are 3+ kid families becoming more common?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:There's lots of data that covid lowered fertility rates overall but there was a baby boom among the UMC+. Suddenly life was slower and more manageable for so many - why not have another baby if you're just hanging out at home.

Also lots of research on how larger families have once again become a status symbol

We realized that we were never going to have that supportive, family-focused extended network that some of our peers have and that I think we used to think was something our families would do as well.

I have a local network of close relatives, but I still don't know how families manage to juggle 3 kids with 2 careers. Perhaps it's because everyone in my network works full-time. The parents I know with 3 kids and 2 full-time careers who don't seem stressed out have a set of grandparents living with them in the same home.

Shut up

+1. Maybe you just feel threatened by the fact that some people are better than you at juggling children and jobs. It happens. The world is full of people who are better at things than you.

I don't feel threatened. I'm just wondering. Can't people innocently wonder about things anymore?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.

I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.

This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.

To be honest you are not me so you really have no idea what my day-to-day lived experiences are. I’ve had people who I work with (all women) say nasty things, like having three is showing off and that having three is fine, but I shouldn’t have four. At work.

I have 3 and I have the same experience. People are weird about 3 kids. Actually no, women are weird about 3 kids. Men and old people are generally happy for you when you have your third child, but women get weird, like it’s somehow excessive to have three.

To be fair, I think this is because women tend do do a lot more of the work of parenting when kids are young, so I think this is sometimes a knee jerk reaction of "omg that sounds so hard to me." I think men are less likely to have that reaction because they don't viscerally understand what it's like to be a parent to three kids. Men with SAHMs tend to be particularly chill about this.

I think when a woman who is a similar age and has similarly aged kids to you responds to news of baby #3, it usually 90% her just imagining what that would feel like for her. Some women will think it sounds great but many will think it sounds overwhelming and stressful, and that's why their reaction is "weird."

Meh I think the simpler answer is that polls show many women in that demographic would like more children than they have, and for whatever reason - lifestyle/age/fertility - they stopped at one or two children. Then when a friend has a third, the sentiment is sort of “I had to make this difficult choice or nature made it for me” to limit family size and they aren’t ‘happy’ for your pregnancy like men and old people.

Oh gosh please no one is jealous that you have three kids. People choose one or two kids for many reasons and are very content with their choice. Nobody cares if you’re having a third and yes they probably feel sorry for you because three kids is a lot of work! I know because I have three!

+1, maybe a generation ago this might have been true sometimes but not now. Parenting is more expensive and labor intensive. I don't know anyone who wanted 3 or more but didn't have them. I do know two couples who wanted two, got twins with their second, and while they live their kids, are open about the fact that this wasn't the plan.

Just look at the fertility board. Plenty of people put off having a third and then have a lot of regret about it and go through IVF to get a third. Plenty of people want to be happy with two but are drawn to three. It may be a grass is greener but a lot of it is that if your kids are really great and you enjoy parenting the idea of another really great kid is awesome. Is it a lot of work? Yes. Is it the best work? Also yes. Maybe some people are bitter because they don't like parenting and can't imagine that other people actually enjoy it. Maybe people are bitter because they don't know how to "juggle" three kids and the idea that other people can do that makes them feel lesser or maybe people are bitter because they wouldn't be able to live the lifestyle they want with three and other people can have three and maintain their lifestyle. It's really weird to me how much people on DCUM fight against this. Like, they can't possibly imagine you can have two working parents and three kids and your kids can do travel sports and go to "good" colleges. There are so many bizarre troll posts where people claim they thought about having a third but it would mean they would need to quit there job, never go on vacation, pull their kids out of sports, etc It's weirdly aggressive. I can only assume someone that insecure must be really struggling with not having three kids because someone who was content really wouldn't care enough about how other people with three kids were managing to create a fake persona and troll on DCUM. I mean, that's not normal.

This post is so over-the-top defensive and lacking in self awareness I almost wonder if it's a troll.

The assumption that if a person likes parenting they must want more kids, and that if the don't want more kids they must not like parenting, is weird to me coming from anyone who has actually been a parent. By that logic, if you like your spouse and enjoy your marriage, you should marry more people.

Some people like having bigger families and some prefer smaller families. Statistically, fewer people have 3+ kids than they used to, and this number has been in steady decline since the birth control pill became widely available. The idea that the world is full of bitter, jealous people who all desperately want more kids but can't have them, is simply not accurate.

