality work earned the highest grades, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the swing away from SAT/ACT scores. Plenty of bright boys who can do college work but the level of achievement kids are now expected to do for 4 years with zero room for error totally weeds out boys.

I happen to have a son who has been a very strong and focused student since 9th grade with strong ECs so he will benefit and I also have a daughter so I worry for her. It’s bad for everyone. Time to put down the GRL power shirts and attempt to figure it out.

Maybe parents should raise boys with equally high expectations so they have to step up? My high school didn't have class rank technically, but most of the top students in my class year at my very competitive independent school--by grades and scores--were boys. But this was also at a time when students of both genders got weeded out for disciplinary matters, and high standards were the norm (no extra credit, only the highest quality work earned the highest grades, etc.).

Many boys mature 2-3 yrs behind girls. I have b/g twins and it was crazy to watch this play out within our family. I managed my son incredibly closely through 9th and 10th grade to make sure everything was done, turned in, etc. Then his own agency and self direction took off and he soared through 11th and 12th grade with zero parental involvement. But the reason he's at a top10 university is that I stepped in very heavily in those early yrs of high school (not doing the work but ensuring it was done). Not every parent has the time to do this and it's not easy on the parent/child relationship at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the swing away from SAT/ACT scores. Plenty of bright boys who can do college work but the level of achievement kids are now expected to do for 4 years with zero room for error totally weeds out boys.

I happen to have a son who has been a very strong and focused student since 9th grade with strong ECs so he will benefit and I also have a daughter so I worry for her. It’s bad for everyone. Time to put down the GRL power shirts and attempt to figure it out.

Maybe parents should raise boys with equally high expectations so they have to step up? My high school didn't have class rank technically, but most of the top students in my class year at my very competitive independent school--by grades and scores--were boys. But this was also at a time when students of both genders got weeded out for disciplinary matters, and high standards were the norm (no extra credit, only the highest quality work earned the highest grades, etc.).

Many boys mature 2-3 yrs behind girls. I have b/g twins and it was crazy to watch this play out within our family. I managed my son incredibly closely through 9th and 10th grade to make sure everything was done, turned in, etc. Then his own agency and self direction took off and he soared through 11th and 12th grade with zero parental involvement. But the reason he's at a top10 university is that I stepped in very heavily in those early yrs of high school (not doing the work but ensuring it was done). Not every parent has the time to do this and it's not easy on the parent/child relationship at the time.

+100. I went through the same thing with my boy in 9th and 10th grade. Had to be very involved in making sure he was putting in the effort, planning ahead. It improved in 11th grade and he became more self-driven. I was very aware of the pitfalls of helicoptering, and second-guessed myself a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has any of your daughters complained about the high girl to boy ratio at their colleges?

Many of the colleges my daughter is looking at have way more girls than boys and this concerns her.

There is definitely no dating going on. My daughter has packs of girlfriends and is always meeting more but it's rare that she even has an opportunity to talk to a guy. The average-to-good looking guys have their pick of any girl they want.

It's kind of an issue but there's not anything to do and culturally they're all in it together. The girls just keep investing in female friendship.

I guess you have to make the best of the situation but ... are there really no straight guys in college to date??

are the straight guys who are there dating anyone?

I think the situation is that because there are so many girls, only the top of the pecking order get male attention. At most schools these are Instgram-model glam for lack of a better descriptive. I know this sounds nuts but my daughter and friends who are "regular girl pretty" are fairly invisible despite being open to dating very average guys. t'a a hard dynamic and isn't helped by how busy kids are these days.

The girls are not interested in daring average guys.

They only want the ones who look good on Instagram.

College women are no different than the rest of American women seeking love, through OLD (and they certainly use social media in college!) :

- 90% of the women will only accept a date with the top 5% of guys. That is already an extremely small pool of guys.

Divide that 5% again by the number of college guys who are gay, and it easily explains why thread after thread here in the DCUM college forum say the same thing: our daughters are not dating in college.

Hooking up? Sure. Dating? Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has any of your daughters complained about the high girl to boy ratio at their colleges?

Many of the colleges my daughter is looking at have way more girls than boys and this concerns her.

There is definitely no dating going on. My daughter has packs of girlfriends and is always meeting more but it's rare that she even has an opportunity to talk to a guy. The average-to-good looking guys have their pick of any girl they want.

It's kind of an issue but there's not anything to do and culturally they're all in it together. The girls just keep investing in female friendship.

I guess you have to make the best of the situation but ... are there really no straight guys in college to date??

are the straight guys who are there dating anyone?

