Wife dies and husband adopts their 1 year old out to the aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories like this are radicalizing to me. The fact that a man can still do this, in this day and age, and not just be shunned by society, is grotesque.

I know of a woman who bailed on her kids, left them with their (wonderful) father to go "live her own life" and she was rightly shunned by the whole community, including her parents and siblings and her oldest friends.

That's misogyny at work right there. As long as men are allowed to just abandon their children when it suits them, it's a problem for society. And it's been like this forever. And our president elect has even done this! (With Tiffany).

I didn't know you could adopt your child out after a year because you simply didn't want to take care of them. He didn't want to be a single dad.

You didn't know adoptions could take place at any age? Really? We can add "ignorant" to your list of flaws.

DP here. I didn't know that this happened simply because a family did not want a child any longer. I assumed there had to be some abuse/neglect/CPS involvement. Call me ignorant!

You can more easily adopt out a young child. Not so with an older one because local laws and regulations would apply. If it were that easy a quarter of all parents would be dropping off their teens.

I'm a school counselor at a low-income high school in MoCo. Yes, parents of teens (try to) do this. Most often the teen moves in with a relative or friend.

My cousin and his wife became the legal guardians of his nephew with behavioral and drug issues, after their own kids had left for college. Upper middle class white families -- it happens to all kinds of families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories like this are radicalizing to me. The fact that a man can still do this, in this day and age, and not just be shunned by society, is grotesque.

I know of a woman who bailed on her kids, left them with their (wonderful) father to go "live her own life" and she was rightly shunned by the whole community, including her parents and siblings and her oldest friends.

That's misogyny at work right there. As long as men are allowed to just abandon their children when it suits them, it's a problem for society. And it's been like this forever. And our president elect has even done this! (With Tiffany).

I didn't know you could adopt your child out after a year because you simply didn't want to take care of them. He didn't want to be a single dad.

You didn't know adoptions could take place at any age? Really? We can add "ignorant" to your list of flaws.

DP here. I didn't know that this happened simply because a family did not want a child any longer. I assumed there had to be some abuse/neglect/CPS involvement. Call me ignorant!

You can more easily adopt out a young child. Not so with an older one because local laws and regulations would apply. If it were that easy a quarter of all parents would be dropping off their teens.

I'm a school counselor at a low-income high school in MoCo. Yes, parents of teens (try to) do this. Most often the teen moves in with a relative or friend.

My cousin and his wife became the legal guardians of his nephew with behavioral and drug issues, after their own kids had left for college. Upper middle class white families -- it happens to all kinds of families.

NP: +1 we are acquainted with a couple of UMC families who are raising nieces or nephews (or grandchildren). Often a reason is not offered and (obviously) it would not be polite to ask. I think there are a lot of things that can go wrong, in all kind of families, to make this type of arrangement necessary. Only those close with the families may know of any backstory..

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP is the horrible one in this situation. Yes, it's great that the child is growing up with someone who loves and cares for her. But it's still astonishing to hear that a fully capable human just abandoned his child. People keep bringing up situations of drug abuse, jail, mental health issues, apparently none of which apply here. He just... didnt want his child. That's definitely judgement worthy. I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. I'm glad he had a vasectomy and will not be abandoning any more children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories like this are radicalizing to me. The fact that a man can still do this, in this day and age, and not just be shunned by society, is grotesque.

I know of a woman who bailed on her kids, left them with their (wonderful) father to go "live her own life" and she was rightly shunned by the whole community, including her parents and siblings and her oldest friends.

That's misogyny at work right there. As long as men are allowed to just abandon their children when it suits them, it's a problem for society. And it's been like this forever. And our president elect has even done this! (With Tiffany).

I didn't know you could adopt your child out after a year because you simply didn't want to take care of them. He didn't want to be a single dad.

You didn't know adoptions could take place at any age? Really? We can add "ignorant" to your list of flaws.

DP here. I didn't know that this happened simply because a family did not want a child any longer. I assumed there had to be some abuse/neglect/CPS involvement. Call me ignorant!

You can more easily adopt out a young child. Not so with an older one because local laws and regulations would apply. If it were that easy a quarter of all parents would be dropping off their teens.

I'm a school counselor at a low-income high school in MoCo. Yes, parents of teens (try to) do this. Most often the teen moves in with a relative or friend.

My cousin and his wife became the legal guardians of his nephew with behavioral and drug issues, after their own kids had left for college. Upper middle class white families -- it happens to all kinds of families.

oops -- Her nephew

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is the horrible one in this situation. Yes, it's great that the child is growing up with someone who loves and cares for her. But it's still astonishing to hear that a fully capable human just abandoned his child. People keep bringing up situations of drug abuse, jail, mental health issues, apparently none of which apply here. He just... didnt want his child. That's definitely judgement worthy. I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. I'm glad he had a vasectomy and will not be abandoning any more children.

It sounds like the girl is fully grown up already.

It seems like this type of thing was more uncommon “back in the day” no? Often a widowed man would move in with his parents (or have one set of grandparents move in) to help raise the child. Obviously this is very different, but if a close family member wanted to raise the child….

