are 3+ kid families becoming more common?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.

I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.

This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.

To be honest you are not me so you really have no idea what my day-to-day lived experiences are. I’ve had people who I work with (all women) say nasty things, like having three is showing off and that having three is fine, but I shouldn’t have four. At work.

I have 3 and I have the same experience. People are weird about 3 kids. Actually no, women are weird about 3 kids. Men and old people are generally happy for you when you have your third child, but women get weird, like it’s somehow excessive to have three.

To be fair, I think this is because women tend do do a lot more of the work of parenting when kids are young, so I think this is sometimes a knee jerk reaction of "omg that sounds so hard to me." I think men are less likely to have that reaction because they don't viscerally understand what it's like to be a parent to three kids. Men with SAHMs tend to be particularly chill about this.

I think when a woman who is a similar age and has similarly aged kids to you responds to news of baby #3, it usually 90% her just imagining what that would feel like for her. Some women will think it sounds great but many will think it sounds overwhelming and stressful, and that's why their reaction is "weird."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed it. It's a status symbol.

Do you still think it’s a status symbol if the kids are wearing department store clothes and the family drives a minivan? Or is it only a status symbol if it’s luxury clothes and luxury cars?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.

I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.

This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.

To be honest you are not me so you really have no idea what my day-to-day lived experiences are. I’ve had people who I work with (all women) say nasty things, like having three is showing off and that having three is fine, but I shouldn’t have four. At work.

I have 3 and I have the same experience. People are weird about 3 kids. Actually no, women are weird about 3 kids. Men and old people are generally happy for you when you have your third child, but women get weird, like it’s somehow excessive to have three.

To be fair, I think this is because women tend do do a lot more of the work of parenting when kids are young, so I think this is sometimes a knee jerk reaction of "omg that sounds so hard to me." I think men are less likely to have that reaction because they don't viscerally understand what it's like to be a parent to three kids. Men with SAHMs tend to be particularly chill about this.

I think when a woman who is a similar age and has similarly aged kids to you responds to news of baby #3, it usually 90% her just imagining what that would feel like for her. Some women will think it sounds great but many will think it sounds overwhelming and stressful, and that's why their reaction is "weird."

Meh I think the simpler answer is that polls show many women in that demographic would like more children than they have, and for whatever reason - lifestyle/age/fertility - they stopped at one or two children. Then when a friend has a third, the sentiment is sort of “I had to make this difficult choice or nature made it for me” to limit family size and they aren’t ‘happy’ for your pregnancy like men and old people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.

I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.

This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.

To be honest you are not me so you really have no idea what my day-to-day lived experiences are. I’ve had people who I work with (all women) say nasty things, like having three is showing off and that having three is fine, but I shouldn’t have four. At work.

I have 3 and I have the same experience. People are weird about 3 kids. Actually no, women are weird about 3 kids. Men and old people are generally happy for you when you have your third child, but women get weird, like it’s somehow excessive to have three.

To be fair, I think this is because women tend do do a lot more of the work of parenting when kids are young, so I think this is sometimes a knee jerk reaction of "omg that sounds so hard to me." I think men are less likely to have that reaction because they don't viscerally understand what it's like to be a parent to three kids. Men with SAHMs tend to be particularly chill about this.

I think when a woman who is a similar age and has similarly aged kids to you responds to news of baby #3, it usually 90% her just imagining what that would feel like for her. Some women will think it sounds great but many will think it sounds overwhelming and stressful, and that's why their reaction is "weird."

Meh I think the simpler answer is that polls show many women in that demographic would like more children than they have, and for whatever reason - lifestyle/age/fertility - they stopped at one or two children. Then when a friend has a third, the sentiment is sort of “I had to make this difficult choice or nature made it for me” to limit family size and they aren’t ‘happy’ for your pregnancy like men and old people.

Oh gosh please no one is jealous that you have three kids. People choose one or two kids for many reasons and are very content with their choice. Nobody cares if you’re having a third and yes they probably feel sorry for you because three kids is a lot of work! I know because I have three!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed it. It's a status symbol.

Do you still think it’s a status symbol if the kids are wearing department store clothes and the family drives a minivan? Or is it only a status symbol if it’s luxury clothes and luxury cars?

