If you have a mentally ill spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this "masking" that people keep referencing. Everyone Masks in order to compromise and get along with others. It's a necessary trait to function in a relationship. Most people mask to manage their desires and emotions regularly. It's only a problem when your desires are inhibited so much that you can't function with your own agency as well and have to live around things that cause large amounts of trauma or un-comfortability. But regular light masking to be pleasant and get along is part of any relationship and society.

Google it yourself.

People with mild mental disorders mask but it consumes all their energy and share of mind during the school or work day. Must keep it together outside of the home.

Unlike NT people who come home and do a second shift with the home, kids or friends, the AS or adhd person will come home and crash. They drop the mask, and need to be left alone for hours or they will lash out, stonewall, or discombobulate. Their family gets leftovers, or worse, complete emotional dysregulation or a zombie, or both.

So we all mask but the NT person has a harder time doing it? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this "masking" that people keep referencing. Everyone Masks in order to compromise and get along with others. It's a necessary trait to function in a relationship. Most people mask to manage their desires and emotions regularly. It's only a problem when your desires are inhibited so much that you can't function with your own agency as well and have to live around things that cause large amounts of trauma or un-comfortability. But regular light masking to be pleasant and get along is part of any relationship and society.

Why mask and be polite at work but not at home with your loved ones?

Because loved ones are taken for granted.

We all have to put in extra effort at something. Most of us don't use that as an excuse to be horrible. We seek help, we read books, we find ways to spend less money so we can afford to pay for help etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the ADHD poster and have been reflecting on the comments and realize I was projecting my situation onto many posters.

In my specific case, which is too complicated to summarise, I had to reject the help I was receiving in order to step up and take responsibility. My spouse only wanted to take things from me to make my life easier, but it just enables and stressed me out. Then he’d criticise me for clutter and other things. Nothing I did was good enough and the more i tries to explain myself, the more resentful he got. Like he just wanted me gone.

It actually made me worse mentally, but now that we are split and there are clear lanes for coparenting, I feel less stressed and overwhelmed and able to manage the increase in responsibilities.

I am not bitter, I don’t blame. This is just the reality I am dealing with. I have found help and support from other friends and professionals. But not from my ex-spouse or parents.

The bolded is obvious.

Other friends and professionals did not have to deal with your dysfunction 24/7. They did not have to hold you accountable for a partnership because they had no such partnership with you. They could pick your phone calls when they felt like it and ignore when they wanted to.

You are better off alone, true, but it has nothing to do with your DH and everything to do with the fact that you have are different. No one forced you to marry: you chose to. You chose to commit to a relationship with someone, and it makes sense that they were frustrated and perplexed that you were not keeping your end of the bargain.

There is nothing wrong with being different or odd or mentally ill. It's not your fault. However, it cannot be the fault of the person you promised certain responsibilities to.

You made a mistake marrying when a single life best suited you and your challenges. And I am sure your DH is happy he had a wonderful child with you, someone he loved. Glad you found your bearings and had a beautiful child in the course of it. Now it's time to wake up and take FULL responsibility instead of this half baked twisting you keep doing.

DP and will you STOP!!!!!! You are obviously projecting an ex or dysfunctional family member on PP. It has nothing to do with her, at this point and it’s personally annoying the F out of me, TBH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this "masking" that people keep referencing. Everyone Masks in order to compromise and get along with others. It's a necessary trait to function in a relationship. Most people mask to manage their desires and emotions regularly. It's only a problem when your desires are inhibited so much that you can't function with your own agency as well and have to live around things that cause large amounts of trauma or un-comfortability. But regular light masking to be pleasant and get along is part of any relationship and society.

Google it yourself.

People with mild mental disorders mask but it consumes all their energy and share of mind during the school or work day. Must keep it together outside of the home.

Unlike NT people who come home and do a second shift with the home, kids or friends, the AS or adhd person will come home and crash. They drop the mask, and need to be left alone for hours or they will lash out, stonewall, or discombobulate. Their family gets leftovers, or worse, complete emotional dysregulation or a zombie, or both.

So we all mask but the NT person has a harder time doing it? Why?

Because acting normal is hard work!!!

I wish typical grasped that. The areas in the brain where emotional regulation and execution function are smaller. We engage with the world that feels wrong and uncomfortable to us.

