Why would he be in a random parking lot?

[Anonymous]

I would do this and more if my spouse never left the house. Set up a tiny each week where he gets the house to himself for a full day.... Obviously need to first mental health and if you don't, you have no idea how draining it can be on a person and on the relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman. I understand the need to decompress- dh and I both wfh and I often sit in my car alone to do this- usually after dropping the kids off at school, or getting there a few minutes early to pick them up. But I will do it in the driveway, or in the parking lot of my kids school. Or a parking lot where I ran an errand. I don’t go to a bunch of random parking lots on the way home to my house. My husband even knows that I take calls with my therapist from my car in our driveway just to get some personal time outside of our walls.

Personally I think what her husband is doing is a little weird. That said, they have location sharing on, and he’d be pretty stupid to do something damaging knowing that.

I'm also a woman who mostly WFH with a DH who always WFH. Decompressing alone in my car is not decompressing if it's in a spot where someone I know could see me and want to interact. It makes total sense to me why someone would pick a random place, knowing they won't be interrupted, over their own driveway.

[Anonymous]

I used to do this when my kids were 9-12ish. Job was stressful, kids were stressful, needed a break between the two. Sometimes I’d eat something or make a call. It wasn’t nefarious in the least. FWIW, I’m a woman. Now that everyone’s older and more independent, I haven’t done it for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH typically arrives home from work around 6pm like clockwork. He rarely calls when he leaves work, but usually calls if he’s running late.

Usually if I’m making something time sensitive for dinner (like grilling steak) I will quickly check his location just to be sure he’s actually on his way and how far away so it doesn’t overcook.

A month or so ago I checked and noticed he was at a random parking lot on his route home. I thought it suspicious and so I texted him “have you left yet”, and he responded that he was running late. I had/have no other reason to suspect anything suspicious, so I ignored it, but have remained nosy nearly every day since. He was there about 30-45 minutes. It hadn’t happened again until yesterday, he texted me saying he would be late. I monitored, he left on time, but then ended up at a different random parking lot again for another 30-45 minutes, in the dark and cold. I confronted him and he looked shocked and a little disappointed. He said he was there because he doesn’t otherwise have any alone time to decompress. (I WFH and am always here.)

Does this sound believable? I don’t know what to think.

1. If he has tracking on in his smartphone he knows you can see his location.
2. Yes, a lot of people just sit in their car to relax. I do this 1-2 times a week. Between work and family it's nice to have peace and quiet for 20-30 minutes.
3. He looked disappointed that you were checking up on him like that. That's called distrust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH typically arrives home from work around 6pm like clockwork. He rarely calls when he leaves work, but usually calls if he’s running late.

Usually if I’m making something time sensitive for dinner (like grilling steak) I will quickly check his location just to be sure he’s actually on his way and how far away so it doesn’t overcook.

A month or so ago I checked and noticed he was at a random parking lot on his route home. I thought it suspicious and so I texted him “have you left yet”, and he responded that he was running late. I had/have no other reason to suspect anything suspicious, so I ignored it, but have remained nosy nearly every day since. He was there about 30-45 minutes. It hadn’t happened again until yesterday, he texted me saying he would be late. I monitored, he left on time, but then ended up at a different random parking lot again for another 30-45 minutes, in the dark and cold. I confronted him and he looked shocked and a little disappointed. He said he was there because he doesn’t otherwise have any alone time to decompress. (I WFH and am always here.)

Does this sound believable? I don’t know what to think.

Conference call? Check the phone records

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to do this when my kids were 9-12ish. Job was stressful, kids were stressful, needed a break between the two. Sometimes I’d eat something or make a call. It wasn’t nefarious in the least. FWIW, I’m a woman. Now that everyone’s older and more independent, I haven’t done it for years.

I regularly park in the Total Wine parking lot near my house around 5-6pm before heading home. I sit there and check my phone, socials, relax, etc. I have a stressful job and it's just as stressful at home. Some people can't deal with silence. I've even sat in my car with nothing on just starring at the cars passing on the street.

To OP: Leave your husband alone. You may be a good reason why he's stressed and needs alone time. Plus, you just made it 10x worse because NOW he knows you're tracking him every single time he's out of the house. Good luck with that. You could have approached the situation differently.

[Anonymous]

I can't tell you the number of times I've sat in a parking lot decompressing - just taking a break in a place I can just be alone for a little bit. Sometimes I'll sit and read a book in the car before doing grocery shopping. Other times, I'm just sitting there with my eyes closed for a few minutes. All depends on what I'm feeling and if I have to be somewhere at a certain time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it sounds believable. But it could also be a hookup, prostitute, drugs, drinking, binge eating, you name it. See what happens when you breach someone’s privacy and engage in unwarranted surveillance? You invite all kinds of scrutiny and drive yourself crazy. Maybe MYOB in the future and you’ll all be happier.

This. Could be nefarious, could be totally fine. How young are your kids--if you have them? The response is totally believable, and not one that I think he could come up with on the fly if it were not true. He would have made up an errand or said his car sounded weird so he stopped to check things out or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH typically arrives home from work around 6pm like clockwork. He rarely calls when he leaves work, but usually calls if he’s running late.

Usually if I’m making something time sensitive for dinner (like grilling steak) I will quickly check his location just to be sure he’s actually on his way and how far away so it doesn’t overcook.

A month or so ago I checked and noticed he was at a random parking lot on his route home. I thought it suspicious and so I texted him “have you left yet”, and he responded that he was running late. I had/have no other reason to suspect anything suspicious, so I ignored it, but have remained nosy nearly every day since. He was there about 30-45 minutes. It hadn’t happened again until yesterday, he texted me saying he would be late. I monitored, he left on time, but then ended up at a different random parking lot again for another 30-45 minutes, in the dark and cold. I confronted him and he looked shocked and a little disappointed. He said he was there because he doesn’t otherwise have any alone time to decompress. (I WFH and am always here.)

