My brother’s fiancé doesn’t want me in the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has no siblings. Maybe she doesn't want the bridal party to seem lopsided to his side of the family.

According to OP there is one brother and one sister (OP). That could never be described as lopsided.

And who the eff cares about the bride and who’s important to her, right?

I would hope her future husband’s family is important to her!!!

If husband’s family was so important, OP’s brother would have included her to stand by his side or do a reading.

Or, if you wanted a more traditional spin on it, advocated that OP be a bridesmaid. Apparently he did neither thing.

Unfortunately OP this is the truth. Your brother didn’t push for this, for reasons we can’t speak to looking from the outside in. But try not to have sensitive feelings - there IS an age difference here that is fair to consider, and it’s not fun to be a bridesmaid anyway. Just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

PP are you the type of person who was born and raised in the same town your entire life never leaving? Because it doesn't seem like you can understand or relate to the idea that proximity can impact a friendship. Once close friends become distant and new friends take more importance. This isn't a failing in life.

[Anonymous]

Oh man I didn’t have my sister in law in my wedding party. Her husband didn’t have my husband (her brother) as a groomsman either when they got married a few years before us. So we all thought it was fine clearly. We aren’t that close, though do care about them. She did a reading at ours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

PP are you the type of person who was born and raised in the same town your entire life never leaving? Because it doesn't seem like you can understand or relate to the idea that proximity can impact a friendship. Once close friends become distant and new friends take more importance. This isn't a failing in life.

Nope. Grew up in Alexandria, college in California, grad school in Boston, currently live in Seattle. Speak to my bridesmaids daily and see them several times a year. Female friendship has sustained me through the hardest times of my life and it's something I put a lot of effort into because it's important to me.

[Anonymous]

^^and I never said it was a failing, I said it was a choice. You are choosing to prioritize other things. That's fine, but others of us are saying that's a choice you're making, it doesn't HAVE to be like this because it isn't like this for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

PP are you the type of person who was born and raised in the same town your entire life never leaving? Because it doesn't seem like you can understand or relate to the idea that proximity can impact a friendship. Once close friends become distant and new friends take more importance. This isn't a failing in life.

Nope. Grew up in Alexandria, college in California, grad school in Boston, currently live in Seattle. Speak to my bridesmaids daily and see them several times a year. Female friendship has sustained me through the hardest times of my life and it's something I put a lot of effort into because it's important to me.

You have the time to speak to multiple women daily on the phone? You seem to require a lot more emotional support and have a lot of free time for the phone than many people need or want. It's not really envious. But you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

PP are you the type of person who was born and raised in the same town your entire life never leaving? Because it doesn't seem like you can understand or relate to the idea that proximity can impact a friendship. Once close friends become distant and new friends take more importance. This isn't a failing in life.

Nope. Grew up in Alexandria, college in California, grad school in Boston, currently live in Seattle. Speak to my bridesmaids daily and see them several times a year. Female friendship has sustained me through the hardest times of my life and it's something I put a lot of effort into because it's important to me.

You have the time to speak to multiple women daily on the phone? You seem to require a lot more emotional support and have a lot of free time for the phone than many people need or want. It's not really envious. But you do you.

Do you...understand how text messaging works? Sorry I assumed we were the same age cohort. I suppose if you have to mail people letters yes that is more time consuming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

PP are you the type of person who was born and raised in the same town your entire life never leaving? Because it doesn't seem like you can understand or relate to the idea that proximity can impact a friendship. Once close friends become distant and new friends take more importance. This isn't a failing in life.

Nope. Grew up in Alexandria, college in California, grad school in Boston, currently live in Seattle. Speak to my bridesmaids daily and see them several times a year. Female friendship has sustained me through the hardest times of my life and it's something I put a lot of effort into because it's important to me.

You have the time to speak to multiple women daily on the phone? You seem to require a lot more emotional support and have a lot of free time for the phone than many people need or want. It's not really envious. But you do you.

Do you...understand how text messaging works? Sorry I assumed we were the same age cohort. I suppose if you have to mail people letters yes that is more time consuming.

Have you never heard of FaceTime?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

PP are you the type of person who was born and raised in the same town your entire life never leaving? Because it doesn't seem like you can understand or relate to the idea that proximity can impact a friendship. Once close friends become distant and new friends take more importance. This isn't a failing in life.

Nope. Grew up in Alexandria, college in California, grad school in Boston, currently live in Seattle. Speak to my bridesmaids daily and see them several times a year. Female friendship has sustained me through the hardest times of my life and it's something I put a lot of effort into because it's important to me.

You have the time to speak to multiple women daily on the phone? You seem to require a lot more emotional support and have a lot of free time for the phone than many people need or want. It's not really envious. But you do you.

Do you...understand how text messaging works? Sorry I assumed we were the same age cohort. I suppose if you have to mail people letters yes that is more time consuming.

Have you never heard of FaceTime?

Yes I'm sure that's how you check in with your grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

PP are you the type of person who was born and raised in the same town your entire life never leaving? Because it doesn't seem like you can understand or relate to the idea that proximity can impact a friendship. Once close friends become distant and new friends take more importance. This isn't a failing in life.

