S/O: How are you preparing your SONS to be respectful and safe, and to protect themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teens’ unlimited access to pornography and loose parental restrictions leads men to objectify women. Women aren’t humans with souls, they are something to be used for pleasure, but someone to conquer. What they see on the screen shapes their imagination of how/ what sex should be. Some of the stuff that is out there is truly horrific. Mothers, protect your sons!

Dads don't play a role here?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.

We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.

Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?

That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.

Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.

Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.

What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.

Failure to lauch? Hardly.

Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.

You’re kind of ridiculous. DH & I started dating in HS and got married 10 years later. We were busy doing things like graduating from HS, undergrad, and grad school. We’ve been married for almost 20 years, happy as ever.

Apparently that pp thinks everyone should marry at 18 and start popping out babies immediately. Forget education, maturity or growth!

24 and a college graduate is not 18.

Yeah, and it sounds like they'll be getting engaged soon. After they've been together a few years completing college, etc. Which apparently pp thinks is "too long" and "failed to launch".

Seven years together is a long time - we married two days after DH graduated/was commissioned. *shrug* And no, we're not ultra-religious. It's just there's not much point in waiting years when you know it's the right person (we only waited a year and a half because I wanted to graduate first and he was required to).

Great, that's what worked for you. Do you really judge anyone who doesn't do things exactly as you did as inferior?

Not judging. I just believe it's pretty silly to waste all these years "making sure." It's how you end up 40 and desperately wanting someone, yet being alone. Ask my sister - no, really, ask her. She'll tell you how she regrets sticking with her college boyfriend who decided he didn't want to get married after 9 years together.

It’s not “making sure.” It’s things like finishing grad school so you can have a job and live in the same place.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.

We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.

Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?

That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.

Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.

Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.

What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.

Failure to lauch? Hardly.

Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.

You’re kind of ridiculous. DH & I started dating in HS and got married 10 years later. We were busy doing things like graduating from HS, undergrad, and grad school. We’ve been married for almost 20 years, happy as ever.

Apparently that pp thinks everyone should marry at 18 and start popping out babies immediately. Forget education, maturity or growth!

24 and a college graduate is not 18.

Yeah, and it sounds like they'll be getting engaged soon. After they've been together a few years completing college, etc. Which apparently pp thinks is "too long" and "failed to launch".

Seven years together is a long time - we married two days after DH graduated/was commissioned. *shrug* And no, we're not ultra-religious. It's just there's not much point in waiting years when you know it's the right person (we only waited a year and a half because I wanted to graduate first and he was required to).

Great, that's what worked for you. Do you really judge anyone who doesn't do things exactly as you did as inferior?

Not judging. I just believe it's pretty silly to waste all these years "making sure." It's how you end up 40 and desperately wanting someone, yet being alone. Ask my sister - no, really, ask her. She'll tell you how she regrets sticking with her college boyfriend who decided he didn't want to get married after 9 years together.

It’s not “making sure.” It’s things like finishing grad school so you can have a job and live in the same place.

This is so off topic. Why don’t yall start your own thread about dating time limits and optimal ages to marry. What does this have to do with protecting our sons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teens’ unlimited access to pornography and loose parental restrictions leads men to objectify women. Women aren’t humans with souls, they are something to be used for pleasure, but someone to conquer. What they see on the screen shapes their imagination of how/ what sex should be. Some of the stuff that is out there is truly horrific. Mothers, protect your sons!

Dads don't play a role here?

They absolutely do.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone's son been accused of assault after hooking up? It certainly seems like a risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents of boys:

How are you raising your SONS to be respectful, decent, honorable, kind, and protective of others and of themselves? How are you teaching YOUR SONS to be aware, to get consent, to not drug women, to not rape women, to not harass women…or anyone? How are you preparing YOUR SONS to be a safe person, and to stay safe?

I am so tired of “how are we preparing girls.” I want to hear more from parents of boys how you are being part of the solution, how you are being proactive, how you are making positive change in this world where boys and men are usually the aggressors, the unsafe people, the predators, the perpetrators. I want to know what you are teaching your SONS.

It's not a lesson plan. It's behavioral examples throughout childhood. Kids are sponges, and they will absorb what's around them. Terrible boys and men will usually have terrible parents. There are some exceptions for psychopaths and sociopaths - and I mean that clinically. But generally, bad parenting begets bad children.

And I have no idea how to counter that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These boy-moms need to lead by eliminating any hint of toxic masculinity developing in their sons.

I actually encourage what you might call "toxic masculinity." Not trying to raise any soy boys around here.

Oh. You’re an imbecile. That’s sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone's son been accused of assault after hooking up? It certainly seems like a risk.

My D1 DS was accused of sexual assault after a casual hook up in his freshman year. The woman wanted to be his gf after that single casual hook up, but he didn't want to. She reported him to campus police, and my DS was removed from the team. Fortunately, the woman's roomate came forward to confirm it was consensual, and the investigation was closed. In the end, it cost us a lot of money in lawyer's fees, and DS had to transfer to another school. Nothing happened to the woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone's son been accused of assault after hooking up? It certainly seems like a risk.

My D1 DS was accused of sexual assault after a casual hook up in his freshman year. The woman wanted to be his gf after that single casual hook up, but he didn't want to. She reported him to campus police, and my DS was removed from the team. Fortunately, the woman's roomate came forward to confirm it was consensual, and the investigation was closed. In the end, it cost us a lot of money in lawyer's fees, and DS had to transfer to another school. Nothing happened to the woman.

