How to navigate sleeping arrangements for holidays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so shocked by these comments. I would have never dared ask to sleep in the same room with a man in my father’s house before marriage.

What about in your mother's house?



I would not have done that, either, but on the other hand my relationship with my kids is much better than my parents' relationship with me was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so shocked by these comments. I would have never dared ask to sleep in the same room with a man in my father’s house before marriage.

JFC. It’s not 1800. Women dont get purity checks and come with a dowry. FINE if someone is saving themself or whatever morality test they have for themselves as an adult. But it is also fine for a grown a$$ woman to have a different standard too. And that doesn’t mean she’s disrespectful, a whore, or anything else.

[Anonymous]

If this was us, unless your daughter is currently living with her boyfriend in NYC, it's a hard 'no' allowing her to bring him home and stay in her room, no matter the age. Let them visit from the hotel. Probably better for everyone anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so shocked by these comments. I would have never dared ask to sleep in the same room with a man in my father’s house before marriage.

I am likewise shocked -- it would never have occurred to me that I would need to _ask_ to sleep in the same room as my long-term partner as an adult.

I had been living with my now-spouse for six months before I first met his parents; we were in our early 20s; and I was completely baffled when they hosted us in separate rooms. I wasn't even offended, just so very, very surprised that it would still be a community norm for anyone, and that was 25 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this was us, unless your daughter is currently living with her boyfriend in NYC, it's a hard 'no' allowing her to bring him home and stay in her room, no matter the age. Let them visit from the hotel. Probably better for everyone anyway.

DD lives w/bf in nyc. They do not share a room at his or her parents. All six adults are in agreement.

[Anonymous]

If I were the DD I would have cancelled outright—so for your sake, OP, I hope your husband learned to accept her solution and put up/shut up.

Also, you’re not in the middle unless you want to be. You have thoughts—and a right to them. Just because your husband is used to controlling others with his demands doesn’t mean you have to capitulate to that.

[Anonymous]

My 22 year old son stayed in a room with his girlfriend (22) at our house over the holidays. There were no conversations about this and none of the parents care. Really enjoyed our time with both of them.

[Anonymous]

Any updates OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the very, very least you need to pay for her hotel room. You’re lucky she’s coming home at all, your DH is being a jerk.

Yes, this would be smart thing to do. Because in the future, it might become too expensive for DD to visit. Or she and her BF might just adapt to hotels really well. In either case, this was a really bad move from DH.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I started dating our freshman year of college. He has much younger siblings and I don’t remember when we started sharing a room at his parent’s house but strangely it wasn’t a big deal. My parents (or at least my mom) were more conservative but also were kind of turning a blind eye. (I have older siblings.) When I was 23 and out of college and we’d been dating for 4 years I decided to stop getting up, going to his room, and then leaving again in the middle of the night. I was living with my parents for a year after college (and he lived with his for a year) and we’d see each other for a weekend every 4-6 weeks and I just stopped sneaking around. My mother said some passive aggressive things about it, my dad didn’t say anything. I figured once I was out of college that it was reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so shocked by these comments. I would have never dared ask to sleep in the same room with a man in my father’s house before marriage.

OK, that is your right to make that decision. This DD made another, perfectly reasonable decision. Aren you really "shocked" that people make different life choices than you?

[Anonymous]

To be fair, its not a thing either side should be stubborn about. DD can respect father's values, father can respect DD's rationale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, its not a thing either side should be stubborn about. DD can respect father's values, father can respect DD's rationale.

It’s reasonable to be stubborn about not asking a guest to sleep in a room with no privacy.