People have smaller families now because it’s too expensive to have a larger one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.

I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.

This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.

To be honest you are not me so you really have no idea what my day-to-day lived experiences are. I’ve had people who I work with (all women) say nasty things, like having three is showing off and that having three is fine, but I shouldn’t have four. At work.

I have 3 and I have the same experience. People are weird about 3 kids. Actually no, women are weird about 3 kids. Men and old people are generally happy for you when you have your third child, but women get weird, like it’s somehow excessive to have three.

To be fair, I think this is because women tend do do a lot more of the work of parenting when kids are young, so I think this is sometimes a knee jerk reaction of "omg that sounds so hard to me." I think men are less likely to have that reaction because they don't viscerally understand what it's like to be a parent to three kids. Men with SAHMs tend to be particularly chill about this.

I think when a woman who is a similar age and has similarly aged kids to you responds to news of baby #3, it usually 90% her just imagining what that would feel like for her. Some women will think it sounds great but many will think it sounds overwhelming and stressful, and that's why their reaction is "weird."

Meh I think the simpler answer is that polls show many women in that demographic would like more children than they have, and for whatever reason - lifestyle/age/fertility - they stopped at one or two children. Then when a friend has a third, the sentiment is sort of “I had to make this difficult choice or nature made it for me” to limit family size and they aren’t ‘happy’ for your pregnancy like men and old people.

Oh gosh please no one is jealous that you have three kids. People choose one or two kids for many reasons and are very content with their choice. Nobody cares if you’re having a third and yes they probably feel sorry for you because three kids is a lot of work! I know because I have three!

+1, maybe a generation ago this might have been true sometimes but not now. Parenting is more expensive and labor intensive. I don't know anyone who wanted 3 or more but didn't have them. I do know two couples who wanted two, got twins with their second, and while they live their kids, are open about the fact that this wasn't the plan.

Just look at the fertility board. Plenty of people put off having a third and then have a lot of regret about it and go through IVF to get a third. Plenty of people want to be happy with two but are drawn to three. It may be a grass is greener but a lot of it is that if your kids are really great and you enjoy parenting the idea of another really great kid is awesome. Is it a lot of work? Yes. Is it the best work? Also yes. Maybe some people are bitter because they don't like parenting and can't imagine that other people actually enjoy it. Maybe people are bitter because they don't know how to "juggle" three kids and the idea that other people can do that makes them feel lesser or maybe people are bitter because they wouldn't be able to live the lifestyle they want with three and other people can have three and maintain their lifestyle. It's really weird to me how much people on DCUM fight against this. Like, they can't possibly imagine you can have two working parents and three kids and your kids can do travel sports and go to "good" colleges. There are so many bizarre troll posts where people claim they thought about having a third but it would mean they would need to quit there job, never go on vacation, pull their kids out of sports, etc It's weirdly aggressive. I can only assume someone that insecure must be really struggling with not having three kids because someone who was content really wouldn't care enough about how other people with three kids were managing to create a fake persona and troll on DCUM. I mean, that's not normal.

This post is so over-the-top defensive and lacking in self awareness I almost wonder if it's a troll.

The assumption that if a person likes parenting they must want more kids, and that if the don't want more kids they must not like parenting, is weird to me coming from anyone who has actually been a parent. By that logic, if you like your spouse and enjoy your marriage, you should marry more people.

Some people like having bigger families and some prefer smaller families. Statistically, fewer people have 3+ kids than they used to, and this number has been in steady decline since the birth control pill became widely available. The idea that the world is full of bitter, jealous people who all desperately want more kids but can't have them, is simply not accurate.

People have smaller families now because it’s too expensive to have a larger one.

Then explain high income families with just one or two kids.

Also, one reason people find kids more expensive now is that when birth control enabled people to choose to have smaller families, they were able to channel more resources into individual kids. It became more normal for kids to have activities, get more help with school, go out to eat more, travel more. So now if you have a larger family, you will still be expected to spend as much as others in your social set in a per child basis or be viewed as short changing your kids.

It was shrinking families, due to birth control, that gave rise to more expensive, intensive parenting in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.

I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.

This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.

To be honest you are not me so you really have no idea what my day-to-day lived experiences are. I’ve had people who I work with (all women) say nasty things, like having three is showing off and that having three is fine, but I shouldn’t have four. At work.