As such the “help” offered isn’t really helpful, it’s just more of the same.

And then, when we finally start to maybe take some responsibility people like the harsh PP are eager to tell us what we already know. We are exhausting, unloveable, and should keep to ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this "masking" that people keep referencing. Everyone Masks in order to compromise and get along with others. It's a necessary trait to function in a relationship. Most people mask to manage their desires and emotions regularly. It's only a problem when your desires are inhibited so much that you can't function with your own agency as well and have to live around things that cause large amounts of trauma or un-comfortability. But regular light masking to be pleasant and get along is part of any relationship and society.

Google it yourself.

People with mild mental disorders mask but it consumes all their energy and share of mind during the school or work day. Must keep it together outside of the home.

Unlike NT people who come home and do a second shift with the home, kids or friends, the AS or adhd person will come home and crash. They drop the mask, and need to be left alone for hours or they will lash out, stonewall, or discombobulate. Their family gets leftovers, or worse, complete emotional dysregulation or a zombie, or both.

So we all mask but the NT person has a harder time doing it? Why?

Read some Tony Attwood


An AS person masking is fatiguingly going through and guessing at which memorized responses or behaviors they should be exhibiting in each social setting throughout the day.

Then they get home, stop masking, and let it all hang out. On top of their executive functioning and verbal communication issues.

An NT person doesn’t do that level or constant masking at all. They instinctively know how to behave, apply their knowledge and connect the dots more easily, apply empathy when responding, and it all happens in a millisecond. No brain damage to guess what to say or do. No confusion each day. No wondering what they did to annoy someone again. No building a cocoon around themselves because they don’t know what’s going on again. Then they stop caring or trying. They unmask. They let out their anxieties out at home, their safe place. They have punching bag family members. They don’t articulate what or why they are doing this. They just shout out Shut up, Leave me alone, and shut down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the ADHD poster and have been reflecting on the comments and realize I was projecting my situation onto many posters.

In my specific case, which is too complicated to summarise, I had to reject the help I was receiving in order to step up and take responsibility. My spouse only wanted to take things from me to make my life easier, but it just enables and stressed me out. Then he’d criticise me for clutter and other things. Nothing I did was good enough and the more i tries to explain myself, the more resentful he got. Like he just wanted me gone.

It actually made me worse mentally, but now that we are split and there are clear lanes for coparenting, I feel less stressed and overwhelmed and able to manage the increase in responsibilities.

I am not bitter, I don’t blame. This is just the reality I am dealing with. I have found help and support from other friends and professionals. But not from my ex-spouse or parents.

The bolded is obvious.

Other friends and professionals did not have to deal with your dysfunction 24/7. They did not have to hold you accountable for a partnership because they had no such partnership with you. They could pick your phone calls when they felt like it and ignore when they wanted to.

You are better off alone, true, but it has nothing to do with your DH and everything to do with the fact that you have are different. No one forced you to marry: you chose to. You chose to commit to a relationship with someone, and it makes sense that they were frustrated and perplexed that you were not keeping your end of the bargain.

There is nothing wrong with being different or odd or mentally ill. It's not your fault. However, it cannot be the fault of the person you promised certain responsibilities to.

You made a mistake marrying when a single life best suited you and your challenges. And I am sure your DH is happy he had a wonderful child with you, someone he loved. Glad you found your bearings and had a beautiful child in the course of it. Now it's time to wake up and take FULL responsibility instead of this half baked twisting you keep doing.

DP and will you STOP!!!!!! You are obviously projecting an ex or dysfunctional family member on PP. It has nothing to do with her, at this point and it’s personally annoying the F out of me, TBH.

Too bad. I am the crazy one in my family, so you are projecting your NT on me. It's your fault that it is annoying you since you are expecting better from me like the rest of these NT people were expecting from their spouses. You are enabling me by responding and trying to address your issue with the way I am.

I am better off being left alone. Don't respond to my post. Let me be crazy in peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this "masking" that people keep referencing. Everyone Masks in order to compromise and get along with others. It's a necessary trait to function in a relationship. Most people mask to manage their desires and emotions regularly. It's only a problem when your desires are inhibited so much that you can't function with your own agency as well and have to live around things that cause large amounts of trauma or un-comfortability. But regular light masking to be pleasant and get along is part of any relationship and society.

