My brother’s fiancé doesn’t want me in the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

PP are you the type of person who was born and raised in the same town your entire life never leaving? Because it doesn't seem like you can understand or relate to the idea that proximity can impact a friendship. Once close friends become distant and new friends take more importance. This isn't a failing in life.

Nope. Grew up in Alexandria, college in California, grad school in Boston, currently live in Seattle. Speak to my bridesmaids daily and see them several times a year. Female friendship has sustained me through the hardest times of my life and it's something I put a lot of effort into because it's important to me.

You have the time to speak to multiple women daily on the phone? You seem to require a lot more emotional support and have a lot of free time for the phone than many people need or want. It's not really envious. But you do you.

Do you...understand how text messaging works? Sorry I assumed we were the same age cohort. I suppose if you have to mail people letters yes that is more time consuming.

Have you never heard of FaceTime?

Yes I'm sure that's how you check in with your grandchildren.

Since I'm busy raising young children and have a life I don't have time to text multiple women all day long because I'm too pathetic to stand on my own two feet.

Ahh. There it is. I really hit a nerve huh.

Not that it matters but I'm actually a therapist and most of the emotional support is going in the opposite direction. But, no my days are filled with heavy emotional text messages. It's pictures of what we made for dinner, funny stories about our kids, complaints about work.

You seem to be someone who could really benefit from some close female friends! I hope you find time to nourish that for your own sake. It's really vital to our inner lives.

Everyone is not you, people are different.

Revelatory. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

PP are you the type of person who was born and raised in the same town your entire life never leaving? Because it doesn't seem like you can understand or relate to the idea that proximity can impact a friendship. Once close friends become distant and new friends take more importance. This isn't a failing in life.

Nope. Grew up in Alexandria, college in California, grad school in Boston, currently live in Seattle. Speak to my bridesmaids daily and see them several times a year. Female friendship has sustained me through the hardest times of my life and it's something I put a lot of effort into because it's important to me.

You have the time to speak to multiple women daily on the phone? You seem to require a lot more emotional support and have a lot of free time for the phone than many people need or want. It's not really envious. But you do you.

Do you...understand how text messaging works? Sorry I assumed we were the same age cohort. I suppose if you have to mail people letters yes that is more time consuming.

Have you never heard of FaceTime?

Yes I'm sure that's how you check in with your grandchildren.

Since I'm busy raising young children and have a life I don't have time to text multiple women all day long because I'm too pathetic to stand on my own two feet.

Ahh. There it is. I really hit a nerve huh.

Not that it matters but I'm actually a therapist and most of the emotional support is going in the opposite direction. But, no my days are filled with heavy emotional text messages. It's pictures of what we made for dinner, funny stories about our kids, complaints about work.

You seem to be someone who could really benefit from some close female friends! I hope you find time to nourish that for your own sake. It's really vital to our inner lives.

Everyone is not you, people are different.

Yes, people are different. Some women are pleasant enough to sustain female friendships and someone women are you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

PP are you the type of person who was born and raised in the same town your entire life never leaving? Because it doesn't seem like you can understand or relate to the idea that proximity can impact a friendship. Once close friends become distant and new friends take more importance. This isn't a failing in life.

Nope. Grew up in Alexandria, college in California, grad school in Boston, currently live in Seattle. Speak to my bridesmaids daily and see them several times a year. Female friendship has sustained me through the hardest times of my life and it's something I put a lot of effort into because it's important to me.

You have the time to speak to multiple women daily on the phone? You seem to require a lot more emotional support and have a lot of free time for the phone than many people need or want. It's not really envious. But you do you.

Do you...understand how text messaging works? Sorry I assumed we were the same age cohort. I suppose if you have to mail people letters yes that is more time consuming.

Have you never heard of FaceTime?

Yes I'm sure that's how you check in with your grandchildren.

Since I'm busy raising young children and have a life I don't have time to text multiple women all day long because I'm too pathetic to stand on my own two feet.

Ahh. There it is. I really hit a nerve huh.

Not that it matters but I'm actually a therapist and most of the emotional support is going in the opposite direction. But, no my days are filled with heavy emotional text messages. It's pictures of what we made for dinner, funny stories about our kids, complaints about work.

You seem to be someone who could really benefit from some close female friends! I hope you find time to nourish that for your own sake. It's really vital to our inner lives.

Everyone is not you, people are different.

Yes, people are different. Some women are pleasant enough to sustain female friendships and someone women are you.

Ok. Keep obsessively texting your friends all day long since you need constant contact and validation.