I think the situation is that because there are so many girls, only the top of the pecking order get male attention. At most schools these are Instgram-model glam for lack of a better descriptive. I know this sounds nuts but my daughter and friends who are "regular girl pretty" are fairly invisible despite being open to dating very average guys. t'a a hard dynamic and isn't helped by how busy kids are these days.

The girls are not interested in daring average guys.

They only want the ones who look good on Instagram.

College women are no different than the rest of American women seeking love, through OLD (and they certainly use social media in college!) :

- 90% of the women will only accept a date with the top 5% of guys. That is already an extremely small pool of guys.

Divide that 5% again by the number of college guys who are gay, and it easily explains why thread after thread here in the DCUM college forum say the same thing: our daughters are not dating in college.

Hooking up? Sure. Dating? Nope.

I disagree with this premise. How would people ever pair off and get married if only the top 5% of guys were datable to 90% of girls. Makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has any of your daughters complained about the high girl to boy ratio at their colleges?

Many of the colleges my daughter is looking at have way more girls than boys and this concerns her.

There is definitely no dating going on. My daughter has packs of girlfriends and is always meeting more but it's rare that she even has an opportunity to talk to a guy. The average-to-good looking guys have their pick of any girl they want.

It's kind of an issue but there's not anything to do and culturally they're all in it together. The girls just keep investing in female friendship.

I guess you have to make the best of the situation but ... are there really no straight guys in college to date??

are the straight guys who are there dating anyone?

I think the situation is that because there are so many girls, only the top of the pecking order get male attention. At most schools these are Instgram-model glam for lack of a better descriptive. I know this sounds nuts but my daughter and friends who are "regular girl pretty" are fairly invisible despite being open to dating very average guys. t'a a hard dynamic and isn't helped by how busy kids are these days.

The girls are not interested in daring average guys.

They only want the ones who look good on Instagram.

College women are no different than the rest of American women seeking love, through OLD (and they certainly use social media in college!) :

- 90% of the women will only accept a date with the top 5% of guys. That is already an extremely small pool of guys.

Divide that 5% again by the number of college guys who are gay, and it easily explains why thread after thread here in the DCUM college forum say the same thing: our daughters are not dating in college.

Hooking up? Sure. Dating? Nope.

Most girls are not hooking up either. If they have no interest in dating guys below the top 10%, they're not having sex with them either. From talking to my daughter, friends, friends moms, the hooking up culture is within the top 5-10% (in terms of desirability) kids. It's the liability and blessing of being hot, depending on your perspective.

Also, the vast, vast majority of girls don't drink enough that they're so drunk that they lose their inhibitions. They're wary about being vulnerable to assault, they have a ton of homework to do each weekend, they're worried about looking stupid on social media, they don't want to gain weight etc. As a result they pretty much never drink more than a few. Sometimes I feel like my daughter and friends should let lose a little bit. This generation is very different than ours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has any of your daughters complained about the high girl to boy ratio at their colleges?

Many of the colleges my daughter is looking at have way more girls than boys and this concerns her.

There is definitely no dating going on. My daughter has packs of girlfriends and is always meeting more but it's rare that she even has an opportunity to talk to a guy. The average-to-good looking guys have their pick of any girl they want.

It's kind of an issue but there's not anything to do and culturally they're all in it together. The girls just keep investing in female friendship.

I guess you have to make the best of the situation but ... are there really no straight guys in college to date??

are the straight guys who are there dating anyone?

I think the situation is that because there are so many girls, only the top of the pecking order get male attention. At most schools these are Instgram-model glam for lack of a better descriptive. I know this sounds nuts but my daughter and friends who are "regular girl pretty" are fairly invisible despite being open to dating very average guys. t'a a hard dynamic and isn't helped by how busy kids are these days.

The girls are not interested in daring average guys.

They only want the ones who look good on Instagram.

College women are no different than the rest of American women seeking love, through OLD (and they certainly use social media in college!) :

- 90% of the women will only accept a date with the top 5% of guys. That is already an extremely small pool of guys.

Divide that 5% again by the number of college guys who are gay, and it easily explains why thread after thread here in the DCUM college forum say the same thing: our daughters are not dating in college.

Hooking up? Sure. Dating? Nope.

Most girls are not hooking up either. If they have no interest in dating guys below the top 10%, they're not having sex with them either. From talking to my daughter, friends, friends moms, the hooking up culture is within the top 5-10% (in terms of desirability) kids. It's the liability and blessing of being hot, depending on your perspective.

