Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for calling out my pettiness. I will try my best to overlook this and not be bothered by it.

Does it matter that my MiL is 59? She is in good health. Yes, I do not like her and I do feel she insists on the front seat to “put me in my place.”

If you must be petty, be petty by being the bigger person. You can still get digs in if you really must. Hold the door open for her, ask her if she needs help with her seat belt. Make a comment about limited time left. You can do better with your pettiness.

"Here, Mrs. X, let me help you with that. Cars sure have changed from when you were young, huh?"

I feel so sorry for all three of you. It must be so awful to be you. How do you even get out of bed in the morning knowing that you are what you are?

[Anonymous]

I don't like my MIL but I still would let her sit up front with her son. I see him every day, she doesn't. She's older than me, and even in my 40s, I still recognize it's a pain to get into the back seat, especially if you're maneuvering around car seats/boosters or trying to hop into a third row.

OP, you sound petty and insecure and kind of an a-hole.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s weird unless there’s a legit reason. For example, I struggle with horrible car sickness. I may ask if I could sit up front just to help with that (being in the back is much worse). But not because I need to sit next to my son. That’s his wife’s rightful place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious how this is in your families. My MiL insists on sitting in the front next to her son (my husband). My husband sees nothing wrong with that.

My mom sits in the back seat so she can't see as well. She has anxiety about someone else driving. But normally we go by size and comfort. Long-legged people get the front seat.

[Anonymous]

It depends. I have a serious spinal injury and therefore sit in front in MIL's vehicle. MIL also likes to pretend we are her staff and personal chauffeurs and this was true even pre-injury *eye roll*. I don't like to drive ILs places and have DH do all driving. Apparently they thought I didn't even drive at all, which made me laugh. I do most-nearly all-of the driving except around DH's family which is my time off.

When I drive, my parents sit in the front but we also have more comfortable cars where the difference between front and back isn't nearly as great. I prefer my parents to be in front when DH drives but if we are in their vehicle they don't care. Only in our smaller vehicle does it matter because they are 6'+ and I fit better in back than they would.

[Anonymous]

Who cares? Let her think it is respectful, thoughtful, spending time with DH…..if they are chatting, you don’t have to engage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always let an older person sit in the front because it's generally more comfortable.

Yep, same here. Sometimes I drive and DH sits in the back seat so his mother or grandmother can sit up front, or he drives and I sit in the back seat.

Not a big deal for us.

[Anonymous]

I offer it to her because she seems to prefer it. But I grew up in NYC where even the oldest people were getting in and out of the back seat of cars all the time and it never occured to me that it's difficult to do. I often took car services it yellow cabs with my grandparents or with much older coworkers.

[Anonymous]

It depends, if she is visiting for a week or lives with you, if she has a health condition. If you help with navigation or keeping him awake. If you switch drivers. If its a 40 min drive or 5 hr. If you have little kids, you may prefer to sit with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for calling out my pettiness. I will try my best to overlook this and not be bothered by it.

Does it matter that my MiL is 59? She is in good health. Yes, I do not like her and I do feel she insists on the front seat to “put me in my place.”

59 is still older than you. If you aren’t driving, offer the front passenger seat to her each and every time.

[Anonymous]

I offer my MIL the front seat because she has bad knees and is in her late 70s. I also offer my my mom the front seat, if my husband is driving and she is going with us. I think it makes sense to offer the older person the front vs being squished in the back.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This should not be a question, and the fact it is, says your DH is a douche or a momma's boy.

Unless there is a medical reason, like she gets motion sickness, the MIL sits in the back.

Are you from a conservative family or something?

wow.

double wow

Triple wow. The sad thing is that she probably doesn't realize why all the "wows." Imagine knowing her IRL.

I'm the first PP, and I'm Asian American.

My mom and MIL both sit in the back unless they have health issues.

I hope you remember this when your kids put you in a crappy nursing home.

My spouse and I take care of our moms as much as we can; we live thousands of miles away. They are both in their 80s, and they both live at home. I help my mom pay her bills. If they need nursing care, we'd help pay for that and make sure it's a nice place.

Why would it be any harder to get out of the car sitting in the passenger side if there are four doors?

Like I said, unless there is a health issue, why do people assume the MIL gets to sit up front?

IMO, that assumption typifies the hierarchical nature of the MIL/DIL dynamic. In my marriage, my MIL nor my mother dictate anything about our lives.

Holy smokes there is a lot to unpack in your little diatribe so I'll just stick with the most important issue. It is this:

You don't see that your mother or your mother-in-law are elders and, as such, that you should defer to them because it is a sign of respect?

Wow. Something went terribly wrong in your upbringing.

DP, but clearly *your* upbringing was stuck in the 50s.

+1 Sorry, but I don't "defer to my elders". I live in the 21st century, and I'm thankful for it everyday.

I come from a culture where we not only are expected to defer to our elders but to men, as well, and there are huuuge issues around that, both in business and in personal lives. No thank you.

I'm thoughtful of my MIL in other ways, but I don't generally "defer to them". My mother already tried to pull that on me when my children were born in terms of doing it her way. I shut that down.

[Anonymous]

I sit in the front with Dh and MIL sits in the back with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious how this is in your families. My MiL insists on sitting in the front next to her son (my husband). My husband sees nothing wrong with that.

My mom sits in the back seat so she can't see as well. She has anxiety about someone else driving. But normally we go by size and comfort. Long-legged people get the front seat.

+1

Short people in the back. Makes perfect sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sit in the front with Dh and MIL sits in the back with the kids.

+1