Who sits in the front seat? MIL with her son or his wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for calling out my pettiness. I will try my best to overlook this and not be bothered by it.

Does it matter that my MiL is 59? She is in good health. Yes, I do not like her and I do feel she insists on the front seat to “put me in my place.”

If you must be petty, be petty by being the bigger person. You can still get digs in if you really must. Hold the door open for her, ask her if she needs help with her seat belt. Make a comment about limited time left. You can do better with your pettiness.

"Here, Mrs. X, let me help you with that. Cars sure have changed from when you were young, huh?"

[Anonymous]

Mother-in-law so I can sleep in the backseat and have some peace and quiet

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the person. I get carsick on longer rides and need to be in the front. On a shorter ride, I don’t mind sitting in back if it makes things easier on my MIL. Getting in and out of the back seat can be more difficult for a person with arthritis or foot/leg pain.

[Anonymous]

This is so petty and screams insecurity and jealousy. God forbid son do something nice for mom without it be about you feeling slighted. Why don't you just pee on the seat to make sure MIL knows who's in charge of her son now. Jesus. get a life.

[Anonymous]

My MIL always rides in the front with DH. I think it's weird that you would put her in the back but that just lets me know what you think of her.

[Anonymous]

In my family, we defer to our elders. My parents are also late 70s/early 80s and getting into the front seat is much easier than getting in the back seat. Some of you are so incredibly rude and disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:This should not be a question, and the fact it is, says your DH is a douche or a momma's boy.

Unless there is a medical reason, like she gets motion sickness, the MIL sits in the back.

Are you from a conservative family or something?

wow.

double wow

Triple wow. The sad thing is that she probably doesn't realize why all the "wows." Imagine knowing her IRL.

I'm the first PP, and I'm Asian American.

My mom and MIL both sit in the back unless they have health issues.

I hope you remember this when your kids put you in a crappy nursing home.

My spouse and I take care of our moms as much as we can; we live thousands of miles away. They are both in their 80s, and they both live at home. I help my mom pay her bills. If they need nursing care, we'd help pay for that and make sure it's a nice place.

Why would it be any harder to get out of the car sitting in the passenger side if there are four doors?

Like I said, unless there is a health issue, why do people assume the MIL gets to sit up front?

IMO, that assumption typifies the hierarchical nature of the MIL/DIL dynamic. In my marriage, my MIL nor my mother dictate anything about our lives.

Holy smokes there is a lot to unpack in your little diatribe so I'll just stick with the most important issue. It is this:

You don't see that your mother or your mother-in-law are elders and, as such, that you should defer to them because it is a sign of respect?

Wow. Something went terribly wrong in your upbringing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds gauche.

Op sounds embarrassingly insecure.

Both of these.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t even get along w my MIL but of all the things to be upset about this isn’t it. She’s older than me, so I let her choose where is most comfortable in the car.

I think my MIL always sits up front, regardless of who is driving. She has a hard time getting in and out of the car. We are not close but this doesn’t bother me even a little. Maybe if she talked for like 15 minutes about this being her god given right or something it would be annoying but even still… who cares

+1 this thread is so sad.. your parents and in-laws are older and likely have various health issues. You won't get it until you are older and then its too late. Hopefully your SIL/DIL will be kinder to you.

Your healthy MIL will not die from sitting in the backseat of a car/SUV. If they are terribly disabled, then it’s different and it’s due to their disability, not age.

All this “OMG think of the Elderrrrrs” is so 1950s, it’s absurd.

I take it your parents are not yet in an age that would be considered elderly? Because one day they will be and imagine brats like you having to help them in public? It's horrifying isn't it? My parents are all between 75 and 81. I absolutely take a bit of extra care for those who are elderly when I am out an about.

I am the PP at the top of this quoted thread. My MIL is 75. She's in fine health. I've known her for 15 years. She was much more agile at 65. I still would have always deferred to where she wanted to sit in the car. It's not a problem that comes up frequently, so it doesn't bother me. She is an incredibly difficult person in many ways and we have had our problems. But her needing a little extra care because she is 35 years older than me is NOT the issue.

You’d be wrong.

[Anonymous]

OP, were you raised in the foster system? Do you have biological parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach your daughters how to recognize mama boys, and beware of the endless problems!

Teach your sons to recognize horrible human beings and beware of endless problems! Look, my MIL is a horrible human being with a personality disorder, but if I’m in the car with anyone from my parent’s generation, I let them have the front seat, regardless of my personal opinions of them. Respect for your elders, it’s a simple thing.

The very idea that expecting the MIL to sit in another seat in the same damn car makes one a “horrible human being” is absolutely laughable. Simmer down with the melodrama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This should not be a question, and the fact it is, says your DH is a douche or a momma's boy.

Unless there is a medical reason, like she gets motion sickness, the MIL sits in the back.

Are you from a conservative family or something?

wow.

double wow

Triple wow. The sad thing is that she probably doesn't realize why all the "wows." Imagine knowing her IRL.

I'm the first PP, and I'm Asian American.

My mom and MIL both sit in the back unless they have health issues.

I hope you remember this when your kids put you in a crappy nursing home.

My spouse and I take care of our moms as much as we can; we live thousands of miles away. They are both in their 80s, and they both live at home. I help my mom pay her bills. If they need nursing care, we'd help pay for that and make sure it's a nice place.

Why would it be any harder to get out of the car sitting in the passenger side if there are four doors?

Like I said, unless there is a health issue, why do people assume the MIL gets to sit up front?

IMO, that assumption typifies the hierarchical nature of the MIL/DIL dynamic. In my marriage, my MIL nor my mother dictate anything about our lives.

Holy smokes there is a lot to unpack in your little diatribe so I'll just stick with the most important issue. It is this:

You don't see that your mother or your mother-in-law are elders and, as such, that you should defer to them because it is a sign of respect?

Wow. Something went terribly wrong in your upbringing.

DP, but clearly *your* upbringing was stuck in the 50s.

[Anonymous]

If I were driving MIL would be up w me. If DH were, she'd probably be in the back and me or FIL would be in the front. I don't think it would occur to put her in the front deliberately- it's just based on who tends to talk with whom.

[Anonymous]

It depends. My FIl usually sits in the front bc of height. MIL sometimes sits in the front or sometimes she prefers the back with the grandkids. It’s not an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious how this is in your families. My MiL insists on sitting in the front next to her son (my husband). My husband sees nothing wrong with that.

probably anyone over age 75 gets whatever seat they can maneuver into.