are 3+ kid families becoming more common?

[Anonymous]

None of my friends with two kids would have one more if they had more money. The one or two kids they have are completely emotionally draining for them. Same for me! As for acquaintances/casual friendships, I have no idea because we don't talk about those kinds of personal things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of my friends with two kids would have one more if they had more money. The one or two kids they have are completely emotionally draining for them. Same for me! As for acquaintances/casual friendships, I have no idea because we don't talk about those kinds of personal things.

Totally believe this. Sometimes it is the emotional/logistical strain rather than finances.

FWIW we have 3 and would’ve had 4 if we had more $$. Different strokes.

[Anonymous]

How you space them makes a difference. Families with 3 very close together (3 within 5 years) usually end up with a SAHP, from what I've seen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How you space them makes a difference. Families with 3 very close together (3 within 5 years) usually end up with a SAHP, from what I've seen.

Or sometimes the opposite- a family with SAHP parent sometimes has kids close together to minimize the number of years out of the workforce…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How you space them makes a difference. Families with 3 very close together (3 within 5 years) usually end up with a SAHP, from what I've seen.

Or sometimes the opposite- a family with SAHP parent sometimes has kids close together to minimize the number of years out of the workforce…

This is what we did, we knew we wanted 3 and I wanted to stay home with each of them while they were babies so I became a sahm when my first was born and went back to work when my youngest was 2. Had them close together to minimize time out of the workforce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 and live in a MC suburban neighborhood. It does seem like more MC people around me are having 3. I imagine a lot of this has to do with where we live; very family friendly, more affordable but safe, strong community etc.

This is just to say, while wealthy people may also be having 3 or 4 and can afford to in major metro areas, I think other groups are also doing this by settling in areas where they can comfortably raise 3 kids.

+1

Without family help or a SAHP, 3 kids is a ton of work and stress, anywhere you live.

I actually don’t feel this way. Kids are always work but I genuinely don’t feel super stressed by raising 3. I live in a much more low key area than the DC metro area though. Where we live there isn’t a lot of pressure to do private school, extra tutoring, daily scheduled activities etc. I’m sure it would be very stressful trying to do all of this without a lot of support or money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 and live in a MC suburban neighborhood. It does seem like more MC people around me are having 3. I imagine a lot of this has to do with where we live; very family friendly, more affordable but safe, strong community etc.

This is just to say, while wealthy people may also be having 3 or 4 and can afford to in major metro areas, I think other groups are also doing this by settling in areas where they can comfortably raise 3 kids.

+1

Without family help or a SAHP, 3 kids is a ton of work and stress, anywhere you live.

I actually don’t feel this way. Kids are always work but I genuinely don’t feel super stressed by raising 3. I live in a much more low key area than the DC metro area though. Where we live there isn’t a lot of pressure to do private school, extra tutoring, daily scheduled activities etc. I’m sure it would be very stressful trying to do all of this without a lot of support or money

Not sure the ages of your kids but we are still in the phase of never getting enough sleep because at least one kid is waking up. Mine are baby, preschooler, and K. I do love having 3 and wouldn’t change it though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of my friends with two kids would have one more if they had more money. The one or two kids they have are completely emotionally draining for them. Same for me! As for acquaintances/casual friendships, I have no idea because we don't talk about those kinds of personal things.

This is us. Have two and I was a SAHM for the first 13 years and now only work very PT. Money is definitely not the reason we stopped at two. I wouldn’t call my kids “emotionally draining” either. But there was just a certain way that I wanted to parent them and didn’t feel I could give them the attention I wanted if there were more. As they saying goes, love is infinite but time is finite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of my friends with two kids would have one more if they had more money. The one or two kids they have are completely emotionally draining for them. Same for me! As for acquaintances/casual friendships, I have no idea because we don't talk about those kinds of personal things.

Totally believe this. Sometimes it is the emotional/logistical strain rather than finances.

FWIW we have 3 and would’ve had 4 if we had more $$. Different strokes.

I have 3 kids. I would have had a 4th or even a 5th if I was younger. I had my first at 30 (almost 31) and my third at age 38 (almost 39). I was 40 with a toddler. Now I am 45 and would totally be able to care for another but I’m obviously too old now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of my friends with two kids would have one more if they had more money. The one or two kids they have are completely emotionally draining for them. Same for me! As for acquaintances/casual friendships, I have no idea because we don't talk about those kinds of personal things.

