Gender Disparity at College

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I certainly hope the 5%/90% stat isn’t true. I have an average decent boy. A good person, physically fit, good grades, but not a “star” at anything. Thus far, it’s like he’s invisible but maybe that will change someday.

Of course it isn’t true. The PP is full of sht.

Um, she might have confused the 5% / 90% thing.

But she is not entirely wrong. Scientific research bears out the 80% / 20% hypothesis:

https://amj.kma.re.kr/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1597&context=journal

Essentially: yes. 80% of women pursue 20% of men; the so-called high quality men.

Based on how a sample of 30 women from Korea used Tinder?

Wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I certainly hope the 5%/90% stat isn’t true. I have an average decent boy. A good person, physically fit, good grades, but not a “star” at anything. Thus far, it’s like he’s invisible but maybe that will change someday.

Of course it isn’t true. The PP is full of sht.

Um, she might have confused the 5% / 90% thing.

But she is not entirely wrong. Scientific research bears out the 80% / 20% hypothesis:

https://amj.kma.re.kr/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1597&context=journal

Essentially: yes. 80% of women pursue 20% of men; the so-called high quality men.

What?! In my 20s I was chasing every Morrisey type art major, every "interesting" guy, and would 100% have married one but wasn't edgy enough to reel one in. Instead I married a average guy no one chased but who adored me and was "interesting" in his own understated, smart way He has been a solid partner and I likely would have ended up here eventually after a failed marriage if I had been more successful with the angsty boys.

I would have died before I even looked twice at a "high status" guy. (Preppy business major type I assume?). Have things really changed that much since the 90s? Don't girls still want the guy they can talk poser bullshit with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I certainly hope the 5%/90% stat isn’t true. I have an average decent boy. A good person, physically fit, good grades, but not a “star” at anything. Thus far, it’s like he’s invisible but maybe that will change someday.

Of course it isn’t true. The PP is full of sht.

Um, she might have confused the 5% / 90% thing.

But she is not entirely wrong. Scientific research bears out the 80% / 20% hypothesis:

https://amj.kma.re.kr/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1597&context=journal

Essentially: yes. 80% of women pursue 20% of men; the so-called high quality men.

What?! In my 20s I was chasing every Morrisey type art major, every "interesting" guy, and would 100% have married one but wasn't edgy enough to reel one in. Instead I married a average guy no one chased but who adored me and was "interesting" in his own understated, smart way He has been a solid partner and I likely would have ended up here eventually after a failed marriage if I had been more successful with the angsty boys.

I would have died before I even looked twice at a "high status" guy. (Preppy business major type I assume?). Have things really changed that much since the 90s? Don't girls still want the guy they can talk poser bullshit with?

Your spent your youth chasing the 20% guys and only settled for your husband whom you wouldn't have given the time of day when you realized they weren't interested. In other words, you follow the pattern to a T.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I certainly hope the 5%/90% stat isn’t true. I have an average decent boy. A good person, physically fit, good grades, but not a “star” at anything. Thus far, it’s like he’s invisible but maybe that will change someday.

Of course it isn’t true. The PP is full of sht.

Um, she might have confused the 5% / 90% thing.

But she is not entirely wrong. Scientific research bears out the 80% / 20% hypothesis:

https://amj.kma.re.kr/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1597&context=journal

Essentially: yes. 80% of women pursue 20% of men; the so-called high quality men.

Based on how a sample of 30 women from Korea used Tinder?

Based on how everyone uses tinder: https://d3.harvard.edu/platform-digit/submission/exploitive-platforms-how-tinder-exploits-lonely-men-to-make-massive-profits/

https://d3.harvard.edu/platform-digit/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2021/02/5.png

[Anonymous]

Also see: https://web.archive.org/web/20120723173702/http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/

"As you can see from the gray line, women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium. Very harsh. On the other hand, when it comes to actual messaging, women shift their expectations only just slightly ahead of the curve, which is a healthier pattern than guys’ pursuing the all-but-unattainable. But with the basic ratings so out-of-whack, the two curves together suggest some strange possibilities for the female thought process, the most salient of which is that the average-looking woman has convinced herself that the vast majority of males aren’t good enough for her, but she then goes right out and messages them anyway."

"Paradoxically, it seems it’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards for the “average” member of the opposite sex."

[Anonymous]

Marketing people from OK Cupid?

Is this what passes for “scientific research” on TikTok?

[Anonymous]

Highly recommend for anyone curious about this who wants to avoid the incel/manosphere rabbit hole to read Richard reeve’s Of Boys and Men. Yes women are beginning to outpace men across the board and that is a huge victory for women’s progress and feminism. Unfortunately it’s also revealing a symptom of the opposite phenomenon where boys and men are regressing and need a similar support to thrive again. This is not a zero sum game and both genders can succeed together. But trying to raise awareness about the issue is often plagued with whataboutism and accusations of misogyny or wanting to revive the patriarchy. We need mutual support, kindness, and empathy to prevent tribalism.

[Anonymous]

My DD doesn’t care about gender disparities at all. She is looking at schools that are 60% female, as many are, and it’s a complete non issue.

I can understand why males would like a more balanced ratio for friend-making, but once upon a time women were in this exact situation. So don’t let it discourage you. Go, make the most of it. All will be okay.