Does this sound believable? I don’t know what to think.

1. If he has tracking on in his smartphone he knows you can see his location.
2. Yes, a lot of people just sit in their car to relax. I do this 1-2 times a week. Between work and family it's nice to have peace and quiet for 20-30 minutes.
3. He looked disappointed that you were checking up on him like that. That's called distrust.

He has no right to be disappointed or angry or accuse anyone of distrust

Everyone wants to know when their spouse will be home. To get kids to things, to sit down and eat, to talk with about the schedule.

If you’re late- for whatever reason- and don’t communicate that ahead of time, yes you may get a phone call or get looked up. BFD. Next time communicate- home in 50 mins not 10. Doing errands. Going to gym, grabbing farewell drinks for harry, decompressing on a walk.

If you’re late arriving home, YOU should have the consideration of communicating that to your nanny or spouse or kids expecting you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't tell you the number of times I've sat in a parking lot decompressing - just taking a break in a place I can just be alone for a little bit. Sometimes I'll sit and read a book in the car before doing grocery shopping. Other times, I'm just sitting there with my eyes closed for a few minutes. All depends on what I'm feeling and if I have to be somewhere at a certain time.

I have pulled over a few blocks from my house to finish up a call. Personal or biz call.
Once my car gets into the garage all the blue tooth devices start competing and piping in calls to the car or the Alexa or the computers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to do this when my kids were 9-12ish. Job was stressful, kids were stressful, needed a break between the two. Sometimes I’d eat something or make a call. It wasn’t nefarious in the least. FWIW, I’m a woman. Now that everyone’s older and more independent, I haven’t done it for years.

I regularly park in the Total Wine parking lot near my house around 5-6pm before heading home. I sit there and check my phone, socials, relax, etc. I have a stressful job and it's just as stressful at home. Some people can't deal with silence. I've even sat in my car with nothing on just starring at the cars passing on the street.

To OP: Leave your husband alone. You may be a good reason why he's stressed and needs alone time. Plus, you just made it 10x worse because NOW he knows you're tracking him every single time he's out of the house. Good luck with that. You could have approached the situation differently.

1 hour of family time down the tubes because you want to sit at 5-6pm Prime Time in a quite empty car?

Wow. Hope your nanny really engages your kids then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH typically arrives home from work around 6pm like clockwork. He rarely calls when he leaves work, but usually calls if he’s running late.

Usually if I’m making something time sensitive for dinner (like grilling steak) I will quickly check his location just to be sure he’s actually on his way and how far away so it doesn’t overcook.

A month or so ago I checked and noticed he was at a random parking lot on his route home. I thought it suspicious and so I texted him “have you left yet”, and he responded that he was running late. I had/have no other reason to suspect anything suspicious, so I ignored it, but have remained nosy nearly every day since. He was there about 30-45 minutes. It hadn’t happened again until yesterday, he texted me saying he would be late. I monitored, he left on time, but then ended up at a different random parking lot again for another 30-45 minutes, in the dark and cold. I confronted him and he looked shocked and a little disappointed. He said he was there because he doesn’t otherwise have any alone time to decompress. (I WFH and am always here.)

Does this sound believable? I don’t know what to think.

Believable. .

So he’s expected home at 6pm, so bakes in some quiet time beforehand and is still home at 6pm?

That’s fine, he shouldn’t be embarassed or keeping that a secret. I’d call it self care. Most people do it at the gym later - just get out in the sauna or steam room or take a 30 min walk alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I and the kids all track each other all the time. No one thinks anything of it. I know lots of friends like this. It takes two seconds to check if someone arrived safely or has left yet.

This. I don’t get it either. There are literal apps people pay money for to do this. This thread is weird.

I guess I’m a shit wife because I’ve checked to see many a time how long I have/how far away DH is until he gets home for many a benign and sundry reason. One instance that comes to mind is the time I looked to see if he had already passed the grocery store on his way home from work, because I would have had him stop if he hadn’t, but didn’t want to bother his commute with a needless call. I guess I’m up his ass!

It’s a 2 second phone call…and maybe your spouse is exhausted and doesn’t want to go to the store, or has takeout in the car for dinner and doesn’t want it getting cold, etc. Just call them instead of tracking them like a creep.

Other PP here. Our spouses know we do this and are fine with it. They do it to us too. Its quick and practical if you have nothing to hide.

I’m the OPP and this exactly. That’s what the app is there for, and we have nothing to hide.

+1

I think OP’s mistake here was not necessarily checking on her husband’s location, but “confronting” him about it the second time she realized he was in the parking lot. Why did she assume this requires a confrontation? Does her husband not know she checks her location? There is some sort of trust breakdown here. I think OP and her husband should pursue marriage counseling before things get worse.

It’s a valid question if you notice it.

I did that find my friends thing when my spouse went out to get gas in the rental car 5 mins away at 8am. After 30+ mins I checked and he was sitting in a parking lot.

Problem was we had to pack up said rental car and get to the airport. Not to mention finish packing, clean down the condo and load the car.

He almost made us late hanging out. He was on work calls and lost track of time. He was always trying to (and failing) hide his work calls every day whilst on vacation. stop the secrets.

[Anonymous]

When we got the minivan with the DVD player and the screens on it back in the day my husband and I both used to occasionally sneak out and watch a red box movie in the car by ourselves with a little snack.

[Anonymous]

Why are you timing dinner to the very minute he walk through the door?