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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't understand this "masking" that people keep referencing. Everyone Masks in order to compromise and get along with others. It's a necessary trait to function in a relationship. Most people mask to manage their desires and emotions regularly. It's only a problem when your desires are inhibited so much that you can't function with your own agency as well and have to live around things that cause large amounts of trauma or un-comfortability. But regular light masking to be pleasant and get along is part of any relationship and society.[/quote]

Google it yourself.

People with mild mental disorders mask but it consumes all their energy and share of mind during the school or work day. Must keep it together outside of the home.

Unlike NT people who come home and do a second shift with the home, kids or friends, the AS or adhd person will come home and crash. They drop the mask, and need to be left alone for hours or they will lash out, stonewall, or discombobulate.  Their family gets leftovers, or worse, complete emotional dysregulation or a zombie, or both. [/quote]

So we all mask but the NT person has a harder time doing it? Why?[/quote]

Because acting normal is hard work!!!

I wish typical grasped that. The areas in the brain where emotional regulation and execution function are smaller. We engage with the world that feels wrong and uncomfortable to us.

As such the “help” offered isn’t really helpful, it’s just more of the same.

And then, when we finally start to maybe take some responsibility people like the harsh PP are eager to tell us what we already know. We are exhausting, unloveable, and should keep to ourselves. [/quote]

You are assuming harsh PP is typical. I am not. Masking politeness and understanding of BS is very hard for me.

True story: I once went to an interview where I was asked why I was the best candidate for a job. I responded " Well, I don't know the other candidates, so I can't answer that question." I received a rejection email before I got home.

Should they have  hired me?
And do I get a pass and some understanding from you now since it's hard for me not to be blunt?[/quote]

Btw, a family member once gifted a family their week at the Caribbean beach condo in winter, when their paying Airbnb customer canceled. Instead of renting it out again in the market for high season xmas week they gave it to that family. $6k retail value, easy to look up. Small island, books up 1-3 years ahead of time.

After the trip when they asked the apsie mother how they liked the beach, it’s one of the top 10 in the world according to Conde Nast. 
do you know what her response was? (Besides the fact that the MIl never said thank you at any point of the gifting).

She responded similar to you: “‘Well, I don’t know, I haven’t been to the other 9 beaches.’”

And hats all she said. No joking about sending her to more beaches or a real answer or a thank you or it was great.

The giftee was very saddened and hurt by this rude, pompous response and the general lack of thanks, acknowledgment, or enjoyment of the gifted vacation.

That feeling sticks Pp. Can you imagine being on the receiving end of that on a daily basis? In your own home, with a loved one- child or spouse.

And even if one was suspecting ASD or there was a diagnosis, these rude episodes never stop afflicting pain all the way around.  They never stop.

You like to call it “being blunt.” That is incorrect. It’s rude. And you’ve probably been told that many times so you’ve had ample time to learn that it’s rude. [/quote]

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