DP. Yeah, that seems like a weird take. I adore kids so I had 3 …. the idea that it’s a status symbol is a new one, I guess.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never had anyone comment negatively about us having 3 DC. Weird. It isn’t really that unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.

I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.

This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.

To be honest you are not me so you really have no idea what my day-to-day lived experiences are. I’ve had people who I work with (all women) say nasty things, like having three is showing off and that having three is fine, but I shouldn’t have four. At work.

I have 3 and I have the same experience. People are weird about 3 kids. Actually no, women are weird about 3 kids. Men and old people are generally happy for you when you have your third child, but women get weird, like it’s somehow excessive to have three.

To be fair, I think this is because women tend do do a lot more of the work of parenting when kids are young, so I think this is sometimes a knee jerk reaction of "omg that sounds so hard to me." I think men are less likely to have that reaction because they don't viscerally understand what it's like to be a parent to three kids. Men with SAHMs tend to be particularly chill about this.

I think when a woman who is a similar age and has similarly aged kids to you responds to news of baby #3, it usually 90% her just imagining what that would feel like for her. Some women will think it sounds great but many will think it sounds overwhelming and stressful, and that's why their reaction is "weird."

Meh I think the simpler answer is that polls show many women in that demographic would like more children than they have, and for whatever reason - lifestyle/age/fertility - they stopped at one or two children. Then when a friend has a third, the sentiment is sort of “I had to make this difficult choice or nature made it for me” to limit family size and they aren’t ‘happy’ for your pregnancy like men and old people.

Oh gosh please no one is jealous that you have three kids. People choose one or two kids for many reasons and are very content with their choice. Nobody cares if you’re having a third and yes they probably feel sorry for you because three kids is a lot of work! I know because I have three!

+1, maybe a generation ago this might have been true sometimes but not now. Parenting is more expensive and labor intensive. I don't know anyone who wanted 3 or more but didn't have them. I do know two couples who wanted two, got twins with their second, and while they live their kids, are open about the fact that this wasn't the plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and I think there are two reasons:

1) Increased work from home. We're trying for a third right now, and I just noted this to my husband. If we were still both commuting to the office, 30-40 mins twice a day, every day, five days a week, I don't know if we would have had the bandwidth. I didn't really have kids before the pandemic (I was still on maternity leave with my oldest when the pandemic hit) but that might be giving people the extra wiggle room they need.

2) I literally only know one peer in my UMC bubble who had a surprise child in their 20s, and none as teenagers (though I'm sure there were some abortions). But in the last three years there have been THREE "surprise" third kids. Perhaps people get a bit sloppy with the birth control as they're approaching 40, especially if it wasn't super easy for them to get pregnant the first time or two? I don't know if that's a new phenomenon, but it's a pretty big percentage of the 3 kid families I know. Maybe we're an anomaly.

x

I hear this a lot. Several well educated friends who were able to avoid pregnancy well into their 30s just SHOCKED to find themselves pregnant around 40 or up. They weren't using BC because they thought they were "too old" to get pregnant.

Probably from reading websites like DCUM where some unhinged people scream, “it must be donor eggs!” every time someone over 40 has a baby.

Pretty sure people only say that on here for 45+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and I think there are two reasons:

1) Increased work from home. We're trying for a third right now, and I just noted this to my husband. If we were still both commuting to the office, 30-40 mins twice a day, every day, five days a week, I don't know if we would have had the bandwidth. I didn't really have kids before the pandemic (I was still on maternity leave with my oldest when the pandemic hit) but that might be giving people the extra wiggle room they need.

2) I literally only know one peer in my UMC bubble who had a surprise child in their 20s, and none as teenagers (though I'm sure there were some abortions). But in the last three years there have been THREE "surprise" third kids. Perhaps people get a bit sloppy with the birth control as they're approaching 40, especially if it wasn't super easy for them to get pregnant the first time or two? I don't know if that's a new phenomenon, but it's a pretty big percentage of the 3 kid families I know. Maybe we're an anomaly.

x

I hear this a lot. Several well educated friends who were able to avoid pregnancy well into their 30s just SHOCKED to find themselves pregnant around 40 or up. They weren't using BC because they thought they were "too old" to get pregnant.