[Anonymous]

My daughter had no desire to attend a female heavy school. She had enough of that attending an all-girls high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marketing people from OK Cupid?

Is this what passes for “scientific research” on TikTok?

OKCupid took the 80% blog post (yes, it was from a blog post) down years ago because of how badly incels misinterpreted it.

[Anonymous]

By “top” boys and girls, what do you mean? Looks only? Intelligence? Earning potential?

So if DC has a boyfriend/girlfriend in HS, other threads encourage telling them to break up before going to college. But this thread suggests keeping them (assuming they still want to be together). Thoughts on this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has any of your daughters complained about the high girl to boy ratio at their colleges?

Many of the colleges my daughter is looking at have way more girls than boys and this concerns her.

There is definitely no dating going on. My daughter has packs of girlfriends and is always meeting more but it's rare that she even has an opportunity to talk to a guy. The average-to-good looking guys have their pick of any girl they want.

It's kind of an issue but there's not anything to do and culturally they're all in it together. The girls just keep investing in female friendship.

I guess you have to make the best of the situation but ... are there really no straight guys in college to date??

are the straight guys who are there dating anyone?

I think the situation is that because there are so many girls, only the top of the pecking order get male attention. At most schools these are Instgram-model glam for lack of a better descriptive. I know this sounds nuts but my daughter and friends who are "regular girl pretty" are fairly invisible despite being open to dating very average guys. t'a a hard dynamic and isn't helped by how busy kids are these days.

The girls are not interested in daring average guys.

They only want the ones who look good on Instagram.

College women are no different than the rest of American women seeking love, through OLD (and they certainly use social media in college!) :

- 90% of the women will only accept a date with the top 5% of guys. That is already an extremely small pool of guys.

Divide that 5% again by the number of college guys who are gay, and it easily explains why thread after thread here in the DCUM college forum say the same thing: our daughters are not dating in college.

Hooking up? Sure. Dating? Nope.

It all works out because 90% of men are pursuing 5% of a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has any of your daughters complained about the high girl to boy ratio at their colleges?

Many of the colleges my daughter is looking at have way more girls than boys and this concerns her.

There is definitely no dating going on. My daughter has packs of girlfriends and is always meeting more but it's rare that she even has an opportunity to talk to a guy. The average-to-good looking guys have their pick of any girl they want.

It's kind of an issue but there's not anything to do and culturally they're all in it together. The girls just keep investing in female friendship.

I guess you have to make the best of the situation but ... are there really no straight guys in college to date??

are the straight guys who are there dating anyone?

I think the situation is that because there are so many girls, only the top of the pecking order get male attention. At most schools these are Instgram-model glam for lack of a better descriptive. I know this sounds nuts but my daughter and friends who are "regular girl pretty" are fairly invisible despite being open to dating very average guys. t'a a hard dynamic and isn't helped by how busy kids are these days.

The girls are not interested in daring average guys.

They only want the ones who look good on Instagram.

College women are no different than the rest of American women seeking love, through OLD (and they certainly use social media in college!) :

- 90% of the women will only accept a date with the top 5% of guys. That is already an extremely small pool of guys.

Divide that 5% again by the number of college guys who are gay, and it easily explains why thread after thread here in the DCUM college forum say the same thing: our daughters are not dating in college.

Hooking up? Sure. Dating? Nope.

It all works out because 90% of men are pursuing 5% of a woman.

Which is why nobody dates in college anymore. Both sides are pursing (or holding out for) the top 5%. I absolutely see this happening with my college kids and their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has any of your daughters complained about the high girl to boy ratio at their colleges?

Many of the colleges my daughter is looking at have way more girls than boys and this concerns her.

There is definitely no dating going on. My daughter has packs of girlfriends and is always meeting more but it's rare that she even has an opportunity to talk to a guy. The average-to-good looking guys have their pick of any girl they want.

It's kind of an issue but there's not anything to do and culturally they're all in it together. The girls just keep investing in female friendship.

I guess you have to make the best of the situation but ... are there really no straight guys in college to date??

are the straight guys who are there dating anyone?

I think the situation is that because there are so many girls, only the top of the pecking order get male attention. At most schools these are Instgram-model glam for lack of a better descriptive. I know this sounds nuts but my daughter and friends who are "regular girl pretty" are fairly invisible despite being open to dating very average guys. t'a a hard dynamic and isn't helped by how busy kids are these days.

The girls are not interested in daring average guys.

They only want the ones who look good on Instagram.

College women are no different than the rest of American women seeking love, through OLD (and they certainly use social media in college!) :

- 90% of the women will only accept a date with the top 5% of guys. That is already an extremely small pool of guys.

Divide that 5% again by the number of college guys who are gay, and it easily explains why thread after thread here in the DCUM college forum say the same thing: our daughters are not dating in college.

Hooking up? Sure. Dating? Nope.

It all works out because 90% of men are pursuing 5% of a woman.

Which is why nobody dates in college anymore. Both sides are pursing (or holding out for) the top 5%. I absolutely see this happening with my college kids and their friends.

In what era did college kids date? I graduated in the early 1990s and few college kids dated...tons of hookups. Out of a friend group of say 20, only one was in a real relationship in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So are there any colleges that are more even?

Big state u's like PSU and UMD, with males slightly higher. For the most part, LACs have a higher female ratio. My kid looked at two Loyolas, and the gender disparity was huge.