People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

Well, I’m a boomer and I’m taking care of two parents in their 90s and an autistic son on top of that. So selfish, I know.

Bye boomer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 59 now, taking care of my mom 89. She’s still in good health, mentally there. I’m just sick of her being in my house, I know this sounds terrible. My culture you don’t put parents in a nursing home, she/we can’t afford one either. No other siblings to help care for her.

Just venting.

Is she low income by any chance? You could maybe find her subsidized housing and in home care the state pays for?
Lots of Asian and Russian speaking elderly in this arrangement where I live
For some reason I haven’t met anyone from India!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

What should they do then, kill themselves?

+1. The PP assumes boomers are "selfish" because - just why? Oh, she read it on some liberal site so thinks it sounds like a smart response. Right. Boomers are deliberately being selfish and living long just to irritate PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is living too long.
People are dying too long.

100%

Exactly. It’s a huge effort to take care of your health the way you need to live well for your whole life. But if you focus on what you want to be able to do at 90 - play with grandkids, hike, swim, ski, walk your active dog - then you can work backwards from there and figure out what you need to do to get there. Which is basically cardio, weights, good food, strong relationships.

We don’t have to age the way our parents are. That’s a totally different model of aging and we know better now.

Wow. You are really naive.

My nearly 80 yo dad did all these things-active, clean living, folks married for 57 years now, never smoked or drank and was even playing league ice hockey into his early 50's. He was dx with Parkinsons at 62 and is in the late stage now. He doesn't have to 'hope' to die before 85 because he likely will.

Yet I have to see my lazy, dumb lump exFIL walking around this town in near perfect health. He was a slug when he was the age I am now! Pisses me off no end...

Happens more often than we realize. My theory is that obsession with healthy living isn’t natural and nature gets the last laugh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think human lives should have auto combustion at 80. I'm by no means saying people should just jump or pushed of the cliff but its a pain for self and a drain on others. Imaging being an elderly who can sense they are no longer wanted. Its just so sad.

I agree with you somewhat. I would prefer it to be an optional feature but then we’re back to the tricky topic of euthanizing oneself. Will have to think about that one.

Why does someone's worth based on whether we are "wanted?" I am not worthy of life based on the opinions of other people!

Only if you are fully self sufficient which doesn’t often happen in old age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have watched 3 parents/in laws have long agonizing deaths involving years (in two cases) of bedrest. It is a miserable existence. I will not take any meds after the age of 85 - I hope I go quickly.

But the thing is that unless you get an aggressive illness you probably won’t go quickly. And if you don’t take any medications at all, you’ll probably be in pain and miserable during your long, drawn out old age.

I don’t want to be old either and I hope to never be a burden on my kids or spouse in old age but it’s not like any of us get to decide when we die (unless we kill ourselves)

Good point! I was just venting honestly and understand that I have the genes to live a long time and doing so incapacitated for years at the end is my greatest fear. Maybe I should start smoking.

You jest, but my grandfather started smoking again in his 70s after quitting years before.

My father-in-law is doing this. He’s mid 70s, and while I see many people his age who are living full lives (hobbies, engaged with family and grandchildren, etc.), he has never been that way. This thread has been a fascinating read. I attributed it to life-long depression, but he is purposefully sedentary, eats poorly, smokes and says he is waiting for his day to come.

I think it’s actually more natural to want to smoke and eat unhealthy foods than exercise and eat healthy. We just do the latter because we are afraid of dying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you are wishing for her death, it is time to put your mother in a nursing home paid by Medicare even if it is not common in your culture.

I spent the last two years being a respite caregiver to a mid 90s woman who was being cared for in her elderly (70ish) daughter's home. Daughter was a nurse by profession so very well skilled for the tasks required.

They BOTH wished for her death, and talked about it fairly frequently. It was not an abusive situation at all. She was adored by her whole family including two generations of grandkids she'd helped raised before becoming infirm. They grieved her death but also celebrated it, because she spoke every single day of the last 5+ years of her life about her desperate wish that God would take her.

I've been doing eldercare for nearly a decade now, much of it hospice status and many hospice clients who lingered for years - doctors can say your condition might kill you in six months, but that means nothing to mother nature.

Life gets very difficult when you are barely mobile, stuck in chairs and beds and needing somebody else to wipe your anus while having lost most of the bodily function that would allow you to participate in any of the life activities you used to love.

We should have MAID in the USA, everywhere.

I am curious, several posters have mentioned elderly people stopping their meds. It does seem unlikely that most people living that long are doing so without statins, etc. Was that woman on medications? Does going off them late in life hasten death? Is the option to just never start taking them and late nature take its course? Some of us were meant to live long lives of quality, while others not. I am in my mid-50s and started taking BP meds a couple of years ago and sometimes I wonder if I should just not and let my end come when it's meant to. I do not want to get to an age and condition that makes my kids dread being around me, the same way I feel about my mother now. She was a loving mother who I adored when I was a child. But my entire adult life has felt like I am dealing with a child and I cannot stand it. I don't want my kids to feel that way about me.

DP
I am 47 and on BP meds. My plan is to stop taking them once kid is about 25 which is on 12 years. It’s the age where I feel my death won’t deprive him of much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

wtf? What do you expect elderly people to do? Kill themselves so you can inherit their money?

Now, that's disgusting.

-gen xer with elderly parents who need care.

Right? I feel like this was an elder millennial. Or just some pyscho. Chilling.