I have 3 and I have the same experience. People are weird about 3 kids. Actually no, women are weird about 3 kids. Men and old people are generally happy for you when you have your third child, but women get weird, like it’s somehow excessive to have three.

To be fair, I think this is because women tend do do a lot more of the work of parenting when kids are young, so I think this is sometimes a knee jerk reaction of "omg that sounds so hard to me." I think men are less likely to have that reaction because they don't viscerally understand what it's like to be a parent to three kids. Men with SAHMs tend to be particularly chill about this.

I think when a woman who is a similar age and has similarly aged kids to you responds to news of baby #3, it usually 90% her just imagining what that would feel like for her. Some women will think it sounds great but many will think it sounds overwhelming and stressful, and that's why their reaction is "weird."

Meh I think the simpler answer is that polls show many women in that demographic would like more children than they have, and for whatever reason - lifestyle/age/fertility - they stopped at one or two children. Then when a friend has a third, the sentiment is sort of “I had to make this difficult choice or nature made it for me” to limit family size and they aren’t ‘happy’ for your pregnancy like men and old people.

Oh gosh please no one is jealous that you have three kids. People choose one or two kids for many reasons and are very content with their choice. Nobody cares if you’re having a third and yes they probably feel sorry for you because three kids is a lot of work! I know because I have three!

+1, maybe a generation ago this might have been true sometimes but not now. Parenting is more expensive and labor intensive. I don't know anyone who wanted 3 or more but didn't have them. I do know two couples who wanted two, got twins with their second, and while they live their kids, are open about the fact that this wasn't the plan.

Just look at the fertility board. Plenty of people put off having a third and then have a lot of regret about it and go through IVF to get a third. Plenty of people want to be happy with two but are drawn to three. It may be a grass is greener but a lot of it is that if your kids are really great and you enjoy parenting the idea of another really great kid is awesome. Is it a lot of work? Yes. Is it the best work? Also yes. Maybe some people are bitter because they don't like parenting and can't imagine that other people actually enjoy it. Maybe people are bitter because they don't know how to "juggle" three kids and the idea that other people can do that makes them feel lesser or maybe people are bitter because they wouldn't be able to live the lifestyle they want with three and other people can have three and maintain their lifestyle. It's really weird to me how much people on DCUM fight against this. Like, they can't possibly imagine you can have two working parents and three kids and your kids can do travel sports and go to "good" colleges. There are so many bizarre troll posts where people claim they thought about having a third but it would mean they would need to quit there job, never go on vacation, pull their kids out of sports, etc It's weirdly aggressive. I can only assume someone that insecure must be really struggling with not having three kids because someone who was content really wouldn't care enough about how other people with three kids were managing to create a fake persona and troll on DCUM. I mean, that's not normal.

This post is so over-the-top defensive and lacking in self awareness I almost wonder if it's a troll.

The assumption that if a person likes parenting they must want more kids, and that if the don't want more kids they must not like parenting, is weird to me coming from anyone who has actually been a parent. By that logic, if you like your spouse and enjoy your marriage, you should marry more people.

Some people like having bigger families and some prefer smaller families. Statistically, fewer people have 3+ kids than they used to, and this number has been in steady decline since the birth control pill became widely available. The idea that the world is full of bitter, jealous people who all desperately want more kids but can't have them, is simply not accurate.

People have smaller families now because it’s too expensive to have a larger one.

Then explain high income families with just one or two kids.

Also, one reason people find kids more expensive now is that when birth control enabled people to choose to have smaller families, they were able to channel more resources into individual kids. It became more normal for kids to have activities, get more help with school, go out to eat more, travel more. So now if you have a larger family, you will still be expected to spend as much as others in your social set in a per child basis or be viewed as short changing your kids.

It was shrinking families, due to birth control, that gave rise to more expensive, intensive parenting in the first place.

Families with extremely high income/wealth can still do the expensive, intensive parenting for 4-5 kids easily. They just outsource more and have multiple nannies to do the drudge work like housekeeping and chauffeuring.

What is high income to you? 500k, for ex, is not enough to sustain this lifestyle for 3+ kids but it would be enough for 1-2.

[Anonymous]

I got married at 34, had my first at 36. We had the second one with lots of fertility help. Those in my neighborhood who got married youngish are having three, the rest of us had two. Very few families with just one kid.