Nope. Grew up in Alexandria, college in California, grad school in Boston, currently live in Seattle. Speak to my bridesmaids daily and see them several times a year. Female friendship has sustained me through the hardest times of my life and it's something I put a lot of effort into because it's important to me.

You have the time to speak to multiple women daily on the phone? You seem to require a lot more emotional support and have a lot of free time for the phone than many people need or want. It's not really envious. But you do you.

Do you...understand how text messaging works? Sorry I assumed we were the same age cohort. I suppose if you have to mail people letters yes that is more time consuming.

Have you never heard of FaceTime?

Yes I'm sure that's how you check in with your grandchildren.

Since I'm busy raising young children and have a life I don't have time to text multiple women all day long because I'm too pathetic to stand on my own two feet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^and I never said it was a failing, I said it was a choice. You are choosing to prioritize other things. That's fine, but others of us are saying that's a choice you're making, it doesn't HAVE to be like this because it isn't like this for everyone.

NP here.

I hear your point but relationships and group dynamics are different. For example, if you had a group of close friends it may be easier to sustain those relationships than someone who has 8 individual people who aren’t all friends with each other. Of other shared connections (job, children, love of sports teams, etc.) that make staying in touch easier or more relevant.

I wholeheartedly believe that you prioritized this and you’re right that you need to focus on it - but I think it’s also worth noting that this isn’t the norm or at a minimum, losing touch is very common and that those people may have had challenges to stay in touch that you didn’t experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

PP are you the type of person who was born and raised in the same town your entire life never leaving? Because it doesn't seem like you can understand or relate to the idea that proximity can impact a friendship. Once close friends become distant and new friends take more importance. This isn't a failing in life.

Nope. Grew up in Alexandria, college in California, grad school in Boston, currently live in Seattle. Speak to my bridesmaids daily and see them several times a year. Female friendship has sustained me through the hardest times of my life and it's something I put a lot of effort into because it's important to me.

You have the time to speak to multiple women daily on the phone? You seem to require a lot more emotional support and have a lot of free time for the phone than many people need or want. It's not really envious. But you do you.

Do you...understand how text messaging works? Sorry I assumed we were the same age cohort. I suppose if you have to mail people letters yes that is more time consuming.

Have you never heard of FaceTime?

Yes I'm sure that's how you check in with your grandchildren.

Since I'm busy raising young children and have a life I don't have time to text multiple women all day long because I'm too pathetic to stand on my own two feet.

Ahh. There it is. I really hit a nerve huh.

Not that it matters but I'm actually a therapist and most of the emotional support is going in the opposite direction. But, no my days are filled with heavy emotional text messages. It's pictures of what we made for dinner, funny stories about our kids, complaints about work.

You seem to be someone who could really benefit from some close female friends! I hope you find time to nourish that for your own sake. It's really vital to our inner lives.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine being upset because my brother’s fiancé didn’t want me to be a bridesmaid. Who cares? You’re still invited. What difference does it make except that you get to sit down and wear whatever you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I think it depends on what age you get married. I got married before I was 25, my bridesmaids were my college roommates and my best friend in DC. Fast forward to age 43, I am the only one of my college roommates who lives in this area, everyone has their own lives and their own families, and often the person you are at 25 is not the person you are at 43. I will always love those girls but they aren’t my inner circle anymore. That’s just life.

+1. I married at 25 and we made our lives in a different state from where we grew up and where we met. I adored my friends at the age we married and value the friendships that we had, but life has taken us all in various directions. I also value the friend group I have now in my early 40s.

Cellphones exist. Airplanes exist.

PP are you the type of person who was born and raised in the same town your entire life never leaving? Because it doesn't seem like you can understand or relate to the idea that proximity can impact a friendship. Once close friends become distant and new friends take more importance. This isn't a failing in life.

Nope. Grew up in Alexandria, college in California, grad school in Boston, currently live in Seattle. Speak to my bridesmaids daily and see them several times a year. Female friendship has sustained me through the hardest times of my life and it's something I put a lot of effort into because it's important to me.

You have the time to speak to multiple women daily on the phone? You seem to require a lot more emotional support and have a lot of free time for the phone than many people need or want. It's not really envious. But you do you.

Do you...understand how text messaging works? Sorry I assumed we were the same age cohort. I suppose if you have to mail people letters yes that is more time consuming.

Have you never heard of FaceTime?

Yes I'm sure that's how you check in with your grandchildren.

Since I'm busy raising young children and have a life I don't have time to text multiple women all day long because I'm too pathetic to stand on my own two feet.

Ahh. There it is. I really hit a nerve huh.

Not that it matters but I'm actually a therapist and most of the emotional support is going in the opposite direction. But, no my days are filled with heavy emotional text messages. It's pictures of what we made for dinner, funny stories about our kids, complaints about work.

You seem to be someone who could really benefit from some close female friends! I hope you find time to nourish that for your own sake. It's really vital to our inner lives.

Everyone is not you, people are different.