[Anonymous]

This is one of my favorite stories of how warm and welcoming DH's family is. When I asked SIL to be in our wedding her words were "wellllll....what will we be weeeeeeeaaarrrring???".

Which is fine, I get it, but there are more tactful ways to ask, and more tactful ways to decline. It's all about her - always was, and always will be, as far as she is concerned.

In my family, all siblings are in the wedding, and all siblings are glad to do it. Which told me a lot about DH's family, sadly.

My mom didn't say anything to anyone but me, but she was appalled and disgusted that any sibling would respond that way: "she is 'close enough' to be given a well paying job, the utmost flexibility, a resume boost that is priceless, and a title that is clearly well above her skills, but she can't be in his wedding a couple hours?!" Which was true, DH was extremely generous to his family. I felt more bad for DH, and the history that took place, than anything else - a ton of stories inevitably came out, after that.

If DH mentioned any stories to his family, they would just pretend to be "shocked" that we remember the slights (no matter how selfish and/or hurtful) And so it goes, sadly.

The funny part is that DH's family was so inquisitive and presumptive about the dynamics of my family, or my mere existence, none of it accurate. They certainly had a lot to hide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a big age gap between you and her? Would you stand out like a sore thumb against the other bridesmaids and she wants a certain look, as shallow as that is? Such as they are heavily made up and stylish and you are the opposite?

Gross.

I know it sounds bad but (insane) people really care about this. Was just wondering if it was a bridezilla type who wanted to dictate the hair, nails, shoes, and every other detail so her bridal party pics looked perfect. If OP didn't fit the bill that could be a reason why she was on the outs. She already acknowledged there is a large age gap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

Some families are odd. MIL would not attend most of her (6 or 8?) siblings weddings or funerals. I find that sad. But then, this is the same family that marries 3+ times, and to people with a 30+/- year age difference, so anything goes, I suppose. Yet, MIL believe you MUST attend the 3rd +/- wedding?? So confusing!!

Anyway, in my family, things are very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a big age gap between you and her? Would you stand out like a sore thumb against the other bridesmaids and she wants a certain look, as shallow as that is? Such as they are heavily made up and stylish and you are the opposite?

Gross.

I know it sounds bad but (insane) people really care about this. Was just wondering if it was a bridezilla type who wanted to dictate the hair, nails, shoes, and every other detail so her bridal party pics looked perfect. If OP didn't fit the bill that could be a reason why she was on the outs. She already acknowledged there is a large age gap.

It might be the age gap, or the SIL might just be a selfish, non-inclusive byotch. Did I say that out loud?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

PP are you the type of person who was born and raised in the same town your entire life never leaving? Because it doesn't seem like you can understand or relate to the idea that proximity can impact a friendship. Once close friends become distant and new friends take more importance. This isn't a failing in life.

Nope. Grew up in Alexandria, college in California, grad school in Boston, currently live in Seattle. Speak to my bridesmaids daily and see them several times a year. Female friendship has sustained me through the hardest times of my life and it's something I put a lot of effort into because it's important to me.

You have the time to speak to multiple women daily on the phone? You seem to require a lot more emotional support and have a lot of free time for the phone than many people need or want. It's not really envious. But you do you.

Do you...understand how text messaging works? Sorry I assumed we were the same age cohort. I suppose if you have to mail people letters yes that is more time consuming.

Have you never heard of FaceTime?

Yes I'm sure that's how you check in with your grandchildren.

Since I'm busy raising young children and have a life I don't have time to text multiple women all day long because I'm too pathetic to stand on my own two feet.

Ahh. There it is. I really hit a nerve huh.

Not that it matters but I'm actually a therapist and most of the emotional support is going in the opposite direction. But, no my days are filled with heavy emotional text messages. It's pictures of what we made for dinner, funny stories about our kids, complaints about work.

You seem to be someone who could really benefit from some close female friends! I hope you find time to nourish that for your own sake. It's really vital to our inner lives.

Everyone is not you, people are different.

Yes, people are different. Some women are pleasant enough to sustain female friendships and someone women are you.

Ok. Keep obsessively texting your friends all day long since you need constant contact and validation.

LOL, this right here. Then try to recruit them for your downline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

PP are you the type of person who was born and raised in the same town your entire life never leaving? Because it doesn't seem like you can understand or relate to the idea that proximity can impact a friendship. Once close friends become distant and new friends take more importance. This isn't a failing in life.

