Sooo am I just the best parent ever or are the others complete duds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is being smug and maybe trolling, but it's also secretly judge the parents who rely 100% on iPads for travel. I have also noticed the families where each person has their device and they all just stare at their personal screen for the duration of the trip. I think it's lazy parenting and wonder if that's what their families are like at home too. I am glad my kid can get through a flight, even an international one, without an ipad. I guess I'm smug too.

But why does this make you glad? Who cares and what are yiu gaining? I dont like sitting through a long flight without a screen. Outside of a plane I cant tell you the last movie I saw though, its not a bit part of my life and i dont have time. Watching a movie on a plane is a treat!

I have watched some movies I wouldn't have seen otherwise on long flights. I'm also the type to put a movie on during a flight and then fall asleep immediately whereas actively trying to sleep, I can't

[Anonymous]

Just in time for PSL and Uggs season comes "reading out loud mom"

[Anonymous]

Damn you crazy doodlers

[Anonymous]

Doodling on scraps from your purse? My 2 year old spends time doing direct copies of the Mona Lisa. You are obviously failing as a parent.

[Anonymous]

OP, on flights I gave my kids unlimited screen time and a bag of M&Ms. They had so much enrichment that travel like this wa a special treat. BtW, I win the prize for awesomeness and think your a smug dud. How do I know? I have 4 kids, adult/entering adulthood. They are happy, active, social, healthy, and successful. We all have a great relationship. And to top it all off, I didn't train them to look down on people for doing things differently.

Also, we flew a ton. Some fights were great, easy, and smooth. Others were a total disaster. You need more experience before your smug bubble chokes you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was on a 4 hour flight recently. A family with 3 kids decided that they will give the kids iPad for only two hours. The oldest two read for the first two hours. However, the youngest one hit my seat more times that I can count, didn’t stop talking and asking for the iPad. Once she gave him the iPad he was quit. The mom is probably proud that they didn’t watch iPad the whole time. But the child was bothering their fellow passengers for two hours straight.

This thread is interesting because people are talking about several different metrics for what is considered good parenting on a plane.

A lot of people are basing their assessment on the degree to which a parent minimizes annoyance of their kids to other passengers. By this metric giving your child an iPad and headphones for the duration of the flight is great parenting if it keeps the child silent and still for the flight. Because the parenting is judged by how much the child impacts others sitting nearby.

Others including OP are basing their assessment based on a broader evaluation of what is best for the child. Unsurprisingly there is NO agreement in this group because no one agrees on what kids need. Do they need to be interact with and be entertained by their parents? A chance to move around? Or do they need a break and a chance to relax with a screen? No one has mentioned this but I have a kid who is a nervous flyer sometimes. We will sometimes use screens to help her relax so she doesn't freak out during takeoff or turbulence. I used to have some fear of flying and I know there is no distraction quite as good as a good movie or funny tv show to get me through my nerves. OP may never have dealt with a kid who gets scared of flying though.

And then there are people who are focused on the parents comfort and happiness. Which does matter! Yes there are sitautions where a parent is simply exhausted and needs a break and screens can provide that. This is true no matter what though. All parents know that you can use a screen as a limited babysitter when you just need some time to yourself and for your kids to stop pestering you for a while. We also know that if we use this too much it can be more trouble than it's worth because screen-addicted kids are their own kind of nightmare (we had to screen diet our kid after the initial months of Covid shut down because we definitely over-relied on screens to give ourselves a break when we were dealing with loss of childcare and work from home).

Anyway I think the reason a lot of people are talking past each other on this thread is because people are discussing totally different things. Here's my two cents for what it is worth:

I think just planting your kids in front of screens for the duration of a flight is probably not ideal for the kids -- I do think as a parent it's useful for kids to learn to entertain themselves in situations like flights and long car rides and other situations without looking at a screen. So my strategy is generally to bring screens but also not just hand them out instantly -- see how it goes and use them as an option and not an automatic. But also there maybe certain trips where you are just wiped and it's like "yes here is an iPad please leave me alone until we land." But if I did that all the time I know that's not great parenting.