Google it yourself.

People with mild mental disorders mask but it consumes all their energy and share of mind during the school or work day. Must keep it together outside of the home.

Unlike NT people who come home and do a second shift with the home, kids or friends, the AS or adhd person will come home and crash. They drop the mask, and need to be left alone for hours or they will lash out, stonewall, or discombobulate. Their family gets leftovers, or worse, complete emotional dysregulation or a zombie, or both.

So we all mask but the NT person has a harder time doing it? Why?

Neurotypical is the opposite of neuroatypical or autism level I.
Some people have started lumping adhd people with neuroatyoical, but that’s quite misleading given AS brain construct/ missing synapses and how AS doesn’t respond to stimulants like adhd does.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m the ADHD poster and have been reflecting on the comments and realize I was projecting my situation onto many posters.

In my specific case, which is too complicated to summarise, I had to reject the help I was receiving in order to step up and take responsibility. My spouse only wanted to take things from me to make my life easier, but it just enables and stressed me out. Then he’d criticise me for clutter and other things. Nothing I did was good enough and the more i tries to explain myself, the more resentful he got. Like he just wanted me gone.

It actually made me worse mentally, but now that we are split and there are clear lanes for coparenting, I feel less stressed and overwhelmed and able to manage the increase in responsibilities.

I am not bitter, I don’t blame. This is just the reality I am dealing with. [b]I have found help and support from other friends and professionals.[/b] But not from my ex-spouse or parents. [/quote]

The bolded is obvious.

Other friends and professionals did not have to deal with your dysfunction 24/7. They did not have to hold you accountable for a partnership because they had no such partnership with you. They could pick your phone calls when they felt like it and ignore when they wanted to.

You are better off alone, true, but it has nothing to do with your DH and everything to do with the fact that you have are different. No one forced you to marry: you chose to. You chose to commit to a relationship with someone, and it makes sense that they were frustrated and perplexed that you were not keeping your end of the bargain.

There is nothing wrong with being different or odd or mentally ill. It's not your fault. However, it cannot be the fault of the person you promised certain responsibilities to.

You made a mistake marrying when a single life best suited you and your challenges. And I am sure your DH is happy he had a wonderful child with you, someone he loved. Glad you found your bearings and had a beautiful child in the course of it. Now it's time to wake up and take FULL responsibility instead of this half baked twisting you keep doing.[/quote]

DP and will you STOP!!!!!! You are obviously projecting an ex or dysfunctional family member on PP. It has nothing to do with her, at this point and it’s personally annoying the F out of me, TBH.[/quote]

Too bad. I am the crazy one in my family, so you are projecting your NT on me. It's your fault that it is annoying you since you are expecting better from me like the rest of these NT people were expecting from their spouses. You are enabling me by responding and trying to address your issue with the way I am.

I am better off being left alone. Don't respond to my post. Let me be crazy in peace.[/quote]

If you are the AuDHD divorced person, you are responding to the wrong post.

Many responders here have told the NT poster to your adhd posts to back off, they are beating a dead horse.

Unclear why you are responding like the above to people telling the NT person to back off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this "masking" that people keep referencing. Everyone Masks in order to compromise and get along with others. It's a necessary trait to function in a relationship. Most people mask to manage their desires and emotions regularly. It's only a problem when your desires are inhibited so much that you can't function with your own agency as well and have to live around things that cause large amounts of trauma or un-comfortability. But regular light masking to be pleasant and get along is part of any relationship and society.

Google it yourself.

People with mild mental disorders mask but it consumes all their energy and share of mind during the school or work day. Must keep it together outside of the home.

Unlike NT people who come home and do a second shift with the home, kids or friends, the AS or adhd person will come home and crash. They drop the mask, and need to be left alone for hours or they will lash out, stonewall, or discombobulate. Their family gets leftovers, or worse, complete emotional dysregulation or a zombie, or both.

So we all mask but the NT person has a harder time doing it? Why?

Because acting normal is hard work!!!

I wish typical grasped that. The areas in the brain where emotional regulation and execution function are smaller. We engage with the world that feels wrong and uncomfortable to us.

As such the “help” offered isn’t really helpful, it’s just more of the same.

And then, when we finally start to maybe take some responsibility people like the harsh PP are eager to tell us what we already know. We are exhausting, unloveable, and should keep to ourselves.