I don't know. I'm a 55-year-old Gen Xer dealing with my mother with dementia. While I don't have that same sentiment about inheritance, I do agree that it just doesn't feel fair that my life revolves around her and my in laws. Even beyond the care part of it, just every holiday, the guilt trips over whether or not we spend enough time with them. I mean, at what point does a life become your own. Both my mother and my MIL lost their parents by their early 40s. They have no clue what this feels like. I am so depressed that I can't have a life of my own, probably ever. I will be pretty old by the time they die with no good years left for myself. It is really really depressing.

I feel ya
I had a mentally ill mother who almost literally pushed me out of the house (she was a hoarder), made my dad her slave and prevented my brother and me from communicating with him. She finally died when I was 46 and I am elated I can have some good years with my dad.
I guess I just want to say that everything comes to an end. I hope you have many good years!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why people SHOULD have kids later in life...when you are 70, you do not want to be taking care of your 95 year old parent. If you have kids around 40, you will pass when they are like 50 and they still have the energy and funds for eldercare. Elderly people should not be taking care of other elderly people.

But then you won’t be strong and healthy enough to actually help with your grandkids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not age, it's health. The ideal (which is of course very rare) is to remain healthy for a long life, then die after a short but not painful illness. If your 89 year old month needs care, then by definition she is in declining health.

I agree. You used to just drop dead of strokes and heart attacks. Now it's this loooooong decline into senility. Most people who reach very old ages will spend at least a decade in poor healthy. Usually nothing is wrong with them, just their bodies and minds don't work as well as they used to.

I personally think 90 would be a nice year.

My in-laws are doing all sorts of rigid diets and obsessed with brain and physical aging hacks. Outcomes not so different than others their age. So I think I’d also not want a restricted lifestyle to add ten years of declining health anyway.

Nature has the last laugh, always.
It’s like it wants to play tricks on people of huge self importance who try to live longer, obsessively

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you are wishing for her death, it is time to put your mother in a nursing home paid by Medicare even if it is not common in your culture.

I spent the last two years being a respite caregiver to a mid 90s woman who was being cared for in her elderly (70ish) daughter's home. Daughter was a nurse by profession so very well skilled for the tasks required.

They BOTH wished for her death, and talked about it fairly frequently. It was not an abusive situation at all. She was adored by her whole family including two generations of grandkids she'd helped raised before becoming infirm. They grieved her death but also celebrated it, because she spoke every single day of the last 5+ years of her life about her desperate wish that God would take her.

I've been doing eldercare for nearly a decade now, much of it hospice status and many hospice clients who lingered for years - doctors can say your condition might kill you in six months, but that means nothing to mother nature.

Life gets very difficult when you are barely mobile, stuck in chairs and beds and needing somebody else to wipe your anus while having lost most of the bodily function that would allow you to participate in any of the life activities you used to love.

We should have MAID in the USA, everywhere.

I am curious, several posters have mentioned elderly people stopping their meds. It does seem unlikely that most people living that long are doing so without statins, etc. Was that woman on medications? Does going off them late in life hasten death? Is the option to just never start taking them and late nature take its course? Some of us were meant to live long lives of quality, while others not. I am in my mid-50s and started taking BP meds a couple of years ago and sometimes I wonder if I should just not and let my end come when it's meant to. I do not want to get to an age and condition that makes my kids dread being around me, the same way I feel about my mother now. She was a loving mother who I adored when I was a child. But my entire adult life has felt like I am dealing with a child and I cannot stand it. I don't want my kids to feel that way about me.

DP
I am 47 and on BP meds. My plan is to stop taking them once kid is about 25 which is on 12 years. It’s the age where I feel my death won’t deprive him of much.

It doesn't make any sense to quit taking hypertension drugs in your late 50s. Late 70s, sure.

[Anonymous]

I'm anxious to read this entire thread, and am saving it for when I have more time. My mom is 75 and we're starting that roller coaster of in and out of rehab facilities, moving her in with us, watching her decline. My dad was mercifully taken by covid a couple of years into this same circus, but I don't see a quick solution like that for my mom. I know that sounds so callous, but it's torture watching a slow decline. She's ready to be done with life, but what - stop her meds and live in misery for a couple more years making life emotional hell for our family or continue whatever treatments and make it a slower emotional hell for our family? I am hopeful this thread gives me a more positive outlook and ideas or hope, but I have a feeling it will be others in my same helpless situation, wondering what to do next. But maybe hearing how others handle everything will be helpful too.

I'm also curious to see if others my age-ish (52) have improved their lifestyle or upped their insurance to avoid the same situation befalling themselves and their kids. I've never been a fit person, but seeing my dad's decline a few years ago, I started working out regularly and eating better. Now, with my hands going places into my mom's body to ensure her cleanliness, I'm ready to research long term care for myself and husband. Anyone have ideas what we need or where to begin? (hopefully it's not too late!)

But I say it all the time, our (great) grandparents generation had it right. Work hard and drop dead of a quick easy heart attack in the field at 62.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

What should they do then, kill themselves?

Stop life prolonging measures. That's what I will do. It's actually pretty simple. If it's pain just give me pain killer, let me get addicted, then I'll die a painless death. Seriously, I won't need a new hip after 70 or a heart or whatever, just pain killer if I'm in pain.

[Anonymous]

My daughter looks after a 90 year old dialysis patient in hospital. This patient is deaf and it's extremely complicated to communicate with her. Why on heaven shall a 90 year old be on dialysis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter looks after a 90 year old dialysis patient in hospital. This patient is deaf and it's extremely complicated to communicate with her. Why on heaven shall a 90 year old be on dialysis?

Fully agree that there are a suite of treatments that should not normally be used above a certain age. This is a country where they do insane stuff like intubate people with alzheimers.