Probably from reading websites like DCUM where some unhinged people scream, “it must be donor eggs!” every time someone over 40 has a baby.

Pretty sure people only say that on here for 45+

No, it’s definitely 40 years old that someone here (at least one poster) starts claiming that they have definitely used IVF and/or donor eggs. She just cannot believe that some women get pregnant easily, even in their late 30s and beyond.

[Anonymous]

YES totally a status symbol/display of wealth among millennials.

[Anonymous]

I live a little further out west in northern Virginia and everyone here has 4+ kids. It was so surprising to me to meet people with like 5 kids under the age of 12. I don't know how they do it!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.

I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.

This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.

To be honest you are not me so you really have no idea what my day-to-day lived experiences are. I’ve had people who I work with (all women) say nasty things, like having three is showing off and that having three is fine, but I shouldn’t have four. At work.

I have 3 and I have the same experience. People are weird about 3 kids. Actually no, women are weird about 3 kids. Men and old people are generally happy for you when you have your third child, but women get weird, like it’s somehow excessive to have three.

To be fair, I think this is because women tend do do a lot more of the work of parenting when kids are young, so I think this is sometimes a knee jerk reaction of "omg that sounds so hard to me." I think men are less likely to have that reaction because they don't viscerally understand what it's like to be a parent to three kids. Men with SAHMs tend to be particularly chill about this.

I think when a woman who is a similar age and has similarly aged kids to you responds to news of baby #3, it usually 90% her just imagining what that would feel like for her. Some women will think it sounds great but many will think it sounds overwhelming and stressful, and that's why their reaction is "weird."

Meh I think the simpler answer is that polls show many women in that demographic would like more children than they have, and for whatever reason - lifestyle/age/fertility - they stopped at one or two children. Then when a friend has a third, the sentiment is sort of “I had to make this difficult choice or nature made it for me” to limit family size and they aren’t ‘happy’ for your pregnancy like men and old people.

Oh gosh please no one is jealous that you have three kids. People choose one or two kids for many reasons and are very content with their choice. Nobody cares if you’re having a third and yes they probably feel sorry for you because three kids is a lot of work! I know because I have three!

+1, maybe a generation ago this might have been true sometimes but not now. Parenting is more expensive and labor intensive. I don't know anyone who wanted 3 or more but didn't have them. I do know two couples who wanted two, got twins with their second, and while they live their kids, are open about the fact that this wasn't the plan.

I think these comments are proving the PP’s point. People are limiting their family size now because parenting is expensive as far as money and time. For many families, the calculation of how many kids is based on lack of family help, cost of childcare, logistics of continuing to have 2 parents work full time, etc. It’s a lot different to say I’m stopping for all these reasons than I’m stopping at 1 or 2 because that is the exact number of kids our family wants regardless.

I can see how people out there who stopped at 2 because of their resource limits, but maybe in a perfect world would have had another kid or 2, would give a weird response to learning someone else is having another kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.

I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.

This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.

To be honest you are not me so you really have no idea what my day-to-day lived experiences are. I’ve had people who I work with (all women) say nasty things, like having three is showing off and that having three is fine, but I shouldn’t have four. At work.

I have 3 and I have the same experience. People are weird about 3 kids. Actually no, women are weird about 3 kids. Men and old people are generally happy for you when you have your third child, but women get weird, like it’s somehow excessive to have three.

To be fair, I think this is because women tend do do a lot more of the work of parenting when kids are young, so I think this is sometimes a knee jerk reaction of "omg that sounds so hard to me." I think men are less likely to have that reaction because they don't viscerally understand what it's like to be a parent to three kids. Men with SAHMs tend to be particularly chill about this.

I think when a woman who is a similar age and has similarly aged kids to you responds to news of baby #3, it usually 90% her just imagining what that would feel like for her. Some women will think it sounds great but many will think it sounds overwhelming and stressful, and that's why their reaction is "weird."

Meh I think the simpler answer is that polls show many women in that demographic would like more children than they have, and for whatever reason - lifestyle/age/fertility - they stopped at one or two children. Then when a friend has a third, the sentiment is sort of “I had to make this difficult choice or nature made it for me” to limit family size and they aren’t ‘happy’ for your pregnancy like men and old people.