You are assuming harsh PP is typical. I am not. Masking politeness and understanding of BS is very hard for me.

True story: I once went to an interview where I was asked why I was the best candidate for a job. I responded " Well, I don't know the other candidates, so I can't answer that question." I received a rejection email before I got home.

Should they have hired me?
And do I get a pass and some understanding from you now since it's hard for me not to be blunt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this "masking" that people keep referencing. Everyone Masks in order to compromise and get along with others. It's a necessary trait to function in a relationship. Most people mask to manage their desires and emotions regularly. It's only a problem when your desires are inhibited so much that you can't function with your own agency as well and have to live around things that cause large amounts of trauma or un-comfortability. But regular light masking to be pleasant and get along is part of any relationship and society.

Google it yourself.

People with mild mental disorders mask but it consumes all their energy and share of mind during the school or work day. Must keep it together outside of the home.

Unlike NT people who come home and do a second shift with the home, kids or friends, the AS or adhd person will come home and crash. They drop the mask, and need to be left alone for hours or they will lash out, stonewall, or discombobulate. Their family gets leftovers, or worse, complete emotional dysregulation or a zombie, or both.

So we all mask but the NT person has a harder time doing it? Why?

Because acting normal is hard work!!!

I wish typical grasped that. The areas in the brain where emotional regulation and execution function are smaller. We engage with the world that feels wrong and uncomfortable to us.

As such the “help” offered isn’t really helpful, it’s just more of the same.

And then, when we finally start to maybe take some responsibility people like the harsh PP are eager to tell us what we already know. We are exhausting, unloveable, and should keep to ourselves.

You are assuming harsh PP is typical. I am not. Masking politeness and understanding of BS is very hard for me.

True story: I once went to an interview where I was asked why I was the best candidate for a job. I responded " Well, I don't know the other candidates, so I can't answer that question." I received a rejection email before I got home.

Should they have hired me?
And do I get a pass and some understanding from you now since it's hard for me not to be blunt?

Yes, answering routine interview questions like that will get you dinged.

At worst you come across like a difficult to work with snark, at best you come off as a literal black & white thinker or ESOL or someone who doesn’t get out much.

[Anonymous]

Harsh PP here again.

I have to add this:
I have spent way too much time on DCUM between yesterday and today. It's hard for me to get off when the conversation is so interesting. It sincerely is.

Now here comes the sarcasm:
So instead of working extra from 2:00 am -9:00 am on the weekend( Saturday and Sunday) to catch up on my billables, they will just have to deal for creating this toxic environment ( no monitoring? I mean why?) that is enabling me to lose focus and procastinate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this "masking" that people keep referencing. Everyone Masks in order to compromise and get along with others. It's a necessary trait to function in a relationship. Most people mask to manage their desires and emotions regularly. It's only a problem when your desires are inhibited so much that you can't function with your own agency as well and have to live around things that cause large amounts of trauma or un-comfortability. But regular light masking to be pleasant and get along is part of any relationship and society.

Google it yourself.

People with mild mental disorders mask but it consumes all their energy and share of mind during the school or work day. Must keep it together outside of the home.

Unlike NT people who come home and do a second shift with the home, kids or friends, the AS or adhd person will come home and crash. They drop the mask, and need to be left alone for hours or they will lash out, stonewall, or discombobulate. Their family gets leftovers, or worse, complete emotional dysregulation or a zombie, or both.

So we all mask but the NT person has a harder time doing it? Why?

Because acting normal is hard work!!!

I wish typical grasped that. The areas in the brain where emotional regulation and execution function are smaller. We engage with the world that feels wrong and uncomfortable to us.

As such the “help” offered isn’t really helpful, it’s just more of the same.

And then, when we finally start to maybe take some responsibility people like the harsh PP are eager to tell us what we already know. We are exhausting, unloveable, and should keep to ourselves.

You are assuming harsh PP is typical. I am not. Masking politeness and understanding of BS is very hard for me.

True story: I once went to an interview where I was asked why I was the best candidate for a job. I responded " Well, I don't know the other candidates, so I can't answer that question." I received a rejection email before I got home.

Should they have hired me?
And do I get a pass and some understanding from you now since it's hard for me not to be blunt?

Yes, answering routine interview questions like that will get you dinged.