Also, the vast, vast majority of girls don't drink enough that they're so drunk that they lose their inhibitions. They're wary about being vulnerable to assault, they have a ton of homework to do each weekend, they're worried about looking stupid on social media, they don't want to gain weight etc. As a result they pretty much never drink more than a few. Sometimes I feel like my daughter and friends should let lose a little bit. This generation is very different than ours.

oops. "loose", not lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has any of your daughters complained about the high girl to boy ratio at their colleges?

Many of the colleges my daughter is looking at have way more girls than boys and this concerns her.

There is definitely no dating going on. My daughter has packs of girlfriends and is always meeting more but it's rare that she even has an opportunity to talk to a guy. The average-to-good looking guys have their pick of any girl they want.

It's kind of an issue but there's not anything to do and culturally they're all in it together. The girls just keep investing in female friendship.

I guess you have to make the best of the situation but ... are there really no straight guys in college to date??

are the straight guys who are there dating anyone?

I think the situation is that because there are so many girls, only the top of the pecking order get male attention. At most schools these are Instgram-model glam for lack of a better descriptive. I know this sounds nuts but my daughter and friends who are "regular girl pretty" are fairly invisible despite being open to dating very average guys. t'a a hard dynamic and isn't helped by how busy kids are these days.

The girls are not interested in daring average guys.

They only want the ones who look good on Instagram.

College women are no different than the rest of American women seeking love, through OLD (and they certainly use social media in college!) :

- 90% of the women will only accept a date with the top 5% of guys. That is already an extremely small pool of guys.

Divide that 5% again by the number of college guys who are gay, and it easily explains why thread after thread here in the DCUM college forum say the same thing: our daughters are not dating in college.

Hooking up? Sure. Dating? Nope.

I disagree with this premise. How would people ever pair off and get married if only the top 5% of guys were datable to 90% of girls. Makes no sense.

Why worry about facts when you have a ln click bait narrative?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe DEI wasn't so bad after all...

right - there is nothing colleges CAN do about this now because the department of ed is requesting admit stats in order to make sure they aren't putting their thumb on the scale for black students. Which means no thumb of the scale for make students either.

Maybe diversity of student body (racial, religious, gender) was a good thing after all?

[Anonymous]

I certainly hope the 5%/90% stat isn’t true. I have an average decent boy. A good person, physically fit, good grades, but not a “star” at anything. Thus far, it’s like he’s invisible but maybe that will change someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I certainly hope the 5%/90% stat isn’t true. I have an average decent boy. A good person, physically fit, good grades, but not a “star” at anything. Thus far, it’s like he’s invisible but maybe that will change someday.

Of course it isn’t true. The PP is full of sht.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I certainly hope the 5%/90% stat isn’t true. I have an average decent boy. A good person, physically fit, good grades, but not a “star” at anything. Thus far, it’s like he’s invisible but maybe that will change someday.

Of course it isn’t true. The PP is full of sht.

No, there are a zillion articles and posts online about how top 50% women (or whatever) all want to date the same "high value" or top 5% men.
This isn't unique to DCUM.

I assume it's all social media driven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I certainly hope the 5%/90% stat isn’t true. I have an average decent boy. A good person, physically fit, good grades, but not a “star” at anything. Thus far, it’s like he’s invisible but maybe that will change someday.

I have the same in female form and she feels invisible to 90% of guys despite being petite, pretty, well dressed, etc because they're all chasing after the absolute top girls. She says she would date very average guys and she has said yes to dates with them so I believe her. In fact, next weekend she's going out with a guy who I would say is maybe a 6/10 (if I was pressed to grade him in the picture she texted me) but super interesting, kind and smart. She is so excited about him and I'm so excited for her. So people like our kids will find each other, I hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I certainly hope the 5%/90% stat isn’t true. I have an average decent boy. A good person, physically fit, good grades, but not a “star” at anything. Thus far, it’s like he’s invisible but maybe that will change someday.

Of course it isn’t true. The PP is full of sht.

No, there are a zillion articles and posts online about how top 50% women (or whatever) all want to date the same "high value" or top 5% men.
This isn't unique to DCUM.

I assume it's all social media driven.

Click bait, not facts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I certainly hope the 5%/90% stat isn’t true. I have an average decent boy. A good person, physically fit, good grades, but not a “star” at anything. Thus far, it’s like he’s invisible but maybe that will change someday.

Of course it isn’t true. The PP is full of sht.

No, there are a zillion articles and posts online about how top 50% women (or whatever) all want to date the same "high value" or top 5% men.
This isn't unique to DCUM.

I assume it's all social media driven.

Grown adults taking their information from social media are, I'm sorry to say, stupid. FFS people. Social media is BS. Get off your phones and interact with real people.