Oh gosh please no one is jealous that you have three kids. People choose one or two kids for many reasons and are very content with their choice. Nobody cares if you’re having a third and yes they probably feel sorry for you because three kids is a lot of work! I know because I have three!

+1, maybe a generation ago this might have been true sometimes but not now. Parenting is more expensive and labor intensive. I don't know anyone who wanted 3 or more but didn't have them. I do know two couples who wanted two, got twins with their second, and while they live their kids, are open about the fact that this wasn't the plan.

Just look at the fertility board. Plenty of people put off having a third and then have a lot of regret about it and go through IVF to get a third. Plenty of people want to be happy with two but are drawn to three. It may be a grass is greener but a lot of it is that if your kids are really great and you enjoy parenting the idea of another really great kid is awesome. Is it a lot of work? Yes. Is it the best work? Also yes. Maybe some people are bitter because they don't like parenting and can't imagine that other people actually enjoy it. Maybe people are bitter because they don't know how to "juggle" three kids and the idea that other people can do that makes them feel lesser or maybe people are bitter because they wouldn't be able to live the lifestyle they want with three and other people can have three and maintain their lifestyle. It's really weird to me how much people on DCUM fight against this. Like, they can't possibly imagine you can have two working parents and three kids and your kids can do travel sports and go to "good" colleges. There are so many bizarre troll posts where people claim they thought about having a third but it would mean they would need to quit there job, never go on vacation, pull their kids out of sports, etc It's weirdly aggressive. I can only assume someone that insecure must be really struggling with not having three kids because someone who was content really wouldn't care enough about how other people with three kids were managing to create a fake persona and troll on DCUM. I mean, that's not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.

I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.

This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.

To be honest you are not me so you really have no idea what my day-to-day lived experiences are. I’ve had people who I work with (all women) say nasty things, like having three is showing off and that having three is fine, but I shouldn’t have four. At work.

I have 3 and I have the same experience. People are weird about 3 kids. Actually no, women are weird about 3 kids. Men and old people are generally happy for you when you have your third child, but women get weird, like it’s somehow excessive to have three.

To be fair, I think this is because women tend do do a lot more of the work of parenting when kids are young, so I think this is sometimes a knee jerk reaction of "omg that sounds so hard to me." I think men are less likely to have that reaction because they don't viscerally understand what it's like to be a parent to three kids. Men with SAHMs tend to be particularly chill about this.

I think when a woman who is a similar age and has similarly aged kids to you responds to news of baby #3, it usually 90% her just imagining what that would feel like for her. Some women will think it sounds great but many will think it sounds overwhelming and stressful, and that's why their reaction is "weird."

Meh I think the simpler answer is that polls show many women in that demographic would like more children than they have, and for whatever reason - lifestyle/age/fertility - they stopped at one or two children. Then when a friend has a third, the sentiment is sort of “I had to make this difficult choice or nature made it for me” to limit family size and they aren’t ‘happy’ for your pregnancy like men and old people.

Oh gosh please no one is jealous that you have three kids. People choose one or two kids for many reasons and are very content with their choice. Nobody cares if you’re having a third and yes they probably feel sorry for you because three kids is a lot of work! I know because I have three!

+1, maybe a generation ago this might have been true sometimes but not now. Parenting is more expensive and labor intensive. I don't know anyone who wanted 3 or more but didn't have them. I do know two couples who wanted two, got twins with their second, and while they live their kids, are open about the fact that this wasn't the plan.

I think these comments are proving the PP’s point. People are limiting their family size now because parenting is expensive as far as money and time. For many families, the calculation of how many kids is based on lack of family help, cost of childcare, logistics of continuing to have 2 parents work full time, etc. It’s a lot different to say I’m stopping for all these reasons than I’m stopping at 1 or 2 because that is the exact number of kids our family wants regardless.

I can see how people out there who stopped at 2 because of their resource limits, but maybe in a perfect world would have had another kid or 2, would give a weird response to learning someone else is having another kid.

