Wife dies and husband adopts their 1 year old out to the aunt.

[Anonymous]

"adopted out" is not a phrase not used in the adoption community since the 1950s. The OP is either a troll or has never been involved in adoption.

[Anonymous]

^^Nor is "put up for adoption"-- put up where? On the chopping block? In the want ads?

Place[d] for adoption is the term used since our first adoption in 1993.

--mom of 3 adopted kids and married to my DH who was also adopted by his parents

[Anonymous]

I think it’s good he did that. Doesn’t sound like he wanted the child and the wife’s sister DID want the child. Better to be wanted.

I hope the child had a nice life growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"adopted out" is not a phrase not used in the adoption community since the 1950s. The OP is either a troll or has never been involved in adoption.

She probably grew up in the 1950s.

But yes, there are many, many signs the OP is just a troll. Many of her statements have been outrageously offensive, like implying adoptive parents aren't really parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is the horrible one in this situation. Yes, it's great that the child is growing up with someone who loves and cares for her. But it's still astonishing to hear that a fully capable human just abandoned his child. People keep bringing up situations of drug abuse, jail, mental health issues, apparently none of which apply here. He just... didnt want his child. That's definitely judgement worthy. I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. I'm glad he had a vasectomy and will not be abandoning any more children.

Then you are judging at least half of the black community, where more than 70 percent of children are born without a father in the home. They are not fighting for custody.

I think there's even a small difference between "not fighting for custody" for a child who has a mother, and completely abandoning them with no parent.

The OP didn't describe a situation where a child was left without a parent.

The mom died and the dad abandoned her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is the horrible one in this situation. Yes, it's great that the child is growing up with someone who loves and cares for her. But it's still astonishing to hear that a fully capable human just abandoned his child. People keep bringing up situations of drug abuse, jail, mental health issues, apparently none of which apply here. He just... didnt want his child. That's definitely judgement worthy. I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. I'm glad he had a vasectomy and will not be abandoning any more children.

People are giving all kinds of examples that do not apply to this. He wasn't a teen with an unwanted pregnancy.

He was a man who decided to have a child with his wife. After a year she was killed in a car crash. He could have easily asked that aunt, anmd other family to help him. Instead, he wanted zero ties, legal, financial etc. Thus adopted her out. You are right, as a society we should look down on any parent who behaves that way.

Instead you can see that most people are looking down on you.

Do better.

NP. No way. This man is a piece of shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is the horrible one in this situation. Yes, it's great that the child is growing up with someone who loves and cares for her. But it's still astonishing to hear that a fully capable human just abandoned his child. People keep bringing up situations of drug abuse, jail, mental health issues, apparently none of which apply here. He just... didnt want his child. That's definitely judgement worthy. I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. I'm glad he had a vasectomy and will not be abandoning any more children.

Then you are judging at least half of the black community, where more than 70 percent of children are born without a father in the home. They are not fighting for custody.

I think there's even a small difference between "not fighting for custody" for a child who has a mother, and completely abandoning them with no parent.

The OP didn't describe a situation where a child was left without a parent.

The mom died and the dad abandoned her.

The father didn't abandon her without a parent. She had an adoptive mother.

Or do adoptive parents not count as parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is the horrible one in this situation. Yes, it's great that the child is growing up with someone who loves and cares for her. But it's still astonishing to hear that a fully capable human just abandoned his child. People keep bringing up situations of drug abuse, jail, mental health issues, apparently none of which apply here. He just... didnt want his child. That's definitely judgement worthy. I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. I'm glad he had a vasectomy and will not be abandoning any more children.

People are giving all kinds of examples that do not apply to this. He wasn't a teen with an unwanted pregnancy.

He was a man who decided to have a child with his wife. After a year she was killed in a car crash. He could have easily asked that aunt, anmd other family to help him. Instead, he wanted zero ties, legal, financial etc. Thus adopted her out. You are right, as a society we should look down on any parent who behaves that way.

Instead you can see that most people are looking down on you.

Do better.

NP. No way. This man is a piece of shit.