Totally believe this. Sometimes it is the emotional/logistical strain rather than finances.

FWIW we have 3 and would’ve had 4 if we had more $$. Different strokes.

I have 3 kids. I would have had a 4th or even a 5th if I was younger. I had my first at 30 (almost 31) and my third at age 38 (almost 39). I was 40 with a toddler. Now I am 45 and would totally be able to care for another but I’m obviously too old now.

Wow those are big age gaps!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of my friends with two kids would have one more if they had more money. The one or two kids they have are completely emotionally draining for them. Same for me! As for acquaintances/casual friendships, I have no idea because we don't talk about those kinds of personal things.

Totally believe this. Sometimes it is the emotional/logistical strain rather than finances.

FWIW we have 3 and would’ve had 4 if we had more $$. Different strokes.

I have 3 kids. I would have had a 4th or even a 5th if I was younger. I had my first at 30 (almost 31) and my third at age 38 (almost 39). I was 40 with a toddler. Now I am 45 and would totally be able to care for another but I’m obviously too old now.

Wow those are big age gaps!

3.5 years is a big age gap? I think smaller gaps are more common now because people are cramming two kids in in their mid to late thirties. When I was growing up in the 90s, 3-4 year age gaps were very common. I have a 3 year gap between my kids. Might go for a third with the same spacing. I like it from a developmental and staggering standpoint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of my friends with two kids would have one more if they had more money. The one or two kids they have are completely emotionally draining for them. Same for me! As for acquaintances/casual friendships, I have no idea because we don't talk about those kinds of personal things.

Totally believe this. Sometimes it is the emotional/logistical strain rather than finances.

FWIW we have 3 and would’ve had 4 if we had more $$. Different strokes.

I have 3 kids. I would have had a 4th or even a 5th if I was younger. I had my first at 30 (almost 31) and my third at age 38 (almost 39). I was 40 with a toddler. Now I am 45 and would totally be able to care for another but I’m obviously too old now.

Wow those are big age gaps!

3.5 years is a big age gap? I think smaller gaps are more common now because people are cramming two kids in in their mid to late thirties. When I was growing up in the 90s, 3-4 year age gaps were very common. I have a 3 year gap between my kids. Might go for a third with the same spacing. I like it from a developmental and staggering standpoint.

DP. I don’t think that’s a big age gap. But it’s a little bit self-selecting probably because I felt like all my friends in the 90s had 2 year gaps!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of my friends with two kids would have one more if they had more money. The one or two kids they have are completely emotionally draining for them. Same for me! As for acquaintances/casual friendships, I have no idea because we don't talk about those kinds of personal things.

Totally believe this. Sometimes it is the emotional/logistical strain rather than finances.

FWIW we have 3 and would’ve had 4 if we had more $$. Different strokes.

I have 3 kids. I would have had a 4th or even a 5th if I was younger. I had my first at 30 (almost 31) and my third at age 38 (almost 39). I was 40 with a toddler. Now I am 45 and would totally be able to care for another but I’m obviously too old now.

Wow those are big age gaps!

3.5 years is a big age gap? I think smaller gaps are more common now because people are cramming two kids in in their mid to late thirties. When I was growing up in the 90s, 3-4 year age gaps were very common. I have a 3 year gap between my kids. Might go for a third with the same spacing. I like it from a developmental and staggering standpoint.

DP. I don’t think that’s a big age gap. But it’s a little bit self-selecting probably because I felt like all my friends in the 90s had 2 year gaps!

Pp here with 3 kids. I have a 2 year gap with my older 2 kids and then have a 5 year gap between my second and third. It isn’t the norm gap but I love it. We originally thought we were done with 2. Having 2 young kids was tough! Having a third with 2 kids in school was so nice.

I would totally have gone for a fourth when my third was in preschool but I was already in my forties by then.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the 80s/90s and from what I remember, almost everyone I knew with siblings had a 2 grade level gap--so approx. 2 years.

[Anonymous]

I think 3 is pretty typical/normal anywhere. I am surprised by the families here that have 4+ kids as a middle class family.