How to navigate sleeping arrangements for holidays

[Anonymous]

Trying to navigate this and feeling caught in the middle.

My husband has always been on the conservative side. Our eldest daughter is 23 and living in NYC since after she graduated college. She has a good job and supports herself. She’s coming home for Christmas with her boyfriend, who is 25. They’ve been dating a year but this is his first time here since we’ve always visited them.

My husband said he had to sleep in the den, which has a pullout couch and glass doors, since my husband doesn’t feel comfortable with them sleeping in her room. I let my daughter know that and she balked. She then let me know that they’re just going to stay in a hotel. But the only one with affordable availability is 25 minutes away, each way, which means they will be here significantly less. My husband got angry about it and said she’ll barely be around and it feels disrespectful to him that they can’t go without sleeping in the same room to the point they’d waste visiting time and money on a hotel room. My daughter isn’t budging. How would you handle this?

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is right and your husband is a stubborn ass.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter isn’t boning in your home her boyfriend they are just sleeping in the same room.


Your H is insane

[Anonymous]

Seems like your daughter came up with the best compromise. Be happy she’s visiting at all.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter has zero respect for her family. As your eldest she could at least attempt to set a decent example for younger siblings.

[Anonymous]

Let her stay in the hotel. That’s her decision and not one you should be worried about. If husband wants to pout let him, that’s on him. You should be backing up your husband at least around your children, whether or not you pout about it is on you.

[Anonymous]

She's a brat. Your house, your rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trying to navigate this and feeling caught in the middle.

My husband has always been on the conservative side. Our eldest daughter is 23 and living in NYC since after she graduated college. She has a good job and supports herself. She’s coming home for Christmas with her boyfriend, who is 25. They’ve been dating a year but this is his first time here since we’ve always visited them.

My husband said he had to sleep in the den, which has a pullout couch and glass doors, since my husband doesn’t feel comfortable with them sleeping in her room. I let my daughter know that and she balked. She then let me know that they’re just going to stay in a hotel. But the only one with affordable availability is 25 minutes away, each way, which means they will be here significantly less. My husband got angry about it and said she’ll barely be around and it feels disrespectful to him that they can’t go without sleeping in the same room to the point they’d waste visiting time and money on a hotel room. My daughter isn’t budging. How would you handle this?

He’s right

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has zero respect for her family. As your eldest she could at least attempt to set a decent example for younger siblings.

Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has zero respect for her family. As your eldest she could at least attempt to set a decent example for younger siblings.

BINGO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter has zero respect for her family. As your eldest she could at least attempt to set a decent example for younger siblings.

I kind of agree. I wouldn’t want an elder sibling having a significant other in their room, unless they were engaged or else above 30. It might be hypocrisy but so be it.

[Anonymous]

I would tell my husband that it is my house also and I’m fine with them spending the night in her room. Why does he get to decide the rules of the house? Maybe he needs to go to the hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trying to navigate this and feeling caught in the middle.

My husband has always been on the conservative side. Our eldest daughter is 23 and living in NYC since after she graduated college. She has a good job and supports herself. She’s coming home for Christmas with her boyfriend, who is 25. They’ve been dating a year but this is his first time here since we’ve always visited them.

My husband said he had to sleep in the den, which has a pullout couch and glass doors, since my husband doesn’t feel comfortable with them sleeping in her room. I let my daughter know that and she balked. She then let me know that they’re just going to stay in a hotel. But the only one with affordable availability is 25 minutes away, each way, which means they will be here significantly less. My husband got angry about it and said she’ll barely be around and it feels disrespectful to him that they can’t go without sleeping in the same room to the point they’d waste visiting time and money on a hotel room. My daughter isn’t budging. How would you handle this?

Too late to handle it now. The trip has already been soured. My ILs were the same way (and I lived with their son) and they thought everything would change once we were "married". It didn't. We still like to stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trying to navigate this and feeling caught in the middle.

My husband has always been on the conservative side. Our eldest daughter is 23 and living in NYC since after she graduated college. She has a good job and supports herself. She’s coming home for Christmas with her boyfriend, who is 25. They’ve been dating a year but this is his first time here since we’ve always visited them.

My husband said he had to sleep in the den, which has a pullout couch and glass doors, since my husband doesn’t feel comfortable with them sleeping in her room. I let my daughter know that and she balked. She then let me know that they’re just going to stay in a hotel. But the only one with affordable availability is 25 minutes away, each way, which means they will be here significantly less. My husband got angry about it and said she’ll barely be around and it feels disrespectful to him that they can’t go without sleeping in the same room to the point they’d waste visiting time and money on a hotel room. My daughter isn’t budging. How would you handle this?

He’s right

He’s not. They want to enjoy their vacation, together, just like most couples in love. It has nothing to do with him. He’s lucky they’re still coming at all.

[Anonymous]

Do you feel the same? If not, why does he get to decide the rules? In either event, neither of you get to decide what your daughter does. If she wants to stay in a hotel, then she gets to stay in a hotel.