Sure, OP. Go back to your anti-choice protest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is the horrible one in this situation. Yes, it's great that the child is growing up with someone who loves and cares for her. But it's still astonishing to hear that a fully capable human just abandoned his child. People keep bringing up situations of drug abuse, jail, mental health issues, apparently none of which apply here. He just... didnt want his child. That's definitely judgement worthy. I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. I'm glad he had a vasectomy and will not be abandoning any more children.

Then you are judging at least half of the black community, where more than 70 percent of children are born without a father in the home. They are not fighting for custody.

I think there's even a small difference between "not fighting for custody" for a child who has a mother, and completely abandoning them with no parent.

The OP didn't describe a situation where a child was left without a parent.

The mom died and the dad abandoned her.

The father didn't abandon her without a parent. She had an adoptive mother.

Or do adoptive parents not count as parents?

Of course they do. I’m sorry you can’t see the difference between not fighting for custody and actively abandoning your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read all 10 threads only the OP.

I think putting his daughter up for adoption was brave and the right thing for him to do in his situation. I might get flamed for this, but I think a mother is more important than only a father. He thought so too, and recognized his own limitations.

That's been the general agreement of this thread.

I’m glad to read that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is the horrible one in this situation. Yes, it's great that the child is growing up with someone who loves and cares for her. But it's still astonishing to hear that a fully capable human just abandoned his child. People keep bringing up situations of drug abuse, jail, mental health issues, apparently none of which apply here. He just... didnt want his child. That's definitely judgement worthy. I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. I'm glad he had a vasectomy and will not be abandoning any more children.

Then you are judging at least half of the black community, where more than 70 percent of children are born without a father in the home. They are not fighting for custody.

I think there's even a small difference between "not fighting for custody" for a child who has a mother, and completely abandoning them with no parent.

The OP didn't describe a situation where a child was left without a parent.

The mom died and the dad abandoned her.

The father didn't abandon her without a parent. She had an adoptive mother.

Or do adoptive parents not count as parents?

Of course they do. I’m sorry you can’t see the difference between not fighting for custody and actively abandoning your child.

You said, implying a comparison with the OP's troll post,

I think there's even a small difference between "not fighting for custody" for a child who has a mother, and completely abandoning them with no parent.

But the OP didn't describe a situation where the father abandoned a child with no parent. You just now acknowledged that adoptive parents are indeed parents.

[Anonymous]

The OP does not say ( and it does not really matter I suppose) but:

I wonder (given the daughter was apparently very very young when the mother died) the father was struggling to handle his grief (many do not cope well and that can come out in various ways). Perhaps he sent the baby to be cared for by the aunt while he got himself together, not necessarily intending it to be permanent. And then…life happens…maybe he saw the child was thriving and happy with her aunt (and perhaps an uncle as father figure?) and did not want to disrupt things. And gradually fell out of touch- maybe out of laziness but also to minimize any confusion for the child.

In the end the result is the same, but it may not be that he “immediately asked the aunt to adopt” his child. May have been a more gradual progression and kids grow up so fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I used to work with a woman who placed her daughter for adoption at 8 months. She was a single mom and couldn't handle the responsibility. Nor did she want to.

I was shocked. However, mom had very little emotional attachment. The little girl was hopefully raised in a better situation.

8-month-olds are still practically potatoes. I wouldn't expect a strong emotional attachment yet.

You wouldn't expect a strong emotional attachment from the Mother of an 8 month old? How sad.

You obviously have no idea how long post-partum depression or psychoses lasts. Tell me you are not a therapist without telling me you are not a therapist.

That doesn't change the fact that a mother should be bonded to her child by 8 months old. If you aren't something is wrong. Having PPD or psychosis is not a normal healthy way of being.

[Anonymous]

For all you adoptive parents. Yes you are real parents and love your children and your children still love you. I'm sure you gave them
Their bio parents most likely had great reasons for not parenting.

However, none of that changes that your child may still feel abandoned or some kind of loss related to their bio parents.
This is a very real thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all you adoptive parents. Yes you are real parents and love your children and your children still love you. I'm sure you gave them
Their bio parents most likely had great reasons for not parenting.

However, none of that changes that your child may still feel abandoned or some kind of loss related to their bio parents.
This is a very real thing.

Because there are weird people like some of the posters in this thread telling them that adoptive parents aren't real parents.