At worst you come across like a difficult to work with snark, at best you come off as a literal black & white thinker or ESOL or someone who doesn’t get out much.

So I don't get a pass... That's the way life goes.

I own up to my issues and work hard at interviews and interactions with others. And when my mother puts up with my crap( she has put up with a lot of it), I don't accuse her of enabling me. I am thankful that there is someone who loves me that much, and I do better. I might never be like everyone else, but I am never saying someone enabled me or is part of a "toxic" relationship because they tried to help me in their own way. What BS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this "masking" that people keep referencing. Everyone Masks in order to compromise and get along with others. It's a necessary trait to function in a relationship. Most people mask to manage their desires and emotions regularly. It's only a problem when your desires are inhibited so much that you can't function with your own agency as well and have to live around things that cause large amounts of trauma or un-comfortability. But regular light masking to be pleasant and get along is part of any relationship and society.

Google it yourself.

People with mild mental disorders mask but it consumes all their energy and share of mind during the school or work day. Must keep it together outside of the home.

Unlike NT people who come home and do a second shift with the home, kids or friends, the AS or adhd person will come home and crash. They drop the mask, and need to be left alone for hours or they will lash out, stonewall, or discombobulate. Their family gets leftovers, or worse, complete emotional dysregulation or a zombie, or both.

So we all mask but the NT person has a harder time doing it? Why?

Because acting normal is hard work!!!

I wish typical grasped that. The areas in the brain where emotional regulation and execution function are smaller. We engage with the world that feels wrong and uncomfortable to us.

As such the “help” offered isn’t really helpful, it’s just more of the same.

And then, when we finally start to maybe take some responsibility people like the harsh PP are eager to tell us what we already know. We are exhausting, unloveable, and should keep to ourselves.

You are assuming harsh PP is typical. I am not. Masking politeness and understanding of BS is very hard for me.

True story: I once went to an interview where I was asked why I was the best candidate for a job. I responded " Well, I don't know the other candidates, so I can't answer that question." I received a rejection email before I got home.

Should they have hired me?
And do I get a pass and some understanding from you now since it's hard for me not to be blunt?

Btw, a family member once gifted a family their week at the Caribbean beach condo in winter, when their paying Airbnb customer canceled. Instead of renting it out again in the market for high season xmas week they gave it to that family. $6k retail value, easy to look up. Small island, books up 1-3 years ahead of time.

After the trip when they asked the apsie mother how they liked the beach, it’s one of the top 10 in the world according to Conde Nast.
do you know what her response was? (Besides the fact that the MIl never said thank you at any point of the gifting).

She responded similar to you: “‘Well, I don’t know, I haven’t been to the other 9 beaches.’”

And hats all she said. No joking about sending her to more beaches or a real answer or a thank you or it was great.

The giftee was very saddened and hurt by this rude, pompous response and the general lack of thanks, acknowledgment, or enjoyment of the gifted vacation.

That feeling sticks Pp. Can you imagine being on the receiving end of that on a daily basis? In your own home, with a loved one- child or spouse.

And even if one was suspecting ASD or there was a diagnosis, these rude episodes never stop afflicting pain all the way around. They never stop.

You like to call it “being blunt.” That is incorrect. It’s rude. And you’ve probably been told that many times so you’ve had ample time to learn that it’s rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this "masking" that people keep referencing. Everyone Masks in order to compromise and get along with others. It's a necessary trait to function in a relationship. Most people mask to manage their desires and emotions regularly. It's only a problem when your desires are inhibited so much that you can't function with your own agency as well and have to live around things that cause large amounts of trauma or un-comfortability. But regular light masking to be pleasant and get along is part of any relationship and society.

Google it yourself.

People with mild mental disorders mask but it consumes all their energy and share of mind during the school or work day. Must keep it together outside of the home.

Unlike NT people who come home and do a second shift with the home, kids or friends, the AS or adhd person will come home and crash. They drop the mask, and need to be left alone for hours or they will lash out, stonewall, or discombobulate. Their family gets leftovers, or worse, complete emotional dysregulation or a zombie, or both.

So we all mask but the NT person has a harder time doing it? Why?

Because acting normal is hard work!!!

I wish typical grasped that. The areas in the brain where emotional regulation and execution function are smaller. We engage with the world that feels wrong and uncomfortable to us.