I do find it very odd he had no involvement at all, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a lowlife. dump him

How could he not be bonded to his own child he's had for a year? That's disturbing.

Your head is in the sand. Just about every guy friend I have has told me he did not bond with his child until the toddler years.

Yep. They're potatoes before then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I generally feel like men who abandon their children never have a bond with their mother. When they love the mom, they typically love the children of that woman.

You might want to leave that kind of speculation to people that know what they're talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories like this are radicalizing to me. The fact that a man can still do this, in this day and age, and not just be shunned by society, is grotesque.

I know of a woman who bailed on her kids, left them with their (wonderful) father to go "live her own life" and she was rightly shunned by the whole community, including her parents and siblings and her oldest friends.

That's misogyny at work right there. As long as men are allowed to just abandon their children when it suits them, it's a problem for society. And it's been like this forever. And our president elect has even done this! (With Tiffany).

So if someone- mother or father- knows they're not likely to a good parent, you'd rather they keep their child to avoid social ostracization than find a better home for their child?

If we were talking about people with severe mental illness or physical disabilities, sure.

People who have kids and then simply decide they don't like being a parent should be held accountable for that. We want to discourage people from having kids they don't want to care for. A true inability to care for children is a different situation.

There are some serious forced-birther vibes going on here. You should probably move to a red state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is the horrible one in this situation. Yes, it's great that the child is growing up with someone who loves and cares for her. But it's still astonishing to hear that a fully capable human just abandoned his child. People keep bringing up situations of drug abuse, jail, mental health issues, apparently none of which apply here. He just... didnt want his child. That's definitely judgement worthy. I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. I'm glad he had a vasectomy and will not be abandoning any more children.

People are giving all kinds of examples that do not apply to this. He wasn't a teen with an unwanted pregnancy.

He was a man who decided to have a child with his wife. After a year she was killed in a car crash. He could have easily asked that aunt, anmd other family to help him. Instead, he wanted zero ties, legal, financial etc. Thus adopted her out. You are right, as a society we should look down on any parent who behaves that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is either a troll or not an active member of the adoption community. About half of adoptions are family related.

I adopted my sister's baby, who was born with Down Syndrome. My sister had mental health issues her whole life and could not parent her child.

My co-worker adopted her cousin's two little kids when the cousin went to prison for repeated drug offenses.

These were winning situations for everyone involved.

Agree! This is not the situation posted, read up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is the horrible one in this situation. Yes, it's great that the child is growing up with someone who loves and cares for her. But it's still astonishing to hear that a fully capable human just abandoned his child. People keep bringing up situations of drug abuse, jail, mental health issues, apparently none of which apply here. He just... didnt want his child. That's definitely judgement worthy. I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. I'm glad he had a vasectomy and will not be abandoning any more children.

People are giving all kinds of examples that do not apply to this. He wasn't a teen with an unwanted pregnancy.

He was a man who decided to have a child with his wife. After a year she was killed in a car crash. He could have easily asked that aunt, anmd other family to help him. Instead, he wanted zero ties, legal, financial etc. Thus adopted her out. You are right, as a society we should look down on any parent who behaves that way.

Instead you can see that most people are looking down on you.

Do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is the horrible one in this situation. Yes, it's great that the child is growing up with someone who loves and cares for her. But it's still astonishing to hear that a fully capable human just abandoned his child. People keep bringing up situations of drug abuse, jail, mental health issues, apparently none of which apply here. He just... didnt want his child. That's definitely judgement worthy. I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. I'm glad he had a vasectomy and will not be abandoning any more children.

People are giving all kinds of examples that do not apply to this. He wasn't a teen with an unwanted pregnancy.

He was a man who decided to have a child with his wife. After a year she was killed in a car crash. He could have easily asked that aunt, anmd other family to help him. Instead, he wanted zero ties, legal, financial etc. Thus adopted her out. You are right, as a society we should look down on any parent who behaves that way.

Thank goodness we have you around to be the supreme arbiter of the valid reasons for a person to believe that he or she isn't capable of being a good parent.

[Anonymous]

I have not read all 10 threads only the OP.

I think putting his daughter up for adoption was brave and the right thing for him to do in his situation. I might get flamed for this, but I think a mother is more important than only a father. He thought so too, and recognized his own limitations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is the horrible one in this situation. Yes, it's great that the child is growing up with someone who loves and cares for her. But it's still astonishing to hear that a fully capable human just abandoned his child. People keep bringing up situations of drug abuse, jail, mental health issues, apparently none of which apply here. He just... didnt want his child. That's definitely judgement worthy. I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. I'm glad he had a vasectomy and will not be abandoning any more children.

Then you are judging at least half of the black community, where more than 70 percent of children are born without a father in the home. They are not fighting for custody.

I think there's even a small difference between "not fighting for custody" for a child who has a mother, and completely abandoning them with no parent.

The OP didn't describe a situation where a child was left without a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not read all 10 threads only the OP.

I think putting his daughter up for adoption was brave and the right thing for him to do in his situation. I might get flamed for this, but I think a mother is more important than only a father. He thought so too, and recognized his own limitations.

That's been the general agreement of this thread.