Nope. Grew up in Alexandria, college in California, grad school in Boston, currently live in Seattle. Speak to my bridesmaids daily and see them several times a year. Female friendship has sustained me through the hardest times of my life and it's something I put a lot of effort into because it's important to me.

You have the time to speak to multiple women daily on the phone? You seem to require a lot more emotional support and have a lot of free time for the phone than many people need or want. It's not really envious. But you do you.

Do you...understand how text messaging works? Sorry I assumed we were the same age cohort. I suppose if you have to mail people letters yes that is more time consuming.

Have you never heard of FaceTime?

Yes I'm sure that's how you check in with your grandchildren.

Since I'm busy raising young children and have a life I don't have time to text multiple women all day long because I'm too pathetic to stand on my own two feet.

Ahh. There it is. I really hit a nerve huh.

Not that it matters but I'm actually a therapist and most of the emotional support is going in the opposite direction. But, no my days are filled with heavy emotional text messages. It's pictures of what we made for dinner, funny stories about our kids, complaints about work.

You seem to be someone who could really benefit from some close female friends! I hope you find time to nourish that for your own sake. It's really vital to our inner lives.

Everyone, back away slowly…we have a sharing-pictures-of-my-dinner type. Throw a Scentsy candle and hopefully she will chase after it and leave us alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, dear. Your BROTHER doesn’t want you in the wedding, and that’s why you are not in the wedding. You could have stood with him or been assigned a reading. Stop blaming his bride.

This 100%

[Anonymous]

This happened to me and I was very hurt.

[Anonymous]

Just dgo and have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

PP are you the type of person who was born and raised in the same town your entire life never leaving? Because it doesn't seem like you can understand or relate to the idea that proximity can impact a friendship. Once close friends become distant and new friends take more importance. This isn't a failing in life.

Nope. Grew up in Alexandria, college in California, grad school in Boston, currently live in Seattle. Speak to my bridesmaids daily and see them several times a year. Female friendship has sustained me through the hardest times of my life and it's something I put a lot of effort into because it's important to me.

You have the time to speak to multiple women daily on the phone? You seem to require a lot more emotional support and have a lot of free time for the phone than many people need or want. It's not really envious. But you do you.

Do you...understand how text messaging works? Sorry I assumed we were the same age cohort. I suppose if you have to mail people letters yes that is more time consuming.

Have you never heard of FaceTime?

Yes I'm sure that's how you check in with your grandchildren.

Since I'm busy raising young children and have a life I don't have time to text multiple women all day long because I'm too pathetic to stand on my own two feet.

Ahh. There it is. I really hit a nerve huh.

Not that it matters but I'm actually a therapist and most of the emotional support is going in the opposite direction. But, no my days are filled with heavy emotional text messages. It's pictures of what we made for dinner, funny stories about our kids, complaints about work.

You seem to be someone who could really benefit from some close female friends! I hope you find time to nourish that for your own sake. It's really vital to our inner lives.

Everyone, back away slowly…we have a sharing-pictures-of-my-dinner type. Throw a Scentsy candle and hopefully she will chase after it and leave us alone.

I would be so annoyed and smothered if a friend texted me this stuff on a daily basis. It's not normal adult behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me and I was very hurt.

…by your brother, who chose not to include you in his wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of my favorite stories of how warm and welcoming DH's family is. When I asked SIL to be in our wedding her words were "wellllll....what will we be weeeeeeeaaarrrring???".

Which is fine, I get it, but there are more tactful ways to ask, and more tactful ways to decline. It's all about her - always was, and always will be, as far as she is concerned.

In my family, all siblings are in the wedding, and all siblings are glad to do it. Which told me a lot about DH's family, sadly.

My mom didn't say anything to anyone but me, but she was appalled and disgusted that any sibling would respond that way: "she is 'close enough' to be given a well paying job, the utmost flexibility, a resume boost that is priceless, and a title that is clearly well above her skills, but she can't be in his wedding a couple hours?!" Which was true, DH was extremely generous to his family. I felt more bad for DH, and the history that took place, than anything else - a ton of stories inevitably came out, after that.

If DH mentioned any stories to his family, they would just pretend to be "shocked" that we remember the slights (no matter how selfish and/or hurtful) And so it goes, sadly.

The funny part is that DH's family was so inquisitive and presumptive about the dynamics of my family, or my mere existence, none of it accurate. They certainly had a lot to hide.

I don't understand this. I read it as she was excited and responding to you by asking you what you had in mind for dresses. Like showing interest, excitement and support?