As such the “help” offered isn’t really helpful, it’s just more of the same.

And then, when we finally start to maybe take some responsibility people like the harsh PP are eager to tell us what we already know. We are exhausting, unloveable, and should keep to ourselves.

You are assuming harsh PP is typical. I am not. Masking politeness and understanding of BS is very hard for me.

True story: I once went to an interview where I was asked why I was the best candidate for a job. I responded " Well, I don't know the other candidates, so I can't answer that question." I received a rejection email before I got home.

Should they have hired me?
And do I get a pass and some understanding from you now since it's hard for me not to be blunt?

Yes, answering routine interview questions like that will get you dinged.

At worst you come across like a difficult to work with snark, at best you come off as a literal black & white thinker or ESOL or someone who doesn’t get out much.

So I don't get a pass... That's the way life goes.

I own up to my issues and work hard at interviews and interactions with others. And when my mother puts up with my crap( she has put up with a lot of it), I don't accuse her of enabling me. I am thankful that there is someone who loves me that much, and I do better. I might never be like everyone else, but I am never saying someone enabled me or is part of a "toxic" relationship because they tried to help me in their own way. What BS!

Correct.

Many would assume you’re difficult to work with and have an abrasive speaking style. That’s bad for teamwork and productivity. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this "masking" that people keep referencing. Everyone Masks in order to compromise and get along with others. It's a necessary trait to function in a relationship. Most people mask to manage their desires and emotions regularly. It's only a problem when your desires are inhibited so much that you can't function with your own agency as well and have to live around things that cause large amounts of trauma or un-comfortability. But regular light masking to be pleasant and get along is part of any relationship and society.

Google it yourself.

People with mild mental disorders mask but it consumes all their energy and share of mind during the school or work day. Must keep it together outside of the home.

Unlike NT people who come home and do a second shift with the home, kids or friends, the AS or adhd person will come home and crash. They drop the mask, and need to be left alone for hours or they will lash out, stonewall, or discombobulate. Their family gets leftovers, or worse, complete emotional dysregulation or a zombie, or both.

So we all mask but the NT person has a harder time doing it? Why?

Because acting normal is hard work!!!

I wish typical grasped that. The areas in the brain where emotional regulation and execution function are smaller. We engage with the world that feels wrong and uncomfortable to us.

As such the “help” offered isn’t really helpful, it’s just more of the same.

And then, when we finally start to maybe take some responsibility people like the harsh PP are eager to tell us what we already know. We are exhausting, unloveable, and should keep to ourselves.

You are assuming harsh PP is typical. I am not. Masking politeness and understanding of BS is very hard for me.

True story: I once went to an interview where I was asked why I was the best candidate for a job. I responded " Well, I don't know the other candidates, so I can't answer that question." I received a rejection email before I got home.

Should they have hired me?
And do I get a pass and some understanding from you now since it's hard for me not to be blunt?

Btw, a family member once gifted a family their week at the Caribbean beach condo in winter, when their paying Airbnb customer canceled. Instead of renting it out again in the market for high season xmas week they gave it to that family. $6k retail value, easy to look up. Small island, books up 1-3 years ahead of time.

After the trip when they asked the apsie mother how they liked the beach, it’s one of the top 10 in the world according to Conde Nast.
do you know what her response was? (Besides the fact that the MIl never said thank you at any point of the gifting).

She responded similar to you: “‘Well, I don’t know, I haven’t been to the other 9 beaches.’”

And hats all she said. No joking about sending her to more beaches or a real answer or a thank you or it was great.

The giftee was very saddened and hurt by this rude, pompous response and the general lack of thanks, acknowledgment, or enjoyment of the gifted vacation.

That feeling sticks Pp. Can you imagine being on the receiving end of that on a daily basis? In your own home, with a loved one- child or spouse.

And even if one was suspecting ASD or there was a diagnosis, these rude episodes never stop afflicting pain all the way around. They never stop.

You like to call it “being blunt.” That is incorrect. It’s rude. And you’ve probably been told that many times so you’ve had ample time to learn that it’s rude.

Rude, blunt, tomahto...

Point is: there are expectations in relationships be them friendships, professional, spousal, etc. When you can't meet them, don't put it on others. It's your issue. Ask for help. Don't start some babble about others enabling you.