Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for calling out my pettiness. I will try my best to overlook this and not be bothered by it.

Does it matter that my MiL is 59? She is in good health. Yes, I do not like her and I do feel she insists on the front seat to “put me in my place.”

59 is still older than you. If you aren’t driving, offer the front passenger seat to her each and every time.

HAHAHA no.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This should not be a question, and the fact it is, says your DH is a douche or a momma's boy.

Unless there is a medical reason, like she gets motion sickness, the MIL sits in the back.

Are you from a conservative family or something?

wow.

double wow

Triple wow. The sad thing is that she probably doesn't realize why all the "wows." Imagine knowing her IRL.

I'm the first PP, and I'm Asian American.

My mom and MIL both sit in the back unless they have health issues.

This^. Age or gender isn't a free card to get your way. Respectful and submissive are two different words. Also, expecting someone to treat you like their own mother isn't fair as you don't owe anything to them, your spouse does but not you, you owe it to your parents. You should be kind to spouse's parent but any more than that depends upon how your relationship with them is. It can be anywhere from being polite acquaintances to loving parent-adult child relation.

I hope you remember this when your kids put you in a crappy nursing home.

My spouse and I take care of our moms as much as we can; we live thousands of miles away. They are both in their 80s, and they both live at home. I help my mom pay her bills. If they need nursing care, we'd help pay for that and make sure it's a nice place.

Why would it be any harder to get out of the car sitting in the passenger side if there are four doors?

Like I said, unless there is a health issue, why do people assume the MIL gets to sit up front?

IMO, that assumption typifies the hierarchical nature of the MIL/DIL dynamic. In my marriage, my MIL nor my mother dictate anything about our lives.

Holy smokes there is a lot to unpack in your little diatribe so I'll just stick with the most important issue. It is this:

You don't see that your mother or your mother-in-law are elders and, as such, that you should defer to them because it is a sign of respect?

Wow. Something went terribly wrong in your upbringing.

DP, but clearly *your* upbringing was stuck in the 50s.

+1 Sorry, but I don't "defer to my elders". I live in the 21st century, and I'm thankful for it everyday.

I come from a culture where we not only are expected to defer to our elders but to men, as well, and there are huuuge issues around that, both in business and in personal lives. No thank you.

I'm thoughtful of my MIL in other ways, but I don't generally "defer to them". My mother already tried to pull that on me when my children were born in terms of doing it her way. I shut that down.

[Anonymous]

This^. Age or gender isn't a free card to get your way. Respectful and submissive are two different words. Also, expecting someone to treat you like their own mother isn't fair as you don't owe anything to them, your spouse does but not you, you owe it to your parents. You should be kind to spouse's parent but any more than that depends upon how your relationship with them is. It can be anywhere from being polite acquaintances to loving parent-adult child relation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's weird for her to insist, but I offer my MIL whichever she prefers.

Me too. And she would often refuse and sit in the back. (some of it was out politeness on the DH issue and sometimes she felt bad because I am much taller than she is).

That you OP/MIL are fighting over the front seat makes me think they both have weird power trip issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for calling out my pettiness. I will try my best to overlook this and not be bothered by it.

Does it matter that my MiL is 59? She is in good health. Yes, I do not like her and I do feel she insists on the front seat to “put me in my place.”

Yes that's completely irritating and she's being silly. But I would save my complaints about her for MUCH bigger things. Just drop the rope on this. When you ride together tell her "Oh Nancy, I know you prefer to be up front, I'll hop in back". If you stop caring, she can't win.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I had no idea the "front passenger seat" was such an important position of power until I read this post.

If the MIL is in all seriousness INSISTING that she MUST get the front seat for any reason beyond a medical reason, then it sounds like she is making a power play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I had no idea the "front passenger seat" was such an important position of power until I read this post.

If the MIL is in all seriousness INSISTING that she MUST get the front seat for any reason beyond a medical reason, then it sounds like she is making a power play.

It isn't for most people. For OP, though, it has taken fall on your sword significance. Some people are petty, and OP is one of them.

[Anonymous]

It is easier for an older person to slide in the front seat.

Stop being so territorial with your husband. You live with him.

She probably loved him before you were born. Just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is easier for an older person to slide in the front seat.

Stop being so territorial with your husband. You live with him.

She probably loved him before you were born. Just stop.

PP is a MIL and jealous of her DIL. Gross.

[Anonymous]

I always let my MIL sit there so she can talk to him and I sit in back ignoring them and playing on my phone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. Who cares? You need to think about and appreciate how very very small your problems are.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I had no idea the "front passenger seat" was such an important position of power until I read this post.

If the MIL is in all seriousness INSISTING that she MUST get the front seat for any reason beyond a medical reason, then it sounds like she is making a power play.

DP. This is not really germane to this discussion, but was "calling shotgun" not a thing where you grew up?

[Anonymous]

If MiL sits in front seat, she needs to pay for the marriage counseling that will be needed 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious how this is in your families. My MiL insists on sitting in the front next to her son (my husband). My husband sees nothing wrong with that.

That is bonkers - would never do that to my DIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for calling out my pettiness. I will try my best to overlook this and not be bothered by it.

Does it matter that my MiL is 59? She is in good health. Yes, I do not like her and I do feel she insists on the front seat to “put me in my place.”

59 is still older than you. If you aren’t driving, offer the front passenger seat to her each and every time.

HAHAHA no.

Ridiculous - I am 59 and would never expect to take the place of my DIL in their car. Even in our car, we always invite her to sit in front seat. We want our DIL to feel respected and valued.