Sexual assault claims are not fraudulently reported at higher rates than any other crimes.

And while I’m sorry it happened to yours don, he shouldn’t have engaged in the hookup culture casually. He needs to minimize his risk b isn’t that what we tell girls?

And your story is fishy. How did the roommate know it was consensual?

[Anonymous]

We talk about it periodically. Sometimes forced by me, lol, and more often when it comes up organically. I've been doing so since my kid was about 8 or so.

He's almost 18 now. Down in the man cave where the teens hang out, I've stocked the bathroom down there with condoms, narcan, and Plan B. He and/or his friends are welcome to them, no questions asked. Because even the best raised boys do stupid stuff.

[Anonymous]

I teach my kids to avoid protecting others who are not loved ones lest they be accused of assault and put in prison like Penny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents of boys:

How are you raising your SONS to be respectful, decent, honorable, kind, and protective of others and of themselves? How are you teaching YOUR SONS to be aware, to get consent, to not drug women, to not rape women, to not harass women…or anyone? How are you preparing YOUR SONS to be a safe person, and to stay safe?

I am so tired of “how are we preparing girls.” I want to hear more from parents of boys how you are being part of the solution, how you are being proactive, how you are making positive change in this world where boys and men are usually the aggressors, the unsafe people, the predators, the perpetrators. I want to know what you are teaching your SONS.

This is not hard what’s wrong with you? Get parenting classs

teach your sons how to be good humans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teens’ unlimited access to pornography and loose parental restrictions leads men to objectify women. Women aren’t humans with souls, they are something to be used for pleasure, but someone to conquer. What they see on the screen shapes their imagination of how/ what sex should be. Some of the stuff that is out there is truly horrific. Mothers, protect your sons!

Dads don't play a role here?

Omg what is wrong with you people what are repuuakwats watching porn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We/I talked to ds at about 14 about consent and using protection every single time. It was more of a refresher talk because he had started dating. We were on a road trip, so a good time to chat. I told him that if she tenses up, hesitates, or pushes him away at ALL, it was time to stop. I also told him that it was just as ok for him to stop, and she needed to respect that.

We also talked about never trusting the pill (I was on birth control both times I got pregnant, and reacting to pregnancy. I also brought up not staying in a bad relationship because he liked the sex.

Yikes. Your 14 yo is having sex?

That was 9 years ago. He wasn't having sex yet but he was dating. 14/15 is pretty common for first experiences. My husband teaches 9th grade... our heads were not buried in the sand.

Fast forward to today. At 23 1/2 ds has had the same GF for 7 years. They are talking about marriage, buying a house etc.

Dating for 7 years? So, failure to launch. Sounds like you weren't as successful as this as you thought.

What are you talking about? They are 23 and 24. He graduated from college in June, she still has two more years because she's paying her own way. He is working in his chosen field, and saving for a ring and a down-payment on a house.

Failure to lauch? Hardly.

Dating for 7 years mean someone's not committed. Cool for teenagers, not cool for adults.

You’re kind of ridiculous. DH & I started dating in HS and got married 10 years later. We were busy doing things like graduating from HS, undergrad, and grad school. We’ve been married for almost 20 years, happy as ever.

Apparently that pp thinks everyone should marry at 18 and start popping out babies immediately. Forget education, maturity or growth!

24 and a college graduate is not 18.

Yeah, and it sounds like they'll be getting engaged soon. After they've been together a few years completing college, etc. Which apparently pp thinks is "too long" and "failed to launch".

Seven years together is a long time - we married two days after DH graduated/was commissioned. *shrug* And no, we're not ultra-religious. It's just there's not much point in waiting years when you know it's the right person (we only waited a year and a half because I wanted to graduate first and he was required to).

Great, that's what worked for you. Do you really judge anyone who doesn't do things exactly as you did as inferior?

Not judging. I just believe it's pretty silly to waste all these years "making sure." It's how you end up 40 and desperately wanting someone, yet being alone. Ask my sister - no, really, ask her. She'll tell you how she regrets sticking with her college boyfriend who decided he didn't want to get married after 9 years together.

It’s not “making sure.” It’s things like finishing grad school so you can have a job and live in the same place.

This is so off topic. Why don’t yall start your own thread about dating time limits and optimal ages to marry. What does this have to do with protecting our sons?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone's son been accused of assault after hooking up? It certainly seems like a risk.

My D1 DS was accused of sexual assault after a casual hook up in his freshman year. The woman wanted to be his gf after that single casual hook up, but he didn't want to. She reported him to campus police, and my DS was removed from the team. Fortunately, the woman's roomate came forward to confirm it was consensual, and the investigation was closed. In the end, it cost us a lot of money in lawyer's fees, and DS had to transfer to another school. Nothing happened to the woman.

Sexual assault claims are not fraudulently reported at higher rates than any other crimes.

And while I’m sorry it happened to yours don, he shouldn’t have engaged in the hookup culture casually. He needs to minimize his risk b isn’t that what we tell girls?

And your story is fishy. How did the roommate know it was consensual?

It is what "we" tell girls, yet look at the current culture. Both are engaging in casual sex. There are websites just for it. If a guy has a hook up and regrets it, can he claim rape?

Maybe guys need to be clarifying "you won't accuse me later even if you regret it, right?"

The only way to not be accused is to not hook up IMO.