PP here and you misunderstand my comment. Yes resources are a consideration but my broader point is that parenting works differently now and most families I know do not want three kids because it would make it hard for them to parent the way they want to or the way they think is necessary to successfully launch kids. Not just "oh we don't want to pay for three college educations" but everything -- less time and focus and energy and a concern that kids today require more support and encouragement. And then if you have one high needs kid (for any reason, whether special needs or medical issues or mental health concerns or maybe they are very advanced and need more challenge or private school or whatever) that's going to make it even harder.

Not saying it's not possible but I think the number of families who really feel like they can give three or more kids all they want to give them (and then also maybe have something left for themselves, their marriage, their social life) is not large. Which is why fewer people have 3+ kids now than they used to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.

I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.

This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.

To be honest you are not me so you really have no idea what my day-to-day lived experiences are. I’ve had people who I work with (all women) say nasty things, like having three is showing off and that having three is fine, but I shouldn’t have four. At work.

I have 3 and I have the same experience. People are weird about 3 kids. Actually no, women are weird about 3 kids. Men and old people are generally happy for you when you have your third child, but women get weird, like it’s somehow excessive to have three.

To be fair, I think this is because women tend do do a lot more of the work of parenting when kids are young, so I think this is sometimes a knee jerk reaction of "omg that sounds so hard to me." I think men are less likely to have that reaction because they don't viscerally understand what it's like to be a parent to three kids. Men with SAHMs tend to be particularly chill about this.

I think when a woman who is a similar age and has similarly aged kids to you responds to news of baby #3, it usually 90% her just imagining what that would feel like for her. Some women will think it sounds great but many will think it sounds overwhelming and stressful, and that's why their reaction is "weird."

Meh I think the simpler answer is that polls show many women in that demographic would like more children than they have, and for whatever reason - lifestyle/age/fertility - they stopped at one or two children. Then when a friend has a third, the sentiment is sort of “I had to make this difficult choice or nature made it for me” to limit family size and they aren’t ‘happy’ for your pregnancy like men and old people.

Oh gosh please no one is jealous that you have three kids. People choose one or two kids for many reasons and are very content with their choice. Nobody cares if you’re having a third and yes they probably feel sorry for you because three kids is a lot of work! I know because I have three!

+1, maybe a generation ago this might have been true sometimes but not now. Parenting is more expensive and labor intensive. I don't know anyone who wanted 3 or more but didn't have them. I do know two couples who wanted two, got twins with their second, and while they live their kids, are open about the fact that this wasn't the plan.

Just look at the fertility board. Plenty of people put off having a third and then have a lot of regret about it and go through IVF to get a third. Plenty of people want to be happy with two but are drawn to three. It may be a grass is greener but a lot of it is that if your kids are really great and you enjoy parenting the idea of another really great kid is awesome. Is it a lot of work? Yes. Is it the best work? Also yes. Maybe some people are bitter because they don't like parenting and can't imagine that other people actually enjoy it. Maybe people are bitter because they don't know how to "juggle" three kids and the idea that other people can do that makes them feel lesser or maybe people are bitter because they wouldn't be able to live the lifestyle they want with three and other people can have three and maintain their lifestyle. It's really weird to me how much people on DCUM fight against this. Like, they can't possibly imagine you can have two working parents and three kids and your kids can do travel sports and go to "good" colleges. There are so many bizarre troll posts where people claim they thought about having a third but it would mean they would need to quit there job, never go on vacation, pull their kids out of sports, etc It's weirdly aggressive. I can only assume someone that insecure must be really struggling with not having three kids because someone who was content really wouldn't care enough about how other people with three kids were managing to create a fake persona and troll on DCUM. I mean, that's not normal.

This post is so over-the-top defensive and lacking in self awareness I almost wonder if it's a troll.

The assumption that if a person likes parenting they must want more kids, and that if the don't want more kids they must not like parenting, is weird to me coming from anyone who has actually been a parent. By that logic, if you like your spouse and enjoy your marriage, you should marry more people.

Some people like having bigger families and some prefer smaller families. Statistically, fewer people have 3+ kids than they used to, and this number has been in steady decline since the birth control pill became widely available. The idea that the world is full of bitter, jealous people who all desperately want more kids but can't have them, is simply not accurate.