In terms of impacting other people: kicking or climbing on seats is an absolute no and gets shut down immediately (regardless of screens -- kids will kick seats while watching a screen so it doesn't solve it). Talking or playing games is fine. It's not a library. I agree on short flights that getting up constantly with kids is annoying -- have them use the bathroom before the flight and limit liquids even if only for your own sake. On long international flights I don't mind people getting up and moving around some but I think if you are a family you should try to book seats in a way that will minimize having to force other people to get up so your 4 year old can go to the bathroom multiple times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP-So I’m super judgy about the use of devices for kids in restaurants, and grocery stores (of all the places to need to distract your kids??), but I make a huge exception for travel. That’s A-OK in my book.

I also am judgy about screens at restaurants or at home. I’m amazed at the number of people who need to put a screen in front of a kid to have them sit at the table.

I used to feel this way but it's one sliver of something I witness in a family trying to have an easier time eating. I don't know the rest of their life so I stopped judging a lot of this stuff. Especially, with travel and seeing kids in other countries doing the same.
I don't know everything about someone just by witnessing them do something I am not currently doing. If op has any luck like mine, the next plane ride will be hell thanks to her smug attitude. Anytime I get proud of something it becomes upended.
Relish in the pleasant choices when you can, without focusing on comparisons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was on a 3-hour flight. Packed books, toys, cards and travel games to engage our preschooler and elementary schooler. Spent the rest of the time talking, reading quietly together, closing our eyes. Walked down the aisle a few times for bathroom trips, and each time, every single other family - kid on iPad, parent scrolling X or Instagram on their phone.

What gives?

(Ready for flames for being holier-than-thou, but seriously, what gives? Travel time is great for talking and engaging)

Shrug. I do the same for my 2 year old. Every time we’ve flown I’ve gotten comments from my neighbors how surprised they are I can keep DS quiet and engaged without screens. He’s definitely sitting still - he climbs all over his seat and me but he stays quiet and does not disturb other passengers. But I also don’t judge the other parents for using screens.

WTF, lady. Buy a clue. In no way is that not insanely disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doodling on scraps from your purse? My 2 year old spends time doing direct copies of the Mona Lisa. You are obviously failing as a parent.

My 2 year old finished War and Peace on our 2 hour flight. Then she asked for some Calculus equations so she wouldn't get bored.

[Anonymous]

Good job keeping your kids of screens and junk food. Keep at it. I’m serious, those other kids are doomed healthy wise.

[Anonymous]

I can eat that doodler for lunch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP-So I’m super judgy about the use of devices for kids in restaurants, and grocery stores (of all the places to need to distract your kids??), but I make a huge exception for travel. That’s A-OK in my book.

I also am judgy about screens at restaurants or at home. I’m amazed at the number of people who need to put a screen in front of a kid to have them sit at the table.

I used to feel this way but it's one sliver of something I witness in a family trying to have an easier time eating. I don't know the rest of their life so I stopped judging a lot of this stuff. Especially, with travel and seeing kids in other countries doing the same.
I don't know everything about someone just by witnessing them do something I am not currently doing. If op has any luck like mine, the next plane ride will be hell thanks to her smug attitude. Anytime I get proud of something it becomes upended.
Relish in the pleasant choices when you can, without focusing on comparisons.

I was referring to people who do this at home. The kid can’t eat without being distracted with a screen. Minus special needs, this seems like bad parenting to me.

[Anonymous]

Be careful, OP. Those delightful children of yours will turn into surly teenagers with blue hair soon enough. Never let yourself get too cocky about your own parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is being smug and maybe trolling, but it's also secretly judge the parents who rely 100% on iPads for travel. I have also noticed the families where each person has their device and they all just stare at their personal screen for the duration of the trip. I think it's lazy parenting and wonder if that's what their families are like at home too. I am glad my kid can get through a flight, even an international one, without an ipad. I guess I'm smug too.

Your number one job as a parent on the plane is to ensure your kid is a good traveler - ie, is polite to the flight attendant, quiet, etc. This is not the day to turn them into productive citizens.

^^this person is correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful, OP. Those delightful children of yours will turn into surly teenagers with blue hair soon enough. Never let yourself get too cocky about your own parenting.

Or her little kid can get someone pregnant one day or become addicted to drugs.

I have busy teens. If they watch movies on a plane while Dh and I also watch movies that were in theaters last year that we would never watch, great.